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  • Watch Out, Watch Out, She’s Got Man-fingers!

    I have NEVER been (or will ever be) associated with anything even remotely petite. I was one of the lucky ones to have blossomed earlier than the rest of my entire second grade class, which earned me the nickname "Amazon", because SECOND GRADE and…flash-forward eleventy-three years…SARCASM!!!

    Then, sometime around the fall of 6th grade, the Wonder Woman television show hit the airways:

     

    Aaaaand, I was all…BOOM!!!…POW!!!…NOW all the world is ready for me, and all the wonders I could do! Even though I wasn't as…uhhhhhh…tricked out…as Lynda Carter was (still is) …physically…or any other 'cally…especially, in the 6th grade…or ever.

    Not to mention, the show had pretty much ended by the time we got into high school and then John Hughes brought back petite…dammit.

    Disclosure: I am a HUGE John Hughes fan, literally.

    Still, after birthing 4 babies, I've grown to love my 5' 9", size 12 body frame — bumps, lumps, hug-worthy squishy parts and all — my man-fingers, not so much. Most especially, texting with my man-fingers. On the other hand (see what I did there?!?), they come in very handy when:

    • Opening wine bottles
    • Opening pickle jars
    • Opening ALL the jars
    • Poking holes into packages
    • Ripping open cardboard boxes
    • Poking and ripping ALL the things
    • Flipping someone the bird (don't even make have to!)
    • Epic 5 stars — my teens gave me that one, I still don't know what that means

    Yesterday, I came up with a new one:

    • Scrubbing grout into total submission

    Yah, that's right, no grout is safe! Unless, it's bathroom floor-type grout that's been multiplying since last New Year's Day. Then…OH YES…it's gonna get ugly, real fast.

    Flash-forward this afternoon: I mentioned how the tips of my fingers hurt while chatting with Melisa (because she's a good listener and NEVER judges me and I love her!), but even she had a hard time imagining why the tips of my fingers would hurt.

    Me: Yah, it sort of looks like the prune-y skin you get after swimming.

    Melisa: [waiting for me to finish, because REALLY?!?]

    Me: I think maybe it was the fact that I used straight-up bleach, to clean the grout.

    [one beat, two beats]

    Melisa: Because, CHEMICAL BURN!

    [blink, blink]

    I looked down at my man-fingers.

    Manfingers, busted

    Getting all up close and personal with my man-fingers…

    UPSIDE: I didn't even feel burning them while making dinner, too much.

    Manfigers, fried

    Deep-fried man-finger, it's what's for dinner!

    Sooooo, I guess there's no use in hiding it any longer…[heavy sigh]…YES!!!…my name is Wonder Dork…and I have man-fingers…and you should be feeling really, really good about yourself…right now!

    You're welcome.

    ©2003 -2015 This Full House with a fan page on Facebook, a way for you to subscribe to receive This Full House blog post by Email and everything! Also, I'm attempting to blog EVERY DAY in 2015, I hope it lasts! #TFH365

  • Blogtexting, Almost!

    Upside: I figured out how to insert images into blog posts from my cellphone…FINALLY!!!

    YAY!!!! And, SHEW!!! Should make my posting every day (like Casey does, because she's wicked-smaht, like that!) a little easier…I know, I know…just smile and pretend like it could happen, a'ight?!?

    Next Up: Figuring out how to add a title and perhaps set it up so the blog post defaults to "draft" and does NOT publish before adding a title and maybe even a sentence or two, sigh.

    IMG_20150103_085704.jpg

    So now I'm all aggravated and totally forgot what I was going to write about my son surprising us with these warm and awesomely awesome cinnamon crescent rolls he baked fresh for us, for dessert.

    On second thought, enough said.

    ©2003 -2015 This Full House with a fan page on Facebook, a way for you to subscribe to receive This Full House blog post by Email and everything! Also, I'm attempting to blog EVERY DAY in 2015, I hope it lasts! #TFH365

  • Blogtexting, Unfiltered

    I've never tried blogging from my phone, because texting is difficult enough — stupid manfingers. Still. I spent the first half of the day taking the Christmas tree down (it's gloomy-rainy out, so why not?) and the rest of the day doing laundry, because in this house, the overflow is never ending.

