This Full House Archive

Author: Liz@ThisFullHouse

  • In Which I Discuss My Girly Bits in Manly Terms

    Giving Men A Dose of Menopause [Source]

    I went out to lunch with a mom friend, who also happens to be a pharmacist (don't have one, get one!) and it didn't take long for the conversation to turn all, you know, clinical.

    "How about those hormonal replacement therapies, eh?"

    I mean, it sort of goes with the territory.  Besides, I'm a mom, she's a mom and you know you're a mom when you can comfortably discuss your entire reproductive system over a cobb salad, right?

    "So, you're going forward with the edometrial ablation?"

    What?  Oh.  Sorry.  But, it felt SO GREAT to be able to FINALLY talk about this sort of…uh…stuff with someone who understands, or can empathize and not just in clinical terms, either. 

    Sort of like blogging. 

    There's something really very therapeutic about being able to, literally, write your way into a healthier state of mind, right?

    Riiiiiiiight.

    Which is probably the reason why my blog was voted #8 most confessional last year (anti-alpha mom, indeed!) 

    Still.  At the risk of sliding into the #1 spot in 2010 (congratulations, Mir!) I'd like to continue discussing the trouble with my girly bits in the most manly way I know how.

    In mechanical terms.

    [cracks knuckles]

    Ready?

    Last 5 Years:

    I've been experiencing brief instances of heavy load and sudden acceleration and, for fear of causing any further internal engine damage, I thought it was indeed way passed time for a professional assessment.

    2 Weeks Ago:

    A brief, superficial inspection under the hood confirmed a breach in the combustion chamber and carbon build up on the outside of the engine wall.

    It was determined that additional performance-related diagnostic information was required.

    Last Week:

    Diagnostics further determined that the engine crankcase was crammed and required pressure relief; the sooner, the better.

    Today:

    However, to be sure that the flame arrester is operable (in case of backfire, we wouldn't want the flame in the intake to spread to the crankcase) they're going to scrape carbon off the pistons for further analysis.

    Prognosis:

    Diagnostics should be available in a couple of weeks, when further assessment will be made as to whether the flame has NOT spread to the crankcase, in which firing the exhaust tip (as scheduled for later next month) should alleviate the problem, or else a complete removal of the crank shaft and/or power wash of the engine is highly recommended.

    But, that's between me and my mom mechanic.

    [hands over dessert menu]

    You're welcome!!!

    © 2010 This Full House Blog / TFH Gone Shopping

  • Calling Out the Bully

    When I was going to school (you know, the days when television reminded parents what time it is and where their children are) there were four ways in which you dealt with bullies.

    1. Run away (real fast)
    2. Stand your ground (get your butt whipped)
    3. Tell a teacher (then run away, real fast)
    4. Don't bother going back to school.

    Point being, survival instincts kick in sometime around kindergarten graduation, as the proverbial lines are drawn and the definition of social order rapidly declines to a melee of rumors, innuendos and incoherent speculations.

    And that's just the parents!

    If I had a dollar for each time my kids (or I) have lost sleep worrying over some new abuse another kid supposedly discovered, well, we would have afforded to go to Disney, at least once, by now.

    Yeah, I've seen plenty of lockers pasted with "no bully zone" and "just say no to bullying" stickers on the dozen (or so) back-to-school nights my husband and I have attended, over the years and honestly, I still can't help but think…meh…why bother.

    If only it were that easy.

    "Well, I got shot today."

    Then, my son (he's 11) came home from school yesterday and, well, I had the same exact look on my face that you probably have, right now, trust me.

    He pulled his sleeve up, I saw the angry welt (like, maybe someone used a rubber band to fling something sharp, like a paper clip) and I don't remember much after that, really, besides drilling my poor son, like a suspect.

    Then, I sat down and wrote my first email to the principal and when I say first, I mean…ever.

    Long story, short (you're welcome!) his response, less than 5 minutes later, made me feel better about my decision to NOT worry about sounding like "that mom" (for once) or, whether OTHER parents will think that my kid is a wimp (or, not) and just focus on helping my son, you know, do the right thing.

    Call out the bully (in this case, the bullies) make the kid take responsibility for his/her actions (not the parents) and, maybe, just maybe, we can ALL get a little more sleep, for once.

