This Full House Archive

Tag: this full house

  • Planes, Migraines and Insensitive Asshats

    I don't often go away, heck it's a gosh-darned event just to be able to get out on a date night with my husband….but, when I do…I drink Dos Equis…PSYCH!!!…just kidding, I hate beer.

    Aaaaanyway, what was I saying?  

    (Looks up at ceiling, blows bangs out of eyes)

    Oh yeah, so this week I was traveling….as in, I physically got on an airplane and flew over several states….after double-dosing on Dramamine, of course….but, the last time I traveled….in an airplane, over several states…my youngest kid passes out while visiting Grandpa in the hospital…and, well, now maybe you know why I was seriously second-guessing my getting on an airplane….at all….let alone, tempting the powers of #FUBAR….right? 

    (Blank stare)

    Long story, short….NOTHING happened….UNTIL I sat down to have breakfast with Busy Mom (don't be jealous) and my cell phone rang.

    (more…)

  • Wordless Wednesday: Delinquent Earns Another Reprieve

    Delinquent is the anti-lap cat, unless you are recovering from the migraine from
    hell and then he will make an exception, as long as you don't make a
    habit of it…YO!

    Delinquent Cat and Heather

    Also, he may or may not have figured out I'm still pissed at him for peeing all over the floor (AGAIN!) dumbass delinquent cat.

    Check out the new Wordless Wednesday HQ!!

    © 2003 – 2012 This Full House

  • 19 Years of Motherhood And Still Not Doing It Right

    Holly and What is Left of Athena

    11-12-12: Holly and what's left of Winterstorm Athena.

    My oldest turned 19, last week <—– seeing that in writing makes the fact that I am now a mother of a 19 year old all the more WHAT DO YOU MEAN I AM A MOTHER OF A 19 YEAR OLD <—– seeing that in UPPERCASE pretty much sums up what I feel about THAT, in a nutshell.

    (more…)

  • Becoming THAT Crazy Cat or Dog Lady

    One of the reasons I started blogging….back in the days of  when posting pictures of your kids on the internet was bad and way before those same kids started posting pictures (and videos) of themselves….on the internet….was my being able to connect with other parents on the internet.

    I still do, but now that my kids are older (me too, dammit!) it can be real difficult keeping stuff all lighthearted….most especially, here at This Full House of extreme hormonal imbalance and severe teenage angst….sometimes.

    Okay, most of the time.

    Fiiiiiiiine, I sort of get why really, really, really old people (you know, folks much, much, much older than me) are crazy.  Their kids made them that way. 

    Then, they dress up their pets and buy them organic food and stuff and maybe one day I will be that crazy cat or dog lady, too.

    Just, NOT TODAY!

    For example:  Doofus-Dawg has this funny way of thumping his tail when he's in the middle of…well…what I imagine to be a real kick-ass dream.

    [thump-thump-thump-thump-thump]

    Aaaaaand, then the kick-ass-ness gets real intense and the thumping gets quicker.

    [thumpity-thump-thumpity-thump-thumpity-thump]

    Then the dream goes full on…SQUIRREL!!!!!

    [THUMPTHUMPTHUMP-THUMPITY-THUMPTHUMPTHUMP]

    No lie.  This time, I happened to have my phone charging while working at the desktop and I hear:  thump-thump-thump-thump-thump.

    So, I grabbed my cell phone and then, sure as you'll find hairballs under our couch, secured my rightful place in parenting hell:

     

    You see?  Et tu Doofus-Dawg?  Totally made a total liar out of me.  The REAL funny part is he came right back and marched his hairy butt straight to the couch.

    The Revenge of Doofus Dawg

    Hahaha, real funny, now I triple-dawg dare you to try and get me from off the couch, b8tch!

    Normally, Doofus-Dawg isn't allowed on the couch.  This time, I made an exception, because I am nothing if NOT inconsistent with my parenting skillz, too.

    Besides, those are my son's clothes….he never did take them upstairs, like I told him to, this morning….and, well, the clothes are going to end up on the floor…eventually…or my son will throw them back into the hamper…clean or not, who cares?…anyway.

