This Full House Archive

Tag: blogging

  • I’m a Little Bit Sassy, He’s a Whole Lot of Doofus

    Sassy's in the House

    Helloooooooow, my name is Sassy.  Doofus-Dawg isn't here, right now.  Why?  Uh.  Good question. 

    [looks left, looks right]

    Beeeeeeeecawse.  Um.  I ate him, yeah.

    [snarl] 

    As if, right?

    Actually, his mommy put him in a time out.  I mean, I told him NOT to eat the garbage this morning.  But, you know, he's a DOOFUS and, well, I'm not. 

    DER!

    Aaaaaaaaayway, Doofus-Dawg's mommy is letting me sleepover, for a little while (i.e. what, in human terms is, like, I dunno, 2 weeks, or something, I think) while my mommy and daddy are on vacation, without me (DAMMIT!) and, you know, I kinda, sort like it here.

    There's lots of little humans, running around, ready to rub my belly and play with me and, well, what's one more, right?

    So, c'mon in.  Sit down!  The couch gots these real BIG mooshable pillows and, well, Doofus-Dawg is kinda sort not tawking to me, at the moment.

    [sniff]

    Share and share, alike!

    See?  His mommy says he's just a little jealous, or something.  Me?  I think he's maybe even a little scared of me, too.

    'Cawse, you know, I can be real scary, sometimes.

    [snarl]

    Snuggles

    See?  Friggin' frightening, right?  So, don't make me have to use UPPERGROWL, okay? 

    Oh, and you have yourself a nice day.  If anybody tells you different, just send them to me.

    Why?

    'Cawse, like Doofus-Dawg's mommy, I'm a Jersey girl and, well, she woke up with a real bad headache and is pretty p.o.'d at Doofus, at the moment, so I don't wanna have to make her Monday any ruffer than it has to be, ya' know?

    [snarl]

    Stupid Doofus-Dawg!

    Liz@thisfullhouse signature 

    © 2010 This Full House - All Rights Reserved.

  • A Different Kind of Bird Watching in Jersey

    Mr. and Mrs. Cardinal

    I looked out the window and, yeah, more snow (blech!) but, I noticed something else; something I missed, while shutting off the lights and waiting for my husband to come to bed, at 4:30 this morning.

    "I'm sorry, did I wake you?"

    Actually, this time, my son kicked me in the head, the dog rolled over my legs and, well, I couldn't really blame my husband for falling asleep on the couch, again.

    "Oh, look, Mr. Cardinal has gone food shopping with Mrs. Cardinal."

    My husband, Garth [not his real name] and I could totally relate.  In fact, shopping for groceries, or running to the corner for the paper and our weekly runs to Home Depot are the few times that we get to spend together, alone (sort of) except, maybe, the shower (you're welcome!) so, yeah, we do a lot of our shopping, together.

    "I picked up some seed and filled up your bird feeder, last night."

    We stood there, in silence and each smiled, as Mrs. Cardinal scratched and pecked, while Mr. Cardinal stood by and watched.

    "Thank you for taking care of my birds."

    He put his arm around my waist.

    "You're welcome."

    And, considering the precipice that formed between us, last week, I was more than happy to just stand there and, you know, let him.

    "I wish you didn't have to go to work, today."

    [frowning]

    "Me, either!"

    What…oh…yeah…I bet most folks think that bird watching…in Jersey…only happens whenever someone flips you one, right?

    "Stupid bank!"

    As it should be.

    Liz@thisfullhouse signature 

    © 2010 This Full House - All Rights Reserved.

  • The Blog Post My Husband Will Most Likely Hate – If He Read My Blog, I Mean.

    Let the Sunshine In, PLEASE!

    One day, last week (I forget which, exactly) I opened the front door to let the sunshine in and I kept it open, all day. 

    The birds were chattering (loudly) and the temperature, outside, hovered around 40 degrees. 

    As the dog watched the dust bunnies frolic, in and out, from underneath the couch, I allowed the calmness of the moment to wash over me and wring my heart free of all the troubles that have claimed squatter's rights for the last few months.

    It was glorious.

