This Full House Archive

Tag: blogging

  • Marrying the Man of My Dreams…NOT!

    Apu, Any, Mamama The Pocono Mountains, August 1963

    Next week, my husband Garth (not his real name) and I will be celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary.

    Married.  20 years.  To each other.

    Inconceivable, considering I've only just turned 29, again (ahem!) but, how did we get here?

    "Look, we found a box of old photos!"

    Because, I've never been really very good at finishing what I start (cough!) and 2 out of 4 of their baby books are actually, you know, finished.

    "Who's that?"

    My dad.  My mom.  My grandmother.  They ALL looked so young.  I managed to hold onto it (barely) but, couldn't stop my hands from shaking when I remembered who must have taken the picture. 

    "Why does Papa look so sad?"

    My grandmother was married to a very (and I mean VERY) abusive man (in the worse sense of the word, really) so, I can IMAGINE what my father was thinking at that very moment.

    "I think he was maybe just nervous."

    With good reason.  My father had a tumultuous relationship with HIS father-in-law (which, happened to be on a good day) and, well, the decision to move in with his in-laws must NOT have been an easy one, either.

    "Was she married?"

    Growing up, in that house, however, was MUCH worse.

    "Who?"

    Still, ALL parents fight…right?

    "Your grandmother."

    Especially, with their in-laws…no?

    "She was married, but then she got divorced."

    Granted, I don't remember my friends ever talking about the police being called out to their grandparents' houses.

    "For how long?"

    Not as often as they visited mine, I mean.

    "How long, what?"

    Then, there was silence.

    "How long was she married?"

    Days and days without talking to each other.

    "40 years, I think."

    Doesn't matter.  After a while, it all becomes a BIG blur anyway and, well, I just never dreamed it could be, or would be…any different…for me.

    "She was married twice as long as you and daddy!?!?"

    20 years.  Married.  To each other.

    "Are you going to do something special for your anniversary?"

    Inconceivable, indeed.

    "Yeah, we're gonna stay married!"

    Frankly, the man of MY dreams was WAY different.

    "That's NOT funny, mom!"

    Thank you, Garth (not his real name) for NOT being that man!!!

    "Bet daddy would think it was funny."

    I mean, he IS married to me, you know?

    © 2010 This
    Full House Blog     – All Rights Reserved.

  • Wordless Wednesday
    Sisters Act…ing, Nicely

    Holly and Heather Summer 2010Holly and Heather, Bayshore Waterfront Park 2010

    Taken with my cell phone.  Imagine what I could do with a REAL camera?  Yeah, I'm looking at you, Garth (not his real name!)

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    © 2010 This
    Full House Blog     – All Rights Reserved.

  • Surviving Foot in Mouth Disease

    I ran into a friend of mine at the drug store, on Saturday — seriously, nearly knocked her over right in front of the feminine products aisle — we haven't seen each other since, well, the last days of school and spent the next few minutes, you know, catching up.

    "Enjoying a nice, quiet summer, I hope?"

    I continued to babble on and on, trying to distract her from noticing the fact that I had NOT shaved my legs in two weeks (you're welcome!) by saying something about my two most favorite days of the year being the last day of school AND the first day of school!

    "Did you hear that my mother died?

    Aaaaand then, my brain screeched to a halt.

    "Oh…no…I am SO sorry."

    As, I lied (like a cheap rug) and pretended that I hadn't heard of the poor woman's loss.

    (more…)

  • High Tides and Green Skies, Jersey Forever?

    The Overlook

    Mount Mitchill Scenic Overlook County Park, Atlantic Highlands, NJ

    Actually, it was grayish, rainy and a bit chilly, yesterday.. PERFECT weather for some late summertime fun…here, in Jersey, anyway.

    A lot of folks seem to like visiting New Jersey (on purpose) especially, our neck of the Jersey shore and I'm okay with that (mostly) I mean, if it weren't for the Bennies (i.e. people who visit here, only in the summertime) we'd probably have to pay A LOT MORE money to get on our beaches and MTV would NOT currently hold the #1 google rank it does, you know, today…DAMNIT!

    Why so sensitive? 

    (more…)

  • Who’s Been Sitting in My Chair and Why is My Kid Calling it Mom?

    Mommy's Little Doppelganger

    My husband, Garth (not his real name) met me at the train station on Sunday and, after taking a quick look at my swollen legs, scaly arms, blistering hands and blotchy neck (you're welcome!) believing that my recent poison ivy infection had somehow morphed into leprosy (ditto) he drove me straight to the doctor's office.

    "I can't breath."

    Apparently, I still hadn't gotten over an unexpected trip to a NYC hospital and BusyMom wasn't around.

    (more…)

  • Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Attend BlogHer: SaveHer ’10

    BlogHer 10 Time Square

    I mean, really, wrangling 2,000+ registered attendees (not to mention, the 11-ty billion others already living in/visiting NYC) something's bound to go wrong (coming from someone, whose attempts at throwing a dinner party, for 6, the last 16 years, has failed, miserably, more often than not) and, well, someone's destined to get their feelings hurt (see previous parenthesis) or, break something (ditto) right?

