This Full House Archive

Tag: New Jersey mommybloggers

Just Don’t Get Me Monologuing, Okay?

I sat down at my desk this morning and, well, you ever have one of those days when your mental to do list is about a mile long (closer to two, even) but, you don't EVEN bother taking the time to find a pen (that works, I mean) because, well, you can't even see the top of your desk, for one thing, until you shuffle some papers around, looking for something to write on (IF you had a pen) only to expose a couple of coffee stains and maybe even a chocolate wrapper (or, twenty) speaking of which, you could probably use another cup of coffee (or, chocolate) right about now, right?

Go ahead, I'll wait.

Better? Good. What was I saying? Oh yeah, so, the weekend was a blur of errands and, well, today, I'm fighting a monster case of procrastination.

Or, what I've come to call…Frankenmonday.

[shiver]

Aaaaand, it's winning.

I should be working.

In fact, if I had started earlier, when I was supposed to, I could have accepted that last minute lunch invitation.

{Sorry, Gina!!!}

Would have even had the time to take a shower for it.

Instead, I sit here, procrastinating, feeling overwhelmed, shuffling papers, pretending I had a pen, oh, hey, wait a minute, what's this?

Well, seems my middle girl thought I would find her interpretation of a Super Mom a bit funny and, at second glance, the broom, purse, heels and canister of wipes prominently fixed on her utility belt, she's right.

SNORT!

Actually, I feel sort of, you know, invigorated.

[cracks knuckles]

In fact, I've got a whole half of the day left and soon ALL will tremble before me.

[blows bangs out of eyes]

Now, if only the dog would quit snoring on the couch, so I could hear myself think…INCREDIBLE…where IS mah super broom?!?

© 2003 – 2011 This Full House

May 16, 2011
Nothing Beats a First Snot-Swapping!
My husband, Garth (not his real name) attended a business-related event, last night (yes, without me, go figure) so, the kids and I were on our own for dinner (codeword: pizza) and then settled in to watch one of my most favorite movies of all time.

All 3 of my girls were absolutely enthralled with the idea of 50 First Dates and sort of fell a little in love with Adam Sandler's character, as he attempted to make Drew Barrymore's character fall in love with him…every day.

My 12-year-old son, however, thought Rob Schneider's performance as pure genius, of course.

"Didn't you say you dated a guy like that, once, Mom?"

Long story, short (you're welcome) no, it's not the first time we've watched this movie together and yes, yes I did, although he had both his eyes, the dude was missing a couple of teeth and wore Elmer's glue, instead of hair gel, don't judge.

"What was your first kiss like?"

"Well, his gums were a little slippery and his hair kept poking me in the eye."

[eyes go wide]

"No, NOT HIM and EWWWW, I mean with Daddy?"

I knew what she meant. After approximately 8 years worth of no sleep, trust me when I tell you messing with teenagers is AWESOME!

"Actually, I don't remember."

Yes I do. But, seeing as my oldest girls are well within acceptable dating range (mine, not my husband's) they don't need to know, right?

"I do, I do!"

My 9 year-old, however, was born old and, well, being the youngest of 4 just makes having to explain the birds and the bees stuff a whole lot easier, you know?

"You sneezed snot all over him, right?"

Not quite.

Even longer story, shorter (seriously, you should be thanking me) here's a quick synopsis:
- We met on a blind date.
- Went to the movies.
- Movie turned sad.
- I cried.
- Movie turned sadder.
- I sobbed.
- Clearly, they called it Dead Poet's Society for a reason.
- I blew snot.
- Garth (NHRN) handed me his handkerchief.
- HONK!
- Tried to hand it back to him.
- Told me to keep it.
- I was hooked.
- The end.
2 months later, he proposed. Garth (NHRN) and I were married 13 months after our first date and, well, 4 kids later, suffice it to say we've both sort of grown comfortable with each other's snot.

"Do you still have the handkerchief?"

[frowns]

"Ummmmm…I don't think so."

[one beat, two beats]

"Good, because that would just be SOOOOOOO weird!"

Yes, yes it would and apparently, according to my kids, even for me, go figure.

