This Full House Archive

Category: Sick Days and Mondays Always Get Me Down

  • Crawling Out From Underneath The Snuggie, The Squatter and Tearing Up My Unmentionables

    References and just so you know stuff:

    • Melisa with One S and her Vlog about absolutely nothing – The Voice. 
    • Also, I was going for lemming, not a lemur (DER!)
    • Although I realize it is not life-threatening, the squatter is a real p.i.t.a.!
    • I miss the days of blogging about absolutely nothing.

    How about you?  Ever deal with a squatter?  Are you a terrible patient as I am?

    ©2003 – 2012 This Full House

    FRESHLY-BREWED ELSEWHERE:    I am partnering with Hallmark as a Life is a Special Occasion blogger and sharing personal stories, insights and inspirations in enjoying simple, every day moments, with you (yes, YOU!)  Like, how my how my friends stalked my husband on Facebook and I "liked" it. 

  • Like the Little Kidney Stone That Could, I Continue to Serve As a Cautionary Tale for Moms (and Dads!)

      Hospital Room

    I told the E.R. nurse I was feeling cruddy for over a week now (give or take a bathroom stop, or twenty) but, I just shrugged it off as the kids sharing a stomach bug, or something, as she continued to draw my blood and nod her head very sympathetically.

    I stared at the ceiling (I’m not a very good bleeder) recapping my symptoms, the first of many more times to come:

    • Stomach pain, radiating to my lower back
    • Pressure in lower abdomen, similar to contractions
    • Feeling sick, nausea
    • Frequent bathroom stops

    All of which I promptly ignored, coming downstairs the night before to make myself a place on the couch so as not to disturb my husband, thinking this too shall pass.

    The next morning, I made an appointment for my youngest daughter’s well visit (true story, it’s on my Facebook timeline) and then made a mental decision to just continue to work right through the pain.

    Until, my oldest walked through our front door and found me, while trying to talk on the phone with my husband, doubled-over and gasping for air.

    (more…)

  • Please Excuse My Daughter For Being Absent from School Yesterday….My Hormones Were Raging.

    I don't scare easily.  I have 4 kids, 3 of whom are teenagers, which simply means, not unlike Wolverine, I have evolved (somewhat) and grown nerves of steel, my friends:  Wolvermom, if you will.

    Wait, I lied.

    No, not about the having 4 kids part (I have weak stomach muscles and very poor bladder control to prove it, you're welcome) and my toe nails can get freakishly long.  Especially this time of….[blank stare]….uh, never mind.

    Aaaaaanyway, what was I saying?

    [stares at toenails]

    Oh yeah, so my youngest woke up feeling sick the other day (shocking, I know!) announcing that her "stomach feels weird" and these words, my friends, frighten me even more than trying to wake my teens.

    [shiver]

    So, I called her out of school explaining "her stomach feels weird."   Considering the stomach bug is currently running rampant at (and through) this particular school, enough said, right?

    An hour or so later, the house phone rings.

    "Your daughter Hope was marked absent, today.  Please send a note explaining the reason for her absence."

    Fine.  Okay.  Then, my cell phone rings.

    "Your daughter Hope was marked absent, today…."

    Fiiiiiiiiiiine, okaaaaaaay.  Then, I get a text.

    "Your daughter…."

    Really?  Because, I would NEVER have known and feeling a little cranky my ownself I decided this would be a good time to get some work done, opened my email and…

    "Your…."

    A'IGHT!!!  They asked for it!!!

    (more…)

  • Don’t Have a Happy Place? Feel Free to Borrow Mine!

    You know what bugs me?  Besides, waiting in the doctor's office for more than 20 minutes (unless Ellen Degeneres is on) with folks who insist on changing television channels, without asking (see previous parenthesis) who probably are the same ones riding my rear bumper (newsflash: fast lane is on the left) then, pass me on the right (dumbass) only to slow the heck way down (ditto) oh and the Kardashians (enough said!)

    Um, what were we talking about?  Oh yeah, you know what bugs me?  Serial complainers, who insist that life sucks and do NOT even try to convince them otherwise.

    Lest, you get all caught up in the suckage and then, well, it becomes one BIG (and bad) blame-storming session, yes?

    Still, it's good to vent.

    So, yesterday, I woke up feeling like pond slime (stomach bug, enough said) and must of have looked just as awful (probably more) to the point where my husband asked my oldest to stay home and help me complete the morning and afternoon runs (no pun, intended) seeing as I spent most of the morning (and afternoon) in the bathroom/library, which is typically is my happy place.

    Aaaaaand, this is where some folks would be all, like, wait a minute, you had your kid stay home from school on purpose?!?

