This Full House Archive

Tag: insomnia

  • Sleeping Quadruple in a Sofa Bed

    CONFESSION:  I have this thing about sleeping, in the dark.  I know, considering humans are not generally classified as being nocturnal, sucks for me, right?!?

    It's like my internal clock crossed wires (or something) because, at the end of the day, no matter how physically tired or mentally exhausted I may be (and let me tell you, raising 3 teens and my youngest a teen by default, I totally be!) as soon as the light goes out…[sound of a pin, dropping]…my senses automatically kick into…HOLY CRAP!!!!…WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?!?

    No, my husband is NOT very happy about it.

    In fact, we adopted our first cat (a few months after we were married) because Garth (not his real name) was leaving on a business trip for several days; thinking that a pet would, at the very least, keep me company and, well, he was a very affectionate cat.

    Still, old ghosts can be REAL hard to kill (right?!?) and we were both a little surprised to find that it worked:  along with the butcher knife I accidentally left under my husband's pillow, which he discovered on his first night back.

    Thankfully, with his hand (not his head) and by its handle.  True story.

    [sound of crickets, chirping]

    Aaaaaanywaaaaay, I've been traveling out-of-state and staying in a two-bedroom condo, with two separate floors, for a few nights:  which, in my mind, is tantamount to broadcasting fresh meat to every zombie within earshot.

    The first night, I slept in the living room:  without bothering to open the sleeper sofa, because jumping off and out is…you know…THAT much quicker.

    The second night, I opened the sleeper sofa:  because I actually didn't really realize it opened, until now…don't judge.

    By the third night, I was absolutely exhausted:  because sleeper sofas can be super-uncomfortable (especially, when you are up all night, with a bad back and stacking cushions high enough to be able to watch The Golden Girls marathon on television) and keeping an ear out for zombies is hard work…YO!!!

    Sleepover

    From left to right: my sorry ass, Corine, Carol and Jen

    Last night:  lucky for me, I also happened to be traveling with 3 very good friends who did NOT think twice about babysitting my sorry ass AND calling it a pajama party…instead.

    With friends like this, who needs a butcher knife?!?

    ©2003 – 2013 This Full House

    P.S.  Did YOU know that Blanche got married?!?  

    P.P.S.  Never mind.

  • It’s All Fun and Games, Until the Clowns Show Up

    Romperclownsillo-big

    photo credit: TVParty.com

    I have suffered from insomnia for most of my life (yes, that is a very long time, I know, shuddup!)  however, rather than fight it, I see it as a gift and make all of those extra sleepless hours as productive as possible.

    PSYCHE!!!!!!!  

    Bwahahahahahahaha…I crack myself up…you seriously did NOT think I was serious, seriously, right?!?

    The ONLY thing productive at dark o'clock is the gerbil, running its eleventy-hundreth little iron gerbil marathon, inside my head.

    It's not like I'm not tired, either.  In fact, my body clock quits work sometime around 4 in the afternoon and my eyes punch out no later than that really, really great television series EVERYBODY has been talking about and I've been dying to watch…DAMMIT.

    For example:  last night, there was something on television I wanted to watch (of course I can't remember, for the life of me, what it was, but that's not really all that important at his juncture of my insomnia story)  so, I went upstairs to get my glasses.

    I had to lie across the bed to reach them.  Aaaaaand, well, I never got up.  Or, came back downstairs.  Until I had to go pee at dark o'clock.

    Did I mention, our bathroom is downstairs and way across the OTHER end of the house?!?

    By the time I got back upstairs, the gerbil inside my head had already finished with its warm-up exercises and I began to rearrange the ENTIRE floor plan (of the house, not my head)  in my head.

    So, I did what any red-blooded insomniac would do:  I hit Facebook…HARD!…and a really funny  (not ha-ha-funny, but more like, hmmmmm…interesting)  thing occurred to me.

    I am NOT the only one awake at dark o'clock.  I see Kim, Jenn and Elizabeth.  

    That reminds me.  Does anyone remember the magic mirror?!?  Gosh, but I used to LOVE that show.  Even though the magic mirror NEVER saw me…DAMMIT!

    [sound of crickets, chirping]

    I see Robyn.  Oh, and I see my friend Lisa…YO!!!!…was up at the SAME exact time I am, right now.

    "If asleep by 9, awake at 3:39." Did Ben Franklin write that…

    So, I commented with something like, good morning, because I am ALL witty AND original like that, especially at dark o'clock.

    "Hi Liz!  I wish I could vacuum…"

    And then I snorted…REALLY LOUD…and, well, I better go before Garth (not his real name) wakes up and I have to pretend like it was the house farting, or something…SNORT!!!

    [cringe]

    Dammit.

    © 2003 – 2013 This Full House