© 2003 – 2011 This Full House
May 13, 2011
The Gift of Nothing

I woke, like most mornings, with extreme dry mouth, the ability to breath through my right nostril (ONLY!) a major case of bed head and the deep, roasty smell of a freshly-brewed pot of coffee.

Aaaand, against ALL laws of this mother's nature (i.e. no one, who knows me, can call me a morning person, EVER!) I allowed myself to be escorted to the breakfast table, eyes shut tight (stupid allergies) and well, I couldn't help but giggle when my youngest daughter announced:

"I was going to pick you some flowers, but the bees are a little cranky, this morning."

Regardless of how hard jewelry stores try to convince us, it's the little things that keep me going, as frazzled, frantic and frequently frustrated by poorly manufactured zippers, as I am.

Not to mention, less than supportive bras.

Don't EVEN get me started on stray facial hair.

Oh, and what rocket scientist thought it would be a good idea to put adhesive wings on sanitary napkins?

Seriously.

Mother Nature can be a real witch, sometimes…um…where was I…oh, yeah…these days, doesn't take much to make my heart go all, you know, squishy.

Like, finding my plate surrounded by freshly-picked blossoms from one of our neighbor's azalea bushes…kidding, it's on our side of the property line…I think.

Or, one of the treasures from our latest beach-combing excursions carefully crafted into a pretty reminder, for my desk.

Well, unlike me (DAMMIT!) this sort of stuff just never gets old, you know?

[bites lower lip]

My 12 year-old son, however, would beg to differ.

"What's with the face, Bub?"

Never one to let sleeping dogs lie…which reminds me…GET OFF THE COUCH YOU BIG DOOFUS-DAWG!…sorry about that…so, where was I…oh, yeah…nothing.

"Nothing!"

Warning…morale parenting dilemma ahead.

"Glen helped pick the flowers…yeah, and he helped me decorate the shell…yep, and he helped me cut the fruit…"

[frowning]

"No, I didn't!"

Phew! Dilemma avoided. Although, I'm not happy my daughters felt the need to lie…for my son. Still. Even my husband, Garth (NHRN) thought it was sort of nice that, you know, the girls were indeed covering for their brother.

"I did nothing."

The gift of guilt, however, lasts a lifetime, no?

"Yes, but nothing is EXACTLY what I asked for, isn't it?"

[one beat, two beats]

"Heh, you're welcome!"

Forgive me for feeling all meh about Mother's Day.

Especially, all of you new moms, out there, with your adorable little mini-selves and even though I really do miss that fresh new baby smell, sometimes.

Quite frankly, I want nothing.

Except, for a little peace.

Also, quiet.

Or, for the person who found my tweezers and forgot to put 'em back to, you know, put 'em back.

Oh, and maybe even a second cup of coffee.

Now, THAT…cough-cough-Heather…would be REAL nice.

Little things like that, right there.

But, mostly, nothing, thankyouverymuch.

"Well, then, you're gonna LOVE what I got you for your birthday!"

Yay, as long as it doesn't have a zipper, I can't wait…NOT.

© 2003 – 2011 This Full House

Freshly-Brewed Review: Honor a Mom & Give the Gift of Hope
Freshly-Brewed Elsewhere: 5 Simple House Rules for Scheduled Playdates

May 9, 2011
My Brother, The Soldier

The kids and I attended my twin brother's pinning ceremony and had the great honor of celebrating his recent promotion to Master Sargent, with the troops, on Friday afternoon.

Although, we were ALL very, very proud of him (Go Army!) my son, who wants to grow up to be just like Uncle Bud, was beyond thrilled to have been invited (thank you, Pam!) and, upon our arrival, was more than a little unnerved to find a room filled with soldiers, standing at attention, waiting for us to take our seats, in the front row.

Me, too!

"Ummmm…don't be nervous…remember they are just like your Uncle Bud!"

You see, although we ALL know how hard my brother has worked, not to mention, all the sacrifices he (and his wife Pam) has made, through the years, to get to this point in his military career (losing a kidney to cancer, along the way) to hear the same acknowledgements and accolades, from his superiors, well, yes, this was a very big deal, indeed.

Then, it was Steve's turn to speak and, even though I couldn't help but giggle at the way he kept rocking the podium, back and forth (just a little) I smiled, in affirmation, as the rest of the room was soon made privy to the light-hearted, funny little boy I grew up with.

