This Full House Archive

Tag: raising teens and tweens

Becoming THAT Mom (AGAIN!)

6 years ago, I freaked out a few of the moms in my middle daughter's girl scout troop by allowing her to wear a black skull cap school (what, you don't remember?!?)

WARNING: it was around the time I migrated my blog from WordPress, back to Typepad (yes, on purpose!) so, the post is filled with funky little characters and stuff.

The spelling and grammatical errors, however, are ALL mine.

Aaaaanyway, my middle girl was 10 at the time and I was curious to learn (okay, remember) how it felt to be THAT mom.

You know, whose parenting philosophy is similar to yours — on opposite day.

10yo: If I cut my hair off, will kids stare? Me: Maybe [one beat, two beats] 10yo: Can you make an appointment for me, today?

I've come to the conclusion that becoming THAT mom has something to do with your kid(s) hitting double-digits.

I mean, even my hairdresser has a hard time saying, "Girl, please…" to this kid and if you've ever watched Jerseylicious, then you know, hairdress-suhs are fierce.

After the eleventy-billionth time of her asking, "Are you SURE you want to do this?!?"

Look, it's Emma Watson (almost!) but, wait there's more….

So, my hairdress-suh says, "Let's throw some color up in there!"

Really, Mom?!? (filed under: blackmail photos) <br>

Look, it's Emma Watson (and her hairdress-suh!)

So, yes, with the help of my dear, sweet friend Lorrie's magical scissors, I once again myself being THAT mom.

Then again, Lorrie's daughter's hair is a lovely shade of Skittles AND even Hope agreed with me in thinking it looked FABULOUS!

"Maybe when you're 12."

Because, you know, even us THAT (THOSE?) moms have our limits.

© 2003 – 2012 This Full House

January 20, 2012
Perhaps Miyans Just Had Trouble Grasping the Concept of Menopause?

View outside my bedroom window this time last year.

I love this time of year — especially, how the peaceful tones cast by wintertime hues of soft whites and grays make everything look so much more sparkly and bright.

Until the snow starts to melt and the world begins to look like, you know, my living room carpet. Still, this time last year? Snowmaggedon had dropped nearly 3 feet of snow and, well, that's just too danged much sparkly even for my taste.

New Year's Eve on Higbees Beach in Cape May, NJ

This year? This was us. At the beach. In December. Here, in Jersey. Seems Muh-thuh Nay-chuh is going through some hot flashes, her ownself.

Speaking of which, is it hot in here, or is it just me?

Aaaanyway, winter is back (I think) so, yesterday we popped by my folks' house for a quick visit (code for: make sure they remember to, you know, turn the heat on) and tried to teach my dad the concept of American football for the eleventy-hundredth time.

Note to self: grown men tackling each other over a ball is "stew-peed," stop trying!

I've invited my in-laws over for dinner (code for: it's really, really hot at their house) and, considering we're probably going to get nailed with, like, eleventy-hundred inches of snow in March — tonight, I'm serving corned beef and cabbage, just in case.

Happy ValenSaintPatrickSpringter, everyone.

(P.S. GO GIANTS!!!!)

© 2003 – 2012 This Full House

January 16, 2012
Don’t Have a Happy Place? Feel Free to Borrow Mine!

You know what bugs me? Besides, waiting in the doctor's office for more than 20 minutes (unless Ellen Degeneres is on) with folks who insist on changing television channels, without asking (see previous parenthesis) who probably are the same ones riding my rear bumper (newsflash: fast lane is on the left) then, pass me on the right (dumbass) only to slow the heck way down (ditto) oh and the Kardashians (enough said!)

Um, what were we talking about? Oh yeah, you know what bugs me? Serial complainers, who insist that life sucks and do NOT even try to convince them otherwise.

Lest, you get all caught up in the suckage and then, well, it becomes one BIG (and bad) blame-storming session, yes?

Still, it's good to vent.

So, yesterday, I woke up feeling like pond slime (stomach bug, enough said) and must of have looked just as awful (probably more) to the point where my husband asked my oldest to stay home and help me complete the morning and afternoon runs (no pun, intended) seeing as I spent most of the morning (and afternoon) in the bathroom/library, which is typically is my happy place.

Aaaaaand, this is where some folks would be all, like, wait a minute, you had your kid stay home from school on purpose?!?

Yes, because it's good to be the only other driver in the house and technically it was actually my husband who called her out of school.

[sound of crickets, chirping]

Would it help if I told you that she also finished the laundry?

