This Full House Archive

Tag: teen dating

So, What’s the WORST That Can Happen?

I have a hard time believing that my husband, Garth (not his real name) and I have been together for 24 years: we met on a blind date in July of…[reaches for calculator]…1989 and were engaged by November.

Because any man who hands his date a handkerchief…in the middle of blowing snot during one of the most saddest movie endings in history…and then takes that same handkerchief back from her…all snotted up and everything…is worth hanging onto, verdad?

Long story, short (you're welcome!): what makes our relationship work (most of the time) is that Garth (NHRN) is very good at dealing with an emergency.

My husband has this awesome ability of assessing almost any situation in a very calm and rational Jedi-type manner, while my approach is much more apocalyptic in nature.

Which makes me LOTS OF FUN at the end of the world-type disaster movies — World War Z, Walking Dead, I live there, every single day!

Because, raising teens and a 12-year old who knows MORE stuff than I do, jumping to the worst possible conclusions is about the only exercise I get, these days.

On the other hand, I am an expert at not sweating small stuff: because I've already imagined the worst that can happen.

For example: hypothetically speaking, say one of our girls were to be asked out on a date, for the first time…like in, EVER!!!…my husband and I would both handle it very, very differently.

Garth (NHRN): if I am not home from work, make sure he comes in to meet your mother.

End of story.

Me? Totally different scenario: okay, so I'm going to visit with your aunt and you're going for sushi and the sushi place happens to be a couple of blocks from your aunt's house, so if you find yourself feeling uncomfortable or the date goes all weird on you, text me and I will call you back with some sort of emergency that requires you to come home right away and…WHAT?!?…why are you looking at me all funny like that?!?

This is NOT your child and you know we're talking totally hypothetical, right?!?

[one beat, two beats]

Fiiiiiiiiiiiine, at least I don't have to worry about what we're having for dinner tonight, the other 3 kids LOVE sushi.

[sound of crickets, chirping]

Aaaaaaand, thank goodness we live right on the water, don't even get me started on the subject of seafood sustainability in landlocked states (you're welcome)!

© 2003 – 2013 This Full House

With a fan page on Facebook and everything!

July 5, 2013
Color Me 50 Shades of Surprised, In Katie’s Green Room!

A week ago (today) my oldest daughter and I traveled into NYC to tape a segment of Katie Couric's new daytime television show (never thought I would say that OUT LOUD…right?…me, either)!

We were both super-excited to be able to share in the experience of my being asked to blog during the taping (I'll be the one hiding behind a borrowed laptop) the subject matter, however, left us both feeling emotionally, mentally and physically exhausted.

I am not at liberty to share with you what the show was about (not yet, anyways, it's airing next month) I can tell you, however, that the entire audience was made up of mothers and daughters with a pack of tissues strategically hidden under everyone's seat: enough said.

Holly and me hanging out in the green room (it really IS green)!

The best part, besides the fact that Holly and I got to hang out in Katie's green room together and pretend we do this sort of stuff ALL the time, was the conversation leading up to and after the taping.

"Does it matter that I've never been on a date?"

My husband, Garth (not his real name) and I have this unspoken rule about allowing our kids to date at 16.

"Because, you know, the show is about teen dating and everything."

Shhhh, don't tell anybody…okay?!?…and now that our oldest girls are turning 19 and 17 in a couple of months (pausing to let that sink in…still pausing…looking for the friggin' rewind button…Holy Hannah Montana…where DOES the time go?!?) would you believe that neither of our daughters have had a boy ask them out…on a date…or whatever…EVER?!?

"But, you do intend on dating…eventually…right?!?"

I can't say that either of my girls are very happy about it (not as much as their father and I, anyways) or never wondered, "What the heck is wrong with me?" and "All my friends have had boyfriends!" out loud, once or a bazillion times, either.

"There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with you."

Long story, short (you're welcome!) teenagers don't date — they hook up, meet up, whatever, no strings attached — and, well, pardon the 70's reference, it's just NOT their scene.

"How old where you when you started dating Mom?"

Okie-dokie, here we go.

"18…no WAIT…19!"

Okay, so I don't remember EXACTLY. It was a while ago. I started working full-time a week out of high school and dated a string of LOOOOOOS-SUUUUUUHS (seriously, my parents will tell you) before a swearing off dating ALL TOGETHER after finally putting an end to a REAL BAD relationship.

"I remember you telling us about him."

Although I can't claim to know EVERYTHING there is to know about raising teens (besides the fact that the rules do tend to change, quite frequently, sometimes within seconds of each other, depending on which kid we're talking about, I mean) because they feel comfortable enough to talk to their dad and me (mostly me) about almost anything (or, at all even) has remained my constant proverbial golden ring of parenting.

"I'm SO GLAD you met AND then married dad!"

Me, too (a.k.a. understatement of the century) and yet I cannot, for the life of me, wrap my head around the fact that we will be celebrating our 22nd wedding anniversary this weekend!

Enough said.

© 2003 – 2012 This Full House

August 20, 2012
Nothing Beats a First Snot-Swapping!
My husband, Garth (not his real name) attended a business-related event, last night (yes, without me, go figure) so, the kids and I were on our own for dinner (codeword: pizza) and then settled in to watch one of my most favorite movies of all time.

All 3 of my girls were absolutely enthralled with the idea of 50 First Dates and sort of fell a little in love with Adam Sandler's character, as he attempted to make Drew Barrymore's character fall in love with him…every day.

My 12-year-old son, however, thought Rob Schneider's performance as pure genius, of course.

"Didn't you say you dated a guy like that, once, Mom?"

Long story, short (you're welcome) no, it's not the first time we've watched this movie together and yes, yes I did, although he had both his eyes, the dude was missing a couple of teeth and wore Elmer's glue, instead of hair gel, don't judge.

"What was your first kiss like?"

"Well, his gums were a little slippery and his hair kept poking me in the eye."

[eyes go wide]

"No, NOT HIM and EWWWW, I mean with Daddy?"

I knew what she meant. After approximately 8 years worth of no sleep, trust me when I tell you messing with teenagers is AWESOME!

"Actually, I don't remember."

Yes I do. But, seeing as my oldest girls are well within acceptable dating range (mine, not my husband's) they don't need to know, right?

"I do, I do!"

My 9 year-old, however, was born old and, well, being the youngest of 4 just makes having to explain the birds and the bees stuff a whole lot easier, you know?

"You sneezed snot all over him, right?"

Not quite.

Even longer story, shorter (seriously, you should be thanking me) here's a quick synopsis:
- We met on a blind date.
- Went to the movies.
- Movie turned sad.
- I cried.
- Movie turned sadder.
- I sobbed.
- Clearly, they called it Dead Poet's Society for a reason.
- I blew snot.
- Garth (NHRN) handed me his handkerchief.
- HONK!
- Tried to hand it back to him.
- Told me to keep it.
- I was hooked.
- The end.
2 months later, he proposed. Garth (NHRN) and I were married 13 months after our first date and, well, 4 kids later, suffice it to say we've both sort of grown comfortable with each other's snot.

"Do you still have the handkerchief?"

[frowns]

"Ummmmm…I don't think so."

[one beat, two beats]

"Good, because that would just be SOOOOOOO weird!"

Yes, yes it would and apparently, according to my kids, even for me, go figure.

© 2003 – 2011 This Full House
May 13, 2011