This Full House Archive

Category: Who’s Parenting Who?

  • Ghosts of Thanksgiving Past

    Bud and Pam 1st Thanksgiving

    Bud and Pam's 1st Thanksgiving 2008

    Over the years, I've grown accustomed to having family over for the holidays and, as the kids get older, I find myself worrying less about the table setting (nope, it doesn't match) or, the food preparation (yes, some of it comes out of a can) not to mention, I don't bother too much about making lists, anymore (seriously?) or, worry whether I've managed to hunt down each and every dust bunny (they're sort of like pets, really and I've even named a few) or not.

    Because, no matter how my husband, Garth [not his real name] and I try, we've come to accept the simple fact that, with a family as big as ours (direct and extended) somethings just don't go right and, before you can say, "Pass the potatoes," someone's puking all over your nice, clean and shiny floors.

    Last year?

    I pretty much insisted that I would not mind it, in the least, if my brother and his wife, you know, did Thanksgiving.

    Because, in our house, it isn't the holidays unless someone in the family is sick or is scheduled for a surgical procedure, like tomorrow.

    This year?

    Although, my middle girl, Heather (she's 13) is STILL dealing with the same danged creeping crud (WAY better than I have, I might add) it seems to have gone into hibernation.

    [knocking on wood until knuckles bleed]

    So, the rest of my kids are getting used to learning how to share, rather than compete, for our attention (unfortunately, these days, everything is viral) and my parents, well, they're getting older, too.

    Each year, we get to spend together, however difficult, unplanned, or imperfect, IS a gift.

    All things considered, along with a few things I haven't bothered to mention (you're welcome) I am very thankful that this passed year wasn't, you know, any worse.

    This week?

    My brother got some really bad news (cancer can #suckit) and then, with the help of some of our closest Internet friends (yeah, I'm surprised that he friended me on Facebook, too) my brother gave cancer a BIG old-fashioned Jersey bitch-slap, it deserves.

    HOOAH!

    Although, we probably won't be able to see him and my SIL on Thursday (stupid cancer) I am thankful to know that they are, at least, you know, within spitting distance.

    [hocks-a-loogie]

    Today?

    I'm pretty much ready to take back Thanksgiving and
    make that bitch mine.

    "Strep test came back negative, but there's a lot of puss on his tonsils and, well, it could be mono."

    Glen is home with…um…something…so, we're waiting and hoping his fever breaks, before Thursday and well, just remember to call first, okay?

    "Mom, it's up to 103!!!"

    Um…OH!…look over there!

    [sniff-sniff]

    "Are we still having Thanksgiving?"

    Did you happen to notice my nice shiny clean floors?

    "Oh yes, there WILL be turkey, dammit!!!"

    [hocks-a-loogie]

    Have a Happy Thanksgiving — or a reasonable facsimile, thereof.

    Liz@thisfullhouse signature

    © 2009 This Full House - All Rights Reserved.

  • Mothers Working Against Guilt Need Not Apply

    Liz@thisfullhouse Working Out

    Behind every successful woman, is a basket of dirty laundry…Sally Forth

    Except, in my case, it IS a "pile" of "clean" laundry and, well, success is a relative term, isn't it?

    According to some members of my family (especially, those who are, you know, mostly, women) I should consider myself lucky, whenever my husband, Garth [not his real name] is brave enough to come home and "actually" gets out of the car, at night.

    I get that.

    Still.  Why are we women (mothers or non) so gosh-darned hard on each other?

    (more…)

  • Mom Sends the Msg: Never Drive Faster Than Your Mom (or Dad) Can Text

    MomsMsg.comIf you were to ask me to list the scariest words in the English language, a few years ago, it would have looked something like this:

    • Strep throat
    • It's probably viral
    • Check E. Cheese
    • Parent-teacher conference
    • I couldn't find any clean underwear (don't ask)

    Then, I picked up my oldest daughter (she turned 16, last week) and she laid 6 more on me, right in the middle of the high school parking lot:

    "I started driver's ed, today!"

    I knew this day would come.  Dreaded it more than anything (even hot flashes) actually.