    No worries, SaveHer '10 is here (i.e. alternate title: Riding in an Ambulance with BusyMom!)

    (more…)

  • Reason #91,034,199 Why I WILL NOT Be Pregnant at #BlogHer10!

    I dropped the kids off at my folks' place today and it's, like, back-to-school quiet around here.  Good thing, too, seeing as I'm not even packed, yet.

    "We're hungry!"

    Last week?  Sucked donkey balls (that one's for my friend, Surprised Mom) and, well, good thing I am the master of spontaneous parenting.

    [looks in fridge]

    "BREAKFAST…it's what's for dinner!"

    So, tonight, I'm sitting here, at the kitchen table…ALL…BY…MYSELF…and listening to absolutely nothing…except, for the sounds of my husband Garth (not his real name) making dinner.

    "Stir fry sound good, for you?"

    Sure, I'm a little hesitant about leaving the kids (with my parents, I mean) still, they are getting older and basically take care of themselves (my kids, I mean) especially, if there's cable and a microwave nearby (oh, I kid, sort of) and my oldest girls are really GREAT at holding down the fort, in an emergency.

    "Do you mind if I head over to Kohls?"

    This week, I spent 90 minutes at Dress Barn on Monday and all I got was a stinkin' scarf (cute, but it still sorta stinks that I couldn't find anything else) to show for it.

    "Okay, but I have to tell you something."

    Which is really code for, "This way, I don't have to look at you," in teen text.

    "But, I don't want to tell you over the phone."

    Aw, crap.

    Long story, short (you're welcome) here's the gyst of what happened…in bullet points:

    • Hope (she's 9) has been asking me, every other day, to tell her about where babies came from
    • At that very moment, on each of those days, I've had exactly 5 minutes, to spare
    • Hope got tired of waiting
    • Hope asked her brother, Glen (he's 11) where babies came from
    • Aaaaand, he told her.

    Because, I already had "the talk" with Glen — thanks a lot, Garth (not your real name!) — and, well, the boy was doing me a favor.

    The girls punished him, anyway.

    "What he say?"

    Bulleted version:

    • The husband lays on top of the wife
    • He shoots this fish-like thing inside her
    • It buries itself into one of the wife's eggs
    • The egg grows inside the wife and turns into a baby

    Aaaaand, he was right…mostly.

    "Put him on the phone."

    So, I un-punished Glen, scolded Holly and Heather (seriously, who's the mommy?) and promised to have "the talk" with Hope…aaaaaafter, I get back.

    Morale of the Story: Kohls RAWKS, cell phones are NOT the devil and my husband's stir fry tastes even better…cold…pregnant…or, SO NOT!!!

    In the meantime, look for me at BlogHer — I'll be the tall, dork-ish one texting her kids — trying to convince my youngest two that Headless Mom, you know, really does have a head and my oldest two that her blog name has absolutely NOTHING to do with sex!

    I think.

    © 2010 This
    Full House Blog     – All Rights Reserved.

  • Extreme Home-Do-Over!

    This Full House The House

    I still remember that fateful day, when my husband Garth (not his real name) and I nervously sat down at the conference table, distracting the lawyer long enough to hand us each styrofoam cups of stale coffee and, between the 3 of us, was the only one able to hold a pen steady enough to sign the papers.

    "I think I'm gonna throw up!"

    I was a few weeks pregnant with our first daughter (commuting, while under the influence of gestation, sucks wet poodle, btw!) and, well, WE WERE BUYING OUR FIRST HOUSE!

    "You're young, yet, there's still time."

    The lawyer, who seemed very well-versed in the matter, insisted that investing in a starter home was the way to go and that our timing could NOT have been better.

    "As long as you move before the kid starts kindergarten!"

    17 years, 4 kids, 3 cats, 2 refinances and 1 doofus-dawg, later (give or take a couple of goldfish) both my husband and I have FINALLY accepted the fact that we are, you know, totally screwed.

    "Wow, it's a lot bigger than I thought!"

    If I had a dollar for each time a repairman has said that to me, well, I'd be able to park my car in the garage, by now.

    "We get that, a lot."

    Not to mention, folks who are surprised to find that our house, you know, looks A LOT different…on the inside.

    "Doing some work, I see."

    It's not like we have this thing for
    dry wall (although, after a while, you DO sorta get used it) but, after
    17 years, 4 kids, 3 cats, etc., etc., other stuff has taken priority
    (like, you know, food) and, well, there's ALWAYS something, right?

    "How long have you been renovating?"

    This particular repairman, however, seemed to be genuinely interested.

    "Let's see, um, about 17 years."

    The poor guy stopped laughing as soon as he realized that I was, you know, serious.