    My couch is holding me hostage. Even after my insisting…NOOOOOOOO….I have to go and blog, couch!!!…and then my phone was all…psssssst, why don't you try blogtexting?

    So, here I sit. Blogtexting on a Saturday night – don't be jealous!

    Of course the paragraphs look a lot bigger on my phone than they actually are, probably.

    The real trick now is figuring out how to insert an image into this blog post, from my phone…please feel free to grab a warm beverage and a quick snack, while I figure it out…BRB!

    [cue some sort of bloggity-type muzak]

    Okay, I'm back. Soooo, it seems I cannot insert photos from my phone…easily…but I feel bad, because a blog post about absolutely nothing should (at the very least) have a pretty picture to go with it, or something.

    Hang on a second, BRB!

    Day 3 Prettiful Skies

    Thompson Park (Lincroft, NJ) at dusk, no filter…because my middle girl was all…do NOT even think about using a filter for that shot…she's very, very anti-filter and I'mma little skeered of her.

    Sorry about that! It took me a little longer to get offa the couch and over to my laptop…and then log into my blog…so that I could insert that image up there…without wanting to bitch-slap my cell phone for enticing me enough to actually believe I can textblog…from the couch…because I love you THAT much!

    [sound of crickets, chirping]

    Aaaaaaaand, now it seems I've lost my place on the couch.

    Doofus Unfiltered

    Doofus-dawg, also unfiltered…

    Stupid blogtexting, dumbass short couch.

    ©2003 -2015 This Full House with a fan page on Facebook, a way for you to subscribe to receive This Full House blog post by Email and everything! Also, I'm attempting to blog EVERY DAY in 2015, I hope it lasts! #TFH365

  • Free labor!

    I was pregnant with our oldest daughter when Garth (not his real name) and I bought our house, which makes for an awesome timeline…because our oldest daughter turned 21 in November…and now I don't have to worry about doing too much math, to figure out that we bought this house 21 years ago and…YES!!!…I'm an awesome planner, like that.

    3 more kids later, not so much.

    This house was supposed to be our starter home. What?!? Okay, fine. I guess it's safe to say that we're just really sloooooooooooow starters…ahem…aaaaaanyway, a modest 3 bedroom home would fit us perfectly.

    3 more kids later, not so much.

    Now that the kids are mostly grown and 2 are very nearly out of the house, there's really no reason for us to upgrade to a larger home. See how that ALL worked out?!? Besides, our 3 girls have grown used to sharing a bedroom for this long, what's another year or twenty, right?!?

    Note to our girls, if any of you are reading this post right now: that was totally a rhetorical question.

    Anyway, here's the really, really, best…I mean like totally AWESOME…part of having ALL 4 kids STILL living at home:

    Day 2 All Hands on Deck!

    It's 38 degrees and sunny out, ALL HANDS ON DECK!

    FREE LABOR, enough said! Oh, and if you're wondering where kidlet #4 is?

    Hope likes to organize - she gets it from her Dad!

    Hope likes to organize stuff, she gets it from her Dad!

    I've put her organizational skills to good use — she's already gone through the ENORMOUS stack of filing that's been piling up since I don't remember when and is waiting for permission to shred!

    The Christmas tree, on the other hand, will most likely stay up until around sometime in February…because I'm also easy-breezy, like that.

    ©2003 – 2015 This Full House with a fan page on Facebook, a way for you to subscribe to receive This Full House blog post by Email and everything! Also, I'm attempting to blog EVERY DAY in 2015, I hope it lasts! #TFH365

  • Because a picture paints a thousand words AND sometimes maybe even a house!

    Contrary to what the rest of my family feels (except for my son, who celebrates his birthday on the 23rd), January is one of my most favorite months of the year. For me, waking up on New Year's Day is sort of like turning to a fresh page in a brand new notebook or purchasing a novel I've been aching to read.

    Half the excitement is in the anticipation of the journey, equaled only by the endless possibilities in watching the progression of a story unfold.