    (P.S. My son met with his principal, by himself, today and, although he admits to feeling "sad about telling on someone," more than I am worried about the other kids seeking retribution, I'm glad that the lines of communication are now, you know, open.)

    (P.P.S. Being verbally harassed on the bus, daily, is typical 7th and 8th grader shenanigans pulled on incoming 6th graders.  Yeah, I get it.  Don't touch my kid.)

    (P.P.P.S. My son's middle school is creating a special number kids can text, when they observe bullying, that goes right to the principal — what a great idea, right?)

    © 2010 This Full House Blog / TFH Gone Shopping

     

  • Wordless Wednesday:
    A-Maize-ing

    Hopey Corn Maze 2010 No, you are most certainly NOT almost as tall as the corn…DAMMIT?!?

    Taken with my cell phone.  Imagine what I could do with a REAL camera?  Yeah, I'm looking at you, Garth (not his real name!)

    Check out the Official Wordless Wednesday HQ
    Tag, you're it:   

    © 2010 This Full House Blog / This Full House Gone Shopping

  • It’s the Goodish Pumpkin
    Charlie Brown!
    (The Un-cut Version!)

    TFH Kids Corn Maze 2010Corn, maze, maize, whateverrrrr.

    As a mom, celebrating her 16th Halloween (I'm old, I know, shuddup!) I feel it safe to say that, no matter how grown you think your kids are (yes, mine are probably more-oldish than yours) the great pumpkin hunt is ALWAYS an adventure.

    Feets Don't Fail Me NowFeets, don't fail me now!

    So, yesterday, after hosting a yummy Sunday brunch for a couple of my besties (seriously, you SHOULD be my friend) I asked the kids if they'd like to get their pumpkin hunt in early (i.e. before Halloween!!!)

    This year, however, we opted into taking "the scary" hayride (as opposed to "the friendly" and less, you know, scenes from Disturbia version of Halloween celebrations) and, well, I don't expect my 11 year-old son will get a good night sleep, for a while.

    "I…DO…NOT…LIKE…THIS…HAY…RIDE!!!"

    Not until after Christmas, anyways.

    Finger
    Tried to get a picture, so I could show my son, later (since, he spent most of the ride with his face buried in my left shoulder) then someone SCREAMED and all I got was my finger!

    Honestly, the worse I was expecting was for some dude to jump out in a gorilla suit, maybe a couple of scream experts, a few bloodied teens all hopped up on testosterone, a month's serving of candy corn, or something.

    "Rum-bum-bum-bum-zzzzooom-zzzzooom-zzzzoom!"

    Okay, so the chainsaw-wielding clown AND machette-swinging zombies DID freak us out, a little (alright, A LOT) but, I tried to remember that the ride was supposed to be, you know, scary!

    Unlike, some poor girl's parents (I'm guessing she was about my son's age) who went all buh-liss-tick AND I mean in a totally stop-this-ride-I-wanna-go-home sort of way, too!!!

    "SCRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMM!!!!"

    Nah, her parents probably won't get any sleep…either…not for the rest of the year, anyways!

    Pumpkin Guts 2010 Pumpkin guts, it's what's for dinner!

    A few more minutes, and a WHOLE LOT of convincing that the chainsaw-wielding clown would NOT be waiting around the corner, later in the corn maze (I HOPE!) we picked our pumpkins and went home…to cut them (Jersey style) and then dig their guts out…with a spoon!

    Holly's Pumpkin 2010 Holly carved her own pumpkin, this year (sniff!) his name is Pip (via Great Expectations!)

    Heather's Pumpkin 2010

    As did Heather (sob!) his name is Fester (like the wound, not the Adams Family…ICK!)

    Hope's Pumpkin 2010

    I helped Hope with hers (YAY!) his name is Professor Zumie (like, the store she wishes I'd let her shop in!)

    TFH Pumpkins All in a Row

    Ghoulishy, scary, in a cute sort of way, these pumpkins really ARE the best this house has ever seen!

    Great Pumpkin 2010
    But, wait, there's more (you're welcome!) the family pumpkin!  You know, the one that I get to cut (because, I'm the mom!) His name is Mr. Bill!

    What about Glen?  Oh, he finally admitted to having a good-ish time (DAMMIT!) aaaand his pumpkin is up there, sitting right next to mine.

    "I christen thee…The Pumpkin Who Shall Not Be Named!"

