This Full House Archive

Tag: mombloggers

  • The Day I Quit Being the Good Wife

    One of the ladies at the gym watches The Good Wife and keeps insisting that I would probably love it, too.

    "I dunno."

    You see, besides feeling as if I couldn't possibly relate to anything using the words "good" and "wife" in the same sentence ("big" and "dork," probably) I also have commitment issues with television. 

    "What time is it on?"

    By the time I get home from work, eat and get the kids settled for the night (i.e. get them to at least admit that, you know, it IS bedtime) it's too late.

    "Did you watch, last night?"

    [slaps forehead]

    "D'oh, I forgot it was on."

    Actually, I was probably too busy inspecting the inside of my eyelids and/or fighting Doofus-Dawg for the couch.

    "I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but…"

    This week, however, I learned that work won't be as much of an issue, anymore.  In fact,  my schedule is about to lighten up, considerably, from 6 months ago.

    "…the owner has decided to close up shop, at the end of the month."

    Everyone in my family has made sacrifices (trust me, they will ALL tell you, I'm sure) and, well, it will be nice NOT to have to worry about feeling guilty, sort of.

    "I'm really, really, sorry."

    Long story, short (you're welcome) yeah, sure, the money helped (stupid braces, dumb car insurance, silly college fund) but, my working and being away from my house, 4 days, every week, was putting a real strain on my house.

    "If only I had known, ahead of time."

    So, in a way, losing this job is really [gulp] a good thing.

    "I certainly wouldn't have offered you the hours!"

    Having to call the ladies I recently hired (like, just 2 or 3 weeks ago) and tell them that, you know, they are now, un-hired…not so much.

    "I'm really, really, sorry."

    In fact, way too much.

    "It's not your fault."

    I am (or, was) the manager (and I use the term very, very loosely) I sorta knew his business wasn't doing very well.  Still, I had such GREAT plans and worked really, really hard to keep his customers and employees happy.

    "I feel like SUCH an a**hole…"

    Man, un-hiring people really, really, does suck.  By Tuesday night, I was SO done.  I poured myself a glass of wine (i.e. turned the tap on the box) kicked the dog off the couch (sorry, Doofie) and just stared at the television.

    "I like you…I didn't start off liking you."

    Aaaand, then the part of the The Good Wife came on (see above clip) which made me think of an earlier conversation I had, with a longtime employee, who took pleasure in pointing out the stuff…I did wrong.

    "One of the machines is in the wrong place."

    Didn't matter if I re-arranged the ENTIRE gym (which, you're supposed to, once a month) without anyone's help and that she could have corrected it (her own self) right? 

    "You're not the a**hole, here, in fact, we ALL know you worked your a** off, Liz."

    Look, I'm not comparing myself to The Good Wife — that character is a lawyer and I am, well, you know — however, working lots of hours, being away from her kids and having to work EXTRA hard, feeling as if she has to prove herself, to EVERYONE, because she's a mom.

    [bites lower lip]

    Yeah, I felt her pain – still do – sort of.

    "Shouldn't HE be making these calls?"

    My poor husband, Garth [not his real name] what a good guy he is, really.

    "Why are YOU apologizing?"

    I mean, I already quit trying to be the best wife, or the perfect mother, years ago and he's seems to be okay with it.

    "Because, I am a good manager…DAMMIT!"

    Or, at least, I was — now, at least I can keep on pretending to be a good blogger/writer/whatever, right?

    [sound of crickets chirping]

    Sorry, I just can't seem to quit YOU…Internets…so, I guess you better start getting used to, you know, being stuck with me.

    You're welcome!

    Liz@thisfullhouse signature

    © 2010 This Full House - All Rights Reserved.

  • Wordless Wednesday
    Ocean’s Eleven

    Day 132 - Blue Boy

    Photograph courtesy of my 11 year-old son, who FINALLY aced his last math test and has a penchant for blue.

    What?  It was either a $9.00 bottle of color, or a new cell phone — yes, I am also ONE OF THOSE parents!

    Check out the Official Wordless Wednesday HQ
    Tag, you're it:   

    Liz@thisfullhouse signature

    © 2010 This Full House - All Rights Reserved.

  • Everybody Was Fast Food Fighting…HAH!

    I came home from dropping the kids off at school, this morning (a.k.a. the land of the carpool lanes from h.e.double.hockey.sticks) and found this propped up against one of the kitchen chairs.

    TFH Chore List

    My poor husband, Garth [not his real name] obviously, he's sick (and tired) of coming home and, well, let's just say, the kids have developed a bad case of daddy deafness and, sadly, showing signs of dain bramage, too.