    Then, the clock on the wall began mocking me (BEYOTCH!) a squirrel ran in front of the door (RODENT!) and the dog nearly made my husband's wishes come true, by giving me a heart attack, when he ran, head first, into the glass storm door.

    Stupid dog!

    Garth [not his real name] has been making light of the fact that perhaps it is time that he looked for a new wife.

    "Since, mine seems to be breaking down."

    Oh, he didn't mean it, not really, and it's not like he was trying to be mean, or lying, for that matter, it's just that, well, I am…feeling quite broken, at the moment.

    "You hate me, don't you?"

    Of course, I don't hate my husband — although, I would be tempted to click the "unlike" button, upon occasion, if life was really like Facebook — on the contrary, I often times admit (yes, out loud) that I could NEVER do, you know, what I do, without having Garth [not his real name] on my side.

    Until now.

    (more…)

  • Killing Two Birds With One Peartini

    Peartini

    My husband, Garth [not his real name] and I don't get a chance to hang out together, a lot, anymore.  Oh, we're fine.  Thanks.  It's just that, he works during the day and I don't get home until well after the dishwasher has been loaded from suppertime (no, not on purpose) unless, it's Friday.

    "You're off tomorrow, right?"

    Yes…I mean…but, not this week…um…no.

    "But, you worked last Friday, didn't you?"

    Aaaand, the Friday before that…too…even the kids couldn't help but notice Daddy was feeling a little, well, I swear, the poor guy was ready to break out into song, any moment.

    "All…by…mah…se…eh…elf."

    [reaches for tissue box]

    "I don't wanna be."

    [sniff-sniff]

    All…by…mah…se..eh…elf…aaaaanymore."

    This Saturday, however, we were BOTH home (WHOOT!) so, we spent the early afternoon food shopping (I know, don't be jealous) and life was good.

    Until.

    "Ready, Mommy?"

    [eyes go wide]

    "NOW where is SHE going?"

    Oh, did I NOT mention, I gave the 16 yo permission to sleep over a friend's house, so she could get up early and go to church with her family since, you know, we seem to be in between religions, at the moment.

    "But, isn't the other one babysitting, tonight?"

    Yes, I also gave the 14 yo (i.e. the other one) permission to go to the mall with a friend and her mom (supposedly, Hot Topic had a sale, buy one Alice in Wonderland t-shirt, get two human sacrifices, free, or something) before, you know, the kid goes off and earns some more of her OWN spending money…DAMMIT!

    "But, I wanted to go out WITH YOU…tonight!"

    That's the thing about having live-in babysitters (I know, don't be jealous) you sort of forget that kids need to go out and have a little fun, too. 

    "We just spent the whole morning, together!"

    If you consider jet-setting across town to take advantage of can-can sales, fun (like we do) I mean.

    [reaches for tissue box]

    "Okay, I would LOVE to go out with you!"

    Because, I can't stand to see a grown man cry.

    "Call mom and dad."

    So, I fired up the crock pot (i.e. grandmas and grandpas gotta eat, too) then, picked up the 14 yo, bought her home so she could go to the bathroom (yes, she gets that from me) then, dropped her off at her babysitting gig ('cawse, you know, she can't drive, yet) put on my sexiest black boots (sorry, grandma and grandpa) directed my husband to this really cool new Asian bistro I heard about (YUM!) and spent the next hour seductively sipping a peartini (DITTO!) through heavily-glossed lips and gave Garth [not his real name] my FULL attention.

    [licking lips]

    Aaaaand, life was good…until dessert.

    [eyes go wide]

    "Something wrong?"

    Oh, we're fine…really.

    "So, WHAT ARE GUYS DOING HOME SO EARLY?"

    Just killing two birds with one stone (i.e. guess that peartini was A LOT stronger, than I thought) you know?

    "Thought you'd like to share some cake and coffee, with us!"

    Besides, we haven't seen my in-laws in, well, forever, too.  Aaaaand, life was pretty gosh-darned good…until.

    "Soooo, how's the gym working out for you, Mrs. Manager?"

    Peartini, anyone?

    Liz@thisfullhouse signature

    © 2010 This Full House – All Rights Reserved.