    [the sound of brakes, screeching to a halt] 

    Then, she showed me the Parent Resource for Teen Driving Safety manual she received and I was all, like:

    "You wanna drive home?"

    (more…)

  • Veteran’s Day Project: Children Give Thanks

    Veteran's Day Project

    Her 3rd grade class was asked to create posters, giving thanks to a soldier, for the Veteran's Day Parade, today — she chose her Uncle John.

    Veteran's Day Poster

    Each of her classmates has a poster, just like it.

    A special thanks to ALL of our troops and big HOOAH to my twin brother, SFC Kat, who has dedicated each and every one of his medals to our parents — they risked their lives for the promise of freedom and love America more than anyone I know!

    Liz@thisfullhouse signature

    © 2009 This Full House - All Rights Reserved.

  • Classic This Full House: I don’t think early Native Americans even ate salty corn chips or spoke like Scooby Doo, did they!?!

    Indianminime

    In kindergarten, I used to call her Mini-me!

    I'm starting my new job, today (YIKES!) and, well, Garth [not his real name] took the day off and, since the kids had him last Thursday and Friday, too (love when he surprises us, like that) today, I get to keep him all to myself!!!

    Until, I have to go to work…wait, it's been 16 years…let me just say that again:

    I HAVE TO GO TO WORK (like, leave the house and get paid real money) I mean!

    So, I've been cleaning out my archives (since, it's easier than switching out the drawers and closets, really) and invite you to share in a Classic This Full House (from when Hope was in kindergarten) and, well, it's sort of comforting to know that not much has changed.

    Except, I use my youngest daughter's real name (she asked me to) instead of her blog name (Mini-me) and she's in the…[cough]…3rd grade…[choke]…now!

    Okay, and maybe…juuuuuust, maybe…I spell-checked-it a few times, first.

    YOU'RE WELCOME!!!

    (more…)

  • Into the Woods

    Autumn in Pittsgrove

    Over the river and thru the woods, 

    Oh, how the wind does blow!


    It stings the toes and bites the nose,

    As over crispy ground we go.

    Sometimes, you just have to grab an extra blanket, maybe even a fishing pole, or two, hop into the car, drive to where the sun sets deep into quiet shades of autumn and leave the rest of the world behind.

    Yes, yesterday was one of those days.

    Liz@thisfullhouse signature

    © 2009 This Full House - All Rights Reserved

  • Not So SAHM, Anymore

    PeaceLoveMom

    Mom, but what BIG ARMS you have — why, yes, the better to hug you with, my dear!

    For years (or, as long as this blog has existed…anyways) I have considered the phrase, "Stay-at-Home-Mom" an oxymoron, like:

    • The Great Depression – to which, my in-laws insist that it was, in fact, you know, not so great.
    • Dry lake – although, I don't seem to have an immediate problem with dry wine.
    • Original copy – as opposed to, a copied original, I think.
    • Clearly misunderstood – is one of my husband's favorite phrases, actually (he's married to me, I know, SHUDUP!)

    Makes no sense, right?  Sort of like a house wife.  What is she, once she leaves the house; does she become a part-time wife; if she drives a car, is she cheating on the house; does anyone else spend way too much time thinking about stupid stuff, like this?

    Or, the bigger question (in my mind) does it really matter?

    "What do you mean, you got a job?"

    Apparently, to some of my children, it really does.

    "Who's gonna stay at home, with us?"

    Yes, I got a job…well, if you consider working 2 1/2 hours, 3 times a week, a job, I mean…but, it DOES mean actually leaving the house and, you know, getting paid!

    "I will, silly." 

    Once again, I was clearly misunderstood.

    "Phew, I thought you said you got a job?"

    See what I mean?

    "Yes, I start next week!"

    I swear, you could hear all 4 of their gorgeous little minds, slam on their imaginary brakes and, truth be told, I was feeling a little guilty about finding amusement in their mass confusion.

    "GAH…but, you said…d'oh, I don't get!"