    Aaaaand then feed me strained carrots….eventually…but NOT today…DAMMIT!

    © 2003 – 2012 This Full House

  • More Big Bang for Their Buck

    If you were to visit my house, on any given day, you would most likely be very surprised to hear any one of my daughters singing…by herself or altogether…in Korean…and my son begging me or his father to…PLEASE, MAKE THEM STOP!!!

    Not that my son has anything against the Korean.  Or any other language, really.  Although, I have it on good authority that his Spanish teacher may or may not have made a pact with the devil.

    Teenagers can be SO weird about stuff, sometimes.

    Which brings me back to all three of my daughters and their long-time obsession with K-pop (a.k.a. Korean pop music) more specifically, the boy group Big Bang.

    Bigbang_alive_tour

    photo credit: Big Bang on Facebook

    Ask my daughters something in Korean…g'head…and they will NOT have ANY idea what you are saying.  Ask  them to recite the lyrics to one of Big Bang's songs…fuhghettaboutit…they will give you twenty.

    So, when my oldest learned that Big Bang's Alive tour was coming to the United States in L.A. and Newark here in Jersey…ONLY!!!…well, cover your ears…SQUEEEEEE!!!!

    She woke up super early on her day off (before noon, she's 18, enough said) the day the tickets went on sale and right when she was about ready to hit PURCHASE…GAHHHHH!!!

    Her latop shutdown after performing an automatic update.  

    After belting out a few choice words in, well, I'm still not quite sure WHAT language Holly was speaking (best guess, a mashup between Korean and Jersey-pissed) but I do know that she has since disabled automatic updates.

    She was able to score two tickets (one for herself and one for my middle girl, much to the chagrin of her youngest sister, but let's not go back there, okay?) they weren't as great as the first set of tickets, pre-reboot…[insert Korean expletive, here]…however, sixth row-right-of -stage-something-or-another was deemed more than adequate and totally within SQUEE-ing distance to K-pop nirvana.  

    Big Bank T-shirts Finished

    SQUEE!!!!

    Flash-forward to last night:   so the girls stayed up ALL night making their own t-shirts for…SQUEE!!!…the concert (even let their baby sister in on their revelry) and life was good. 

    Holly and Heather Bing Bang

    Big Bang Bound

    Until, Garth (not his real name) came downstairs this morning and found one of his good t-shirts, newly fringed.

    In their defense, they did ask…while he was asleep…and, yes, they learned from the best…YO!!!

    Flash-forward to this afternoon:  I dropped the girls, along with their two bff's, in front of the Prudential Center in Newark (literally, pulled up and kicked them out at the curb, it's how we roll in Jersey)  and the lines were THIS LONG already.

    My cell phone rang about 5:00 p.m., it was my oldest.

    "Hey Holly, are you okay,what's wrong, are the girls okay?"

    It's their first REAL concert, can you tell?

    "Yeah, just wanted to tell you that we finally got inside."

    Welcome to concerthood, my young padawan.  We chatted a bit and then I made the mistake of asking her if they had someting to eat.

    "No, and that's a REAL funny story."

    Long story, short (you're welcome) the merchandise carts are very near the entrance and who knew that they actually sold food on a whole OTHER level?!?

    "We sort of ran out of money."

    Actually, they had a dollar.  Aaaaand, I did what (I'm pretty sure) ANY parent would do.  I asked that really STUPID question.

    "So, what DID you spend the money on?"

    [one beat, two beats]

    Uh-huh…T-SHIRTS!!!!…dammit…or 젠장 (jen-jang) if you're from Korea!!!

    © 2003 – 2013 This Full House

  • The Walking Dead-ish

    I love a good old-fashioned ghost story:  stuff like The Sixth Sense, Woman in Black and Paranormal Activity can really get my adrenaline pumping and then I start hollering stuff like, "Oh, you do NOT want to go in there" and "Turn around, turn around, they are RIGHT BEHIND YOU, dammit"!

    Which is probably why it is a pretty good idea that I wait until these type of movies are released on DVD.

    I just get myself too involved in the storyline and, more often than not, would end up…you know…more dead-ish than not.

