This Full House Archive

Blog

I Whip My Lens Back and Forth

My husband, Garth (not his real name) thinks I'm nuts (I know, act surprised anyway okay?)

Aaaanyway, as I was showing a family friend my our new BESTEST, AWESOMEST, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT BUTTER, not to mention, ABSOLUTELY FRIGALICIOUS camera…

[takes breath]

…he calls me out.

"She takes the weirdest pictures."

I was crushed.

So, I grabbed the camera (ever so gently) and began to scroll through the memory card.

We nabbed this old foot pump Singer sewing machine in a yard sale, B.C. (before kids) I just love the shadow play with the wood and metal in this shot.

Looking up on top of the sewing machine: the flower pot is a quick (but, prettiful) place to drop our keys and the glass ball actually belongs to something else that broke, years ago (can't remember what) but, the kids like to pretend it's a magic crystal ball….me, too.

Looking to the left of the sewing machine: two of my favorite pictures of Garth (not his real name) and I thought that the reflection on the one of us dancing at my brother's wedding was sort of cool — quite apropos, really.

Looking to the right of the sewing machine: the dining room window is the brightest in the house (even on the gloomiest of winter days) so, my geraniums are always in full bloom! /gloom

Aaaaand, then looking left (again) from the sewing machine: my Aunt Theresa crocheted this blanket for me as a Christmas present. My cousin gave it to me the day Theresa passed away and I'm still waiting for the awful sense of loss and regret to pass, too, each time I look at it.

[heavy sigh]

Aaaand, this is when I moved to the back door and, well, color me weird, but darned if I didn't start to feel a whole lot better!

"What's this one about?"

I looked over my friend's shoulder and blankly stared at the viewer.

"Um, what do YOU think it looks like?"

[eyes go wide]

"Well, I would say a Christmas Cactus."

[shrugs]

"But, you're the photographer."

[grin]

"You probably see something different, like hair, or something!"

[frown]

I know. In this case, different is code for nutty and/or weird. Still. I love, LOve, LOVe, LOVE my new BESTEST, AWESOMEST, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT BUTTER, not to mention, ABSOLUTELY FRIGALICIOUS camera…

[takes deep breath]

…because, it compels me to slow down and really appreciate the world around me and, well, she DID call me a photographer, right?

[sound of crickets chirping]

Shut up, Garth (NHRN!)

© 2003 – 2011 ThisFullHouse.com

January 18, 2011
Sundays in My City: Winter Blues

Smoke 'em if you got 'em!

To see other city scenes from around the world, check out Unknown Mami’s Sundays in My City.

Oh, and feel free to clean off a chair, sit down and visit my photo journal or my Flickr photostream.

© 2003 – 2011 This Full House Blog / TFH Gone Shopping

January 16, 2011
Love = 167.225472 m2

Our house is about 1,800 square feet — that's the equivalent of some folk's swimming pools, here in Jersey — and it looks even smaller, from the sidewalk.

Understandably, it's hard to imagine 6 people living in such a house.

"Wow!!!"

It's really funny to watch first-time visitors walk through our front door, stare up at the high ceilings, blink both their eyes, rapidly, as they try to center their gaze on the back wall, some 25 feet or so away and then, you know, physically stumble.

"It looks a lot bigger on the inside!"

It's an optical illusion, really — not to mention, they've just seen the biggest room in the house — still, we get by.

Unless, someone gets sick (which, during creeping crud season, is pretty much once a week) or, we're hosting a sleepover (what I like to refer to as, slumberless parties) when no one is sick, of course!

"Wait, how many kids DID you invite?"

Aaaaand, well, reorganizing a corporation could NOT be anymore challenging than rearranging our house.

"Where DID you put them all?"

Considering, my brother and I were raised in an even smaller house (6, including the bathroom) it's funny to think that my own mother had trouble visualizing the logistics of making room for 10 more very-near-to-their-adult-size teenagers.

"Only 5 of them stayed over."

[whispering]

"Where are they?"

You know what's even funnier?

Watching my husband, Garth (not his real name) both eyes darting left, right and then left again, several times and finally gingerly walk through the front door, expecting a surprise attack, land minds, or something.

"Relax…they…are in the girls' room."

It's quite ironic, really — considering, it's hard for friends to imagine how all 3 of my daughters share the same room and, you know, live to complain about — then again, at least they have a bedroom door.