    The un-cut version, of course — eat that Charlie, Brown!

    © 2010 This Full House Blog / TFH Gone Shopping

  • Worming HIS Way Into Motherhood

    Having been my children's primary care provider (i.e. Mom) for the last 17 years (I know, I'm old, SHUDDUP!) I look forward to impromptu school holidays, like Columbus Day, when I don't have to cook, clean or do anything special (like, cook or clean) normally associated with celebrating more traditional gift-giving and feasting-type holidays.

    I kind of get excited when my husband, Garth (not his real name) happens to have the day off, too!

    Still.

    Working from home does have its disadvantages.

    "When is So-and-So and What's Her Name coming over, again?"

    We're helping a couple of friends out by sitting their kids, today (what's two more, right?) and by we…of course…I mean, Garth (not his real name!)

    "I'm going to make a worm box!"

    Aaaaand, I have to be honest, I am feeling a little threatened at the moment.

    "Cool, can we help!"

    Honestly, a worm box?

    Worm box closed

    So, I went outside (seeing as I showered, got dressed and everything) to take a look at this fantastical worm box.

    Worm box open

    Aaaaand, not ONLY is it a fantastical way to get kids outside (so, mommy can get a jump start on a couple of writing projects this week) not to mention, actually convincing them that something low-tech, like digging for worms is, you know, fun (their names are Jeffrey, Skittles and Bob) but, Garth (not his real name) got a chance to demonstrate his multi-tasking skills, by cleaning out my shredder, too.

    DAMMIT!

    "Do you need any clean clothes for your trip, tomorrow?"

    Aaaand, I'm okay with that AND totally crushing on my husband's feminine side…today!

    (Disclosure:  Garth (not his real name) just reminded me that my son and his friend wanted nothing to do with the outdoors and now they are ALL folding socks.)

    Boys, however, ARE stewpid!

    (Disclosure:  I was able to convince the boys that…yeah…they REALLY would probably rather be outside, too.)

    I win!

    © 2010 This Full House Blog / This Full House Gone Shopping

  • Owning My Words and Radical Thinking Since 2003

    There are days when the words come easy.  Thoughts and images flash before my eyes in rapid succession, gaining speed as inspiration begins to flow down to my fingertips.

    Then, the sentences begin to run on and on, reluctantly separated by a few commas and semi-colons, throw in a couple of parenthesis (for good measure) and, well, it doesn't take long for even me to realize that, you know, I am NOT the greatest writer in the world.

    Far from it.

    Still, I keep writing; putting a face to my thoughts, searching for peace of mind, a quiet escape, or seeking comfort in the slightest hints of validation and (in some cases) sharing the best part of me that very few people get a chance to see, IRL.

    Today is not one of those days.

    You see, integrity was a part of my vocabulary (limited as it may seem) long before it was cool.

    Thoughts of "owning ones words" and allowing for "open-ended discussions" are not progressively new ideas to me, or the community I've come to admire and adore (I LOVE YOU, MAN!)

    Owning up to our imperfections and learning from one's mistakes, however, has turned some of us into quite the radical thinkers.

    This week, in particular, is a harsh reminder of the price that some of us are UNWILLING expected to pay, in the name of the collective right and higher thinking.

    I've spoken to way too many friends, who (like me) are questioning their place in this big, green (blue, purple, red, whatever) blog world of ours, for quite a while now and, after nearly driving my family deaf, thinking out loud about it (seriously, they're like SHUDDUP!) I've come to a decision.

    SHUDDUP and blog, already.

    No matter what side of the fence you're on, or whether you admit to liking Diet Pepsi (for me, it's Diet Coke!!!) or how many dramas play out (frankly, I'm not naive enough to think that this will be the last) one thing remains true.

    The power of the blogging community should not be dismissed, nor should it be taken advantage of either!

    1Imperfect and as uneducated as it may be (disclosure:  no, I do not have a college degree) I still believe in this bright, bold and sassy community of moms (and dads) who blog and view this unfortunate turn of events as simply just another step in learning to use our blogging powers for good, in a totally informed and responsible way.

    The alternative?  Use it as an opportunity to tear some poor schmuck a new one, online for all to see, or delete them from our feed readers, entirely, for not knowing any better…than you.