    "Pick up your clothes…what clothes…the clothes that are lying in front of your bed…what bed…"

    [cue head explosion]

    It's amazing, really, how quickly, a person's head can explode, I mean.

    The ironic thing about all this is NOW I am the one…sitting in the driveway…just waiting, for whenever I think it's safe to come into the house, or until daddy's head explodes.

    "Hi…um…what's for dinner?"

    [three, two, one]

    "HOT DOGS, OKAY?!?!?!?"

    Absolutely. 

    "Mmmmmm, sounds good!"

    Relax.  They were 100% beef.  Still.  I thought it would be fun to write a little song about fast food (i.e. better than doing the laundry) because, you know SOMEONE is bound fight me on this one:

    (more…)

  • Parenting Tip #2,100,382:
    Always Learn the Rules, So You Can Break Them Properly

    Lama Lama

    I'm a BIG believer in Karma — what comes around goes around, you get what you give and all that — it's simple, easy to remember and exactly the sort of logic required, to help ward off a sixth sense for getting myself into trouble,.

    In other words, I am very capable of making an asshat out of myself, without anyone's help…thankyouverymuch, Mr. Dalai Lama!

    For example:  Wednesday – I wrote a post, on my shopping blog, about raising free spirits and teaching my girls to embrace their own sense of style.

    KARMA…KARMA…KARMA…BAM!

    Then, yesterday morning, I got home, saw the red light blinking on the answering machine and thought about, you know, ignoring it.

    I mean, it could have been HGTV.

    "Congratulations, you've been chosen as the winner of Green Home 2010!"

    Probably not.

    "Uh, hi, Mom, it's me, Glen…"

    [wince]

    "…um…well…uh…I'm in the principal's office…"

    Seriously?

    "…I got in trouble for wearing my wrestling t-shirt."

    Yesterday, my son was sent to the principal's office for "inappropriate" attire and, well, I kinda, sorta KNEW that he was breaking the dress code and, you know, sent him to school, anyway.

    "Are they gonna let you wear
    that shirt?"

    I wish I could say it was a rebellious need to question the school's authority in deciding what my kids should eat, drink and/or wear — although, I sometimes do think folks are getting a little, you know, militant about that sort of stuff — rather than, admit it was a simple attack of mommy brain.

    "Yeah, I wore it to school lots of times."

    Honestly, I guess I was just feeling really tired of arguing (ALL THE TIME) and, well, we were already late for our carpool.

    "Fine."

    Besides, it's about time my kids started accepting responsibility for their actions and, well, maybe even I can learn how to quit blaming myself, for every little thing they do wrong, right?

    [beep]

    Odd.  He hung up.  Oh, well…look, there's another message…maaaaaaaybe…

    "Um…I forgot…you need to come to school and bring me a new shirt!"

    D'oh…shuddup Dalai Lama…stupid HGTV!,

    Liz@thisfullhouse signature

    © 2010 This Full House - All Rights Reserved.

  • Wordless Wednesday
    Just Imagine

    Day 111 - Imagine

    Momma, momma, what do you see?  A free spirit calling out to the inner-child…in me.

    Check out the Official Wordless Wednesday HQ
    Tag, you're it:   

    Liz@thisfullhouse signature

    © 2010 This Full House - All Rights Reserved.

  • Trash to Treasure

    Day 109 - Hanging Out

    Today is my best friend's birthday.  Actually, she's not really my best friend.  Not anymore, anyway.  In fact, I can't even remember the last time we spoke.

    Wait, yes I can.

    [glances at calendar]

    It will be 28 years, this coming June.

    You see, Shirley and I fought our way out of grew up in the same neighborhood and, if I think real hard, I could probably even remember the street she lived on.

    [frowns]

    Okay, I give up.  I can, however, tell you that her family lived a few blocks closer to the Arthur Kill, which afforded their house a better view of the Staten Island dump.

    Then again, even the "uptown" folks had no choice but to acknowledge our neighbors from  across the river….especially, in the summertime.

    After a while, you sort of grew used to the smells, I guess and, well, quite frankly, we were too busy having fun, just being kids, to even notice, anything other than which street lights to watch for (hint: NOT the ones with the smashed bulbs) a clear signal that it was, you know, time to go home.

    "Why don't you go and get some fresh air?"

    My youngest is 8 and, well, not only do my parents insist that Hopey is as…ahem…active and rambunctious as I was (especially, at that age) she is also, part monkey (see picture above) I think.

    "What are you doing?"

    Still, a lot has changed since I was a kid.  The dumps aren't visible any longer (there's a new project refreshingly referred to as the Fresh Kills Park) today, I'm missing the old neighborhood (sort of) and my best friend, Shirley (Happy Birthday, wherever you are!) and, well, there's a teeny-tiny part of me that will always be partial to the smell of garbage.

