This Full House Archive

Blog

  • Thursday Thirteen #4: It’s The Little Things That Does A Momma Good!

    Thingonedaddy_2

    Garth (not his real name) and I met on a blind date – his oldest sister and I were friends and  he only agreed to take me out (ONCE) on a dare – 2 months later, he proposed, I accepted and my father jumped Garth (not his real name) and nearly consummated the union, himself, right their in the middle of the living room!

    "Cheese and rice, I thought I was NEVER going to get rid of her!"

    Nice.

    Clearly, my parents were extremely happy – hell, my last boyfriend was a hockey player…10 years older and about 5 inches shorter than me…and used Elmer’s glue as hair mouse – and everyone in the family pretty much knew that my parents liked Garth (not his real name) more than, you know, me.

    17 years, 4 kids, 4 cats, and 1 sock-eating doofus-type dog later, my parents insist that I should start taking better care of Garth (not his real name) as the man is about as worn out as…um…I am and they swear that he gets NO respect!

    "Are you kidding me!?!?"

    Okay, it’s not like I don’t know Garth (not his real name) feels a bit tied down at the moment – and not in a fun sort of way, either – I mean, I lived with the man long enough to know that…um…I am NOT the easy woman to live with.

    Hey, I’m Hungarian – not to mention, a Gemini and the female half of fraternal twins – we ARE an emotional lot and Garth (not his real name) knew this from, like, right after he asked my father for his permission to marry me.

    "Someone help me get Daddy off of Garth (not his real name) please!"

    After 17 years, 4 kids….etc…etc…I can honestly say that – although, we’re both starting to show a little mileage and several weeks go by before we even get a chance to, you know, squeeze in a tune up  – there are certain things about daddy, that mommy knows best.

    Thursdaythirteenmistletoe

     

    13 Words of Association for Garth (not his real name)

    1.  Kisser:  luscious, suckable full lips such that Angelina Jolie would be, like, "Niiiiiiice!"

    2.  Looker:  his eyes are a beautiful shade of green and sort of like the color of the ocean, after a storm.

    3.  Humor:  slightly nutty, a bit Eddy Izzard-ish with a hint of Steven Wright.

    4.  Coffeemaker:  a perfect pot every time and hands it to me, in the shower, every morning!

    5.  Bugger:   kills spiders and other creepy crawlies, DEAD.

    6.  Psychic Reader:  Knows when to hold ’em, knows when to fold ’em, knows when to walk away, and knows when to RUN!

    7.  Healer:  I couldn’t have gotten through this week, without him!

    8.  Believer:  balances work, play and a full plate of very cold pasta carbonara with the greatest of ease.

    9.  Giver:  donated $$ to Thing Two’s girl scout bowl-a-thon, and walks around with holey shoes, because he is Father Christmas.

    10. Dapper:  the man can work a suit!

    11. Tougher:  than most men (even some women…who shall NOT be named…but, 9 of whom happen to work in his office) I know.

    12. Whiskers:  hence, his blog-alias….Garth.

    13. Fodder:  makes for great blog.

    It’s things like these – little miscellaneous words of association that either rhyme, or end in "er" – that does a momma good ;o)

    [Disclaimer:  the order in which items appear may change according to, and in keeping in line with, the author’s mood.]

  • Nearly Wordless Wednesday: Whose Plate Is It, Anyway?

    Playingwithfood_3

     

    Ours is perhaps the only house where playing with one’s food is terribly encouraged and taken to a MUCH higher level, I think – especially, when flaunted in the face of absolute suckage – can you guess whose plate this is?

    Thingonedrinks

    Is it Thing One?

    Theboyeats

    The Boy?

    Thingtwoignores

    Thing Two, perhaps?

    Minimeupclose

    Or, was it this little devil?

    Either way, rest assured that no one was harmed and that none of the animals (of the four-legged kind) were fed directly from the table and that burping, sneezing and random acts of flatulence – not to mention, various other forms of expelling one’s bodily functions and there ARE many, trust me – were kept at a minimum during the filming of last night’s dinner.

    We’re not total heathens, you know!

    But, do NOT try this at home, I am a professional and have been laughing at the face of etiquette since 1993!

    Sooooo….whose plate is it, anyway?

    [Edited to add:  Dana, you hit the beefy on the head, it was Mini-me and you’d be surprised how…um…disgusting she can be, with a piece of London broil.  Garth (not his real name) and I refer to her as, "our little carnivore!"  Kate, not this day….but, thanks for playing along, anyway!]

