This Full House Archive

Tag: nj mombloggers

  • WWMSD?

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    If you were to ask me to sum up this entire winter, using just one color, I would paint you a less than prettiful picture and describe the feeling as being similar to the consistency of pea soup.

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    Seems like we've had a sick kid in the house, every weekend, since Christmas break and maybe because, you know…we have…had a sick kid…in the house…since Christmas break.

    This week, it was my youngest's turn (she's 9) which, considering she is the youngest (i.e. been there, done that, easily entertained) a case of strep throat doesn't sound like such a big deal, really.

    Unless, she is the kid who NEVER gets sick.

    Aaaand, then, she'll spike fevers (always at night) and nearly drown in her own mucus (ditto) thick enough to plaster the walls, twice, to the extent where I am actually afraid of leaving her alone, or even bother with getting dressed.

    "I'm bored!"

    "Why don't you paint something?"

    "But, I can't find a paint brush."

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    Then, finally, a glimpse of normality and, well, although our lives are not always perfect (okay, more like never) and I won't be voted the bestest, most craftiest mom, anytime soon (if, ever) I can at least try and focus on the beauty of simple, little things, again, or today, anyways.

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    Like, being thankful that I did NOT throw away that old glass vase…afterall.

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    Or, this one.  Even if we still can't find a dagnab paint brush, to save my gosh-darned life…dagnabit!

    Gee, I wonder what Martha Stewart would do?

    © 2003 – 2011 This Full House

  • Parenting Tip #43,100,688:
    Don’t Have a Helmet, Get One!

    Helmut Head
    Besides, the fact that we are perhaps the only family, with four kids, and the youngest nearly in double-digits, who has never been to Disney World (meanies that we are) a lot of people seem to be surprised when they learn that my kids can't ride bikes, either.

    Without training wheels, I mean.

    I don't know why, really, I guess my kids just never really got into them and then scooters were a big thing, so, there's that.

    "I want to learn how to ride a bike!"

    My youngest, however, wants to learn how to do everything — especially, if she's the first kid in our family to, you know, do it.

    "Okay, maybe this summer."

    [hands on hips]

    "That's what you ALWAYS say!"

    Unfortunately, she wants everything, like, RIGHT NOW, nevermind that there's been snow on the ground for the last couple of, uh, what month is it, again?

    "What do you mean?"

    Because, you know, I'm quick like that.

    "Like, about the ladies stuff?"

    PSA:  About to head into female territory and references to lady parts will probably come up, once or twice.

    "Oh, that."

    Yes, I admit it, I've been putting off having "the talk," and with good reason, too!

    "I mean, I know what the pads are used for, already!"

    She is the youngest.  She also shares a bedroom (and bathroom) with her two oldest sisters.  The girl sees stuff, hears things, even when she's not supposed to and, well, at this point, I'm kind of worn out and really was hoping that maybe she'd sort of just, you know, figure it out.

    "It's so you could catch the pee you missed and sort of drips off, right?"

    [sound of crickets]

    Aaaaaand, so, Hope and I had a really nice chat, last night, and, I am happy to report that pee was not even mentioned.

    "Remember when I was little and you used to give me a bath?"

    [heavy sigh]

    "Aaaand, you pulled my pants off and I made you scream?"

    [eyes go wide]

    "Because, I wanted to be like Holly and Heather, so I put a pad on!"

    [bites lower lip]

    "Except, I put it on…sticky side up."

    Oh, yeah.  I forgot about that.

    "Aaaaand, you laughed so hard, you fell backwards and hit your head!"

    True story (it hurt!) and I'm sure it won't be the last time she tells it, either.

    "Why aren't you laughing, mommy?"

    Stupid puberty!

    © 2003 – 2011 This Full House

    FRESHLY-BREWED REVIEW: Breaking the Silence of Abuse, Depression and Suicide

  • Parenting Tip #93,018,833:
    Perfect Hindsight is 20-20
    Give or Take a Lifetime

    Hindsight PhotoCredit: HeatherrMarie

    I have been accused of being an emotional person upon occasion, or twenty (I know, act surprised anyway, okay?) which means that I absolutely suck at Texas Hold 'Em.

    [eyes go wide, hands begin to shake, sweat beads form on upper lip]

    I'm ALL in, before all the cards are dealt, even.

    "CALL!"

    Which, of course, also means that I cannot fake my way through a situation, even if my insurance rates depended on it.

    "Why no, officer [hands being to shake] I didn't realize [sweat beads forming on upper lip] that my taillight was [GAH!!!!] yes, yes, I'm sorry, my left headlight is out, too!"

    My husband, Garth (not his real name) on the other hand, well, he has this philosophic calm about him and the way he handles confrontation.

    Which, of course, also means that he says totally nonsensical, idiomatic stuff, like, "It is what it is," and, "Can't ask a leopard to change its spots," or, my favorite "Six to one, half a dozen to another," NOT!

    Unless, you make me cry.

    [eyes go wide, hands begin to shake, sweat beads form on upper lip]

    Then, my friend, he is not above reading the riot act, to anyone, not even the Queen herself, as quick as you can say Jack Robinson, in the 3rd person, even.

    "All persons, being assembled, shall immediately disperse and peaceably depart to their habitations or to their lawful business on the pain of being guilty of an offense for which, on conviction, they may be sentenced to death by idioms, for life."

    [blank stare]

    "All-uh-yuhs, just get off her back, will yuhs!?!"

    Morale of the Story:  May you have the hindsight to know where you've been, the foresight to know where you are going and the insight to know when you have gone too far.

    Short Version:  Don't make my husband have to go all Jersey on your sorry ass!

    God Save the King of Idioms, Garth (not his real name) thanks for having my back, yesterday!

    Love always,

    The Queen of Dorks (herself!)

    © 2003 – 2011 This Full House