[cue happy dance]

Aaaaanyway, it helped. Because, I was able to sleep it off (when not stalking my new bff, the bathroom, I mean) and today, I'm feeling much more human, thankyouverymuch!

"Mom, I don't feel so good!"

Good thing, too.

"Me either, Mommy!"

Seeing as the suckage is about to get a leeeeetle deeper up in here, DAMNIT.

Morale of the Story: Pass the toilet paper, I'm done!

If anyone needs me, I'll be in the OTHER bathroom — it has a vent.

© 2003 – 2012 This Full House

January 10, 2012
The sea cucumber turns to the mollusk and says, “With fronds like these, who needs anemones?”

I have this terrible habit. Okay, so it's not as awful as picking your nose in public (dude, I totally saw you flick that sucker out your car window…oh…and EWWWWW!)

Although, getting caught with a bat in the cave the size of a velociraptor, well, I would imagine they would be almost impossible to flick, without being noticed.

[scratches nose]

Aaaaanyway. Oh, yeah, so I have this thing — a defense mechanism, really — of cracking jokes during uncomfortable situations.

Like, today, I took my middle girl for her re-check with the pediatric surgeon and long story short (you're welcome) she's still in a lot more pain than what is considered normal-ish.

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January 5, 2012
First Rule of the Irresolute Club: Make A List of Resolutions You Can Actually Keep
Taken on our New Year's Eve weekend getaway to Cape May, NJ and I still can't help but imagine why someone tied a bouquet of holly to this bench.

I'm not a big fan of resolutions. I mean, it's just another reminder of stuff I never got around to doing, or failed to do right the first time around, DAMMIT.

On the other hand, January is sort of like a do-over.

So, I made a mental list of the stuff I would like to "do better," because the second rule of the irresolute club: leave no paper trail.

This year, I really, really want to try hard and cut sugar out of my diet…entirely.

I've done well, so far (yes, I know it's January 3rd, your point being?) until this morning when I absent-minded-ly poured sugar into my coffee (or, caw-fee if you're from Jersey.)

But, rather than start the year out being wasteful (as well) I drank it, anyway.

So, it doesn't really count. Right? RIGHT?!? Riiiiiiight.

Okay, fine, here's a list of MY resolutions for 2012 which I can actually, you know, keep:
1. Gain at least 5 pounds.
2. Be more indecisive.
3. Do less laundry.
4. Use more deodorant.
5. Drink more wine.
6. NOT win the lottery (DAMMIT!)
7. Declare procrastination an art form.
8. Inhale.
9. Exhale.
10. Repeat.
I mean, why set myself up for disappointment? Right? RIGHT?!?

[sound of crickets chirping]

Riiiiiiight. Happy New Year, everyone! Want to join the Irresolute Club? What's on your list? Is it 2013, yet?

© 2003 – 2012 This Full House
January 3, 2012
16 Candles

Happy 16th Birthday to my sweet, beautiful, bright-eyed baby girl, Heather Marie. I am in constant awe of everything you achieve and the absolutely gorgeous woman you have become, inside AND out.

I admire your quick wit and strong will (yes, THAT too!) and the way you meet life's challenges all in and head-on.

You are brave, strong, loyal and unafraid to be loved for who you are, period (please don't ever change that!)

You are also very protective of those you love (see last parenthesis!)

Although you would never admit it (out loud) you have this sixth sense of knowing when and how to diffuse a sticky situation, by making a funny little face, cracking off a smarmy one-liner or throwing out a big-armed hug, just because, bless your squishy little heart.

For ALL these things (and so much, much more) I love you, Ree-Ree!

You will always be my most favorite Christmas present ever.

© 2003 – 2011 This Full House

December 28, 2011
A Mom’s Letter to Santa (UPGRADED!)

I first wrote Santa in 2006 (way back before Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest ruled the earth) it’s filled with typos and weird stuff after migrating my blog back from WordPress, no doubt.

[clears throat]

Aaaaanyway, considering my oldest is 18 and the middle girl is turning 16 next week (SOB!) and the rest of the kids are now at the age where they only pretend to believe in an effort to keep their delusional parental units (mostly me) happy.

It’s time for an upgrade. Here are my Christmas wishes:

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December 23, 2011
D’OH! A Deer!

Reason #3,922,199 why I love Garth (not his real name) for his gorgeous eyes, of course!

My husband and I recently reconnected with his cousin and I was excited to be invited to their holiday party (the hubs, too!)

Beeeecause, they really are a great couple (and they invited us back, anyway?) my cousin-in-law Jayne LOVES to dance (me, too!) and I've heard that they do awesome holiday.

Aaaaand, they did.

