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As most of you know, by now – especially, if you’ve recently had the pleasure of spending an outrageous amount of time waiting in an airport, WITH ME – I’m not a very good airline traveler.

[burp]

Excuse me, but attending BlogHer ’07 was the first time I had boarded an airplane in 15 years and, thankfully, I was lucky enough to be seated next to a young couple (he was from Chicago and they were both moving back to her home, in Norway) who were kind enough to talk me up…through…and down the entire way.

[I would link to my post, where I blogged about it, but I can’t seem to get anyone to tell me just how in the heck to download them from the wpdatabase dump…as if, I have time…or, obtain the necessary degree(s)…to be able to convert .sql to .xml…DANGIT!]

Then, remember my trip to California, earlier this month?

[Which, I can link to…because, I decided to re-post all of October…before the dump, just in case…since, I am SUCH a dork!]

Where my plane was re-routed to Dulles and the naked dude?

[insert mental etcha-sketch, NOW!]

Well, I must be a magnet of misfortune – these things seem to happen to me…all…the…time – although, it could always have been worse and…now, that I think on it some more…a couple of scenarios come to mind.

Thirteen things about flying the friendly skies:

• Taking the last of a box of Dramamine and finding out that your flight’s been delayed, the recommended dose!

• Deciding to buy another box, ANYWAY…and realizing that you’re out of cash and you’ve lost your debit card!

• Feeling nauseous while waiting in a standing-room-only crowd of annoyed business travelers, suddenly remembering that you’re a bit claustrophobic, as well and hoping that you do NOT actually, throw up…OUTLOUD.

• Having your flight delayed, AGAIN, throwing your arms up in
  exasperation and then hitting the guy in the head, standing next to you.

• Fully admitting that you are an absolute klutz and then tripping over his suitcase, as an exclamation point!

• Boarding the plane, FINALLY, and realizing that not only are you…way…in…the…back…of…the…plane…AGAIN…but, the guy you just rammed with the umbrella (the one she insisted you take, btw) yep, he IS sitting next to you.

• Having your flight delayed – what, NOT again!?!? – and sitting on the plane for another two hours, on the ground!

• Skipping dinner, making fun of your MIL for suggesting that you go and buy a candy bar, just in case and then tearing into the rest of your spearmint gum, as if it were your last meal on earth…sorry, Mom…stupid United Airlines!

• Nearly losing your lunch…in your purse…but, finding your debit card.

• Not being able to find a way to remedy the nervous habit of yawning, nearly choking on your spit and then spitting your gum on the passenger sitting in front of you.

• And wondering who you’ll be sitting next to, in Hades, for NOT telling her.

• Arriving to your destination, FINALLY, with a splitting headache, and finding out that your driver is an excellent conversationalist!

• You realize that you can talk and chew gum, with your eyes closed…at the same time…while your driver politely carries ALL of your bags to the front door, thanks you for a pleasant trip and refuses to take a tip…thinking, perhaps you’re NOT such a dork, after all!

Yeah, I guess now you see why it could always have been worse….besides, you could have been traveling with me…stupid United Airlines!

Have you heard about Blog Day for the Mothers Act?

It’s a part of the BlogHers Act and a global issue that BlogHers would like to see addressed during the 2008 American Presidential election.

Today, I am proud to say that I support The Mothers Act and would like to tell you a little about what BlogHers (like me) are doing to help make a difference and do something good, for a change.  I mean, really.  In this day and age.  I can’t think of a reason why another mother should suffer from postpartum depression.

It’s real and it sucks to have to admit that I did not enjoy those first 6 months of being a mother – not like a lot of other mothers I knew, who swore that they did – each and every time.  Beyond all the apprehension and second-guessing, that goes with the territory.  I didn’t know what it was, really.  Just, that I didn’t feel.  Anything.  Except, maybe shame.  And kept it to myself.  I was a mother, after all.

I just did it.

Luckily, I had Garth (not his real name) to help me through the really rough patches and a very supportive family.  But, since I started blogging, it was plain to see that this is not always the case.  I was NOT the only one to suffer in silence.

Now my daughters will know better, too.

Power is knowledge and it’s high time we of the Internets banned together and blow-out the blogosphere with the biggest warm fuzzy, EVUH!

More about The Mothers Act:

The Moms Opportunity to Access Help,
Education, Research and Support for Postpartum Depression Act, or
MOTHERS Act (S. 1375),
will ensure that new mothers and their families are educated about
postpartum depression, screened for symptoms and provided with
essential services.  In addition, it will increase research into the
causes, diagnoses and treatments for postpartum depression.  The bill
is sponsored by Senators Menendez and Durbin.

More about postpartum depression from Katherine Stone:

"Postpartum depression is a serious and disabling condition that affects
up to 20 percent of new mothers — as much as 800,000 American women
each year.  Yet only 15 percent of these women will receive any
assessment or treatment.  Let me repeat.  With all we know and as smart
as we are, only 15% of 800,000 women will get diagnosed and treated.
That is so wrong on so many levels.  Women are not being diagnosed
because they’re not being educated and they’re not being screened.
Untreated, the consequences of maternal mood disorders range from
chronic, disabling depression to death.  The impact of untreated
maternal depression on infants/children ranges from behavioral and
learning disabilities to depression and, in the worst case scenarios,
death from infanticide."