  • Love Thursday: So, Boom!

    Love is….making mommy laugh at bedtime…so, BOOM!

    Happy Love Thursday, everyone….'cawse, it IS almost Friday….so, BOOM!

    Liz@thisfullhouse signature

    © 2010 This Full House – All Rights Reserved.

  • Viewing the World Through Frozen Side Mirrors

    Back-to-school

    Most days, I wake up and, if my feet hit the floor and my head is still attached, then, it really doesn't take much to convince myself that, YES, half the battle is actually getting out of bed and HOORAH! but, it's gonna be a good day…DAMMIT!

    Until, it's time to leave the house.

    "Why IS it so hard to make a left turn!?!?"

    Then, I remembered.

    "Oh yeah, 'cawse I live in Jersey!"

    Is it just me, along with perhaps the rest of the Eastern seaboard, STILL digging out of one of the snowiest winter's in, well, recorded history (yeah, I'm looking at you, Washington, D.C.) or, has Snowmageddon (or, as I've come to call it, Snowpocalypse) frozen everyone's nice buttons, shut? 

    (more…)

  • She IS the Ty Pennington of Blog Design

    Soooooo, what do ya' think?  Cynthia at NW Blog Design put together an awesome new look for Scribbit (seriously, go take a peek, I'm pretty sure Michelle won't mind) and, well, in my opinion, her redesign fits the feel of her blog, very well!

    "Love what you did at Scribbit's place!"

    So, I thought, maybe, juuuuuuust maybe, Cyn could help even a dork (like me) get a virtual remodel — but, how DOES one best define This Full House?

    Um, shuddup, I know, that was a rhetorical question, really.

    After 16 years of perpetual renovation, (see virtual tour) IRL, I'm STILL staring at drywall, but we've ALL grown used to it and my house has this laid-back, sort of shabby ecclectic feel.

    Even IF my house is a mess (IRL) I believe that Cyn hit the nail right on the head and, well, I really, really, like what she's done with the place!

    "Honey, I blew up my navigation bar!"

    Yeah, I was messing around a little and the nav bar does NOT work, at the moment (I know, act surprised, anyway) but, Cyn said she would help me fix it (she's a saint, really) right after she redoes my other blog, to match!

    Since, you know, Ty Pennington won't even return my calls and NO, can't say as I blame him, either.

    Stupid drywall!

    [Edited to add:  I fixed the nav bar…all…by..ownself…and, well, if only I could say the same for the rest of the house — stupid under-cabinet lighting!]

    Liz@thisfullhouse signature

    © 2010 This Full House – All Rights Reserved.

  • On A Long Winter’s Night

    Candlelit and Blizzardid

    And the snow began to fall…aaaaand, fall…school was closed…the next day, too.  Then, ALL the lights went out.

    "GAAAAAAH!"

    Aaaaand, DAYUM, it was dark.

    "Don't NOBODY move!"

    The sort of inky gloom that makes a person lose all sense of good grammar, too.

    "Do we have any candles?"

    Is the Pope, well, whatever.

    [click, click, click, click]

    "I'm cold…I have to go to the bathroom…I'm scared…I'm hungry!"

    It's hard, you know?  Living in the suburbs.

    "Whatever you do, do NOT open that fridge!"

    Minutes.  Hours.  Days.  Weeks.  Time stops, in the dark.

    "Okay, who blew out the candles?"

    Like moths to a flame, they just can't help themselves.

    "Are we gonna freeze…can we flush the toilet…are we gonna die…do we have enough food?

    [click, click, click, click]

    "Everyone, close your eyes, take a deep breath and relax."

    [whoosh]

    "Okay, who blew out the candles?"

    Honestly, I don't know how the pioneers did it.

    "Um…wait…wait…I got one!"

    It's hard, you know?  Playing charades…in the dark, inky, gloom.

    "No, it's MY turn!"

    Minutes.  Hours.  Days.  Weeks.  Can cabin fever kill?

    [flash, blink, blink, zap]

    "POWER'S BACK!"

    Aaaand, DAYUM, just in time, too.

    "QUICK, turn the lights out AGAIN!"

