This Full House Archive

Tag: raising teenagers

NaBloPoMo 2015: Happy ThanksgivingChristmasNewYearsValentinesEaster!

I used to be a planner, also super-organized (and this is the part where my husband would insist otherwise and I would end any possibility of a long, drawn out debate, by insisting back "WAS SO!" Because I am a great debater, like that!), but those days seem so long ago.

I knew if I just held out long enough, mismatched plates and glasses would become a thing (are so!).

In our house, the holidays were my Olympics! I researched recipes, collected odds and ends for binge-crafting sessions with the kids and made lists for ALL things holi"daze".

This year? I'm lucky if I remember to wear matching earrings, and leaving the house with shoes on, and I can't tell you how many times I've caught myself wondering if I had remembered to use shampoo after already having gotten out of the shower.

My mommybrain is all grown up and waiting for someone to strain my carrots, dammit.

Now with Dad in and out of hospitals and rehab centers, since the end of August, I can't seem to think past remembering to eat lunch. Our parents play a large part of our celebrations and, now that our kids are getting older, (us too!) I keep reminding myself that every day we spend together is a gift.

"What's gonna happen on Thanksgiving?"

Thanksgiving has ALWAYS been my son's favorite holiday and now that he's turning 17 (ugh, really?!?) and has the appetite of a 17yo (a.k.a. never NOT hungry) he's taken over the menu-planning 🙂

"I haven't even thought about it, so don't know what we're doing, Bud!"

Truth be told, I'm still trying to figure out where September went.

"Well, if Papa is still in the hospital, we'll just have to bring Thanksgiving to him, that's all!"

[one beat, two beats]

"I mean, it doesn't matter where we have it, or if we cop a squat in the corner and eat off of trays, as long as we are together, right?!?"

I'm still trying to clear the massive goober that has formed in my throat, so I have yet to get back to him on that one, but I think maybe he already knows the answer and it was more of a rhetorical question, because these kids are way smarter than me.

"Wait, is that Christmas music you're playing?"

My oldest daughter, on the other hand…

"YUP! Don't judge!"

Gahdfuhbid, it's like she doesn't EVEN know me!!!!

November 10, 2015
Why I Won’t Be Calling Dibs On The Bath Tub, Anytime Soon!

One of the many things I miss (sort of) from when our kids were littler (i.e. being able to shop for 3 girls and 1 boy, at the same time AND at the same store) is bath time and the kids loved bath time, too! Except for our youngest, Hope — she hated taking showers, even more!

The girl hated, Hated, HAted, HATed, HATEd, I mean absolutely HATED taking showers!

She even faked taking a shower with a container of baby powder (aftermath pictured above), because her middle sister insisted that their father and I would NEVER…EVER…know the difference and, well, Hope has since learned to NOT listen to her sisters!

Except for yesterday, she was feeling…ummmm, you know…thirteen.

"You should take a nice soak in the bath tub, Hope!"

Long story short (you're welcome!): Things have been a bit stressful around here…okay, a lot…fiiiiiiiiiiine…try living with 5 other people (who happen to be mostly adults) and see how long it takes before someone HOLLERS dibs on the bathroom…with the bath tub!

"I'M TAKING A BATH!"

Two hours later and we're back to lowercase, again:

"Okay, I'm done now."

So, yeah, bath time has…once again…become our family's go to relaxation/survival technique.

"HEY! Wait a minute!"

Until it's MY turn to use the bathroom!

"Come get your dirty clothes from off of the floor!"

Teenagers are generally not very good multi-taskers.

"Aaaaaaand, you need to put ALL these candles back!"

Teenagers aren't very good at putting back stuff, either.

Every time I turned around…BOOM!!!…another candle.

"And I mean put them back where you got them from!"

Because I sure as heck-fart can't be expected to remember where they ALL go…and daaaaaang, but we got a lot of candles…AND DID YA REALLY HAVE TO USE ALL OF THESE CANDLES!!!

"Maybe YOU should take a bath next, Momma!"

[one beat, two beats]

"You know what? You're right? I'mma take a shower!"