  • Monday Mommy Tip: Let It Go!

    Last week, I spoke of how much I used to hate Mondays and that – after years of taking quiet little moments for granted – it’s taken me some time to learn how to stop, drop and breath.

    Today is NOT one of those times.

    My Aunt Theresa – my mother’s only sister – has been suffering with diabetes ever since she gave birth to her second child at 20.

    Theresa is also my Godmother, but has always treated me like a younger sister – she was 12 when I was born – and has been my mentor and one of my best friends for, well, ever since I can remember.

    You see, Theresa and I have a lot in common – in more ways than one and some too painful to mention – and having been raised in a similar fashion, we both couldn’t wait to turn 18 and Theresa is the one who helped me develop my…ahem…rebellious streak.

    We shared secrets and our clothes, I was her full-time babysitter and she got me into the hottest bars – sorry, Mom! – and when I got married, I was very honored to learn that she was more than happy to be my Matron of Honor.

    Then, I grew up.

    Garth (not his real name) and I both worked very long hours on Wall Street (yes, NYC) and once we saved up enough to buy a house and then started having children of our own, we sort of lost touch.

    Oh, Theresa and I called each other and saw the families on holidays and such, but we both longed for  each other…of who we were…back in the day.

    Today, Garth (not his real name) got home early – a few minutes ago, in fact – to tell me that my parents had called to let him know Theresa is in the hospital, AGAIN.

    Her kidneys are failing – no biggie, just one more thing on a long list of suckage dealt to one of the strongest women I know –  but, this time, she’s refusing treatment and my parents thought it best if that I wasn’t home alone.

    Actually, my cousin had to take the phone from my mother and fill Garth (not his real name) in on the details, so that he could "break the news" to me.

    "How could she do this to her family and give up so easily?"

    Garth thinks she’s being selfish.  I, however, believe the opposite to be true and think it would be too much to ask that, you know, she hang around any longer.

    Theresa is 10 years younger than my mother and (at 55) she looks at least 20 years older than that!  Suckage will do that to a person.  Most of our family and friends know that Theresa is a survivor.  But, it seems that I am the only one in the family who does NOT expect, or even want her to fight, anymore and just let the poor woman go and give up, already!

    "How could we ask her NOT to?"

    I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, or how in the world my mother and I are ever going to live without her  – not to mention, how in the hell we’re going to tell the children that, yes…one of their favorite people in the whole wide world IS probably going to die – for today, I’ve decided to just…let it go.

    I mean, she IS still with us and the hubs and I are leaving for the hospital, as soon as the kids get home from school, today.

    Sometimes, life sucks – SHIT, I’m so pissed right now – and people around us are hurting and there’s just nothing we can do about it.  Except, perhaps ask God that he, you know, step in, at anytime, really, if he feels like it and QUICKLY!

    Nope, today is NOT a good day.

  • TGIBF: Stop, look and listen to how I really DO sound like Julie McCoy!

    Well, another Thanksgiving has come and gone and it’s funny, you know – not like ha-ha funny, but a weird sort of aha – it just hit me that, even though I’m glad that the week is finally over, it’s been really, really quiet.

    Shhh, just listen for a minute.

    Thanksgiving2007theboyandme

    This is The Boy – after finding the courage to "volunteer" to dance in front of a whole bunch of, you know, people – this is what a sigh of relief, looks like.

    Thanksgiving2007minime

    This is Mini-me – after admitting that I was indeed her mom, REALLY – this is what accepting independence, looks like.

    Thanksgiving2007girls

    These are my girls – each very different from the other – this is what feeling a genuine sense of pride, looks like.

    But, I was thinking.

    [shudder]

    A dangerous habit for someone with a limited amount of usable cerebral space available, already, I know.

    [shrugs shoulders]

    It’s about time I admitted to myself (as well as the rest of the Internets) that, even though I may grumble at the calendar and growl about how crazy-busy our lives can, you know, get.

    [bites lower lip]

    I really do enjoy playing the role of…um…well, there’s so many to choose from, really, but I guess the best way to describe my current position with the family, at the moment, is…uh…wait…okay, I got it…a plucky cruise director.

    Especially, when it seems that there isn’t a day that something does NOT go
    wrong and I’m just trying to make believe that it’s, you know, all right.

    A motherly version of Love Boat’s Julie McCoy, if you will, except – instead of regaling romantic and funny adventures – we’re dealing with episodes and story lines that…well, if you’re a parent…then, you know.