More on what you can do to help:

1. Blog it on Blog Day for The MOTHERS Act tomorrow, Wednesday, October 24, 2007

2. Share your link at BlogHer

3. Proudly display the badge in this post stating you’re going to do the above.
4. CALL YOUR SENATORS AND ASK THEM TO SPONSOR AND SUPPORT THIS LEGISLATION!!!
5. Go to Postpartum Support International to get all the contact info you need.

Or, click here to find your United States Senator’s contact information and then all you need to do is say to the person who answers the phone:

"I’m calling because I want the Senator to vote for the MOTHERS
Act, Senate Bill 1375.  I vote and live in the Senator’s state."

That’s it – they’ll make a note of it, and
you’re done – it’s THAT easy and I’ll be damned to an eternity of inefficient appliances, if it won’t make you feel good.

Just DO it!

I arrived into Chicago, yesterday, and was immediately reminded of my time here during BlogHer ’07 – it really did make a world of difference – attending the BlogHer conference in July was SUCH a big step, for me.

I hadn’t flown in 15 years and it was the first time I had ever traveled, without Garth (not his real name) and the kids.

Those two reasons, alone, had me second-guessing myself nearly the entire trip – until, I met my roommates and I remembered that, you know, I am more than just someone’s mom, or love goddess.

[snicker]

Sorry, mom.

Though, I must admit, raising four children and dealing with their growing pains ranging anywhere from allowing my 10-year-old to shave her legs, NOT allowing my 13-year-old to go to the movies with her friends, who happened to invite some boys, unless her 8-year-old brother, and I, tagged along, too and convincing my 6-year-old that we can NOT possibly be the only family, who hasn’t gone to Disney.

[takes deep breath]

Well, let’s just say that keeping my head, above a crowd of 800+ women, in Chicago, was a breath of fresh air – compared to the everyday stink of sour laundry – but, I had to suppress a terrible urge to introducing myself as, "Hello, my name is Liz, I’m a mom and I totally suck!"

Attending BlogHer was an enlightening experience – what do ya’ mean, I’m not the only one coming out of my blog and scared witless – who knew?  I could mingle, talk about my dreams and discuss a plethora of different subjects, other than what brand of Kotex I preferred.  Unless, I wanted to.  In fact, hanging with me could actually be, I don’t know, sort of fun…right, Dana?

To make a long story, short (I know, too late) Dana and I connected and I was very happy to learn that we would be colleagues and writing for the Imperfect Parent.

In her latest article entitled, "Momstumes" Dana makes an interesting analogy about donning Halloween costumes and parenting, and wonders whether she is the only parent who pretends to be, someone else – especially, if it gets her through a very busy day:

"It doesn’t stop with work. The costumes I wear at home are numerous.
When the house is a mess, toys scattered from room to room and dishes
in the sink, I dress up as Lucille Ball in my gingham dress, with
scarves wrapped around my head, feather duster in hand just to tackle
the chores."

I know what she means – in fact, I used a similar explanation – especially, when other parents accuse me of being a "Super Mom" like they did at a birthday party Mini-me and I attended, recently.

"I’ve just grown used to wearing a lot of different hats."

And, sometimes they do get mixed up.

"So,  what is This Full House?"

Crap, here I go.

"It’s a blog…my blog…about me being a mom…"

[takes deep breath]

"I’m one of the mom bloggers on the panel speaking on Wednesday."

[eyes go wide]

"Oh, that’s right, there’s a lot of people looking forward to meeting you!"

Cewl…but, I had a sneaking suspicion that the woman at the reception, last night…leaning in close and reading the tag on my breast…wasn’t one of them.

[shrugs shoulders]

Judging by the way she brushed passed me and introduced herself to, you know, someone else – who knew?

But, that’s okay.  I didn’t expect her to know me (I’m not that vain)  But, she will.  Soon.  If there’s anything I’ve learned, since the 4 years I’ve been blogging – especially, in the last few months – it’s that mommybloggers are NOT shy.  Most especially, if we’re approached to volunteer our opinions AND you ask, nicely.

Then, make sure you have a nice, comfy place to put mommy’s frazzled and wigged-out little head – hey, Busy Mom, check out this GORGEOUS bed!

I swear, I had to squeal and the guy next door said he heard me – apparently, I snore – now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go and get ready, change out of these granny panties (you’re welcome) and convince some people, I DON’T suck!

Every year, Garth (not his real name) and I look forward to that weekend in October – you know, when soccer games are finally over and Garth (not his real name) isn’t working – and head over to our favorite pumpkin patch and spend the next 90 minutes choosing the perfect "Jack," oh…what fun it is to ride in a one horse…wait, that’s not right.

[takes deep breath]

Sorry, after raising 4 kids and having grown used to missing all sorts of deadlines, I kind of started losing track of the holidays.