    "Uh-huh, so, okay, I'm done here, buh-bye."

    Granted, it's not the smallest house on the block (my 103 year-old next door neighbor has owned that title for, well, over 100 years, now) and, with a few of gallons of paint (give or take a couple of barrels) or, a VERY LARGE construction crew, looking for some pro bono work, who knows?

    "Um, did you back-flush the pool, today?"

    Because, you see, these days, I am the Queen of Denial AND Supreme Back-flusher!

    "Why?"

    Then, I remembered….that I forgot…to turn the shut-off valve, you know, back on.

    "You burned up the motor!"

    Long story, short (you're welcome!) that same day, we also ended up taking my car into the shop (it was either that, or never be able to make a left turn, ever again!) and that little bit of money I just got paid (because, you know, I do work, sometimes) uh-huh, I'm sending one of the Pep Boys on a lovely vacation…this summer.

    "You owe your father a cup of coffee."

    Apparently, my dad made a big stink about paying for the new pump in the pool store and, well, I owed the man a piece of cake AND dinner for the next 2 weeks, too.

    "Why are you ALL wet?"

    Apparently, the pump is a whole LOT stronger than our old one, the pressure split the out-take hose and being doused with chlorinated water, while under the influence of coffee (and cake) makes you do this:

    What?  Melisa thought it was funny when I told her this same EXACT story on Monday (STILL don't have my car, sucks donkey balls, btw!) or, maybe she was just humoring me, either way.

    [snort]

    Still, it's OUR home, the kids seem to like it and I wouldn't trade this house, or the love I felt for my husband, at that particular moment, for all the philanthropically-inclined contractors in the world.

    [wipes eyes]

    Okay, maybe Ty Pennington (relax, my husband already knows and he's okay with it) or one of the HGTV Dream Homes (I've been trying to win, since 2001, DAMMIT!) but, let's not open that OLD wound, okay?

    © 2010 This
    Full House Blog     – All Rights Reserved.

  • Wordless Wednesday: Hosed in Jersey

    Hosed
    When ALL else #fails (i.e., car in shop, pool filter seizes, refrigerator burns up, or ALL of the above, just sayin') break out the hose and just fuhgehtaboutit!!!

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    © 2010 This
    Full House Blog     – All Rights Reserved.

  • Hair of BlogHers Past

    Only 14 more sleeps until BlogHer '10 and, since this IS my 4th year attending this particular blogging conference (read:  proved myself to be a dork, 3 times, for REAL, already!) I feel it safe say, "WHOOT!" and admit that I am sooooooo happy I do NOT HAVE TO worry about flying, you know, in an airplane, or eleventy.

    Heeeeeeello, NJTransit…it's been a while…how've ya' been, dawg?

    Still, it can get sorta weird, stepping out from behind one's blog and leaving your delete button, behind (mine is broken, go figure) and, well, it's kind of hard to pass myself off as the ageless, yet brilliantly insightful and entertaining blogging ingenue….

    [sound of crickets chirping]

    ….AM SO!…in my mind, anyway…still, BlogHer is one of the very few chances I get (if any) to hang out with some of my favorite people in the blogging community.

    [Yeah, I'm looking at you, BusyMom, Jenn, SocalMom, Melisa With one S, Headless Mom, Dawn and NYCityMama, just to name a few!!!]

    Also, to meet and thank past blogging partners and new business associates who I am also very proud to be able to call, friends.

    [That would be you, Cooper and Emily!!!]

    Because, in some weird-ish way…we HAVE become friends…who happen to agree…to disagree and like each other, anyway.

    Me and Melissa

    In fact, it was Melisa's post (more specifically, the above picture of us…at BlogHer 2009 in Chicago…together) that inspired me to write this one and say to ALL of you going to BlogHer, this year…HOLY CRAP!…I do NOT look like that, anymore.

    In fact, looking back, I've had a completely different hairstyle, or color…every year.

    Me and MamaLoves

    That's Aimee and  me at BlogHer 2008 in San Franscisco with my short (very, very short) dark-ish, HOLY CRAP, but California is a LOOOOONG way from New Jersey, look.

    Blogher 2007 in Chicago

    That's Lisa, Amber, Dana, Shannon and me at BlogHer 2007 in Chicago with my long-ish, gold-ish THANK GAWD these people don't seem to mind hanging with a dork, look.

    Aaaaand, what's the look gonna be…this year?

    [snicker]

    Well, only 14 more sleeps and you'll find out…soon enough…besides, I wouldn't want to ruin your image of me, anymore than I have, already, maybe.

    [sound of crickets chirping]

    Oh…look…over there…is that something shiny?

    Mariska at sag awards
    Oh, alright…this is me at a recent family barbecue…IS TOO…just, look for me at the BlogHer 5K Fun Run/Walk…I'll be wearing the same color tutu (for Tanner) so, how do I look?

    © 2010 This
    Full House Blog     – All Rights Reserved.