    [shudder]

    One minute, life is sweet and then…BOOM…the pipes break and a person can’t even flush a toilet without having a backup plan, literally.

    [cue:  Julie McCoy]

    "Your table is ready, captain and there will be 13 joining you for dinner, tomorrow."

    I was filling my husband in about our Thanksgiving plans and – after 17 years of marriage – he IS very well aware of the fact that, you know, I’m the one in charge.

    "Okay, just remember to tell me what to do, what to wear and what NOT to say."

    I know how it sounds – though, both my father and father-in-law happily admit having freely given up their manhood a long time ago – honestly, I don’t believe that these men have ever really learned how to deal with all the noise.

    I am so done with running back and forth – between this house, and that house – that I’ve decided to have Thanksgiving here.

    All the time.

    [collective sigh of…UGH!]

    It’s just easier, you know?

    "Don’t worry, nothing new to report at the moment, just sit back and listen."

    As most families (I hope!) we all have our little issues and interacting during the holidays can get a little, you know, sticky.

    "Well, I’m sorry to hear you feel that way…but…um…HEY!…did I mention that my water broke and that The Boy got up and danced?"

    Well, that got the room quiet.

    "Yes, I even kept the two oldest girls home from school to watch!"

    Funny – yes, like in haha – how FAR people’s mind can wonder.

    "Yes…hahahah…really and they even took pictures."

    Suffice it to say, my family has grown accustomed to my…um…funny ways and everyone pretty much forgot about…well…everything else.

    Minimedecorates

    Mini-me and The Boy got a chance to decorate the tree.

    Theboydecorates

    Putting on all the pretties they collected, or made in school, over the years.

    Garthandminime

    Sharing a quiet moment with the captain and then, they were invited over to my parent’s house for a sleep-over for a couple of days….SWEET!

    Of course, I never DID get a chance to show the relatives the other pictures – you know, sharing in those quiet little moments – and I guess they figure we could probably use some downtime and that pretty much explains why the older girls and I don’t have any plans…at the moment.

    [phone rings]

    Until now.

    "Attention everyone, there’s been a slight change of plans…since, the captain has left for work early this morning and is no longer on board…all remaining passengers are invited to prepare for lunch on the Lido Deck!"

    Time to put it in neutral – on the ONE day I really didn’t plan on getting dressed, in the first place – ’cause I told my family that we will be home for the holidays and now EVERYBODY knows it!

    Black Friday, indeed – you guys ain’t got nothing on me – so, if you’re not doing anything constructive, want to come over and help hide the laundry?

  • Wordless Wednesday: Caution, I’m A Mom On The Edge!

    Caution_2

    I told you – didn’t I – you can’t possibly plan for everything.  Like, the water main breaking right, smack, dab in the front of your house on THE DAY BEFORE THANKSGIVING!

    Helpontheway

    No matter, help is here and for that I am extremely thankful.

    [sniff]

    As should my kids’ 1st and 3rd grade classmates – we’ve got NO water, I swear – friendship feasts aside, I’m going to be one stinky mommy, for real.

    Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

    [WW hosted by:  5 Minutes for Mom]

  • U-Rock My Socks: Linky Love Bytes

    Rocksmysocksaward_9

    Jenna has been a long-time blogging friend and, whenever I visit Family Living; Hatfield Style, her strength and perseverance never ceases to amaze me.

    Jenna’s about to give birth, too – seriously, like probably right about now – and, with Jenna’s help, her adorable son, Nick (he’s two and she’s tired) is going to make a terrific big brother!

    The love she feels for her family shines through her writing and for this – and much, much more – I’m sending her a love byte.  Thanks for being such a good blogging friend!

    Jenna, u-rock my socks!

    ——————————————————–

    Looking for more Linky Love Bytes?

     

    [Edited to add: Feel free to join in at anytime, we’re here every Tuesday, try the veal!  The Queen of the Dorks thanks you, Mister Linky!]

  • Monday Mommy Tip: Stop, Drop and Breath!

     

    Mmt

     

    I used to hate Mondays – well…being that it IS laundry day in This Full House of holey socks, that’s a whole LOT of laundry! –  but, since the kids seem to have finished tag-teaming each other with the creeping crud, I can FINALLY brush my teeth (you’re welcome) and spend a few moments in peace and relative quiet.