    I mean, it should be easy enough to explain:

    • Yes, mommy got a job.
    • No, not like daddy's. 
    • Yes, I will be getting paid. 
    • No, I will not have any vacation, or sick days.
    • Yes, I have to get dressed and leave the house.
    • No, I will not be home for soccer practice, or girl scouts.
    • Yes, I will be home for dinner, or when you're home sick, from school.
    • No, you can't come with me.
    • Yes, it's a real job.

    Then, there's the whole SAHM thing:

    • Yes, I will be home, during the day, mostly.
    • No, I can't go to work in my pajamas.
    • Yes, I will be getting paid, on time and FOR REAL!
    • No, it STILL won't get us to Disney…yet.
    • Yes, I still get to keep my day job, mostly.
    • No, I don't know how I will find the time, either.
    • Yes, I am very excited.
    • No, I don't feel guilty.
    • Yes, I feel guilt.

    Clearly, I'm unclear about my feelings. 

    Perhaps it's time for a new acronym — besides SAHMMA, you know, the one I created, yesterday, I mean — something that describes, rather than defines, a mother's right to decide what works best for her, and/or her family.

    Either way, IMHO — in my humble opinion — no, it really doesn't matter.

    The job?

    I don't know how to describe it, other than, it involves hanging out with a bunch of sweaty women and trying, real hard, not to break any really expensive exercise equipment.

    "No, seriously, mom, you, a fitness instructor?"

    Sort of.

    [pause for laughter]

    I start next week!

    Liz@thisfullhouse signature

    © 2009 This Full House - All Rights Reserved.

  • Monday Morning With Doofus-Dawg: Mama Always DID Like Me Best!

    Mama and Doofus

    D'oh, Ah loves it when Mama does that…

    Mah moms is not heres, right now and…d'oh…excuse me a minute, puh-leeze.

    BARK-BARK-WOOF-BARKITY-WOOF-WOOF!

    D'oh, sorry 'bout that.  Ah hates squirrels.  Don't yous?  Anyways.
     Mah moms is not heres, I think and…um…d'oh yeah…ah remembers now.

    [heavy sigh]

    Ah loves that pit-cher of me…you know…d'oh, Doofus-Dawg and Mama.

    [blank stare]

    D'oh,
    yeah, ah remembers, now…hers is mah mom's…you know…dad and …d'oh…that's naught right, either…'cause, everybodies knows dads are lots hairy and gots long ears, like me.

    SNORT!

    D'oh…aaaaaanyways…so, mah moms wuz out visitin' with her moms and dads on Sundays…uh…ah
    think it was yesterdays…d'oh…aaaaaanyhow…hers done took the girls someplace and ah spendid the day…all alones…with mah dads and the boy!

    BARK-BARK-WOOF-BARKITY-WOOF-WOOF

    Boys rawk, for realz!

    [heavy sigh]

    Aaaaanyways, mah moms gots home real late, like it was dark and times to goes to sleeps kinda late, for realz.

    AH-WHOO!

    Mah moms was soooooo tired, hers beated up dads…uh…do'h, that's naught right, either…d'oh, ah know…dad said hers was all beated up.

    SNIFF-SNIFF-SCRATCH-SCRATCH!

    Moms was upset and ah thinks hers looks awful sad, for realz.

    [blank stare]

    Do'h, but ah cants understands a word hers and dads spitted up….d'oh, that's naught right, either…they talkdid some see-ree-us stuff bouts Mama and Papa…oh, and mah other favorite human, Uncle Bud and…d'oh…ah just cants seem to make mah moms feels happy, anymores.

    [heavy sigh]

    D'oh yeah, ah remember now…um…ah gots to tell yous that hers cants comes out to plays, no mores…d'oh…that's naught right, either…'cause, everybodies knows mah moms likes yous, best.

    GRRRRRRRRRR

    Buuuut, ah knows whats best for hers and, well, hers needs somebodies to throw her a bone, or somethin', is all.

    SNIFF-SNIFF-SCRATCH-SCRATCH!

    Soooooo, seein as ah ates mine…d'oh…bone, ah mean…ah am goins to chase everybodies away from mah house!

