This Full House Archive

Tag: new jersey mom blogs

I’m not over the hill — I’m just
stuck in a sand dune, or something!

This weekend, we were invited to stay with dear friends in Cape May where the kids and I got to hike through, up and over perhaps some of the biggest sand dunes, here, in Jersey!

The view from the top was breath-taking and totally worth the burning thighs and near-to-exploding ovaries (stupid midlife!) and, yet, the day was filled with bittersweet moments of regret, too.

I was sorry that my husband had to work (someone has too, right?) and missed our ode to Ralph Macchio.

Good thing my 15yo takes awesome photographs (not to mention, gives good glare) and, well, maybe I should just let her keep the frigalicious camera [one beat, two beats] naaaaah, I mean, really, learning how to share stuff is what we do best, here at Casa de Sticky Floors and Crunchy Feet.

This capture of my youngest daughter, however, made me realize just how GROWN these kids insist on, you know, growing.

Me, too. UGH! Then again, we hiked 4 miles on this day. Besides, after 17 years of raising kids and killer dust bunnies, well, life has a way of catching up on a person, everywhere.

Sort of like this cool light bulb I found; a little grazed on top and all rusty on the bottom (you're welcome!)

Yes, alright, I admit it, I'm old(ish) slightly overdone and perhaps a wee bit passed my freshness date, than your average blogging mom…I mean.

[borrows glare from 15yo]

I am, however, also very happy (AM SO!) especially, since the kids and I seem to be able to enjoy each others company.

Dare I say, even a little more, now, than when they were babies, maybe, because I'm not so worried about counting heads, or chasing after them, at the beach?

Aaaaand, okay, maybe my baby days ARE over (light bulb, rusted) but, my job, here, is far from done, my friend, and well, I'm just glad I remembered to pack my comfy sneakers.
And, maybe a snack…also, a cell phone…so, I can google the nearest bathroom…stupid beach, dumbass bladder!

© 2003 – 2011 This Full House

March 7, 2011
WWMSD?

If you were to ask me to sum up this entire winter, using just one color, I would paint you a less than prettiful picture and describe the feeling as being similar to the consistency of pea soup.

Seems like we've had a sick kid in the house, every weekend, since Christmas break and maybe because, you know…we have…had a sick kid…in the house…since Christmas break.

This week, it was my youngest's turn (she's 9) which, considering she is the youngest (i.e. been there, done that, easily entertained) a case of strep throat doesn't sound like such a big deal, really.

Unless, she is the kid who NEVER gets sick.

Aaaand, then, she'll spike fevers (always at night) and nearly drown in her own mucus (ditto) thick enough to plaster the walls, twice, to the extent where I am actually afraid of leaving her alone, or even bother with getting dressed.

"I'm bored!"

"Why don't you paint something?"

"But, I can't find a paint brush."

Then, finally, a glimpse of normality and, well, although our lives are not always perfect (okay, more like never) and I won't be voted the bestest, most craftiest mom, anytime soon (if, ever) I can at least try and focus on the beauty of simple, little things, again, or today, anyways.

Like, being thankful that I did NOT throw away that old glass vase…afterall.

Or, this one. Even if we still can't find a dagnab paint brush, to save my gosh-darned life…dagnabit!

Gee, I wonder what Martha Stewart would do?

© 2003 – 2011 This Full House

March 3, 2011
HALP! I’ve Fallen & Can’t Stop Leaving Stupid Voicemails!
I have trouble leaving voicemails….psssst, this is the part where you know, that I know, that you know, I'm a total dork, but act surprised, anyway….because, I'm always either losing my place, or start rambling in run-on sentences (shuddup!) insuring that the recipient will most likely never call me back and perhaps even unfriend me on Facebook, or worse, totally ignore me on Twitter.

[sound of crickets]

Social media can make some folks seem, I dunno, downright anti-social, sometimes, right?

Aaaaaaanyway, there I was, day 5 of hanging out on the couch with my 9 year-old, holding her hair back while she hocked up goobers of mass destruction (you're welcome!) when I heard my cell phone ringing, causing yet ANOTHER parenting dilemma.

Dooooooooooooooooooo I:

A) Answer my cell phone, because, you know, it could be HGTV calling about my new dream home, or the Queen (woman never fails to call at the WORST possible times) most likely, it's my dear friend Melisa (with one S) for whom I would most definitely drop a call from the Queen (herself!) oh, she makes me laugh so (I mean, Melisa, not the Queen, but you knew that already, right?)