    Which is why I am not a BIG fan of zombie movies:  unless we're talking The Walking Dead and, well, "Turn around, turn around, they are RIGHT BEHIND YOU, dammit"!

    Alright, so maybe there are worse things to worry about than a Zombie Apocalypse and…YES!…real life is A LOT more scary (especially, if you have teens) unless we're talking The Walking Dead.

    "Turn around, turn around, they are RIGHT BEHIND YOU, dammit!"

    My husband, Garth and I watched the premiere of Season 3 last night and even my 13 year-old son was all, like, CHILL OUT MOM!

    "Oh, you do NOT want to go in there!"

    The really, REALLY scary thing about The Walking Dead — besides the fact that I would have totally made the same mistake, gone in through THAT door and…BAM!…instant zombie smorgasbord — is the realization that I could very easily be mistaken as…you know…being one of them:

    Zombified_wb20121015085042473338Glazed-over, zombie-like eyes — could be just a matter of excessive protein build-up or chronic progressive conjunctivitis, you're welcome.

    Loss of coherent speech — I live with 3 teens, enough said.

    Rate of physical decomposition has increased — you just wait until YOU turn 40-something, you little jerk.

    Walk with a slow, erratic and in an unusually lumbering way — dumbass sciatica, stupid herniated discs.

    Always hungry — friggin' ravenous even, stupid mid-life metabolism.

    Tendency to stumble over obstacles and through solid walls — which is a rather frequent and normal occurrence, when you're severely near-sided and have misplaced your glasses, again?!?

    Moral of the Story:  don't be hating on us zombies and, if you think THAT'S scary, you really should see my teens, first thing on a Monday morning.

    "Turn around, turn around, they are RIGHT BEHIND YOU, dammit"!

    TURNING!!!  WALL!!!  SLAM!!!  ZOMBIE SMORGASBORD!!!

    "Ughmath thughca, oohpih woonthid iiiiiith!"

    Translation:  dumbass sciatica, stupid herniated discs.

    © 2003 – 2012 This Full House

  • Learning From Our Mistakes-101

    Scaling the Walls

    Learning to walk his hard, learning to fall is even harder.

    Please feel free to visit with me over at my Gone Shopping blog and read more about:  why I can't help but feel that life would be a little easier if Learning From Our Mistakes-101 were a requirement, rather than an elective…for parents, too…when you have time, of course.

    © 2003 – 2012 This Full House

  • Growing Old, It’s For the Birds

    This Full Bird House

    The kids and I took a ride to visit my folks on Sunday — Holly was scheduled to work this weekend and my husband Garth (not his real name) stayed behind to try and get some work done here at home — and, as soon as we walked into the kitchen, my mom began to show me some of the new tricks she learned during rehab:

    • She can reach her arm behind her back:  which, only a few short weeks ago, the pain of  attempting to do so would have caused her to pass out (me too)
    • She can cross both her arms in front of her:  see previous bullet
    • Oh, and watch this:  she grabbed her elbow and gestured in an "Up yours!" sort of way, Jersey style

    Mom stood there grinning like a school girl, after we whooped and wowed, as if she just finished showing off some super cool new cheer-leading routine and I half expected the woman to drop down into a split.

    "Wow, I am SO proud of you!"

    Aaaaaand, then it happened.

    Me:  What is up with ALL the birds?

    It was a weird sort of Freaky Friday moment, which started out innocently enough:  I looked out the window and, I swear to you, there had to be about two dozen birds hanging out, in and around the bird feeders.

    Mom:  I know your father just filled up the feeders, this morning.

    What IS it with senior citizens AND birds?

    Me:  But it's already half-empty!

    Honestly, my in-laws are the same way.  They'll eat a bowl of crackers soaked in warm milk…[blech!]…for dinner, but don't think twice about dropping some major bucks on a 50 lb. sack of gourmet bird food, they can barely lift.

    Me:  You know, those dumb birds don't know how good they have it.

    Aaaaand, that's when my father's bionic hearing kicked in. 

    Me:  I mean, they eat WAY better than you guys do.

    I was able to crack that last little ray of sunshine off before my dad finally limped his way into the kitchen.