    Yes, because it's good to be the only other driver in the house and technically it was actually my husband who called her out of school.

    [sound of crickets, chirping] 

    Would it help if I told you that she also finished the laundry?

    [cue happy dance]

    Aaaaanyway, it helped.  Because, I was able to sleep it off (when not stalking my new bff, the bathroom, I mean) and today, I'm feeling much more human, thankyouverymuch!

    "Mom, I don't feel so good!"

    Good thing, too.

    "Me either, Mommy!"

    Seeing as the suckage is about to get a leeeeetle deeper up in here, DAMNIT.

    Morale of the Story:  Pass the toilet paper, I'm done!

    If anyone needs me, I'll be in the OTHER bathroom — it has a vent.

    © 2003 – 2012 This Full House

  • The sea cucumber turns to the mollusk and says, “With fronds like these, who needs anemones?”

    I have this terrible habit.  Okay, so it's not as awful as picking your nose in public (dude, I totally saw you flick that sucker out your car window…oh…and EWWWWW!)

    Although, getting caught with a bat in the cave the size of a velociraptor, well, I would imagine they would be almost impossible to flick, without being noticed.

    [scratches nose]

    Aaaaanyway.  Oh, yeah, so I have this thing — a defense mechanism, really — of cracking jokes during uncomfortable situations.

    Like, today, I took my middle girl for her re-check with the pediatric surgeon and long story short (you're welcome) she's still in a lot more pain than what is considered normal-ish.

    (more…)

  • I.M. Tired, But You Can Call Me Bro[o]ke!

    Not for nothing (Jersey speak translated as: FWIW) it's 5-something in the afternoon (I think) and this is the first time I've sat down, ALL DANGED DAY.

    Color me tired.

    Aaaaaand, not so much in a, "Look how busy I am," sort of way (aren't we all?) but, more like, "DANGIT, I should weigh at least 30 pounds less!"

    I mean, Brooke Burke may be the hottest mother of 4 (DAGNABIT!) today, I got dibs on being the tiredest.

    Also, 2 of them woke up sick and I know what you're thinking:

    (more…)

  • Just Don’t Get Me Monologuing, Okay?

    I sat down at my desk this morning and, well, you ever have one of those days when your mental to do list is about a mile long (closer to two, even) but, you don't EVEN bother taking the time to find a pen (that works, I mean) because, well, you can't even see the top of your desk, for one thing, until you shuffle some papers around, looking for something to write on (IF you had a pen) only to expose a couple of coffee stains and maybe even a chocolate wrapper (or, twenty) speaking of which, you could probably use another cup of coffee (or, chocolate) right about now, right?

    Go ahead, I'll wait.

    Better?  Good.  What was I saying?  Oh yeah, so, the weekend was a blur of errands and, well, today, I'm fighting a monster case of procrastination.

    Or, what I've come to call…Frankenmonday.

    [shiver]

    Aaaaand, it's winning.

    I should be working.

    In fact, if I had started earlier, when I was supposed to, I could have accepted that last minute lunch invitation.

    {Sorry, Gina!!!}

    Would have even had the time to take a shower for it.

    Instead, I sit here, procrastinating, feeling overwhelmed, shuffling papers, pretending I had a pen, oh, hey, wait a minute, what's this?

    Photo1801.jpg

    Well, seems my middle girl thought I would find her interpretation of a Super Mom a bit funny and, at second glance, the broom, purse, heels and canister of wipes prominently fixed on her utility belt, she's right.

    SNORT!

    Actually, I feel sort of, you know, invigorated.

    [cracks knuckles]

    In fact, I've got a whole half of the day left and soon ALL will tremble before me.

    [blows bangs out of eyes]

    Now, if only the dog would quit snoring on the couch, so I could hear myself think…INCREDIBLE…where IS mah super broom?!?

    © 2003 – 2011 This Full House

  • Hump Day Diddy Dumbs:
    The Sound of Mucinex

    The kids tag-teamed being sick over holiday break and, at last count, it was my youngest daughter's turn…shhhh, but don't tell her, okay?

    Oh, not to worry, we experienced bright and shiny non-crud-filled moments, together, too.

    Like, during our annual New Year's Eve movie marathon, we watched Fiddler on the Roof and one of our (okay, my) ALL time favorite musicals, ever, The Sound of Music.

    That's a combined total of 355 minutes (or, 5.916666667 hours) of unadulterated, pure as alpine mountain air, nerdy nirvana and, well, yes, we are THAT family of geeky Broadway buffs blurting out lines from old show tunes at the dining room table.

    Wanna come for dinner?  No problem.  Dress casual.  Bring a face mask.

