This Full House Archive

Category: Sick Days and Mondays Always Get Me Down

  • Beware: Bitch Session in Progress – Hold my calls and mind all the empty margarita glasses.

    My mom had double-knee replacement surgery, last year (yes, it’s just as icky as it sounds) and her and dad have had one medical challenge after another, since then.

    Life goes like that, sometimes – beautiful one minute, filled with suckage the rest.

    It’s okay, though.  I sort of imagine life as a giant 50 foot female, all hopped up on too much caffeine and experiencing a bad hair day, and expect it will probably try to bite me in the ass, more than once.

    Today, most especially, she is going to be a total BITCH!

    (more…)

  • You know you’re from Jersey, if….

    Having been born, grown up and now raising a family of my own (and blogging about it) in New Jersey (what, you too…SHUT up!) I’ve pretty much heard it all.  Still.  You may be surprised to learn, however, just how difficult it can be, listening to jokes about why we’re called "The Garden State" because, it’s too hard to fit "Oil and Petro-Chemical Refinery State" on a license plate, etc…

    [rolls eyes]

    So, New Jersey has a lot of chemical companies; I get that.  Hell, I used to work with a couple of them – way before children – forgive me, but the assumption that moving here would be less than desirable, by anyone who refuses to take a look-see beyond the Turnpike tolls, you know, upsets me.

    Or, in more Jersey-type terms…it friggin’ frosts my ass, people!

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  • Monday Morning Mommy Hangover

    No, I am NOT a morning person but, as long as there’s a cup of coffee handed to me
    within the first few minutes of entering the bathroom with the morning
    paper…I’m good.

    Once I finally do regain the power of speech — typically, this
    happens soon after taking a very hot shower — and after ridding
    myself of stray facial hair and morning nose…I’m better.

    Then, the kids wake up.

    This is about the time when — after careful consideration of the
    vast amount of demands that will undoubtedly be put upon me physically,
    mentally and/or emotionally that hasn’t already been compromised from
    the weekend before — I seriously think about petitioning for a:

    "National Go Back To Bed Day!"

    Instead, I’m taking Her Bad Mother’s Dare of Truthiness and revealing my true, unmade-up self to the world…on my blog…and, in the words of my 12-year-old  daughter:

    "EEP!"

    Go ahead…click on that annoying "continue reading" thingy…I DARE YOU!

    (more…)

  • Whoever Says, You Can’t Go Home, Never Had To Sleep With Me!

    The kids and I left town, this weekend – yes, ALL of us and my husband DID know about it – because, well, you see, I haven’t been feeling "quite right" lately.

    No, I’m not sick.

    [knocking on wood until knuckles bleed]

    But, for reasons too long to go into, here (you’re welcome) if you really want to know, I’m hashing it all out at The Imperfect Parent, today.

    Anyhow, I’ve been at this mommy gig long enough to know that raising a family isn’t always going to be all sunshine and rainbows – although, my kids really do make me smile and, more often than not, laugh SO hard, my face hurts – I’ve been hollering at the children way too much, lately, and by the time I woke up on Friday morning, I was ready to toss in the towel and called it a day.

    So, I packed my bags and ran home to my mommy!

    (more…)

  • Body Image: A Conversation with Me, Myself and My OTHER Half.

     

    Nedadir_files_images_nedaw08_neda_3

    The key message for National Eating Disorders Awareness Week 2008 – “Be comfortable in your genes. Wear jeans that fit the TRUE you." 

    And it starts today!

    This year, my daughters and I have made a commitment to do just that – hosting the I Am Beautiful blog Tour with Woody Winfree on Valentine’s Day started us off on some pretty cool dialog – and with BlogHer launching the A Letter to my Body initiative, I can’t help but get fired-up about discussing body image.

    You see, we should ALL love our bodies!

    [feels tap on shoulder]

    "Uh, self?  Can we talk?"

    (more…)

  • Look, if it weren’t for commercials, we’d ALL be watching television in the snow!