So, without further adieu, 13 ways to de-constructing a pumpkin…without losing your mind:

1.  First, you cut off the top of its head with a carving knife – not worrying, too much, about forgetting the stupid camera, while picking – and taking into consideration that specialized carving kits are for wussies (read:  yeah, forgot that too!) and just keep the kids in a separate room, while doing this!

2.  Let the "oldest" one of your carving party go first – seeing as the 13-year-old decided she had, you know, better things to do – and because I SAID SO, DAMNIT!

3.  Followed by, whoever SCREAMS the loudest.

4.  TWICE, because…you know…she’s loud!

5.  Have plenty of smaller – not to mention, a lot less messy – pumpkins, or projects around…because, all you want is quiet, DAMNIT!

6.  To keep them away from the Gameboy stimulated and out of your hair you in the holiday spirit and just GET OVER it, already…because, there is NO way you’re getting a brother outta me, DAMMIT.

7.  And LET them use their hands…for sanity’s sake…the grosser, the better!

8.  Because, it eventually ALL comes out in the…oh, my…Daddy, look…is that the puke bucket Mommy’s using…GOSH!?!?!

9.  Got news for you, kids…it’s best to keep Daddy out of this…because, Mommy works better this way and he ain’t looking!

10.  And for the love of Christmas, yet to come, don’t forget to keep your pets from underfoot, or risk colliding head on with gravity…STUPID dog.

11.  Remember, if mommy’s happy…then, EVERYONE is happy!

12.  Even in the dark, that’s a pretty-good-looking pumpkin.

13.  Before the bugs got him…that is…STUPID pumpkin!

Hope this helps.  Happy Holidays, everyone.  The best we can hope for is to survive the next couple of weeks…with, at least, our dignities intact…oh, and try not to lose your heads… m’kay!?!?

You know that feeling you get – a cold sort of shiver that seizes
your insides and numbs your brain – when you take the chance and
venture out of your comfort zone, or meet new people for the very first
time?

Yes?  Then, perhaps you’ll understand why I haven’t slept a solid 2 hours, in 2 days.

Preparing for this trip wasn’t easy. I mean, beyond the typical
hassles most working parents are already aware of, like arranging for
child care and calling in a few favors from friends and perhaps that
elusive neighbor of yours. And not just getting over the physical (and
emotional) part of traveling a ridiculous distance, feeling less like a
person and more like cattle, crammed into something with very little
leg room and suddenly seems way too narrow.

Sheesh, ya’ think they have enough fuel to travel 3,000 miles in this thing?

Nope, I’m talking about…having to talk…in front of a roomful of
people who you admire…but, don’t know…in fact, they don’t know you,
either…not really…so, you practice…because, you can’t sleep…the
night before…and the morning of…and the guy next door is snoring,
anyway…very loudly…omg…shut up, already…and then you finally
think you’re ready…in fact…you look pretty good, too…you start to
chat…make a few people laugh…nice…good way to break the ice…you
think…and then…they ask the first question…and, then…

Nothing.

Yep, you know that feeling I was talking about – well, it hit me
like a ton of bricks – I started to answer, but my nerves took over and
my tongue decided it was better if I didn’t. You know, talk.

"Uh…I believe that women…um…I mean, the women on the internet don’t…"

Crap, I know this!

"Blogging helped me to reach outside myself…um…"

Oh…my…doG…what is up with my tongue!?!?

"Look, I’m obviously not used to being up on
stage…or, having ALL these lights on me…I’m saying um…and
uh…and stuff I promised myself that I wouldn’t….way too much."

Okay, they laughed…that’s good…keep going.

"I don’t discuss anything in my blog that I wouldn’t
feel comfortable talking about with friends, on my couch at home – this
is a real as you’re going to get, folks."

No, I wasn’t comfortable – and certainly a lot less articulate than
I would have liked to have been – but, the reason for this whole trip
was to introduce corporations to what it’s like, to live the days, in a
life, of a mommyblogger.

"Want to know who they are and what they want? What
they don’t want? Read their blogs. Check out their "about" pages.
They’ll spell it out for you!"

Those were perhaps the only excerpts of the two most important
points – one of about a dozen ramblings – that I am proud to have been
able to have driven home.

But, I got to meet one of my dearest online friends…Socalmom…for
the first time…and let me just tell you, it was love at first hug –
the BEST part of this whole trip, really – and that…my friends…is
what blogging is all about!

[pictures to follow, soon]

In just a few minutes, they’re going to call to let me know that it’s time to go.

These last few days have been amazing – my hosts have been more than
generous with their kindness towards making me feel as comfortable, as
possible – but, it’s time I bid farewell to the west coast and go back
to the life I know.

Make room on the couch, doofus-dog…I’m coming home!

In less than 24 hours, I am about to embark on one of the greatest
adventures of my life – since becoming a mom, anyway – and I’m excited
(AND grateful) to have been invited to attend Disney’s Corporate
Alliance Meeting in Anaheim, California.