    BARK-BARK-WOOF-BARKITY-WOOF-WOOF

    Things lots hairy, wif long ears and stupid squirrels, ah mean.

    GRRRRRRRRRR

    D'oh, oh yah, and have nice Monday…'cause…shee-yah..you can tell it Doofus-Dawg said so.

    BARK-BARK-WOOF-BARKITY-WOOF-WOOF

    You're welcome!

    Signed-doofus-dog

    © 2009 This Full House - All Rights Reserved.

  • The Future Looks Bleak, I Gotta Wear Spades!

    Cartomancy

    Alexey Venetsianov. Cartomancy.
    1842. Oil on canvas. The Russian Museum, St. Petersburg, Russia. (image source)

    I remember the first time I got "my cards read," I was only 13 (my middle girl's age) and it freaked me out, big time.

    Her name was Charlotte and she practiced "cartomancy," which sounds an awful lot like "gastromancy," but has nothing to do with being romantically involved with someone who works for the gas company — although, considering today's economy, it certainly would be a perk — she was, however, no "charlatan."

    "You will marry a man, with 5 letters in his name and you will have 4 children."

    See?

    "Your brother will have a career in the Army and marry the Colonel's daughter."

    HAH!  Actually, I think her father was a Sargent, or something!

    "You and your children will live a long and happy life."

    Perhaps it's because of my Hungarian upbringing.

    "You will find that you too have a special gift."

    Gosh, but my grandmother could tell wickedly scary ghost stories from the old country — but, I personally have seen some really wierd stuff to believe that there are many people who are indeed born with "special gifts." 

    [shiver]

    Like seeing far ahead into the future and helping others find their path(s) in life.

    "Use it wisely!"

    I am NOT one of those people.

    "Hey Mom, have you ever heard of Tarot cards?"

    Now, here's the thing.  I could say this:

    "Why yes, yes I have, in fact, I have a pack upstairs, in my lingerie drawer, right now!"

    Besides the fact that, you know, after 4 kids and nearly 20 years of marriage, sadly, there's just not much use for sexy lingerie, anymore.

    (shutup, Mominatrix!)

    "Wanna see?"

    Or, I could say this:

    "Why yes, in fact, a bunch of us moms went to a psychic party, but she wasn't as good as the guy I saw a few years ago, who told me that one of my children will inherit my grandmother's gift."

    Although, I can totally understand some people's need to feel as if there were some sort of pre-determined road ahead and that, somehow, someone, or something would be able to, you know, give them a heads up, about it, or something.

    "Yes, yes, your children WILL live a long and happy life."

    [knocks on wood until knuckles bleed]

    I'm just not quite sure I want to expose my kids to, for lack of a better term, anything that ends in "mancy."

    "Mom, are you listening to me?"

    My special gift?

    "Um…so, where did YOU hear about Tarot Cards?"

    I am an expert, however, in the art of changing "the subject."

    "I saw you looking through some books at Barnes & Noble, the other night."

    Stealth parenting?

    "Um…so, you want to go to the book store tonight?"

    Not so much.

    "Okay, I get it, something about your childhood and you just don't know how to talk about it, right now, right?" 

    See?

    "Yes, yes, I would LOVE to go to the book store!"

    Aaaaand, it seems to run in the family.

    "Somehow, I knew that you would!"

    (shutup Charlotte!)

    Liz@thisfullhouse signature

    © 2009 This Full House - All Rights Reserved.

  • Completely Honest

     Honesty

    My friend and fellow Jersey girl Cartoon Goddess has challenged me to be completely honest and, well, contrary to everything I have ever been taught (most especially, by Billy Joel) honesty is NOT the hardest part.

    Saying 10 honest things about me, that you guys, you know, don't already know?

    After 6 years of blogging my deepest, darkest secrets (okay, so, except maybe mine is mostly about laundry and a bit more, I dunno, dark grayish) there really isn't much left to tell…or, is there?

    So, here it goes, 10 things that I have never, EVER told anyone, except maybe my husband, Garth [not his real name] but, he's not talking to me, at the moment, so, you know…

    (more…)