    [ZAP!]

    "GAAAAAAH!"

    Of course, pioneer parents probably would have agreed that playing head games on your kids is really quite fun.

    "Don't NOBODY move!"

    Or, perhaps if they had really good timing AND quick access to the circuit breakers, they probably would…I mean.

    FWAHMP!

    "Okay, who blew one?"

    Stupid snowpocalypse!

    Liz@thisfullhouse signature

    © 2010 This Full House – All Rights Reserved.

  • Love Thursday: Quiet Time

    Love is….finding a quiet moment.

    Happy Love Thursday, everyone.  May you find yourself…a little quiet time.

    If all else fails, tell your kids (or, whoever) that you are giving yourself a time-out, today.

    ‘Cawse, I said so!

    Liz@thisfullhouse signature

    © 2010 This Full House – All Rights Reserved.

  • It’s Called Word-of-Mouth AND Drive-by Mothering

    This Full Shopping Cart

    Can you judge a mother by her shopping cart…in MY case, ABSOLUTELY…go right ahead…I triple-dog dare you!

    If you were to ask me, years ago — before blocking the MTV channel and searching for un-holey jeans at Hot Topic ruled my world — what I disliked most about being a mom, I would have answered, without hesitation:

    "Answering to other moms!"

    Although, having to explain myself…to anyone…is STILL really hard — especially, without relying on cocktails, or the use of visual aids — living a fishbowl existence and swimming along with the same old school of thought, day after day, is even harder.

    "Oh, just LOOK at how SHE is dressed…I would NEVER let my little Muffy wear black, EVUH!"

    No flaming.  I understand.  Maybe even have told Buffy (you know, Muffy's mom) that we went through something similar.  However, today, I would totally see Buffy's point and perhaps raise her an opinion…

    "Oh, she's just expressing herself."

    …or, two.

    "But, absolutely NO belly button piercings until at least 17!"

    Point being (I really do have one, I think) I find myself relying A LOT more on, you know, what OTHER moms are saying.

    "Hi Liz, just wanted to let you know that, you know, cookie orders are due."

    Yeah, it's girl scout cookie order time (AGAIN!) and I knew, that my youngest girl's leader knew, that I was supposed to hand those in, like, a week ago.

    "I hate being THAT mom!"

    [silence]

    Because, my father-in-law drops Hope off and I don't even see, talk, or hear anything from any of the girl scout families, anymore, since picking up the afternoon/evening shift at work.

    "You know, the one who forgets EVERYTHING!?!?"

    [very awkward silence]

    "I'll drop it off, during pick ups, today."

    Even though, I don't really know whether I'm dropping off, or picking up, unless another mom, you know, texts me.

    "Hey, isn't that my girl scout leader's car?"

    Why, yes, yes it was AND she's stopping to talk to me…uh-oh…right here…in the middle…of traffic!

    [rolls down driver's side window]

    "Heh, good timing, did you stop by my house, yet?"

    Then, I realized something (besides the fact that my oldest must have put the cookie order into my tote, I mean) after 16 years of raising kids (and killer dust bunnies) it doesn't matter.

    [passes cookie order through window]

    "Here ya' go!"

    I still have NOT learned to, you know, get over myself!

    "Well, that worked out well, didn't it?"

    At the end of the day, no matter how crazy it gets, or how absolutely awful I feel, somehow, it really does NOT matter.

    "I'll be seeing you."

    At least, my being able to admit that…YES!…I am THAT mom….hopefully, helps other moms see that, no matter, we ALL come together, in the end.

    "Hopefully, sometime soon!"

    Aaaand, if not, don't worry, I'm on YOUR side AND I'm pretty sure, with my help, other folks will understand, too – especially, if you ARE a mother!

    [fast-forward to CVS, last night]

    "Muffy is at her Valentine's Day party at girl scouts, tonight!"

    It's like the mother of all barking chains, really.

    "Wow, well, Hope has hers tomorrow, so I guess I'd better check my email, then, huh?"

    Stupid girl scouts!

    Liz@thisfullhouse signature

    © 2010 This Full House – All Rights Reserved.