    Dad:  Yeah, but they make your mother happy and I would pay anything for that.

    Aaaaaand, I had just been served up a lovely peace of humble pie (accented heavily with rolling r's and w's that sound more like v's) for dessert and, well, when did our lives go so crrrrrrriz-crrrrrrroz epple-zauze, eny-vays?!?

    Mom:  I think maybe she's right.

    Who?  Me?  Really?  I looked around to make sure no one else was standing in the kitchen, just in case.

    Mom:  Maybe it's time the birds went on a little diet.

    So, my parents decided it would be okay to feed them every OTHER day and, well, those dumb birds really don't know how good they have it.

    Dad:  Oh, and we picked up a strawberry short cake for the kids too.

    Notice how he said "for the kids" which is perfectly fine with me and not because I don't like strawberry short cake — it's my favorite.

    Me:  Sounds awesome, thanks!

    I was already sort of full of, you know, humble pie.

    Me:  I'll make the coffee.

    [one beat, two beats]

    Mom and Dad:  NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

    Heh…yeah, right…some things, however, NEVER change…including my inability to make a decent pot of coffee…damnit.

    Hope:  I'll do it!

    My ll year-old, on the other hand, makes an AWESOME pot of coffee and, well, good thing too.

    Hope:  Dad taught me how.

    Because my husband, Garth (NHRN) is going to have his hands full…I mean, he IS married to me…and I really don't care for the taste OR even the thought of warm milk…[blech!]…no matter WHAT my kids say.

    © 2003 – 2012 This Full House

  • Yet ANOTHER reason why no one would ever mistake me for a Food Network Star

    My kids will tell you that I'm a pretty good cook — pretty much because we really haven't been to many fancy-schmancy restaurants…as a family…like, as in all together…sitting at the same table…at the same time.

    So, they just don't know any better…YET!

    Until their grandmother got them hooked on cooking shows.  Okay, I lied. 

    "Hi, my name is Liz and I am hooked on cooking shows."

    I grew up watching masters like Julia Child (gosh, but I miss her!) and The Galloping Gourmet (what a whack-job HE was, eh?) and even today pretend I have my very own cooking show.

    Oh, come ON…like you never pretended you had your very own cooking show…EVER…right?!?

    [sound of crickets chirping]

    Aaaaaanyway, where was I going with this? 

    [blows bangs out of eyes, stares at toaster]

    So, yeah, I know my way around a kitchen (sort of) and I've been preparing Sunday dinners since I was in single digits and…YES!…contrary to what my children would have you believe…we had electricity AND running water, back in those days, too.

     "You and Mama should open a restaurant!"

    All economic and logistic (mostly economic) arguments aside, my youngest has watched way too much Restaurant Impossible.

    [taking a moment to reflect on those guns that Anthony Irvine calls arms…sigh]

    Besides, I love cooking for my family.

    "What, you don't like tonight's dinner?"

    Appeasing the picky palates of strangers, not so much.

    "There's some peanut butter in the cabinet…GO FOR IT!"

    Pasta RusticaBesides, I'm really, really, really, awesomely-awesome at cooking on the
    fly and, well, wouldn't THAT make a great cooking show title?!?

    So, this is what it would look like, if I were the host:

     

     

    I know, I know.  Just having a little fun wit-it, but I actually am planning on cooking up some Porkolt tonight — once the meat defrosts and the bra comes off, of course!

    Post-video notes:  liking the eye-baggage…eh?…had a wicked sinus headache last night and I just noticed nobody bothered to replace the empty paper towel-holder thingy…again…DAMMIT!

    © 2003 – 2012 This Full House

     

  • Nearly Wordless Wednesday: Just Me and My Shadows

    Just me and my shadows
    Gathering my thoughts and enjoying the nothingness of a day off from school, before the kids wake up I mean.

    Me and My Shadow
    Aaaaaaand, yet another quiet moment is interrupted by a good morning snuggle and, well, when did my shadow's legs get so gosh-darned long?!?  I have NO words.

    Other folks going wordless today:  Wordless Wednesday.

    © 2003 – 2012 This Full House