This Full House Archive

Tag: blogs

I Was Vlogging, Before Vlogging Was Cool

I hollered at my youngest (she's 8, going on 16) like I never hollered at her, before, this morning.

I mean, HOLLERED, like a tortured animal, causing the poor girl's eyes to go wide and, well, she ran out of the room, obviously NOT wanting to watch her mommy's head explode, for real!!!

What did she do that was so awful?

[bites lower lip]

Honestly, I don't remember.

Was it reason enough to go WILD on the girl?

Probably not.

Whatever it was, suffice it say, I had reached my breaking point with the child and, well, though I never once thought about hurting her, physically (trust me, I know what THAT feels like) THIS MOMMY JUST NEEDS TO SHOUT OUT, every now and again.

Later, in the carpool lane.

"Do you know why I hollered at you, this morning?"

[eyes go wide]

"I made you mad?"

Well, yes…and no…because, I suddenly realized that it wasn't what she did, or said, that made me angry (not, really) it was that she was STILL doing it and saying she wasn't, while I was trying to tell her, yah, she really was, and to STOP doing it.

"Having to holler, to be heard, makes me mad."

[bites lower lip]

"I hate it when you holler."

[shot to the heart]

"Me, too."

Morale of the Story: Yes, children should be heard, just not today.

Then again, in a blink of an eye, they grow up and you suddenly forget what they sounded like, when they were little.

Unless, you find old videos, while searching through some computer files, she nearly corrupted. Aaaaaand, you just may be all, like, thank goodness you hollered at her to "STOP USING MOMMY'S LAPTOP" or, you would have totally NOT remembered this moment, either!

[bites lower lip]

Right…RIGHT?

© 2010 This Full House - All Rights Reserved.

March 17, 2010
Like Cobwebs in the Corner, These Are the Days of Our Lies

Photo cross-posted to our 365 Day Project

My youngest (she's 8) and her girl scout troop had their International Dinner, last night — they were representing Italy, this year — and, well, I hear she looked real cute.

"Daddy helped me find a white t-shirt, Heather painted my nails red and Holly gave me a basket of biscotti!"

I, however, did nothing other than forget to send her leaders a baseball hat.

"That's okay, Mommy, they had extras."

For forgetful moms (like me) I'm sure.

"What country is Hope doing?"

Since, it ended rather late (for us "seasoned moms," that means after 8 p.m.) I was, however, able to pick the child up, after work (only, because my husband texted me, you know, not to forget) and, well, it seems I am NOT the only one.

"Italy."

[eyes go wide]

"Funny, that's what my daughter is doing."

[grin]

"Good, because, Hope is in your daughter's troop, too."

Then…ohhhhh…how we laughed…[wipes tears from eyes]…and, well, I swear the woman looked like she was ready to cry.

"Why can't I remember that???"

Oh good (phew) I like easy questions!

"Well, maybe because we never see each other anymore."

Then, we spent the next 10 minutes talking about having recently gone back to work, for real (I mean, outside of raising kids and taking care of our households) and, you know, catching up on other stuff, like, what day was it, really, anyway?

"Did Hope tell you I substituted her class, yesterday?"

[eyes go wide]

"As a matter of fact, yes."

[crosses fingers behind back]

"Yes, she did."

[bites lower lip]

Okay, so maybe she didn't tell me…for real…but, honestly, I thought perhaps my friend was feeling bad enough and, you know, it was only a little white lie — does it really matter?

"You know, I really love my job!"

Yes, yes I do believe that, sometimes, being nice really does matter.

"Aaaaand, I'm subbing her class on Thursday, too!"

Now, if I could only remember if her daughter was in Hope's class, too…or, not…DAMMIT!!!

"Oh good, Hope loves it when her mom friends come in to teach!"

This time, I wasn't lying — heaven knows, she's learned enough bad habits from me, right?

"I heard you did a GREAT job as picture parent, last week!"

Yeah, right.

"Who told you?"

