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  • Hump Day Diddy Dumbs: Soccer has been very, very weary to me!

    Theboyisafricahot

    How hot WAS it?

    The temperature gauge in our van hit 101 degrees, yesterday afternoon – that's Africa HOT! – when I picked up the kids from school, yesterday.  In Jersey?  Well, it's just way too hot for June.  So, our schools closed, early.

    Aaaand it was only two weeks ago when I blogged about the importance of practicing our Kegels and having nearly froze my butt cheeks to the bleachers during The Boy's travel soccer try-outs.

    [phone rings]

    My husband, Garth (not his real name) and I were hiding upstairs in our bedroom – relax, it's air-conditioned and the kids found us anyway – when we got the call that my son didn't make it.

    [bites lower lip to keep from crying]

    "What…oh, MAN that just totally sucks…are you kidding me!?!?"

    No, I wasn't happy (at all) and it kills me to think that we haven't even told him, yet.

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  • Mommy’s Effing Little Meter Reader Gives Back!

    The Blog-O-Cuss Meter - Do you cuss a lot in your blog or website?
    Created by OnePlusYou

    Seriously, I was shocked to hear the high-level of f-bombs my dear sweet Catholic-friend Dana drops on her blog (58.4%, you dirty girl!) and perhaps she would be just as surprised to learn that my blog is a totally filled with crap!

    Or, not.

    So, I’m going to start my own potty-mouth-jar (just like Dana) and donate $1.00 for each comment I get on this dirty, dirty post.

    Shit…cha-ching…see, it’s easy…let’s raise the roof on the Cuss-O-Meter!

    I will keep comments opened all week (ending 5:00 p.m., Friday the 13th) and donate all the money from the loose change (get it?) to our Giving Back Campaign.

    I’ll take another reading and then repost, with the final results, next week!

    Please feel free to tell ALL your blogging friends, damnit…cha-ching…or, I’ll have to send my husband Garth (not his real name) out to go all medieval on your ass…cha-ching…m’kay?!?

    Edited to Add:  WHOA, what potty-mouthed friends I have – THANK YOU! – please understand, when reading the comments left on this post, that THIS IS FOR CHARITY and perhaps the one (and only) time I’ve allowed for ANY cursing; in my house, anyway ;o)

    [Change in the potty-mouth jar, so far:  $19.00!]

    ——————————————
    In Other News:

    Lamenting over at the New Jersey Moms Blog on receiving unsolicited assvice and how, "Mommy Needs More Monster Spray!"

    This Full House Reviews:  Sesame Place – Hot Fun in the Summertime!

    My friend, Jen is hosting this week’s Review Bloggers Carnival over at The So Called Me!

    © 2008 This Full House – All Rights Reserved.

  • Red, White and Blue Friday #7: eMom – Supporting Our Military, One eMail at a Time!

    Redwhiteandbluefridaysbadge_5
    Red, White and Blue Fridays was created as a way of showing support to our soldiers by spreading the word on ways we (bloggers, like you and me) can say, "Thank you!"

    Regardless of the fact that you are a democrat, republican, liberal,
    independent, conservative, left wing, right wing, or a giant purple
    people-eater – WHATEVER –  wouldn’t it be nice if we could ALL
    just…you know…come together and NOT be afraid to flaunt our red,
    white and blue….yeah…I mean, that’s what the blogosphere is
    for…right?

    Riiiiight.

    This week, I’d like to share with you the first step towards making  a difference in the life of a military service member and how you (yes, even YOU) can help out a fellow eMom!

    (more…)

  • Meanwhile, Back at Kamp Kegel – Part II

    Campbabyroundup_3

    My friends from Kamp Kegel (generously hosted by Johnson & Johnson for the makers of babies, everywhere) are holding reunions in the form of a weekly post roundup.

    Here’s what my fellow hair-braiding badge awardees were up to this week – oh AND there are some pretty cool Father’s Day giveaways, too:

    (more…)

  • Hump Day Diddy Dumbs: Project Mom

    Thisfullhouse

    I love this picture – my husband, Garth (not his real name) took it on Memorial Day – I mean, take a real close look at those smiles.  Yep – they look real enough – fresh from the runway, all warm and fuzzy like a slice of apple pie.

    Don’t we look like the typical all-American family, all happy, sweet and ready for their photo shoot with New Jersey Life Magazine?

    Not that we have one scheduled, or anything, but – if we did – our cover story would read:

    "This Full House and its Keeper – She ain’t no Heidi Klum, but she’s pretty good under the gun!"

    Especially, when it comes to period clothing – and I don’t mean the historically designed-type, either – and, if you’re a man, you might want to click on over to something a little more…you know…manly!

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  • Make Me Laugh Monday: Baby You Can Ride My Car

    Carseatdiva_2

    All 4 of my kids were great sleepers…NOT!  Except, when it was time to go somewhere (anywhere) I’d pop in a tape (before, cd and dvds) and they would each quickly fall asleep in their carseats.  In fact, this is how my youngest Mini-me (she’s 6) spent most of her baby/toddler years – she grew up riding in our minivan!