But, this guy right here BLEW (buh-dum-bum) and single-handed-ly (mouth-ly, lip-ly, whatev) managed to put us in an awesome holiday-ish mood.

UNTIL!

The next day, when it was time to pick up our kids. That is to say, we were happy to see our kids (of course!)

The prospect of having to drive northbound on the Garden State Parkway (towards New York, if you're not from Jersey) on the last weekend before Christmas (when everyone and their mother is on their way home, too) um, not so much.

So, we took "the back roads" and I bet you dollars to donuts you didn't think Jersey had back roads.

"OH CRAP, LOOK OUT, DEER!!!!"

Or, deer, right?

We were introduced to 3 of them, up close and all personal like (so, how YOU doin'?) and, thanks to my husband's cat-like reflexes (also, the fact that he was driving and NOT me) the slowest one of the group is probably still limping.

After loosening his ninja-death-grip on the steering wheel and making sure everyone was okay-ish, Garth (NHRN) got out to check the front of the car.

"No damage, we must have just bumped that last one."

The irony that we just picked my husband's car from the shop earlier that day, or the fact that, once the shock wore off, my son seemed to be more concerned about the deer.

"WE KILLED A DEER!!!"

Rather than the fact that it could have been much, much worse, was lost on no one.

"They sort of looked like Santa's reindeer."

Especially me, since Rudolph hit MY SIDE of the car.

"Well, he did sort of fly over us."

[blink, blink, blink]

Stupid holidaze, dumbass deer.

© 2003 – 2011 This Full House

December 19, 2011
TGIF! Even, when it’s really only Wednesday!
Just a few afterthoughts:
- Yes, I really did videotape this on Wednesday, pretending like it was Friday and trust me when I tell you [looks into mirror, quickly turns away for fear of turning into stone] it's a good thing.
- I really do obsess about my hair way too much.
- Bast should really be a real word.
- Middle girl's appointment went well-ish. No emergency procedure necessary. Being treated for a wicked infection. Will re-evaluate next step(s) after the holidaze.
- I really didn't know how yesterday was going to play out.
- Spent the rest of the day at the mall.
- My feet STILL hurt.
- Still, was out at the buttcrack of dawn driving middle girl to school, 30 minutes away.
- So, vlogging on Wednesday, pretending it was Friday, worked out well (see bullet, above.)
- Oh, and SO GLAD I didn't take my husband's car: he got a flat tire on the way to work, this morning.
- Also, if you're still here, you really do deserve a GREAT weekend…oh, and chocolate…lots and lots of chocolate.
- Special shout-out and virtual hugs to my friends Patty of A Day in My NYC and Heather!
Peace out and have a GREAT weekend (for real!)

© 2003 – 2011 This Full House

Freshly-brewed elsewhere: I'm donning wings, playing an AT&T phone fairy and giving away a Samsung Focus Flash, this week!
December 16, 2011
George Bailey Meets Clark W. Griswold, Jr.

My husband, Garth (not his real name) works for a bank. Don't worry, he's still a really, really nice guy.

In fact, his customers think he's gosh-darned decent enough to switch from the much BIGGER bank he used to work for.

Previously known as, "the bank that shall not be named."

Now, he works for a small local community bank and I often times joke about my being married to George Bailey (look it up, youngsters) oh, and how my husband is REAL GOOD with OTHER people's money.

Still, I decided to invest in a new dress for their holiday party, seeing as I wore the same dress for the last 2 years and, even though I'd be hard-pressed to remember what the heck anyone else wore (unless it was REAL shiny or SUPER short!)

I took my 16 year-old dress shopping with me, just in case.

Okay, so it is a bit shorter and a whole lot shiny-er than I would have picked (did I mention, the kid is 16?)

Still, it was nice to be able to dress up and pretend like I know how to walk in heels, without fear of breaking my neck, climbing an elegantly-carpeted-and-ever-so-winding-staircase, on the way to the bathroom, for a few hours anyway.

Aaaaand, we had a really, really great time together (see pic at top of post) UNTIL!!!!

"BAH!!!! WTH??? THESE STUPID LIGHTS WERE WORKING YESTERDAY!?!"

When my husband, Garth (not his real name) tried to quickly finish putting up the Christmas lights before heading over to my parents' house for dinner and, well, have you seen the movie Christmas Vacation, yet?

"Maybe, I shoulda done a drum roll, or something?"

[blank stare]

George Bailey, meet Clark Griswold!

[sound of crickets]

I blamed the kids, don't judge.

© 2003 – 2011 This Full House

December 12, 2011