"Don't they want more room?"

[shrugging shoulders]

"Apparently, not."

Until, about 1:30 in the morning.

"Sorry, mom, but we sorta got hungry."

Judging by all the empty cans of soup AND containers of chocolate frosting, I found tossed in the kitchen sink, I would say so.

"You know, you coulda stayed in the living room?"

[shrugs shoulders]

"It's no big deal."

I know (DAMMIT!) still, over the years, I've learned to be careful not to complain about the house, too much — no matter how frustrating, stressful or claustrophobic it may be, especially, in the wintertime — and most especially, NOT in front of my kids.

Seeing as it's, you know, their home, too.

"Besides, my friends think our house is all comfy-cozy inside."

Aaaaand, well, I just love that, you know?

Happy Love Thursday!

© 2003 – 2011 This Full House / TFH Gone Shopping

January 13, 2011
F-artsy Baby Pictures I

Oh, go ahead, you know you want to, my kids will end up hating me anyway. Okay, I'll start:

"Don't make me have to go all Dr. Evil on your butt!"

You're next. Caption me, baby.

© 2003 – 2011 This Full House Blog / This Full House Gone Shopping

January 12, 2011
For @WhyMommy: Give Cancer the Virtual Bitchslap it Deserves!

Crickett's Answer for Cancer, a Breast Cancer Nonprofit, is supporting women w/breast cancer by providing wigs, mastectomy products, & pampering services. Learn more via Facebook

I bitch about the weather — more specifically, how some folks STILL haven't shoveled their sidewalks, 2 weeks and 2 snowstorms post Snowmaggedon '10 — or, how my kids insist on getting sick, 3 days apart, instead of ALL at once, since Christmas Day.

Because, I can and better out than in, right?

Then, someone I care about, or has impacted my life in some positive way, experiences some serious suckage and, well, DAMMIT!

I'm talking the sort of suckage that leeches its way under your skin, squeezes your heart, melts all the soft squishy parts, rips through your soul and leaves an unidentifiable pile of sludge, in its wake, before the day even begins and, well, these first world problems of mine begin to sound small and a bit whiny, actually.

Comparatively speaking, my life becomes gooder than good.

Although, I have been a longtime advocate for Less Cancer, More Birthdays — my twin brother fought valiantly and gave up one of his kidneys in order to win his battle against cancer — Susan (a.k.a. WhyMommy) is the inspiration behind my taking responsiblity for my own health (for once) and addressing potential suckage that I have ignored for the last 5 years.

This brave and amazing woman took time out to leave a comment, congratulating me, for goodness sake.

Last week, I learned that Susan was diagnosed, this is the fourth cancer/recurrence, in less than four years for Susan and, well, DAMMIT!

I'm calling cancer out. You suck. Enough. No one wants you. I hate you. Go away. Don't make me have to kick your ass. YOU BITCH!

If only words were enough, right? Guess what? They CAN be!

Kristen (a.k.a. Motherhood Uncensored) wrote an awesome post about how she is personally donating $1 for every comment up to 500 comments to Crickett's Answer for Cancer.

This charity provides women with free Lymphedema sleeves, which Susan says is something that helps ease the pain of those undergoing chemo treatment, but is not covered by insurance.

Kristen's words inspired me to donate a little ad money I had sitting in Paypal (thanks, Momma!) and I hope that this little post of mine will encourage others to take action in the fight against the BITCH! that is cancer, too.

Why?

Because, nice matters, cancer sucks big, fat, hairy donkey balls and women, like my friend Susan, should NOT have to answer, "But, why mommy?" ever again, DAMMIT!!!

© 2003 – 2011 This Full House Blog / This Full House Gone Shopping

January 10, 2011
Our Minivan, By Any Other Name, Would Smell Like Feet

Gave my minivan a snowhawk the other day and now the rest of the cars in the neighborhood, you know, want one!

I was cruising The Motherhood the other day and found an interesting article picked from the headlines by Emily (because, she's really smart like that) written by Nick Bunkley of the New York Times entitled, "Mocked as UnCool, The Minivan Rises Again," where he asks the question:

Could driving a minivan, the ultimate embodiment of the suburban family vehicle, ever be considered cool?

Didn't you hear? According to some car makers (rhymes with Schmoyota) we need a little swag-guh put back into our wagon-layden suburban driveways.

