Flashback about two children ago – yes, using each of my pregnancies as a time line since I can’t seem to remember a blessed thing, otherwise – I volunteered to teach my girls’ pre-k Sunday School class (they were 2 and 4 years old) for a woman who I then considered to be my “mommy mentor.”
She had three bright, lovely blonde little girls (each about 2 years apart from one another) held a full-time position as a special education teacher, volunteered as the Sunday School Director and still found time to, you know, do other things.
Me?
I was a stay-at-home mom with two kids and, you know, A LOT less laundry – how could I say no?
At the time, it worked for me and my “mommy mentor” was a wonderful source of inspiration on all things.
Including…how to expose my children to germs…on purpose.
[phone rings]
“Hello, Liz? It’s mommy mentor and I just wanted to let you know that lovely, bright blonde girl #3 is sick and that I won’t be able to make it this morning and wondered if you could take over my class, as well?”
Wow.
I thought she must really like me!
“Um…WOW!…okay…uh…do you want to pick up lovely, bright blonde girls #1 and #2?”
[coughing]
“Uh, no…I don’t think so…their at their grandmother’s house and lovely bright blonde girl #3 has the chicken pox!”
Silence.
Not only did I think “mommy mentor” was wonderful, she was also nice enough to keep all her girls home and NOT expose the rest of the class (more importantly: MINE!) to the dreaded pox.
[goosebumps]
“Do you want me to take your other lovely, bright blonde girls for a few days?”
[clearing throat]
“No, that’s okay, we’re supposed to go to Disney in a couple of weeks and I WANT them to get exposed, so, I’m on my way to pick them up now.”
Dead silence.
Wow.
Exposing all her children to chicken pox…on purpose…and having all her kids home…at the same time…sick…I thought she must really be nuts!
Then I had more kids.
And I quickly learned that – no matter how much Clorox or Lysol I used – the phlegm, she will fly and the kids are all going to share.
So, I quit worrying about “the sharing,” and don’t wig about stupid letters from the school, too much – like this:
Mr. and Mrs. Dumbass Parent:
…we have noted that as of November 14, 2006, your child Mini-Me has been absent 6 (underlined) days from school. A student in regular attendance and promptly reporting to school at the scheduled start of the school day is essential to the learning process. It is therefore that we seek your assistance and cooperation in establishing a regular/on time schedule for your child. We hope you understand our position and what we are trying to do for our students.
We know better than you,
Stupid School
What?
You mean, I kept my SICK kid home, again!?!
Oh, the humanity…indulging my children with green-colored phlegm…worrying about sending her to school with a high fever…and spewing green phlegm…not to mention getting the other 10 kids…out of 20…who are NOT sick…in her class…SICK…oh, and another thing…she’s the only one of my kids…who has NOT been sick this week!
Oh, and by the way…BITE ME!
Flash-forward to…um…what the hell day is it, anyways?…oh, yeah…today.
[phone rings]
“Mrs. Thompson? This is Thing One’s school nurse and I have her here, in my office. No, no fever, but, you know, she’s not looking so good or feeling too well, either.”
[coughing]
“Um…yeah…I know.”
Silence.
“I mean…I know…’cause she’s been down with the flu – in fact, all of them have been sick – but, her fever finally broke and this is the first day I’ve had, alone, this week…and I AM SOOO SICK OF THOSE FREAKIN’ LETTERS FROM SCHOOL!!!”
Dead silence.
[clearing throat]
“Okay…I’ll come get her.”
[finally speaks, all smiley-voiced]
“Oh, good…Mrs. Thompson…why don’t you just wait another half-an-hour, it’ll count as a whole day, and you can take her home at lunch time.”
[sniffling]
“Yeah…good idea, thanks…and in the meantime…why don’t you have her cough…I’m sure she can produce some nice-looking green phlegm…why don’t you!?!”
Click.
Morale of the story: Never judge a mother by her sick children – check the color of their phlegm!
Excuse me while I indulge my child in a sick day, give her some cough syrup and lick the spoon – TGIF!
Stupid school.
Comments
36 responses to “Pragmatic Friday: An ounce of indulgence is worth a pound of phlegm…”
Thank you. My snotty kid (I swear she’s fine. No, really, FINE. Can’t she go to preschool?!) is not a reflection of me. Well said (ok, maybe in MY case it does represent me. :: cough ::)
Thank you. My snotty kid (I swear she’s fine. No, really, FINE. Can’t she go to preschool?!) is not a reflection of me. Well said (ok, maybe in MY case it does represent me. :: cough ::)
Thank you. My snotty kid (I swear she’s fine. No, really, FINE. Can’t she go to preschool?!) is not a reflection of me. Well said (ok, maybe in MY case it does represent me. :: cough ::)
My kids are all vaccinated against chicken pox and I swear one of these days they’re going to catch it anyway. Or worse yet, when they’re adults and it will practically kill them.