    "Allllllll…most…GOT IT — I'm trying to help keep the Earth clean!"

    Disrespecting where you live…no matter where you live…not so much.

    "Can you buh-leeve some big, fat jerk left garbage on OUR playground!"

    What can I say?  She's got a mouth, like her muh-thuh!

    Liz@thisfullhouse signature

    © 2010 This Full House - All Rights Reserved.

  • Comment Troll Award

    Troll1 Whenever my good blogging friend, Dawn (a.k.a. brilliantly funny author of Because I Said So) would complain about being under attack by comment trolls, I imagined a bunch of snotty little evil basterds, camping out on her blog (pictured above) seriously, what IS it with mean-spirited people, anyways?

    I mean, the woman has 6 kids, I really don't think she needs any help in dealing with suckage.

    I guess I empathize with Dawn's self-deprecating humor, seeing as I've been making fun of myself, openly on the internet, for years now (see virtual tour) and, well, there ARE worse things than making OTHER mothers look good, right?

    Then, I opened up my email and found this:

    (more…)

  • When the Wet Gets Tough, the Tough Get Wet!

    Day 74 - WashoutPhoto cross-posted to our 365 Day Project

    So, how was your weekend?  Uh-huh.  Ours?  Well, Jersey got hit with a BEYOTCH of a storm, I mean this thing had monster winds of 40, 60, sometimes 70 miles per hour (so, I heard) it uprooted trees, knocked out power and left some of our neighbors without electricity AND gas.

    Us?

    [knocking on wood until knuckles bleed]

    Just a few extra leaks, here and there.

    "Uh-oooooh, found ANOTHER one!"

    So, as my youngest children raced each other.

    "Nooooo, I found that one, already!"

    Playing an indoor-version of ISpy.

    "Nuh-uh!"

    To see which of them could, you know, find the most stains on our living room ceiling.

    "Yah-huh, don'tcha see the pot?!?"

    My husband, Garth [not his real name] and I decided that yesterday would be a good time, as any, to leave the kids to their fun, while he and I braved the storm, for some more emergency supplies.

    "Could you pick up some Clearisil…I need face make up…could you pick something up at Redbox…aaaand, don't forget the Cheerios, okay?"

    Seeing as my two oldest were home recovering from getting their braces (YAY!) and the youngest kids, you know, can't drive…yet.

    "Can we come?"

    [one beat, two beats]

    "NO!"

    [lips quiver]

    "Buh-buh-but, why not?"

    I reminded my son about his sleeping over a friend's house and my youngest that she just spent almost all of Saturday, alone, with me.

    "But, you took me to work!"

    Okay, but I was training a new hire and, well, I did have her bring crayons and stuff…sheesh!

    "Besides, I want some private time with Daddy!"

    It's funny, raising teens and tweens, I mean (funny weird, not funny ha ha) how our priorities seem to change.

    "Where are we going, again?"

    Almost on a daily basis, you know?

    "Lowes, Costco and…um…Michaels, I think."

    [lips quiver]

    "What's at Michaels?"

    [hands on hips]

    "I'm ALL out of yarn!"

    I know what you're thinking; we don't have yarn in our emergency supply kit.

    "Maybe I should stay home with the kids."

    [one beat, two beats]

    "Sure, then maybe you can get an early jump on the to do list."

    In our house?  I'll pretty much do anything, to avoid spring cleaning, except, maybe something illegal (kids ARE watching, you know?) and, truth be told, it's been a real tough week (for the both of us) and, well, what with the kids crazy school stuff (don't even get me started on our attendance woes) not to mention, my working part-time, into the night (thank goodness, I'm home during the day) Garth [not his real name] and I almost NEVER get any alone time, anymore.

    [hands on hips]

    Damned if I'll spend it cleaning.

    [looks left, looks right and then left]

    Okay, all I really wanted was to get back home, snuggle up next to the hubs and work on that crocheting project I started, um, what month is it, again?

    "I'll get my wallet."

    Just don't tell Garth [not his real name] okay?

    [hollers uptairs]

    "Don't forget the rebate check."

    After a quick-ish stop at Costco for school lunch supplies, of course!

    Liz@thisfullhouse signature

    © 2010 This Full House – All Rights Reserved.

  • Like Cobwebs in the Corner, These Are the Days of Our Lies

    Day 69 - Webbed

    Photo cross-posted to our 365 Day Project 

    My youngest (she's 8) and her girl scout troop had their International Dinner, last night — they were representing Italy, this year — and, well, I hear she looked real cute.