[eyes go wide]

"Um, they did, when I subbed Hope's class, remember?"

I swear…I can STILL hear her laughing…DAMMIT!

© 2010 This Full House – All Rights Reserved.

March 10, 2010
If You’re Happy and You Know It, Spit It Out!

Both my two oldest girls are getting braces put on their teeth, this week (OUCH!) so, I took them to their first (of many) orthodontic appointment, last Friday, much to their absolute GLEE!

"WHOOT!"

Having their impressions taken and then spacers, the size of popcorn balls put in between their teeth (double-OUCH!) (not really, but just as painful, they said) not so much.

"Open wide!"

[giggle]

"Shuddup, Holly!"

[click]

"Let's try that again…aaaaand…open wide."

[snort]

"Shuddup, Mom!"

[click]

"GAH!"

The dental hygienist, however, was in no mood (judging by the permanent frown line, that ran from her forehead, right down to her pale blue crocs) especially, having to listen to a couple of teenagers crack each other up.

"I'm sorry, but they're just a lee-til excited."

[sound of crickets chirping]

"Just shuddup…no, wait…I mean…open wide for the nice lady, Heather."

[snort]

Then, 30 minutes later, it was Holly's turn.

"Okay, now rinse."

The girls have waited a long time for this moment and, well, since my teeth are as far from perfect as one can get, before actually being declared, you know, dentally-impaired, I can't say as I blamed them for feeling a bit giddy.

[swish, swoosh, swish, swoosh]

"Why don't you get braces, too, Momma?"

[swish, swoosh, swish, swoosh]

"Me?"

I watched Holly nod, in between the swishing and the swooshing, in total agreement with Heather.

"Nah."

After 40-something years, I've sort of grown accustomed to my lopsided grin.

"I'd probably break them on a marshmallow, or something."

[swish, swoosh, swish, swoosh]

"Spit it out, already, ya' DING DONG!"

PUH-TOO-WEE!

[eyes go wide]

"Didn't your mom teach you to spit better than that?"

[snort]

The dental hygienist sighed, unclipped the bib from Holly's drippy chin and, well, I guess she figured, if you can't beat 'em…you know…make 'em spit.

"Ewwww, it's STILL connected!"

Who knew, dental hygienists could be so touchy?

"Can't wait for next week!"

Me, either.

"I'll bring the popcorn!"

[sound of crickets chirping]

Ibuprofen, anyone?

© 2010 This Full House – All Rights Reserved.

March 8, 2010
Love Accidentally

Morale of the story: Maybe I shouldn't holler at the kids, for leaving their stuff lying around the house, so much, right?

Feel better soon, Papa!

Happy Love Thursday, everyone!

© 2010 This Full House – All Rights Reserved.

March 4, 2010
TLC Book Tour: Give Me, Get Me, Buy Me – Preventing (or Reversing) Entitlement in Your Child’s Attitude

Look, I know saying no can be real hard (trust me!) and anyone who's had to explain to a 2 year-old that, no, "real live" ponies do not sleep in big girl beds, would probably agree.

[cringe]

Then, my kids started getting older and, well, I seemed to have forgotten what it was like…making them happy, I mean.

"But, So-and-So goes to Disney every summer!"

From something as simple as buying clothes and video games, to being invited to elaborate birthday parties and watching our neighbors take out small loans, just so that their kids can have that dream wedding…er…I mean, sweet sixteen?

In my experience, walking that fine line between cheap and frugal, for quite a few years now, overindulgence isn't the problem.

"You NEVER let me do…go…get…anything I want!!!"

It's the guilt that beats down my parenting mojo, every time!

I have the extreme pleasure of being the 1st stop on the TLC Book Tour for March 2010, featuring Give Me, Get Me, Buy Me, by Donna Corwin.

So, who's in charge at your house?

C'mon over to my Shopping Blog and let's talk — 'cawse, I also have a couple of books to share, with you, too!

© 2010 This Full House – All Rights Reserved.

