This Full House Archive

Tag: new jersey mom blogger

  • If I have to eat my words, let it be “dessert”!

    Good morning NOTI'm guessing it isn't a morning bird.

    We're on the downside of a Nor'easter that came knocking on our house in the middle of the night (because, of course!) and, with a full plate of stuff that needs to get done before the kids get home from school (it's a half-day, enough said!) I am super-thankful to be awake, with electricity and everything.

    It's still raining cats and dogs and a couple of squirrels (seriously, I think it's their mating season, or something) so my husband, Garth (not his real name) is all, like, "You're driving Hope to the bus stop, right?!?" early this morning.

    Yeah…he's a REAL good dad like that… AND he already took 2 other kids to school, even earlier.

    Fiiiiiiiiine, so I holler down the hallway, "You better hurry up, because I am SO NOT driving you to school!"

    I, on the other hand, do not react well with mornings…no matter what the weather…yo.

    "ARE YOU FLIPPING KIDDING ME?!?"

    I've been driving kids to and from school for the last 14 years and experienced many "ARE YOU FLIPPING KIDDING ME?!?" moments, but NEVER something like this.

    "I am SO NOT fighting for a parking space…at the school bus stop!!!"

    So, once again, I'm eating my words and driving a kid to school: on the bright side, the middle school parking lot was empty, making the ride totally stress-free.

    "But, the doors don't open for another 11 minutes."

    [eyes go wide]

    "Aaaaaaand, good thing my coat has a hood, right?!?"

    Yeah…we grow real smart kids like that…AND aren't you glad I didn't Facebook this, earlier this morning?!?

    [sound of circkets, chirping]

    Stupid rain, dumbass #NaBloPoMo.

    ©2003 -2013 This Full House with a fan page on Facebook and everything!

    I'm NaBloPoMo-ing it, feel free to check out what I've NaBloPoMo-ed, so far (PHEW!) and let me know how I'm doing (I mean, 30 posts, in 30 days, really?!?) when you have time, of course!

  • Simple Ways to Show Your Husband You Love Him: Then, There’s MY List!

    My husband's niece is getting married in two weeks and the kids are ALL invited to, what they've begun to very dramatically refer to as, "the wedding".

    They also get to witness their father (you know, my husband) officiate over "the wedding".

    Garth (not his real name) recently became an ordained minister (because his niece and her future husband asked him to) and for $25, or something like that, so can you!!!

    [ducks to avoid lightning bolt]

    Aaaaanyway, the kids CANNOT wait to be able to say, "That's our dad, Reverend Garth (not his real name) up there!" even if it is for just one day.

    In other words, "the wedding":  is a very BIG deal.

    I thought it would be nice to have each of us write a letter to Amy and Jim, expressing our gratitude for allowing ALL of us to celebrate their wedding…I mean, "the wedding"…together. 

    So, I searched the interwebs for some ideas and…holy hints from Heloise…I couldn't help but feel like an old fart (or a seasoned flatulent, for those with verbal sensitivities) especially, when reading newlywed advice like, "How to Show Your Husband You Love Him".

    After 20+ years of marriage (which is almost as long as when we were single, YO!) I'm all like, we still married?!?  GOOD!!!

    Still, I wish some seasoned flatulent would come up with practical marriage advice.

    [one beat, two beats]

    So, you want to see MY list?  Based on actual advice, for newlyweds, I found published on the interwebs:


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  • Call Me Craaaaaaaazy, Talk With Yous Laaaaaaaay-tuh, Maybe

                                                                                            Source: etsy.com via Liz on Pinterest

     

    My parents had a telephone similar to this one — we were living in a 4 room apartment upstairs in my grandmother's house at the time — it hung on our kitchen wall and had a ridiculously long extension cord that would require untangling, by dangling the hand set and allowing it to spin, at least a couple times a day.

    Which is really funny, because going into another room for a little privacy doesn't really matter much if you come from a family of LOUD TALKERS.

    Somewhat related:  I was working at the kitchen table yesterday (because it's summer break and we only have one computer, enough said) when my cell phone rang.

    Me:  Oh, it's Jenn!

    Because, I have a terrible habit of thinking OUT LOUD as well.

    13yo Son:  So, I guess you'll be talking REAL LOUD then?!?

    True story.  Just ask Jenn.  She's from Texas.  I'm from Jersey.  We sometimes have trouble understanding each other and, well, every little bit helps.

    [sound of crickets, chirping]

    Okay so what was I saying, oh yeah:   cell phones allow us the freedom of continuing our conversations while running errands, dropping/picking up kids at school, waiting on ridiculously long check-out lines, even while taking much needed bathroom breaks (stupid ridiculously long check-out lines, dumbass bladder) and, well, I'd like to dangle some of THOSE people at least a couple times a day, too.

    At the risk of shaking my cane and causing a massive load shift in body mass (you're welcome!) as my friend Jenn would say:  if you choose to have a full-blown conversation out in public, or maybe even in the bathroom stall next to me, I'mma gonna contribute, bless your heart.

    "So, she said….blah, blah, blah….and I said….yada, yada, yada….and she called me a so-and-so….you believe that or what?"

    [clears throat]

    "That's just craaaaaaaaazy!"

    [dead silence]

    "Here's my number….la, la, la….so, call me maybe."

    [one beat, two beats]

    "There's this crazy b*tch, ovuh-heh, I'll have-tuh call yuhs back!"

    A little passive aggressive?  Maybe.  However, I live in Jersey and well they cut people here for less.

    MOST ESPECIALLY in bathroom stalls…YO!