    "Daddy helped me find a white t-shirt, Heather painted my nails red and Holly gave me a basket of biscotti!"

    I, however, did nothing other than forget to send her leaders a baseball hat.

    "That's okay, Mommy, they had extras."

    For forgetful moms (like me) I'm sure.

    "What country is Hope doing?"

    Since, it ended rather late (for us "seasoned moms," that means after 8 p.m.) I was, however, able to  pick the child up, after work (only, because my husband texted me, you know, not to forget) and, well, it seems I am NOT the only one.

    "Italy."

    [eyes go wide]

    "Funny, that's what my daughter is doing."

    [grin]

    "Good, because, Hope is in your daughter's troop, too."

    Then…ohhhhh…how we laughed…[wipes tears from eyes]…and, well, I swear the woman looked like she was ready to cry.

    "Why can't I remember that???"

    Oh good (phew) I like easy questions!

    "Well, maybe because we never see each other anymore."  

    Then, we spent the next 10 minutes talking about having recently gone back to work, for real (I mean, outside of raising kids and taking care of our households) and, you know, catching up on other stuff, like, what day was it, really, anyway? 

    "Did Hope tell you I substituted her class, yesterday?"

    [eyes go wide]

    "As a matter of fact, yes."

    [crosses fingers behind back]

    "Yes, she did."

    [bites lower lip]

    Okay, so maybe she didn't tell me…for real…but, honestly, I thought perhaps my friend was feeling bad enough and, you know, it was only a little white lie — does it really matter?

    "You know, I really love my job!"

    Yes, yes I do believe that, sometimes, being nice really does matter.

    "Aaaaand, I'm subbing her class on Thursday, too!"

    Now, if I could only remember if her daughter was in Hope's class, too…or, not…DAMMIT!!!

    "Oh good, Hope loves it when her mom friends come in to teach!"

    This time, I wasn't lying — heaven knows, she's learned enough bad habits from me, right?

    "I heard you did a GREAT job as picture parent, last week!"

    Yeah, right.

    "Who told you?"

    [eyes go wide]

    "Um, they did, when I subbed Hope's class, remember?"

    I swear…I can STILL hear her laughing…DAMMIT!

    Liz@thisfullhouse signature

    © 2010 This Full House – All Rights Reserved.

  • If You’re Happy and You Know It, Spit It Out!

    Holly and HeatherBoth my two oldest girls are getting braces put on their teeth, this week (OUCH!) so, I took them to their first (of many) orthodontic appointment, last Friday, much to their absolute GLEE!

    "WHOOT!"

    Having their impressions taken and then spacers, the size of popcorn balls put in between their teeth (double-OUCH!) (not really, but just as painful, they said) not so much.

    "Open wide!"

    [giggle]

    "Shuddup, Holly!"

    [click]

    "Let's try that again…aaaaand…open wide."

    [snort]

    "Shuddup, Mom!"

    [click]

    "GAH!"

    The dental hygienist, however, was in no mood (judging by the permanent frown line, that ran from her forehead, right down to her pale blue crocs) especially, having to listen to a couple of teenagers crack each other up.

    "I'm sorry, but they're just a lee-til excited."

    [sound of crickets chirping]

    "Just shuddup…no, wait…I mean…open wide for the nice lady, Heather."

    [snort]

    Then, 30 minutes later, it was Holly's turn.

    "Okay, now rinse."

    The girls have waited a long time for this moment and, well, since my teeth are as far from perfect as one can get, before actually being declared, you know, dentally-impaired, I can't say as I blamed them for feeling a bit giddy.

    [swish, swoosh, swish, swoosh]

    "Why don't you get braces, too, Momma?"

    [swish, swoosh, swish, swoosh]

    "Me?"

    I watched Holly nod, in between the swishing and the swooshing, in total agreement with Heather.

    "Nah."

    After 40-something years, I've sort of grown accustomed to my lopsided grin.

    "I'd probably break them on a marshmallow, or something."

    [swish, swoosh, swish, swoosh]

    "Spit it out, already, ya' DING DONG!"

    PUH-TOO-WEE!

    [eyes go wide]

    "Didn't your mom teach you to spit better than that?"

    [snort]

    The dental hygienist sighed, unclipped the bib from Holly's drippy chin and, well, I guess she figured, if you can't beat 'em…you know…make 'em spit.

    "Ewwww, it's STILL connected!"

    Who knew, dental hygienists could be so touchy?

    "Can't wait for next week!"

    Me, either.

    "I'll bring the popcorn!"

    [sound of crickets chirping]

    Ibuprofen, anyone?

    Liz@thisfullhouse signature

    © 2010 This Full House – All Rights Reserved.