    Personal blogging is a lot like that: I have ALL the words in January, but then life begins to quickly insist on equal (if not more) facetime and, well, trying to weed through all the suckage…day in and day out…has a way of knocking even the most coherent sentences…senseless.

    Case in point, see previous paragraph.

    Long story short: My kids and I have literally grown up in this space and celebrating the start of 2015 also means I've now entered into my 12th year of blogging, however, I'm personally finding it increasingly difficult to write — not without feeling as if I'm being kept behind the border of some imaginary line of what is or isn't blog-worthy.

    Excuse my Jersey, but FRIG THAT!

    I take a lot of pictures, every day. I also share a lot of photos on social media, because they are moments that have either given me a good laugh or moved me in some way and…honestly…I enjoy sharing laughs and movements are good, too.

    Photos have always been an inspiration to the stories I've shared here at This Full House, in fact, this blog has morphed into a timeline of sorts for…oh, I don't know…like settling family disputes or dating our appliances.

    For example, when our water heater broke (among other things) last month:

    Garth (not his real name): When did we get this &%#$ing water heater, anyways?!?!

    Me: Wait, let me check the blog.

    [one beat, two beats]

    Me: We got the &%#$ing water heater in September 2009, when I posted about Our Date night on Twitter.

    Social media is awesome, but it will never replace blogging…not completely…because you can squeeze only so much awesome into 140 characters, right?!? RIGHT?!?

    [sound of crickets, chirping]

    Right. Soooo, for my first blog post in 2015, I grabbed my phone…looked out my kitchen window…and grabbed a shot of the very first thing I saw, you know, for inspiration:

    Day 1 January Blues

    It's a photo of my husband, Garth (not his real name) and he's painting the house…again.

    So, besides explaining to you why he is painting the house in January, I can also prove to our insurance company that:

    • YES!!! My husband is painting the house!!!
    • He has been TRYING to get the house painted since around Thanksgiving!!!
    • But he also works 3 out of 4 weekends, most every month.
    • And he's literally freezing his ball-bearings off!!!
    • Still TRYING to get the house painted!!!
    • BY JANUARY 16th!!!
    • Which is the deadline before they cancel our homeowner's insurance!!!
    • If we don't get the house painted.
    • BY JANUARY 16TH!!!
    • And did you know that paint is best applied only in temperatures ABOVE 35 degrees?!?!
    • Because, WINTER!!!

    Stupid insurance company, dumbass exterior latex paint.

    ©2003 -2015 This Full House with a fan page on Facebook, a way for you to subscribe to receive This Full House blog post by Email and everything! Also, I'm attempting to blog EVERY DAY in 2015, I hope it lasts! #TFH365

  • 13 Things NOT On My Bucket List

    Blogging while under the influence of teenagers is hard, but blogging in December is way harder and this is where my son would holler, "That's what SHE said!" from somewhere else in the house, because teenagers are very selective about their hearing and especially with regard to retaining information — most especially when passing along said information, at the most inappropriate of times.

    Siiiiiiiiiigh.

    Oh, and I was going to throw in something about working full-time, but decided not to (you're welcome!) because life sort of has a way of coming back and biting me in the butt…REAL HARD…and I happen to looooooove AND neeeeeeed my job.

    Soooooo, how about if you and I cop a squat on the couch, grab a couple of pillows and chat a little bit about anything OTHER than the holidaze…kids…bills…or not being able to identify the source of the smell emitting from the kitchen, at the moment, m'kay?!?

    50 Shades of Doofus

    My friend, Melissa created a brilliant list of blog post prompts to get us started…or 128 ways to help ease my current state of blogstipation…because having words stuck in your head is painful, man!

    Today, I'm hitting up #7: 13 Things NOT on My Bucket List (in no particular order, but equally as terrifying):

    1. Bungee jumping: I'm terribly afraid of heights. Like in can't-get-past-the-third-floor-of anything-AND-fight-the-urge-to-puke-my-brains-out-at-the-same-time-type of terribly afraid. Besides, I free fall all the time. It's not pretty, even this close to the ground. I'll be happy to cheer you on, with my eyes closed and everything.