March 2, 2010
I’m a Little Bit Sassy, He’s a Whole Lot of Doofus

Helloooooooow, my name is Sassy. Doofus-Dawg isn't here, right now. Why? Uh. Good question.

[looks left, looks right]

Beeeeeeeecawse. Um. I ate him, yeah.

[snarl]

As if, right?

Actually, his mommy put him in a time out. I mean, I told him NOT to eat the garbage this morning. But, you know, he's a DOOFUS and, well, I'm not.

DER!

Aaaaaaaaayway, Doofus-Dawg's mommy is letting me sleepover, for a little while (i.e. what, in human terms is, like, I dunno, 2 weeks, or something, I think) while my mommy and daddy are on vacation, without me (DAMMIT!) and, you know, I kinda, sort like it here.

There's lots of little humans, running around, ready to rub my belly and play with me and, well, what's one more, right?

So, c'mon in. Sit down! The couch gots these real BIG mooshable pillows and, well, Doofus-Dawg is kinda sort not tawking to me, at the moment.

[sniff]

See? His mommy says he's just a little jealous, or something. Me? I think he's maybe even a little scared of me, too.

'Cawse, you know, I can be real scary, sometimes.

[snarl]

See? Friggin' frightening, right? So, don't make me have to use UPPERGROWL, okay?

Oh, and you have yourself a nice day. If anybody tells you different, just send them to me.

Why?

'Cawse, like Doofus-Dawg's mommy, I'm a Jersey girl and, well, she woke up with a real bad headache and is pretty p.o.'d at Doofus, at the moment, so I don't wanna have to make her Monday any ruffer than it has to be, ya' know?

[snarl]

Stupid Doofus-Dawg!

© 2010 This Full House - All Rights Reserved.

March 1, 2010
A Different Kind of Bird Watching in Jersey

I looked out the window and, yeah, more snow (blech!) but, I noticed something else; something I missed, while shutting off the lights and waiting for my husband to come to bed, at 4:30 this morning.

"I'm sorry, did I wake you?"

Actually, this time, my son kicked me in the head, the dog rolled over my legs and, well, I couldn't really blame my husband for falling asleep on the couch, again.

"Oh, look, Mr. Cardinal has gone food shopping with Mrs. Cardinal."

My husband, Garth [not his real name] and I could totally relate. In fact, shopping for groceries, or running to the corner for the paper and our weekly runs to Home Depot are the few times that we get to spend together, alone (sort of) except, maybe, the shower (you're welcome!) so, yeah, we do a lot of our shopping, together.

"I picked up some seed and filled up your bird feeder, last night."

We stood there, in silence and each smiled, as Mrs. Cardinal scratched and pecked, while Mr. Cardinal stood by and watched.

"Thank you for taking care of my birds."

He put his arm around my waist.

"You're welcome."

And, considering the precipice that formed between us, last week, I was more than happy to just stand there and, you know, let him.

"I wish you didn't have to go to work, today."

[frowning]

"Me, either!"

What…oh…yeah…I bet most folks think that bird watching…in Jersey…only happens whenever someone flips you one, right?

"Stupid bank!"

As it should be.

© 2010 This Full House - All Rights Reserved.

February 26, 2010
The Blog Post My Husband Will Most Likely Hate – If He Read My Blog, I Mean.

One day, last week (I forget which, exactly) I opened the front door to let the sunshine in and I kept it open, all day.

The birds were chattering (loudly) and the temperature, outside, hovered around 40 degrees.

As the dog watched the dust bunnies frolic, in and out, from underneath the couch, I allowed the calmness of the moment to wash over me and wring my heart free of all the troubles that have claimed squatter's rights for the last few months.

It was glorious.

Then, the clock on the wall began mocking me (BEYOTCH!) a squirrel ran in front of the door (RODENT!) and the dog nearly made my husband's wishes come true, by giving me a heart attack, when he ran, head first, into the glass storm door.

Stupid dog!

Garth [not his real name] has been making light of the fact that perhaps it is time that he looked for a new wife.