B) Let it go to voicemail?
NOBRAINER! Besides, most every parent knows that hocking goobers of mass destruction is way different than fielding puke of projectile proportions…yes?

Who knew that sitting on the couch, for 5 days, with a feverish kid, would atrophy one's muscles to the point of total skeletal fail?

"Going down!"

Also, consuming unusual amounts of caffeine will cause some folks to flail their working limbs and holler stuff you'd hear in an elevator….or Charlie Sheen's hotel room….whatever….bet you didn't know that either, huh?

Turns out, it was Melisa (dangit!) so, I called her back and tried my best to leave a voicemail. Really, I did.

"[snort] Sorry [snort] but, you had to see me just now [snort] GOING DOWN! [uncontrollable laughter] then, she puked on the couch [snort] made her laugh so hard [choking back tears] gotta go [snort] it's Liz, by the way [deep breath] BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

As if she couldn't figure out it was me….or, Charlie Sheen's long lost twin sister….twice removed….whatever….Melisa did eventually call me back (silly woman) but, she hadn't listened to my voicemail, yet.

Soooooo, I repeated it, twice, and then she kindly suggested that perhaps it would be a good idea for me to, you know, lay off the coffee, for the remainder of the week.

Maybe so, maybe so, still, there's nothing like sharing a little laughter, between friends, aaaaand, yes, oh how we laughed and laughed.

[damned crickets are EVERYWHERE]

Sorta reminded me of this:

(Link) View more Voicemails Sound Clips and Attacking Old Ladies Sound Clips

[grin]

My work here is done. Go in pieces.

© 2003 – 2011 This Full House
March 1, 2011
Cloudy With a Chance of Snowballs

I love snow [ducks to avoid flying snowballs] working up enough courage to actually get behind the wheel of a car and driving in it, not so much!

I got into my first and only car wreck [knocking on wood until knuckles bleed] while driving home from work…in a snow storm.

It was bad; my body hurts just thinking about it.

I was only 20 and, well, let's just say I've spent the last 20-something years, doing my best to avoid, having to drive…in the snow.

Until, I had children.

My kids don't like to walk, anywhere (I think it's a law, or something) partly, because we live in an area where the ratio between accessible sidewalks to the actual number of cars on the road is equal to the proportion of the accumulated snowfall.

In other words, no one shovels their gosh-darned sidewalks, anymore, DAGNABIT!

"Can I stay home, today?"

[frown]

"Yes…WAIT…I mean, NO!"

I fear for my middle girl. She attends a specialized high school 25 miles away from home and, well, her bus travels some of the craziest roads known to the Jersey Shore as…THE PARKWAY!!!

[shiver]

"Sorry, kiddo, but you have finals, today!"

Aaaaand, she was out sick, yesterday, already, DAGNABIT!!!

"Can you pick me up from school, today?"

[bites lower lip]

"Um, NO!"

What? This particular kid also takes a bus and, well, who am I to deny someone a chance to do their job, right?

"Can you pick me up from school, today?"

[heavy sigh]

"Uh, NO!"

What? Aaaand, this kid can literally spit from our house to the school, we live THAT close.

"Now, remember, if the snow gets really, really bad, mommy's gonna park the car down the street and we're gonna walk home, okay?"

[eyes go wide]

"ALL THE WAY FROM SCHOOL?!?"

YES! Because, there's a wooded path leading from this kid's school, to the adjacent neighborhood and, well, I fear THAT parking lot, the most!

"It'll be an adventure!"

Besides, we're supposed to get like, 10 inches and I've abandoned cars, for less.

"…so, our area can expect a light dusting to no accumulation…until, tonight."

PHEW!

[looks out the window]

BALLS!

Guess what? The weather dudes were wrong (GASP!) I spun out in the CVS parking lot getting milk on the way home from school this morning and, well, it looks like my kids are walking!

[pulls up hoodie and blows bangs out of eyes]

If anyone needs me, I'll be outside, cleaning off my car (for the eleventy-hundrendth time) and pretending like I'm a REAL good stay-at-home mother.

Stupid Snowmaggedon!!!

© 2003 – 2011 This Full House

January 26, 2011