    2. Skydiving: See number one above. See also, AHHELLNO!

    3. Ride in a hot air balloon: Okay, so we've pretty much established the fact that, if it's off of the ground, but I can still see the ground or feel the slightest puff of wind on my face, it's most probably on my NOT list. But I'll be happy to cheer you on, with my eyes closed, etc…

    4. Hold a monkey: I've seen how they look at me, maybe start off with handshake first?

    5. Look inside a mouth of a volcano: We have teenagers, been there and done that.

    6. Blow glass: Considering I mistakenly suck in when blowing bubbles, all the time. 

    Hang on a second…

    Alright, get it out of your system…THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!!!!…and shouldn't you be doing your homework or something?!?

    …thanks, moving on…

    7. Have my nude body artistically painted: As far as YOU know, anyways (you're welcome!)

    8. Own a fabulous pair of designer shoes: Because my feet don't write checks my mouth can't cash…wait, that didn't come out right…THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!!

    9. Have drinks in an ice bar: Because I am that dork who tries to see if their tongue sticks to the bar and…well…YouTube couldn't handle so many hits…YO!

    10. Survive at paintball: Two minutes in, I'd be dead.

    11. Drive a zamboni: Okay, I lied. YES!!!

    11. (for real!). Go skinny-dipping: Oh wait, nevermind.

    12. (because 11 is being a jerk!). Find out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop: Especially, NOT in an ice bar!

    13. Eat frogs legs: Without eating the whole frog, I mean…because I'm an ALL-IN-type of person, as well…YO!

    Okay, your turn to tell me what's on or NOT on your bucket list. Better yet, blog it!

    ©2003 -2014 This Full House with a fan page on Facebook, a way for you to subscribe to receive This Full House blog post by Email and everything!

  • Teenagers are like video games: I press ALL the buttons and hope for the best!

    My husband Garth (not his real name) and I were talking while doing the dishes, yesterday…because it's one of the very few times we can pretty much guarantee ourselves some privacy, at our house.

    PSA: Teens have a hard time figuring out when the dishwasher is clean (or dirty) unless they are specifically told the dishwasher NEEDS to be changed and then they suddenly (and very mysteriously) become SEVERELY allergic to doing the dishes.

    Aaaaaanyway, I was doing the math…WHAT?!?…it COULD happen…and realized Garth (not his real name) and I had just celebrated our 25th Thanksgiving, together.

    Which is REAL weird, considering we only recently got married…in my head, anyway…AND don't EVEN get me started on how it's possible we could have 4 teenagers in the house?!?!

    Fiiiiiiiiine, the oldest is twenty-something…I'm in denial…A'IGHT?!?!

    Goodbye November

    Aaaaaaanyway, I get all mushy, gushy and squishy around the holidaze — okay, more than usual — and I seemed to have passed on some of the mushy-gushy-squishy genes to my kids…in varying degrees, of course.

    Youngest: Time to break out the Christmas movies, which one do we watch first?!?!

    It's a family tradition, that dates back to I don't remember when, but it just doesn't feel like Thanksgiving…unless someone is fighting over which one of the Christmas movies to watch…first.

    Garth(NHRN): Christmas Vacation.

    On this one, Daddy wins.

    Middle Girl: What movie should we watch, next?!?!

    I only wanted to close my eyes for a few minutes (dang you, turkey coma!), but I somehow managed to sleep right through Christmas Vacation and…well…I've seen it enough times and could probably recite the entire movie…but I won't…you're welcome!

    Oldest: How about we see what's on these old VHS tapes?

    Last year, I found a couple of unmarked tapes and tossed them into the bucket.

    Me: Uh-oh!!!

    [blank stares]

    Me (to my husband): I dunno, you think it's safe?!?!

    [one beat, two beats]

    Oldest: OMG!!!

    Middle girl: REALLY?!?!

    The boy: I just ate, ova here!!!

    Youngest: What?!? WHAT?!? Ohhhhhhhhh…and…EWWWWWW!!!!!

    And so ended the Thanksgiving that I made Garth (not his real name) belly-laugh all the way to the bathroom.

    [wipes eyes]

    I win, EVERYTHING!

    ©2003 -2014 This Full House with a fan page on Facebook, a way for you to subscribe to receive This Full House blog post by Email and everything!