Because I'm 5' 9"! Our bath tub isn't long enough for me to soak properly…without something sticking out of the water…but let's NOT open up THAT can of whoopass, m'kay?!?!

"GAAAAHHHHH, WHO USED UP ALL THE HOT WATER!!!!"

Don't you just WISH you could live here?!?!

[sound of water, dripping]

Stupid shower, dumbass water heater.

March 18, 2015
Teenagers, You Goth To Love Them!
One of the BIGGEST fallacies you'll ever hear about parenting teenagers…IMHO, as a parent of teens, four times over, maneuvering through waves of hormonal and emotional angst for the last 9 years…both theirs AND mine…is the popular belief that parents of teens are entirely responsible for their children’s behavior.

That is SO not true! I am mostly responsible for my teens behavior, but not entirely.

Like adults, teenagers have their own agenda and many times (okay, mostly) it involves doing exactly the OPPOSITE of what their parents would do in almost any given situation and, well, it's a part of growing up.

Hope: I'm going to go with Holly and pick Heather up from work!

Unless you happen to be 13 years-old AND your 3 siblings happen to be older than you…well then…I am most assuredly responsible for her behavior…entirely.

Me: Hang on, let me see your face!

Something you may or may not know about me: I don't have a very good poker face and will undoubtedly be the MOST popular person at the Texas Holdem table. Also, the poorest.

Hope: What's wrong with it?!?

However, after 21 years of parenting, you think I would know better, right?!?

Me: Nothing, just stay in the car and try not to scare anyone!

Nope!!! Judging by the way her shoulders dropped as she walked away from my desk, not my best parental moment.

I am, however, a Professional Dork and totally comfortable with calling out myself for being an asshole — except for this one time.

Holly: Was that REALLY necessary?!?

My oldest was more than happy to take on THAT job.

Me: I'm not happy about her wearing THAT much makeup.

Now this is where my middle girl would remind me about the time she went through her Goth stage and be all over me about how I was NOT helping my youngest with building her self-esteem…if my middle girl had been home when this all was going down, I mean…but Holly was kind enough to take on THAT job, as well.

Holly: Yes, but you're not helping her confidence any.

See what I mean?

Glen (shivering): EEESH!!!

My son was sitting right behind me, playing his video game and making it clear that he wanted NO part in this conversation, until the girls left the house.

Glen: She's sooooo pretty, why does she want to hide it behind ALL that make up?!?

And you know what? I started to brain-vomit ALL the stuff that SHOULD have been said to my 13 year-old:
- It's hard to be the youngest
- Feels sort of like getting lost on a crowded street
- Standing out from the crowd
- Finding her own identity
- Being comfortable in her own skin
- And if that means wearing black lipstick…so be it
Except I was saying
ALL of it to my 16yo son.

Me: And now she HATES me!

Aaaaaaaand, flashing my parental insecurities like a bead-hungry and slightly drunken reveler on Mardi Gras.

Glen: She doesn't hate you, she just doesn't like you very much, right now.

Did I mention my teens are WAY smarter than me?!? In fact, I think maybe I've learned more from my teens these last few years as their mom than…well…let's just say, they've been doing most of the adulting, lately.

Soooooo, I thought to myself…SELF!!!…what would teens do?!?…WWTD?!?…I texted her an apology.

Then I sat and stared at my phone. And sat. And stared some more.

Me (siiiiiiiiiigh): She's not answering me.

Aaaaaaand, then my cell phone rang.

Hope: I just saw your text, Momma….

I'm not at liberty to share the rest of our conversation, but suffice it to say that I am forgiven and continue to remain an example of exactly how NOT to act…to my children AND other parents…you're welcome.

She's a little bit Goth, I'm a bit of a Dork…okay, A LOT! #nofilter

In fact, she agreed to a selfie and insisted that I blog the moment…you know…as a reminder…in case I forget what an ASSHOLE I can be.

Glen: Aaaaaaand, another tender moment brought to you by HORMONES!

Teenagers, you gotta love them…I mean…because GOTH!!!…but I love them! Seriously.
March 6, 2015