    Theboythingtwofreezing

     

    It started to snow, for all of 17 minutes, yesterday and even though they were happy (sort of) I can’t tell you how difficult it was to chase the kids off the couch.

    At least two of them, anyway!

    I mean, as a parent, I can certainly understand the importance of helping my children direct their natural energy into a productive form of physical activity – seeing as I can’t sit 5 minutes without tapping my foot or twirling my hair – but, there are people who STILL think that children today are becoming less and less active.

    I am NOT one of those people!

    (more…)

  • How many Sears representatives DOES it take to screw a dissatisfied customer…DAMMIT?

    [This entry is cross-posted with Moms Speak Up]

    Laundrybackup

    This is an emergency, people – quick, somebody call Ty Pennington – we seem to have a severe laundry backup!

    Now, I’m NOT the type of person who likes to complain – heaven knows, my mommy ears are VERY tired already – but, our nearly new dryer broke two weeks ago and it’s STILL not fixed DAMMIT!

    Did I mention, we’ve got 6 people living in our house?

    Last week, The Boy (he’s 9) had a wicked stomach virus and threw up 11 times, on Thursday – I know, my 6-year-old was home sick with a fever and was good enough to count it for me – oh, and…DAMMIT…our nearly new dryer STILL doesn’t work!?!?

    Not for the lack of trying – we’ve got the service center on speed dial – but, it seems that reliable customer service is the last thing on Sears’ mind.

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  • Being at the wrong place at the right time and Mini-sleepovers!

    The Boy (he’s 9) had a friend sleepover on Friday and, after his mom dropped him off, I asked for his backpack, pointed out where he and The Boy would sleep (I mean, the couch IS right next to the front door) and then I knelt down real low (I could hear the poor kid’s neck muscles straining) and went over our house rules.

    "Basically, there aren’t any."

    What?

    He’s NOT my kid and it IS a sleepover – he WILL eventually go home and, you know, tell his mother – and it’s NOT like I expected them to actually sleep, or anything.

    But, he still seemed a little weary – I recognized the confused sort of…WUH-HUH?…way he shook his head, right away – so, I continued.

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  • Mommy’s Monday Morning Quarterback

    Giantslovejessica_2

    Oh, give me a break – as if a woman had any part in the Cowboy’s losing yesterday’s game – still, it’s funny how some people CAN think these sort of things up!

    Yes, I am a HUGE fan of football – though, Garth (not his real name) will tell you that salivating over all the cute quarterbacks traipsing around the field, lately and being easily amused by the butt-slapping does NOT constitute as good sportsmanship – but, I have to tell you, last night’s game WAS one of the MOST difficult ones to watch.

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  • In which I remember 2007, sort of.

    Thing One woke up with a wicked nose bleed.

    ICK!

    Wicked, meaning profuse and uncontrollable bleeding from BOTH nostrils (you’re welcome) and I mean, it would NOT stop.  So, I had to rush her to the doctor…AGAIN!

    GAH!

    But, this time, Garth (not his real name) tagged along and we were BOTH relieved to learn that the medication seems to be working and it was just another result, in a series of pain-in-the-rump complications, of what we’ve come to call, "The bacterial infection that will not DIE."

    Everything else is, you know, okay.

    [knocking on wood until knuckles bleed]

    Thankfully, Work At Home Mom To Five tagged me (dammit) and wants to pick my brain about 2007 – yes, she is very, very brave – and I’m more than happy to oblige in playing along with her meme.  ANYTHING, that’ll take my mind off of all the…[gulp]…did I mention I’m not very good with, you know, cleaning up bloody messes?

    ICK!

    Of course, I mean if the killer dust bunnies haven’t gotten to it…first!

    So, here it goes; in order:

    Working from home has been an enjoyable (albeit, crazy busy) experience that has helped my family, tremendously – enabling me to focus more on the children and help keep my husband’s head above water – and my traveling to Disney and Chicago, twice (thank you, BlogHer and Family.com) has Garth (not his real name) believing that, YES…perhaps, he should become a mommyblogger…sort of.  I have been an Imperfect Parent for the last 2 (or, is it 3?) years, started my review blog, proud to be a mom who’s learned to speak up and welcome Green Mom Finds to the insanity.  BOOYAH and pass the broccoli; it’s really been a good year, after all!