    Ipodenvy

    Except, on this particular ride, Mini-me was very, very cranky and was getting annoyed with her sisters and brother (I know, go ahead and act surprised anyway) so, I allowed her to take part in a little iPod envy (we only have one and it’s mine, DAMMIT!) and it took all of about two minutes for her to peacefully drift off to lalalalalala…I can’t hear you…land, thanks to the dulcid tones of Josh Grobin.

    What – I mean, the boy DOES have a gorgeous voice and a face only a mother (like me) can pinch without getting into too much trouble – why shouldn’t it work for Mini-me?

    Moving on.

    This weekend was crazy busy and we DID spend more time riding in the car, than at home — don’t worry, my SIL offered to walk Doofus-dog — and it’s NOT going to get any easier, either.

    So, I stopped to get a cup of coffee and I was mentally going over the next two weeks:

    • Mini-me’s birthday – nope, no invitations yet.
    • Thing One’s 8th grade graduation and dance – nope, no dress yet.
    • Thing Two’s birthday party – nope, still haven’t had it and her birthday WAS in December.
    • The Boy’s promotion into the next level of elementary schools – yep, having 4 kids in 4 different schools next year IS STUPID!
    • My Father is going in for another procedure – yep, I’ll be there.
    • OH SHIT – is it almost Father’s Day, already?!?

    When I received this instant message from my SIL:

    (more…)

  • Parenting Tip #29,019,543: You’ll laugh at this one day – I’m laughing, already!

    Minimegah

    My inlaws are both turning 80 this year (relax, you guys STILL look good) so, I try to keep holidays and family get-togethers as simple as possible.  Let’s face it, I know that having kids running around at these sort of things can get a little gregarious and my mother-in-law just doesn’t seem to be in much of a festive mood, anymore.

    Heck, she’s got 5 kids, I’m surprised the woman is even able to complete a sentence, or find the strength to smile, without madly clutching at her breast and gasping for breath, then dribbling her sweet tea all over the place.

    Unless, she’s eating cake at MY house – especially, if it happens to be one that Grandma did NOT bake – oh, and did I mention that I can make a really crappy pitcher of sweet tea?

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  • Nearly Wordless Wednesdays: Birthday Wishes and Caviar Dreams!

    Sandandsneakers_3

    Why, yes…it IS my birthday…but, I’m not here AND those aren’t really my sneakers, either.

    They do, however, belong to my 12-year-old and they fit me (big feet, warm heart) and I sort of…you know…like them.

    So, I’m borrowing them (because, mine broke) and spending the entire day…ALONE…with my husband, Garth (not his real name) and nobody else, but him!

    Why?

    Because, he surprised me by taking a vacation day…TODAY…and we’re spending the WHOLE day…TOGETHER…strolling along the beach, or sucking on freshly-shucked oysters topped with a tiny dollop of sour cream and perhaps a sprinkle of caviar, even.

    Doesn’t matter, really.  I’ll be JUST as happy sharing a dirty water hot dog and swapping some spit…ALONE…with the man who…you know…is willing to spend an entire day alone, with me!

    Aaaaand…YES…it IS the best birthday gift, EVUH!

    [heavy sigh]

    Have a great day, everyone – oh, and please feel free to leave your message at the beep.

    [big toothy grin]

    Beeeeeeeep!

    Check out the Official Wordless Wednesday HQ
    Tag, you’re it:

    This Full House Reviews and Giveaway:  "Just Who Will You Be?" by Maria Shriver

    © 2008 This Full House – All Rights Reserved.

  • What Memorial Day Means To Me, Mostly.

    Starspangledminime

    Yep, it’s Monday and my youngest (she’s 6) is beside herself with worry, because our flag isn’t up (yet) and she can NOT find anything red to wear!

    Anything that’s CLEAN, anyway.

    You see, around these parts, Memorial Day is the "unofficial" start of barbecue season and, as of today, the beaches in New Jersey are now "officially" open!

    Which simply means that the lifeguards are on duty and it’s high time we ALL get our beach tags, or better make sure that those season passes are visibly displayed on the dashboard of your car, thankyouverymuch.

    This weekend is also when my twin brother and I typically celebrate our birthday (May 28) and then he joined the Army right before we graduated high school and I quickly became accustomed to being an only child.

    Until, he almost died.

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  • Meanwhile, Back at Kamp Kegel – Part I

    Mom is recovering well from her surgery, thank goodness.  So, now it’s Dad’s turn.  Yes, wrestling with various health issues, they make a wonderful tag team!

    So, while I am at the hospital, taking part in subliminal chit chat and contributing to the high levels of tmi typically found in a fully-packed waiting room — like, telling the blue-haired lady how I froze my ass at soccer tryouts last night, will have to go again tonight and how I woke up with a cold AND my period, this morning (you’re welcome!) — and then shaking down the vending machine for something really, really salty, my friends from Kamp Kegel are holding reunions in the form of a weekly post roundup.

    Here’s what my fellow hair-braiding badge awardees were up to this week – oh AND there are some pretty cool giveaways, too:

    (more…)