Me, I'd settle for a quick resurfacing, or a little less snow.

Whassup with all the labels…can't mom and dad just live and let drive…um…whatever the heck you want?

Everything ends up smelling like sour feet, anyway.

As a longtime 7-passenger vehicle enthusiast (i.e. co-owner of our kids' personal taxi service) I really never understood all the rage against the minivan.

Until, this morning.

"Holy crap!"

10 days post Snowmaggedon and the secondary roads here in Jersey are still cruddy (3 feet make for a lot of snow) to the point where you can't fit 2 minivans on the same street, at 1 time.

"Move over, you stupid Land Rover!"

So, I'm playing chicken with my neighbors getting kids to (and from) school.

"They're not stopping, Mommy!!!"

Aaaand I feel forced to pullover, once more, and make room for folks driving their flashier cars and not so much because I am passive aggressive like that.

[waves]

"You're welcome!"

You could say I'm also teaching my children that, no matter the situation, or the type of car you drive, you CAN be the bigger person, right?

"But, she didn't say thank you, Mommy?"

Then again, there is a reason why I chose Bertha (she's my car) in a lovely shade of suburban assault.

"That's okay, maybe next time…we won't be so nice!"

She'll have to try and pass me, after school.

[pats dashboard]

"Right, Bertha!"

Why, yes, I've always named my cars and, honestly, would you mess with a woman named Bertha?

[sound of crickets chirping]

Stay-at-home mom, my rear bumper!

© 2003 – 2011 This FULL House Blog / This FULL House Reviews

January 7, 2011
Hump Day Diddy Dumbs:
The Sound of Mucinex

The kids tag-teamed being sick over holiday break and, at last count, it was my youngest daughter's turn…shhhh, but don't tell her, okay?

Oh, not to worry, we experienced bright and shiny non-crud-filled moments, together, too.

Like, during our annual New Year's Eve movie marathon, we watched Fiddler on the Roof and one of our (okay, my) ALL time favorite musicals, ever, The Sound of Music.

That's a combined total of 355 minutes (or, 5.916666667 hours) of unadulterated, pure as alpine mountain air, nerdy nirvana and, well, yes, we are THAT family of geeky Broadway buffs blurting out lines from old show tunes at the dining room table.

Wanna come for dinner? No problem. Dress casual. Bring a face mask.

Aaaaand, for your musical pleasure, here's a little something, just for you, with slightly adjusted verbage, to compliment the suckage:

Yes, we're barely alive with the help of Mucinex
With muck we have flung for like a thousand years
The crud fills their lungs with the sound of mucus
My heart feels like it's gonna drown with every cough it hears

It makes me want to beat the creeping crud out of them
just from total lack of sleep
I just want them to breath (dammit!)
makes parent teacher conferences seem like a breeze

To cough so hard it makes them trip and fall
god I hate that their feeling this way
To cough through the night
and sleepwalk through the rest of the day

I go to the pills when my heart feels all achy
I know I will hear what I've heard before
Their lungs will be blessed with the sound of Mucinex
And I'll sleep once more

Dinner's at 6-ish, you're welcome!!!

[This is an unpaid, unsponsored and undoubtedly the dorkiest post I've written in, well, what day is it? Aaaaaanyway, just be glad I didn't post the video I made of myself, you know, singing it, stupid sleep deprivation.]

© 2003 – 2011 This FULL House Blog / This FULL House (Re)Views

January 5, 2011
Curse While You’re Thinking
It Saves Time (In Jersey, Anyway!)

Queen Latifah (love her!) gives a really great interview in Parade Magazine, this week:

"There's something about growing up in New Jersey that prepares you for whatever you might encounter around the world. We're not afraid to go places."

Having lived in Jersey, all my life, I feel it safe to say, "What she said!!!"

Contrary to what many other people may think (about people from Jersey) specifically, about moms like me…ahem…we really do know how to use our words and, although we tend to speak with our hands, some of us more than others…ahem…Jersey Girls know how to use their inside voices, too.

[sound of crickets, chirping]

Unless, you've had someone home, sick, since Christmas Eve and then get dumped on by 3 feet of snow (a.k.a. Snowmaggedon) causing you to convince a typically understanding 15 year-old (note: she was the one sick on Christmas) that…YES!!!…celebrating unbirthdays is waaaay cool (IS SO!) oh, and that shopping for last minute New Year's Eve snackage is awesome AND fun (see previous parenthesis) then, some unfortunate a$$hat decides to take your parking space.