"Phew, is it hot in here, or is it just me?!?"

Then, I was taken aback by his eloquence.

The way he acknowledged my parents as inspirations for ALL of their hard work, raising their children to be proud of their adopted country and for their strong sense of family; recognizing his wife as an equal for her sense of commitment and sacrifice; excelling even his own expectations and promising to work, just as hard, to gain the respect of his men.

As a parent, I understand how difficult it is to NOT worry about your child (no matter how grown they are) I believe this is the very first time we ALL saw Steve for the man he really is.

Aaaand, truth be told, I am so, SO HAPPY that my kids got the chance to celebrate my brother, the soldier, as well, you know?

© 2003 – 2011 This Full House

May 2, 2011
Wordless Wednesday:
It’s Muh-thuh-nay-chuh!

Okay, so maybe April showers bring May flowers…

…but, here in Jersey, it's raining like a muh-thuh, no big deal, yo, we're sorta used to experiencing all four seasons, in just one week.

Happy Spummerfallter!

© 2003 – 2011 This Full House

Want to play along? Check out Wordless Wednesday HQ and 5 Minutes for Mom then feel free to link up and join in on the fun!

April 6, 2011
And You Thought Soccer Moms Where Bad
My husband, Garth (not his real name) and I were thrilled to learn that our son joined the middle school wrestling team for a couple of reasons:
- He's got 3 sisters
- It gets him out of the house and away from me and his 3 sisters (okay, mostly me!)
- He's been a big WWE fan since the 4th grade (I think!)
- No tryouts (i.e. everyone makes the team!)
- Refer to first two bullets, above
Watching some other kid try and kick the living Axe out of my son, not so much.

"Isn't that your son?"

[cringe]

"I'm not sure."

Because, I was too busy covering my eyes and, well, cheese and rice, but I thought soccer was bad.

Until, the other team gets a point.

"Yep, that's him."

The boy tries really hard and I tend to wonder if maybe I should be a little more aggressive in cheering him on, like soccer?

"OUCH, you see how that kid's head bounced off the mat!"

Wrestling, however, is much different.

"Throw him down!"

I'm not saying that wrestling parents are any better, or worse, than other sports families.

"Throw him down…HARD!"

It's just not the same, you know?

"OUCH, that must of hurt!"

So, I unlaced my fingers, pulled my hands away from my face, waited the few seconds for my eyes to adjust and realized…yep…it was indeed my son's head they were all waiting for to, you know, explode.

"Get outta there!"

I had my youngest on my lap and felt her startle a bit at, you know, my finally finding my voice (me, too!)

"Like a wiggle worm, bud!"

[eyes go wide]

And, my friend, sitting next to me, punched me in my arm…HARD…and, you know, it hurt.

"Are you trying to get your son beat up?"

Aaaaand, only when my oldest, sitting on the other side of me, started laughing, did I finally realize that, you know, maybe soccer isn't so bad, after all.

"….like a bad-assed, rabid, wiggle worm, bud!"

Or, maybe, next time, I should just stay home and send my husband, instead?

So, I did.

"So, how'd it go?"

Aaaaand, only when my son's frown, turned upside down (whoops, sorry!) I mean, gave the biggest mofo grin, did I realize that, you know, I was totally being faked out.

"I WON!"

[eyes go wide]

Really? After all these months of my, giving "That's okay," and "Maybe next time," late night, pep talks, driving home from yet another defeat?!?

"DAMNIT!"

[cringe]

"I mean, I'm sorry I wasn't there to see it!"

This is the last week of wrestling season and I can't say that I'm not a little thrilled to, you know, see it end.

[cell phone rings]

Yesterday was their last "home" meet and my friend called to tell me that it ended early (DAMMIT!) and if I wanted her to bring my son home.

"Did we win?"

[pause]

"Uh, no."

[one beat, two beats]

"Yes, please!"

What? It's not like I forgot to pick my son up, on purpose, or anything, right…oh, and I guess soccer and wrestling are more alike…than I thought…huh?

[sound of crickets, chirping]

Stupid sports!

© 2003 – 2011 This Full House
February 16, 2011