    Then again, I'm just another mommyblogger (an old one, at that, I know, SHUDDUP!) and I'm probably wrong, anyway, right?

    1Last Disclosure:  My entire blogging platform is and always has been based on putting a face to imperfection.  So, I feel it safe to say that…YES…I am a professional!

    © 2010 This
    Full House Blog     / This Full House Gone Shopping

  • I See a Gray Hair
    And I Want to Dye it Black!


    Liz channeling Joan Jett
    So, I did — aaaaand chopped it ALL off, too — 'cawse, us forty-something-or-another moms are edgy and totally reckless like that.

    AM SO!

    LINKY LOVE BYTES:

    Check out the Official Wordless Wednesday HQ

    Wordless Wednesday on 5 Minutes for Mom

    Tag,
    you're it:  

    © 2010 This
    Full House Blog     / This Full House Gone Shopping

  • 7 Truths About 7 Bloggers, Maybe

    VersatileBloggerAward
    Having recently entered my 8th year of blogging (I know, I'm old, shuddup!) I feel it safe to say that…why, YES!…I am very, very versatile (AM SO!) and not because my friend Mrs. Schmitty said so, either.

    [throws check in the mail]

    Coming up with new, light-hearted and entertaining stuff to write about is hard (I know, sorta hurts to read, too — sheesh, but Monday's a ROUGH crowd!) keeping in mind that not EVERYONE who stops by here is necessarily interested in reading about non-controversial stuff (I know, act surprised, anyway) or, the fact that it just so happens my blog is ranked #1 on Google for, "it's your birthday make a mess" is even harder (yes, it's a word!)

    Still, there are those who would beg to differ (I'm not quite sure what is wrong with them, either) and I am very, very, honored to be able to call them…my friends!

    No payment, necessary.

    So, yah, I am very pleased to accept The Versatile Blogger Award (thank you and please don't cash that check until Friday, okay Mrs. Schmitty?) and now I'm supposed to tell you 7 truths about myself and then pay my award forward to 7 bloggers.

    [the sound of many doors, SLAMMING!]

    Are they gone yet?

    [phew]

    Good.  Aaaand, if you're STILL here, well, just know that there is a special place in heaven (or, a close facsimile thereof) for those who indulge professional dorks, like me.

    So, for your reading pleasure, 7 Truths About 7 Bloggers…Maybe:

    (more…)

  • Breast Cancer Awareness Month:
    Happy Army of Women Day!

    Army of Women tagI have a confession to make (don't worry, no bodily fluids are involved!) okay, ready?

    It's been 5 years since my last check-up!

    It's true.  You see, I've been busy.  Participating in blogging projects, or reminding families (like mine) to think pink; but, could only watch, hope and pray, while my twin brother fought valiantly and gave up one of kidneys, in order to win his battle with cancer; last month, I sat next to my SIL's hospital bed, held her hand and prayed some more.

    No, I am NOT proud of the fact that I have, once again, put my health and well-being…last.

    Then, yesterday, I read WhyMommy's post calling on women (like me) to use our blogging powers for good and it moved me to action:

    I'm asking you to join the Avon/Love Army of Women
    fighting breast cancer by signing up for emails about future studies,
    and participating in easy, online studies or studies in your hometown
    when something applies to you — and to blog about your decision, asking your readers to as well.

    Army of Women
    Okay, now it's your turn — don’t have a blog? No problem!  You can still TAKE ACTION by updating your Facebook status on October 1st with the following:

    “I
    signed up to STOP breast cancer before it STARTS. Have you? Join today
    at http://www.armyofwomen.org, then copy and paste this status update
    as your own.”

    Why?

    Because, nice matters and cancer sucks big, fat, hairy donkey balls!

    Me?

    Twitter gynoI have an appointment for next Thursday.  Thank you, Susan!

    © 2010 This
    Full House Blog     / This Full House Gone Shopping

  • If You Give a 14 Year-Old PlayDoh

    Playdoh

    Nope, you are NEVER too old for PlayDoh! 

    BONUS points if you can, uh, guess which 14 yo is, you know, mine?

    LINKY LOVE BYTES:

    Check out the Official Wordless Wednesday HQ

    Wordless Wednesday on 5 Minutes for Mom

    Tag,
    you're it:  

    © 2010 This
    Full House Blog     / This Full House Gone Shopping