    Seriously, I’ve got a houseful of people coming on Thursday (read:  time to break out the extra folding chairs and "good" toilet paper) and this is about the ONLY time I’m going to get, you know, alone.

    With you, I mean.

    So, let’s get this party started – Blogomama.com is a blogging mom-type community that I enjoy visiting, especially on Mondays, because it’s ALL about me…uh, I mean…the meme and sharing little tidbits of just how in the h-e-double hockey sticks am I going to get through another gosh-darned week of…ahem…well, never mind…let’s just move on…shall we?

    Today’s mission – should you chose to accept – how to survive those annoying little pre-holiday preparations, without having to go CRAZY?

    [drum roll, please]

    Plan ahead…as little as possible.

    Seriously, take it from me – we’ve seen everything from snow storms in the summer, to heat waves in the winter, from animals throwing up on each other, to appliances actually blowing up and at least one kid sick every freakin’ holiday, or Aunt Flo making another one of her famous unannounced visits – why make yourself crazy?

    Stop, take a breath and just..you know…go with the flow!

    [snicker]

    Sorry.

    Allow yourself some time to breath and leave the rest up to…well…would it kill me to forget the stupid laundry, for once?

    No.

    But, like my good friend Dana, I hate…Hate…HAte…HATe…HATE cleaning out the fridge and, if I hadn’t read her post, I would have probably NEVER have thought about doing it, either.

    Thanks, Dana.

    [rolls eyes]

    Because, well…uh…cheese and rice there’s so much to do this week, already…yes?

    [rolls shoulders and scratches head]

    I could be like my friend Mary Tsao (gosh, but I love saying her name) and clean my fridge every week and not have to deal with all the…um…well, I dunno exactly what and there’s a whole lot of unidentifiable stuff growing and taking up house, in my fridge, at the moment.

    But, we ARE talking Queen of the Dorks here – no, not Mary…ME! – so, after I took Thing One for her blood test on Friday (still waiting to hear if it’s mono, or just a case of the creepiest crud…EVUH!) I went food shopping.

    YeeHah – wild and crazy woman that I am – but, of course, you know what that means, don’t-cha?

    Yes, ladies (and the men who…sort of managed to stumble in…just to get out of the cold) it’s time to play…

    [cue the Capital One Vikings]

    …what’s in YOUR fridge?

    Fridgebeforenotes_5

    Oh, it may not look so bad right now – yes, I took pictures…SO WHAT? – just be glad that you’re not actually standing here and, you know, smelling it.  But, if you’re into that sort of  stuff…[cough]…freak…[cough]…feel free to click on the picture and take a closer look.

    [drum roll, please]

    Cleanfridge

    Look, it’s so much brighter – I just can’t put anything on the top shelf, at the moment – now, I can face the rest of the week knowing that…AT LEAST…the fridge is cleaner than it’s been in, you know, weeks!

    Fridgefront_2

    Until, I closed the door.

    Now, I’m trying to figure out a way to convince Garth (not his real name) that we so NEED one of these, since the fridge is just about the ONLY thing in this house that is NOT about ready to keel over and call it a day.

    Go figure.

    [Edited to add:  Doctor just called.  It’s NOT mono!]

    You’re more than welcome to join me, next time, as I teach everyone the fine art of playing:

    "C’mon, kids…drop the Play Station and let’s hide the laundry!"

    Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some serious cleaning to do…DAMMIT!

  • Learning Curve: Yes, This Company Is Very Smart!

    Learningcurve150 I attended the M2Moms Conference in Chicago, last month, and had the pleasure of speaking to more than 250 national and international marketers and brand executives on how moms (like me) are using the internet.

    Yes, it was quite overwhelming and I'm still not over it…okay?

    Who knew that there are companies out there that really seem to want to know stuff about, you know, stuff we want to know…um, about.

    Confused?

    That's okay – I have kids, I know – because, you have enough on your plate (no doubt) already and that is why I want tell you about a company that was kind enough to introduce itself to me.

    Have you heard about Learning Curve?

    Well, if you are a parent (or, grandparent) of a child age 0-6, Learning Curve is perhaps a company you should get to know.

    Why?

    [cleans off a chair and offers a seat]

    For starters, they have ideas for expectant parents and recommendations on age-appropriate toys, learning activities and safety products for children ranging from newborns to kindergarten.

    Oh, and they carry a wide range of brands to choose from, including some of our family favorites: Disney Baby, Lamaze and The First Years.