My kids are all vaccinated against chicken pox and I swear one of these days they’re going to catch it anyway. Or worse yet, when they’re adults and it will practically kill them.
My kids are all vaccinated against chicken pox and I swear one of these days they’re going to catch it anyway. Or worse yet, when they’re adults and it will practically kill them.
Oh, the letters. I was not a healthy child growing up. (Well, I’m not a healthy adult either. Stupid immune system.) Anyway, I missed a lot of school. Yet my grades were always better than everyone else’s so my Mom told them to fluff off. 😉
Oh, the letters. I was not a healthy child growing up. (Well, I’m not a healthy adult either. Stupid immune system.) Anyway, I missed a lot of school. Yet my grades were always better than everyone else’s so my Mom told them to fluff off. 😉
Oh, the letters. I was not a healthy child growing up. (Well, I’m not a healthy adult either. Stupid immune system.) Anyway, I missed a lot of school. Yet my grades were always better than everyone else’s so my Mom told them to fluff off. 😉
You know, this is not the first post on this I have read lately and it is really starting to get to me. I understand that attendance is important, but so is the welfare of the other children.
It used to absolutely annoy the living hell out of me when parents sent their kids to daycare with a “slight” fever and still obviously ill, because they had to go to work etc.
Now, we get parents sending kids to school, not because they “choose” to but because the school threatens them. It is absolutely insane. So now, kids get sick because the one kids infects them all.
If a doctors note is provided, then it is time to STFU, and allow the kids to stay home. Send the work along home, and get over it.
Clue Meter is definitely running at Zero.
You know, this is not the first post on this I have read lately and it is really starting to get to me. I understand that attendance is important, but so is the welfare of the other children.
It used to absolutely annoy the living hell out of me when parents sent their kids to daycare with a “slight” fever and still obviously ill, because they had to go to work etc.
Now, we get parents sending kids to school, not because they “choose” to but because the school threatens them. It is absolutely insane. So now, kids get sick because the one kids infects them all.
If a doctors note is provided, then it is time to STFU, and allow the kids to stay home. Send the work along home, and get over it.
Clue Meter is definitely running at Zero.
You know, this is not the first post on this I have read lately and it is really starting to get to me. I understand that attendance is important, but so is the welfare of the other children.
It used to absolutely annoy the living hell out of me when parents sent their kids to daycare with a “slight” fever and still obviously ill, because they had to go to work etc.
Now, we get parents sending kids to school, not because they “choose” to but because the school threatens them. It is absolutely insane. So now, kids get sick because the one kids infects them all.
If a doctors note is provided, then it is time to STFU, and allow the kids to stay home. Send the work along home, and get over it.
Clue Meter is definitely running at Zero.
Interesting. I teach, and I’m totally with you! Keep the contagious/sick kids home until they get better. I’ll send their homework if they’re well enough to do it.
Interesting. I teach, and I’m totally with you! Keep the contagious/sick kids home until they get better. I’ll send their homework if they’re well enough to do it.
Interesting. I teach, and I’m totally with you! Keep the contagious/sick kids home until they get better. I’ll send their homework if they’re well enough to do it.
Yeah, many states count attendance as part of the measure of Adequate Yearly Progress. If the absenteeism at the school reachs a certian point, the letters to go the our whole school.
Of course, in our family, unless you were on your deathbed (fever or vomiting), you went to school. It was kind of a work ethic thing with my parents.
Yeah, many states count attendance as part of the measure of Adequate Yearly Progress. If the absenteeism at the school reachs a certian point, the letters to go the our whole school.
Of course, in our family, unless you were on your deathbed (fever or vomiting), you went to school. It was kind of a work ethic thing with my parents.
Yeah, many states count attendance as part of the measure of Adequate Yearly Progress. If the absenteeism at the school reachs a certian point, the letters to go the our whole school.
Of course, in our family, unless you were on your deathbed (fever or vomiting), you went to school. It was kind of a work ethic thing with my parents.
Wow, do I know about this. I have six children and the sick/well thing is insane. If you keep them out for more than two days, the letters. If you send them to school with itchy eyes, you get phone calls from the nurse declaring you an inept parent and germ spreader.
I’ve considered using a butterknife to just spread it on toast so we can get it over with.
Okay, that was disgusting. But maybe you get my point.
Wow, do I know about this. I have six children and the sick/well thing is insane. If you keep them out for more than two days, the letters. If you send them to school with itchy eyes, you get phone calls from the nurse declaring you an inept parent and germ spreader.
I’ve considered using a butterknife to just spread it on toast so we can get it over with.
Okay, that was disgusting. But maybe you get my point.
Wow, do I know about this. I have six children and the sick/well thing is insane. If you keep them out for more than two days, the letters. If you send them to school with itchy eyes, you get phone calls from the nurse declaring you an inept parent and germ spreader.
I’ve considered using a butterknife to just spread it on toast so we can get it over with.
Okay, that was disgusting. But maybe you get my point.