  • James and The Chocolate Advent Calendar

    It's the holidays, again — or the holidaze, as we call it at our house. It hit 70+ degrees, yesterday…and the Weather Channel dudes promised 60's, today…then we're supposed to get hit with a snow storm, tomorrow…and WELCOME TO JERSEY!

    I even saw a couple of gnats flying around, all confused and stuff, until I squashed them against the kitchen window…because gnats are gnasty.

    [sound of crickets, gasping for breath]

    Aaaaaanyway, for the holidaze to have officially arrived at our house, at least one of three things has probably happened.

    1. A major appliance has died or is very nearly dead.
    2. Someone in our immediate family is dealing with a medical emergency.
    3. One of the vehicles is in need of a major repair.

    And by Thursday, we hit two out of three: the water heater broke; Doofus-dawg got REAL sick and we had to rush him to the animal hospital on Saturday.

    Aaaaaand, YES!!! We consider our pets as immediate members of our family, because fur babies are people, too.

    [the sound of crickets, exploding]

    Long story, short: the hits just keep coming, it's been a loooooooong and stress-filled week/month/year, you guys.


    There IS some good, here: our Doofus-dawg pulled through and is on his way to a full recovery, just in time for "Are you going to eat ALL that Turkey?" Day.

    [knocking on wood, until knuckles bleed]

    Okay, that's some REAL GOOD news…right there!

    "Hey mom, it's me."

    Aaaaaand, then…after spending last weekend with friends…my oldest called home, very early (i.e. before I had a chance to finish my first cup of coffee) yesterday morning.

    "My car broke down."

    Without going into too much detail (you're welcome!) this, my friends, is a fine example of THE WORST possible timing, at it's best.

    "GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

    My two oldest girls carpool, together. My oldest is in-between jobs, at the moment. Both of our cars have hit 100,000+ miles. For reasons too looooooong and booooooooring to go into, something in my brain broke. I was just two gray cells shy of having a total mental breakdown.

    "Call your father!"

    Because I'm an awesome mom, like that.

    2 cups of coffee later, I dropped my middle girl off at work and, although I was much calmer than when we first left the house (I blame it on my broken brain), my thoughts grew very dark.

    Why this? Why now? Why us? And, more importantly, how in the heck was I going to get 2 other people to work, with 1 working car between us?

    I pulled a u-ey (or a u-turn, if you're not from Jersey) and decided to make a quick stop at Michaels, because suckage like this calls for some serious yarn-therapy…YO!

    Yarn therapy

    There were three skeins of the oatmeal-colored yarn I needed…yes, I NEEEEEEDED THEM!!!…and thank goodness, because I was already running dangerously low on gray cells…but I only grabbed two skeins…so as not to deny anyone else some yarn-therapy…and welcome to my brain!

    "Hold onto the calendar TIGHT, Jimmy."

    I stood in line behind a woman with three little kids, I'm guessing all under the age of double-digit-back-talk, the youngest sitting in a stroller and holding on…TIGHT….to an advent calendar.

    [whispering]

    "There's chocolate in here!"

    [a little louder]

    "The kind you eat!"

    I looked down and realized that the little boy was actually talking to me.

    "Mmmm…hmmm."

    Pro-Tip: Little kids aren't very good at understanding when an adult isn't in the mood for conversation, just so you know.

    "Every day, we get to eat one piece!"

    This time, I just nodded my head, because I'm awesome with little kids, like that.

    "Me…my sisters…even my dad…"

    A grin broke out all over his face and I began to feel this funny sort of fuzzy warm start to wash over my body.

    "Wow…you mean, you share chocolate with your dad, too?!?!"

    He smiled, nodded his head and continued to poke at the calendar.

    "Uh-huh…aaaaaand…he gets to open the FIRST window!"

    Aaaaaand then it hit me…like a trunk-load of unfinished baby books, upside the head…the longing for the days when a quick trip to Michaels and a simple little chocolate advent calendar could bring a smile to our faces, like that.

    "We get one of these, all the times!"

    Funny thing is, so do we…ALL the times…in fact, arguing over who opened the first (or last) window has become a sort of family tradition, every December 1st.