    As a mother of four, I feel it safe to say that product safety is a major concern for parents – especially, when the holiday shopping season kicks-off in…GULP…NEXT WEEK!?!? – and restoring our faith in manufacturers and distributors should be at the top of everyone's list, this year.

    Learning Curve is doing their part with a Multi-Check Safety System, which includes this closing statement:

    "Going forward, the truest measure of our success is and always will be the trust parents place in our products. We are working very hard to preserve and strengthen that trust. And, we hope that you and other parents recognize that our products have been subjected to intense internal scrutiny and testing and are the safer for it."

    It's not just about shopping, either.

    Their website is chock-full with offers tips and articles on prevalent parenting issues, like potty training your child and transitioning to daycare or preschool, and provides opportunities for moms to join the Learning Curve Mom research team.

    Yes, they want YOU!

    • You may have the opportunity to test and help develop new products
    • Take surveys to let us know your expert Mom opinion
    • This is your chance to make a difference in the world of Learning

    Learning Curve also provides a portal for moms (and dads) looking for a little sense of community – heck, some of my best friends ARE bloggers – take a few minutes, grab a cup of your favorite hot (or, cold) beverage and check out their Parents Council:

    "It's our network of expectant and experienced parents designed to help you get the information you want and need for your child."

    There's the Learning Curve Shop, cool kids games and activities and…well…much, much more and to make a long story, short (I know, too late!) this a very smart website that has received our This Full House Stamp of Approval!

    Why?

    [see sidebar at right]

    Because, they are taking the time to listen and understand what parents today truly want – or, at least looking for – and that makes Learning Curve worth a click!

    [Right now, you can get 25% discount and free shipping on orders of $75 or more at Learning Curve, good through 12/31/07.  Just enter the following code at checkout:  FULLHOUSE]

    ©2003 -2014 This Full House with a fan page on Facebook and everything!

    Disclosure: No payment was received for this blog post.

  • Why I heart Dove…

    ‘Nuf said!

    [Note:  Cross-posted from here, but snagged from  Webelieveingirls.com and I DO believe that Mattel is on the right track, too!]


  • Picture Perfect Thursday: Kids Gone Wild On Film

    Last week, we had family over to help celebrate Thing One’s 14th birthday and Thing Two (she’s turning 12, next month…ugh!) was feeling a bit out of sorts…

    Hpnx0061

    …oh and just so you know, almost 12 is way worse than 13.

    Hpnx0055

    So, feeling somewhat exasperated my own self – note to self:  never, ever drink warm sangria, AGAIN – I willingly handed over the job of recording our happy little event and left her with very explicit instructions.

    "Here, take the camera…leave the canolis…and go wild!"


    Then, promptly forgot just how literal-minded these kids can get.

    Hpnx0083

    Oh, Holy Hannah Montana, just what in the name of all creatures great and small is going on here?

    "Um…we just were…uh…sort of, you know, playing."


    Gameon

    Apparently, they were bored (I know, just pretend to be surprised) and there wasn’t anything good on t.v. (800 bazillion channels, and all) and heaven forbid they disturb the cat.


    "So, um…er…uh…oh, c’mon…it’s just a movie…yaaaaaah…that’s right…WE MADE A MOVIE!"

    Oh, well – taking into consideration that I am a HUGE movie buff and have sort of a soft spot for independent film makers – that’s different, then.

    "Okay, so show me."

    So, without further adieu, it is my pleasure to present to you:

    Crouching Brother, Hidden Maniac


    Hpnx0077

    Yes, he has my unicorn, but little does he know that it is also called…the pink sword of destiny!

    Hpnx0076

    Ha-hah – your feeble weapon does NOT scare me – unicorns are STUPID!

    Hpnx0078_2

    Oh…no…he…didn’t!

    Batterup_2

    Hee-YAH!

    Hpnx0081

    YAH-HEE-HEE-YAH!

    Hpnx0071_2

    Pleeeeeeze, I beg of you…have mercy…I am your ONLY brother!

    Minimewins

    Aha-ha-ha-ha-ha-AH…the pink sword of destiny pities the fool with a faithful heart…but, next time, you might NOT be so lucky!

    Hpnx0084

    Stupid uni….

    Morale of the story:  Never turn your back on kids – especially, those brandishing pink swords of destiny – lest, you miss the true nature of magical moments and they catch it all on film.

    I wonder if John Lasseter, or Steven Spielberg got their start this way…or, do they even HAVE any sisters?