[inhales]

You know, the one you've been patiently waiting on for the last eleventy hours.

"ARE YOU FRICKIN' KIDDING ME!"

[puts car in park, rolls up sleeves, swallows gum]

"What are *bleep*ing blind, can't you see me *bleep*ing waiting ovuh-heh?"

[inhales]

"Yah, well, a very Happy *Bleep*ing New Year, to you, too, you morrrrrrr-RON!"

Aaaand, this is about the time I remembered that, you know, my 15 year-old was still in the car and, judging by the look on her face, I just earned myself another reason why I won't be accepting Mother of the Year, again, or anytime soon, for that matter.

[rolls window down]

"Yeah, what SHE said!"

Then again, looking on the bright side, my kids are getting older and, well, worst case, they won't be afraid to call out bad behavior when the see it.

[rolls window up]

"Um…what the heck is an A$$hat?"

Aaaand they seem to be able to show much more restraint than, you know, their mother, already.

"Someone who says or does something, stupid, without thinking."

On the other hand, the lesson would have been MUCH MORE effective if, you know, I had thought to roll the window down…first.

"Can I say it?"

[one beat, two beats]

"Only if someone really, really deserves it!"

So, Happy New Year, everyone…except you.

[rolls down window]

"You stupid, parking-space-stealing, a$$hat!"

What she said!

© 2003 – 2011 This FULL House Blog / This FULL House (Re)Views

January 2, 2011
Nearly Wordless Wednesday:
Freeze Framed – Jersey Style!

Created with the most BESTEST, AWESOMEST, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT BUTTER not to mention, ABSOLUTELY FRIGALICIOUS Christmas gift…EVUH (thank you, Garth – not your real name – you TOTALLY rock my socks!) deep freeze courtesy of Snowmaggedon 2010.

Edited with Picasa 3.0 to Bruce Springsteen's 10th Avenue Freeze Out (DITTO!)

Check out the Official Wordless Wednesday HQ
Tag, you're it: Wordless Wednesday

See you next year, everyone!!!

© 2003 – 2011 This FULL House Blog / This FULL House (Re)Views

December 29, 2010
Spittin’ on Sunshine (Wooah!)

Happy 15th Birthday, Heather!

By now, you've been marked on the measuring wall, had your birthday hunt and opened your gift (you're welcome!) and I really do hope that you're not too disappointed.

Don't worry. I understand. Even if you swore a thousand and one times on your beloved great-grandmother's grave (who loved you very much, too and is probably watching, right now, so I better be REAL careful about what I say next) birthdays SHOULD be coveted and a time when selflessness is, more often than not, overlooked.

Unless, you live in our house…your birthday falls SMACK in the middle of cold and flu season…it snowed about two-gazillion feet and you're STILL digging out (DAMMIT!) or, in this case, ALL of the above (see previous parenthesis!) aaaand, your birthday sleepover (a.k.a. slumberless) party has been postponed (again) until maybe, um, next year?

"How about if I pencil you in for this Thursday?"

It's times like these when I begin to believe that wishing on sunshine and rainbows is highly overrated.

"That's okay, Momma, I understand."

As I watch you, right now, whille we take advantage of a delayed opening at dad's office (YAY!) and enjoy an impromptu breakfast celebration (i.e. just happened to have eggs, milk AND enough flour) chowing down on his scrumpdeliumptious crepes and finding contentment with where you are, right now.

"For some reason, these taste really, really good today, dad!"

It's only then do I realize the warm streams of light that begin to float through our dining room window and find absolute joy in being able to see our spit in the sunshine.

"Wait, let me try!"

Still, I can't help but agree with your father and his gosh-darned New England sensibility (sort of!)

"You guys are really just too much!"

Because, these are the times, when I truly believe, with all my heart, there is NO such thing as too much gift.

"Ready, together now!"

Happy Birthday, BeeBop!!!

"We're spittin' on sunshine, WHOOAH!"

Once again, you've proved yourself WAY too much gift, for me — but, I love, LOve, LOVe, oh my gosh, I absolutely freakin' LOVE you — I'm keeping you, anyway.

© 2003 – 2011 This Full House Blog / This FULL House (Re)Views

December 28, 2010