    © 2003 – 2012 This Full House

     

  • Last Week, Before the Last Week, Of the Last Week of School

    Birthday Cake

    Another typical Memorial Day weekend at our house, with more birthday cake!

    We opened our pool yesterday and by we I mean Garth (not his real name) did almost ALL the heavy lifting, bending, or basically anything requiring any sort of physical effort, the ability to use BOTH hands (at the same time) or a superior range of motion, while I ran (by ran I mean limp, with style) and got him stuff he asked for, from the shed, or the garage (either of which, turns out, would prove to be a scavenger hunt) in an effort to make me feel…you know…useful.

    It's the last week, before the last week, of the last week of school and, well, my kids have already checked out…mentally…as of last week…me, too.

    This year, however, is a little different.

    My oldest is…[cough]…excuse me, but my first born baby girl…[clears throat]…I cannot wrap my head around the fact that…[swallows HUGE lump in throat]…UGH! 

    You see?  I can't even admit I have a daughter old enough to graduate high school…[clears throat]…without manufacturing mucous the size of a grapefruit (you're welcome!) so, it stands to reason, I should not be allowed to speak, let alone trusted with doing something…you know…useful.

    Like, actually start planning stuff for Holly's high school graduation party and Hope's 11th birthday which happen to fall on the same day (GAH!) instead, I beat my head against the wall and try to figure out how I am going to pull it ALL off?

    "Don't make yourself crazy, Mom!"

    I know, too late, still, my youngest is also graduating 5th grade this year…[cue mucous]…and, well, after 13 years of complaining about the parking and stuff, now what am I gonna do?!?

    "Just make it ONE BIG HAPPY EVERYTHING PARTY!"

    [blink-blink-blink]

    BRILLIANT!!! I mean, it's not like we haven't done it before (see:  The Seven Years of Mommyblogging and Happy Everything) and gosh but I love my kids!!!

    "Why are you wearing your brother's boxers?"

    So, I'm going over my "Ignore this stuff any longer and you will live to regret it, if you haven't already, trust me on this one!" list when my youngest stumbled into the kitchen this morning and, well, I really should know better to ask, but am not in my right mind…remember?

    "Beeeeeecause, they don't fit him anymore?!?"

    Guess what just made the top of the list?  Go ahead, I'll wait!

    © 2003 – 2012 This Full House

  • The sea cucumber turns to the mollusk and says, “With fronds like these, who needs anemones?”

    I have this terrible habit.  Okay, so it's not as awful as picking your nose in public (dude, I totally saw you flick that sucker out your car window…oh…and EWWWWW!)

    Although, getting caught with a bat in the cave the size of a velociraptor, well, I would imagine they would be almost impossible to flick, without being noticed.

    [scratches nose]

    Aaaaanyway.  Oh, yeah, so I have this thing — a defense mechanism, really — of cracking jokes during uncomfortable situations.

    Like, today, I took my middle girl for her re-check with the pediatric surgeon and long story short (you're welcome) she's still in a lot more pain than what is considered normal-ish.

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  • Wordless Wednesday: No wonder they don’t chase him off the couch!

    Hope & Doofus Chillaxing
    P.S.: He saw me coming and shoved his head under the pillow in a "you don't see me sort of way," too.

    Freshly-Brewed Elsewhere:
    Smoothing Our Way into Chillaxing Summertime Snacks
    Including Craft Fairs and Art Shows Into Your Summertime Routine

    © 2003 – 2011 This Full House

  • Boom, Boom, BOOM!

    A transformer behind our house blew up (like, in BOOM!) and we lost ALL power, this morning.

    No big deal, really, happens ALL the time!

    Although, I'm not quite sure why, other than listening to my husband insisting it's because our kids leave the lights on…ALL of them…ALL the time…and, well, it just makes mornings a REAL pain in the backside.

    More than usual, I mean.

    Considering that, this time, it happens to be on a Monday morning, well, you know.

    2 hours later.

    "Wanna go for a ride?"

    My oldest is home from school for a mom-imposed mental health day (final exams and road test for driver's license, next week…enough said) and, considering that I hadn't showered and would probably spend way too much money on coffee, working at Starbucks, anyway.

    "SURE!"

    Plus, it seems my impatience was painfully obvious (tap, tap, tap, tap, tap…looks at clock…tap, tap, tap) not to mention, wearing a hole in our living room carpet.

    "You can teach me how to cash a check."

    Although, it's been a while (fyi: patience is a valuable job skill when freelancing, DAGNABIT!) I was more than happy to help my oldest learn the value of banking…on the positive side….for once.

    "Sign here…account number goes here…oh, and they may ask you for some identification, so make sure you have your student i.d. with you…what?"

    [blank stare]

    "Aren't you coming in with me?"

    No.  Not because I didn't shower, or wash my hair, either.

    "Nope, you don't need me."

    She pulled down the visor, checked her makeup, joojed her hair, threw her purse strap over her left shoulder, then turned to me and said:

    "Right, here I go."

    BOOM!

    Aaaand, that, my friends, was the sound of my heart…breaking.

    "Ten..twenty…thirty…YEY, Mom, you want a donut?  My treat!!!"

    Call it divine intervention, or whatever, my kid (a.k.a. Countess D'Money) swears it's because someone, up there, somewhere, is just tired of watching me be soooooo stressed out, ALL the time, or something.

    [shrugs]

    I'm just very, very thankful to have celebrated a piece of my daughter's first step towards independence, followed by an impromptu and totally unscheduled hike through the park, together.

    Photo1900.jpg

    Oh, I then told Holly that I would let her drive, from now on, too…starting next week, of course…BOOM!

    © 2003 – 2011 This Full House

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