"Since, mine seems to be breaking down."

Oh, he didn't mean it, not really, and it's not like he was trying to be mean, or lying, for that matter, it's just that, well, I am…feeling quite broken, at the moment.

"You hate me, don't you?"

Of course, I don't hate my husband — although, I would be tempted to click the "unlike" button, upon occasion, if life was really like Facebook — on the contrary, I often times admit (yes, out loud) that I could NEVER do, you know, what I do, without having Garth [not his real name] on my side.

Until now.

(more…)

February 24, 2010
Killing Two Birds With One Peartini

My husband, Garth [not his real name] and I don't get a chance to hang out together, a lot, anymore. Oh, we're fine. Thanks. It's just that, he works during the day and I don't get home until well after the dishwasher has been loaded from suppertime (no, not on purpose) unless, it's Friday.

"You're off tomorrow, right?"

Yes…I mean…but, not this week…um…no.

"But, you worked last Friday, didn't you?"

Aaaand, the Friday before that…too…even the kids couldn't help but notice Daddy was feeling a little, well, I swear, the poor guy was ready to break out into song, any moment.

"All…by…mah…se…eh…elf."

[reaches for tissue box]

"I don't wanna be."

[sniff-sniff]

All…by…mah…se..eh…elf…aaaaanymore."

This Saturday, however, we were BOTH home (WHOOT!) so, we spent the early afternoon food shopping (I know, don't be jealous) and life was good.

Until.

"Ready, Mommy?"

[eyes go wide]

"NOW where is SHE going?"

Oh, did I NOT mention, I gave the 16 yo permission to sleep over a friend's house, so she could get up early and go to church with her family since, you know, we seem to be in between religions, at the moment.

"But, isn't the other one babysitting, tonight?"

Yes, I also gave the 14 yo (i.e. the other one) permission to go to the mall with a friend and her mom (supposedly, Hot Topic had a sale, buy one Alice in Wonderland t-shirt, get two human sacrifices, free, or something) before, you know, the kid goes off and earns some more of her OWN spending money…DAMMIT!

"But, I wanted to go out WITH YOU…tonight!"

That's the thing about having live-in babysitters (I know, don't be jealous) you sort of forget that kids need to go out and have a little fun, too.

"We just spent the whole morning, together!"

If you consider jet-setting across town to take advantage of can-can sales, fun (like we do) I mean.

[reaches for tissue box]

"Okay, I would LOVE to go out with you!"

Because, I can't stand to see a grown man cry.

"Call mom and dad."

So, I fired up the crock pot (i.e. grandmas and grandpas gotta eat, too) then, picked up the 14 yo, bought her home so she could go to the bathroom (yes, she gets that from me) then, dropped her off at her babysitting gig ('cawse, you know, she can't drive, yet) put on my sexiest black boots (sorry, grandma and grandpa) directed my husband to this really cool new Asian bistro I heard about (YUM!) and spent the next hour seductively sipping a peartini (DITTO!) through heavily-glossed lips and gave Garth [not his real name] my FULL attention.

[licking lips]

Aaaaand, life was good…until dessert.

[eyes go wide]

"Something wrong?"

Oh, we're fine…really.

"So, WHAT ARE GUYS DOING HOME SO EARLY?"

Just killing two birds with one stone (i.e. guess that peartini was A LOT stronger, than I thought) you know?

"Thought you'd like to share some cake and coffee, with us!"

Besides, we haven't seen my in-laws in, well, forever, too. Aaaaand, life was pretty gosh-darned good…until.

"Soooo, how's the gym working out for you, Mrs. Manager?"

Peartini, anyone?

© 2010 This Full House – All Rights Reserved.

February 22, 2010
Love Thursday: So, Boom!

Love is….making mommy laugh at bedtime…so, BOOM!

Happy Love Thursday, everyone….'cawse, it IS almost Friday….so, BOOM!

© 2010 This Full House – All Rights Reserved.

February 18, 2010