    Aaaaand, for your musical pleasure, here's a little something, just for you, with slightly adjusted verbage, to compliment the suckage:

    The Sound of Mucinex by TFH Yes, we're barely alive with the help of Mucinex
    With muck we have flung for like a thousand years
    The crud fills their lungs with the sound of mucus
    My heart feels like it's gonna drown with every cough it hears

    It makes me want to beat the creeping crud out of them
    just from total lack of sleep
     I just want them to breath (dammit!)
    makes parent teacher conferences seem like a breeze

    To cough so hard it makes them trip and fall
    god I hate that their feeling this way
    To cough through the night
    and sleepwalk through the rest of the day

    I go to the pills when my heart feels all achy
    I know I will hear what I've heard before
    Their lungs will be blessed with the sound of Mucinex
    And I'll sleep once more

    Dinner's at 6-ish, you're welcome!!!

    [This is an unpaid, unsponsored and undoubtedly the dorkiest post I've written in, well, what day is it?  Aaaaaanyway, just be glad I didn't post the video I made of myself, you  know, singing it, stupid sleep deprivation.]

    © 2003 – 2011 This FULL House Blog / This FULL House (Re)Views

  • You Know You’re a Parent When:
    All You Want for Christmas
    Is a Puke-free New Year

    Facebook Update on Puke Beeeeecause, all the baking, cleaning, cooking, planning and preparing in the world will NOT stop the creeping crud from putting a damper on your holiday.

    Unless, you live at our house…

    "Sweetie, you awake?"

    …you're turning 15, this week…

    "Any special requests?"

    …but, have lost ALL concept of time…

    "Can I please have some water, now, pretty please?"

    …because, the kid's been puking since Christmas Day.

    "Um, not yet, Sweetie, maybe tomorrow."

    At our house, birthdays and holidays sometimes arrive late and can last an entire week, even.

    "What day is it, again, today?"

    [one beat, two beats]

    "Uh, well, um, Christmas, yeah, that's right, it's Christmas!"

    On OPPOSITE day, so what?

    "Oh, look…AAAAAND it's snowing!"

    Besides, this way, it looks like we'll be having a White Christmas, after all!

    "Oh good, just in time for my sleepover!!!"

    Um, yeah…about that…considering Snowmageddon has indeed arrived, uh, no.

    "Right, Momma?"

    Shhhh, but don't remind Heather, that Glen has a wrestling tournament (on Heather's birthday) but, he's also coughing up a lung, like Holly and Hope's been hitting the bathroom (on and off) since early, this morning.

    "Riiiiiight, I hope it snows until New Years."

    What?  Okay, I don't know about your house. 

    "YAY…let's have pajama day, everyday!"

    I would MUCH rather admit defeat once, than have to succumb to the creeping crud, one celebration at a time, you know?

    Happy, um, Everything!!!

    © 2003 – 2010 This Full House Blog / This FULL House (Re)Views

  • #Reverb10: Wisdom

    Reverb10story
    Reverb 10 is an online initiative created by Gwen Bell to reflect on 2010, consider, you know, what's next and, through daily writing prompts, help folks (like me) share their story. 

    Since I am ALL about sharing (shuddup Garth, not your real name!) and my friend Shannon is doing it (although, the non-conformist in me can't promise to, you know, write daily) I've decided to give it a whirl.

    Today's prompt:  Wisdom — what was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out?

    Confession.  Ready?  I'm NOT very good with decisions (I know, act surprised anyway!) 

    Oh, I can decide on lots of stuff.  Dozens of times.  Every blessed gosh-darned day, even!

    Nonsensical declarations, like:

    • Sure, belly dancing sounds like fun, why not?
    • NO, that does NOT mean you can get your belly button pierced!
    • Yes, What's-her-Face can sleep over.
    • NO, that does NOT mean you can have a party!
    • Sure, a class trip to NYC sounds like fun, why not?
    • NO, I am NOT available to chaperon, either!
    • Yes, So-and-So may stay for dinner.
    • NO, that does NOT mean you can get a gun!

    Decision like that.  Every.  Blessed.  Day.  Just, you know, NOT for myself.

    Last month, I decided NOT to ignore my health any longer and, without going into too much detail (you're welcome!) turns out it was the WISEST decision I've made in a very, very long time.

    For myself!

    Now, I can continue dispensing my supreme wisdom, where it is needed most (shuddup!)

    "You signed me up for WHAT?!?"

    Without having to worry about anything, you know, dropping off, or falling out!

    "Oh, alright, as long as I can walk, because running STILL makes me pee, a little."

    Sort of!

    My OTHER Reverb 10 stories.

    © 2003 – 2010 This Full House Blog / TFH Gone Shopping