    My Oldest Daughter and I survived her first year as a teenager, and celebrated her 14th birthday, with great hopes for her future.  She is a very talented artist and writer (no, really) and has applied to one of the high-tech schools in our county (they accept only 80 new freshman, each year) and is scheduled to take the exam for the Communications High School later this month.  I am so proud of her — whether she makes it in, or not — and honored that she’s even mine, let alone, allow me to follow in her footsteps.  Seriously, we wear the same size and the kid has some wickedly gorgeous shoes.

    My Middle Girl graduated 5th grade, started middle school and joined just about every gosh-darned club they’ve got.  SHEESH.  Honestly, the girl is active.  She hasn’t signed up for any sports, this year — thank you, Jesus — but, her mind is always working and full of really great ideas.  Lord love a duck, I’m raising a liberal-thinker.  Which is a good thing, because, it keeps her father on his toes (conservatively, speaking) and she never really did require a lot sleep (stupid colic!) it’s hard to believe that she’s turning 13, this year.  Wait.  That means Garth (not his real name) and I will have not one, but TWO teenagers living in the house…let us pray.

    The Boy is turning 9, this month and growing (and eating) so much, he’s about a head taller than most of the kids in his 3rd grade class, this year.  He’s made a lot of new friends, through soccer and baseball, for the first time, and looking forward to signing up for Little League, in the spring.  I’ll be rooting for him.  Again.  On the cold, hard bleachers.  OUCH!  But, he’s worth it.  It’s sort of fun, too.  To watch.  Especially, when my little man spit and grabs his crotch.  Yes, boys ARE different.  He’s graduating from the elementary school and moving into the school that houses all of our 4th and 5th graders in the district.  Long story.  So, stupid.  Which means, I will have 4 kids, in 4 different schools, next year…send chocolate!

    Mini-me is an enigma.  One day, she’s a happy little 6-year-old in love with the boy, who shall NOT be named — but, happens to be sitting in the desk next to her — and…BAM…I’m checking for pods in our crawl space, the next.  I guess, that’s what I get for giving birth to a Gemini.  Not to mention, being one.  And a twin.  Myself.  She is, however, a picture-perfect version of my younger self — seriously, it’s scary — and my parents delight in the fact that Mini-me is so, you know, like me.  Except, I was NEVER a girl scout.  Or, as funny.  Dang, the girl makes me snort Coke through my nose.  Wait.  Not that I do drugs.  Or, anything.  Um.  Did I mention that she’s got a really good sense of humor.  And she hates that I call her Mini-me.  So, hence forth, I’m changing her blog name and my youngest will be now known as, "My Little Brownie."  Formerly known as, Mini-me.

    Garth (not his real name) has had a tough year at work (stupid bank) and comes home to find, well, he DOES live here, you know?  Still.  I try to field a lot of the curve balls that life seems to be throwing us, lately.  The kids and me, I mean.  But, it’s hard.  I mean, they ARE really, really hard.  And it doesn’t stop.  Ever.  Especially, once they’re in kindergarten.  I mean, your kids STILL need you.  You know.  More than ever, I think.  And it never ceases to amaze me.  How Garth (not his real name) steps up to the plate.  Whenever I need him.  Which is a lot, more.  Lately.  That’s okay, though.  What, with my parents ill and his father’s surgery, this month — scheduled on The Boy’s birthday, actually — I’m hoping that the coming year is MUCH better.  Than it started off, anyway.  Either way.  It’ll be fine.  He can be my wingman, anytime!

    There you go, Laura – it was the best of times, it was the worst of times and it was exactly what Charles Dickens would have probably envisioned, while snorting Coke through his nose – thank you for asking!

    © 2008 This Full House – All Rights Reserved.

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