    Along with putting their shoes out on St. Nicholas Day, every December 6th!

    Something in my brain began to heal. I was once again reminded of the little things that make this frazzled, wigged-out and very tired mama's heart…happy.

    "Wow, it's so nice of you to let your dad open the first one!"

    And then the suckage didn't seem all that bad, really. Nothing that we can't live (or haven't lived) through, before.

    "Yeah, I know. His name is James, just like mine!"

    Nothing that a chocolate advent calendar couldn't remedy, I mean.

    "Well, it's very nice to meet you…James!"

    I smiled all the way back to my way car, I even made eye contact with folks (some of them, smiling back), because I just got schooled…by a pre-schooler. And thank you for the reminder, little James.

    ©2003 -2014 This Full House with a fan page on Facebook, a way for you to subscribe to receive This Full House blog post by Email and everything!  

  • The Growth Plates

    It's been 10 years since my parents sold their house and moved further down the shore to live in a retirement village, or what my kids fondly refer to as "Camp Mama and Papa," but they each have their own very special memories about the house on 10 Union Street and enjoy sharing stories that usually begin with, "Remember that time at Mama's and Papa's old house?" and end with my youngest not having a clue about what they are talking about.

    "You were just too little to remember."

    It's tough being the youngest, sometimes. Okay, mostly every day, especially if you ask our youngest. She was only 3 years-old when my parents moved and, unlike her 3 siblings, she hadn't "learned how to swim in Mama and Papa's pool" or "ride a scooter down their street" and finding little reminders around our own house isn't helping any.

    Growth plates 2

    "Are these the plates Holly, Heather and Glen keep talking about?"

    Hope was helping me clean the house, the other day (someone was probably coming over for dinner) and she came across a set of plates, tucked way into a corner and hanging next to the bookcase.

    "Yes, and I forgot they were even there."

    They're a set of wooden nesting plates my parents brought back from one of their trips to Hungary, and they used to hang along the stairs in their entryway of their "old house", like this:

    Growth Plates at Mama and Papa's house

    We would use them to measure how tall the kids were growing, judging by the size of plate they could actually reach and pull off of the nail. But I'm not sure (i.e. that brain cell burned off long ago and I just can't remember) if anyone was big enough to reach the largest plate.

    So, I asked Glen and Holly….because Heather was at work and, well, we already know that two out of three ain't bad….according to Meatloaf, anyway….and if you don't know who Meatloaf is….look it up, youngster.

    [sticks out tongue, blows bangs out of eyes]

    Sooooooo, according to Glen — who has all sorts of random facts stored in his brain, he gets it from his father — nope, no one could reach or has ever been able to pull the largest plate from its nail.

    "Oh, really? Watch this!"

    Until now, because being the youngest (and smallest) can make a kid feel way more competitive than her siblings EVER were, daaaaaaaaangit. Also, this happens to be the same kid who sent out her own birthday invitations….

    "Hi, I'm R.S.V.P.-ing for Hope's birthday party."

    ….without bothering to mention it to me, her father OR anyone else.

    "Oh, I see…and I should have known…it was written in crayon…."

    Along with a note scribbled at the bottom, saying:

    "Der wilbe food cak fwom da stor and yuky tee"

    No, I don't have the invitation. Did I mention, she's the 4th in line? Of everything?

    [kicks half-finished baby book under desk]

    Yeah. I know. I suck. Soooooo, let it be known that:

    Hope is the only kid tall enough to reach AND pull the largest plate from its nail….HUZZAH!!!

    [sound of crickets chirping] 

    Growth plates

    We moved the growth plates to a more prominent and very visible area, you know, as a reminder. In case she forgets. Not to mention, one of the plates happens to cover up a rip in the wallpaper….very nicely….guess which one?!?

    "OH WAIT!!! I remember something!!!"

    [eyes go wide]

    "I remember going with you to take Papa to look for a new house…"

    Yes, yes she did!

    "Then tripping on the sidewalk, falling down and ripping my knee open!"

    Yup, she gets it from her mother.

    ©2003 -2014 This Full House with a fan page on Facebook, a way for you to subscribe to receive This Full House blog post by Email and everything!