This Full House Archive

Category: It’s not the years, HONEY – it’s the mileage!

  • Whoever Says, You Can’t Go Home, Never Had To Sleep With Me!

    The kids and I left town, this weekend – yes, ALL of us and my husband DID know about it – because, well, you see, I haven’t been feeling "quite right" lately.

    No, I’m not sick.

    [knocking on wood until knuckles bleed]

    But, for reasons too long to go into, here (you’re welcome) if you really want to know, I’m hashing it all out at The Imperfect Parent, today.

    Anyhow, I’ve been at this mommy gig long enough to know that raising a family isn’t always going to be all sunshine and rainbows – although, my kids really do make me smile and, more often than not, laugh SO hard, my face hurts – I’ve been hollering at the children way too much, lately, and by the time I woke up on Friday morning, I was ready to toss in the towel and called it a day.

    So, I packed my bags and ran home to my mommy!

    (more…)

  • Don’t hate me because I’m dellusional!

    I know – keep dreamin’ – but, it’s my blog and…sometimes…totally haggard-looking, regular-type moms (like me) just want to have fun, too.

    Still, I can’t help but feel at least slightly embarrassed when I meet someone new and they innocently ask:

    "So, what DO you do, again?"

    Then, all of a sudden, being a mommy blogger doesn’t seem all that beautiful, anymore.

    (more…)

  • 30 Tiny Moments – Day 2: Times when I just can’t see the Doofus, for the trees.

    Doofusfromthetrees

     

     

    There was a time – not so long ago, really – when I enjoyed sleep (I mean, actually slept) and it took every bit of strength – whatever I had left from the day before – just to get up in the morning.  I mean, just the thought of having to stand, erect, was enough to make me want to jump right back into bed and pull the covers over my head.

    Sounds good, yes?

    Yet, one of the few things that helped see me through was that, one day – once all of  my children were in school and I was home alone – perhaps, I would miss all the chaos .

    Surprisingly enough, I don’t!

    (more…)

  • I Am Beautiful Blog Tour: Our 10 Questions for Woody Winfree

    Wearebeautiful72rgb_2

     

    Woody Winfree is a founder of Sole Sisters, Inc., and the critically acclaimed The I Am Beautiful Project, dedicated to creating a world in which every woman and girl can proudly proclaim, "I Am Beautiful!"

    So, when the nice people at Sourcebooks asked if I would like to participate in the I am Beautiful Blog Tour, I jumped…literally, leaped from my chair and banged my chin…HARD…for the opportunity to interview Ms. Winfree.

    (more…)

  • Look, if it weren’t for commercials, we’d ALL be watching television in the snow!

    Theboythingtwofreezing

     

    It started to snow, for all of 17 minutes, yesterday and even though they were happy (sort of) I can’t tell you how difficult it was to chase the kids off the couch.

    At least two of them, anyway!

    I mean, as a parent, I can certainly understand the importance of helping my children direct their natural energy into a productive form of physical activity – seeing as I can’t sit 5 minutes without tapping my foot or twirling my hair – but, there are people who STILL think that children today are becoming less and less active.

    I am NOT one of those people!

    (more…)

  • How many Sears representatives DOES it take to screw a dissatisfied customer…DAMMIT?

    [This entry is cross-posted with Moms Speak Up]

    Laundrybackup

    This is an emergency, people – quick, somebody call Ty Pennington – we seem to have a severe laundry backup!

    Now, I’m NOT the type of person who likes to complain – heaven knows, my mommy ears are VERY tired already – but, our nearly new dryer broke two weeks ago and it’s STILL not fixed DAMMIT!

    Did I mention, we’ve got 6 people living in our house?

    Last week, The Boy (he’s 9) had a wicked stomach virus and threw up 11 times, on Thursday – I know, my 6-year-old was home sick with a fever and was good enough to count it for me – oh, and…DAMMIT…our nearly new dryer STILL doesn’t work!?!?

    Not for the lack of trying – we’ve got the service center on speed dial – but, it seems that reliable customer service is the last thing on Sears’ mind.

    (more…)

  • Mommy’s Monday Morning Quarterback

    Giantslovejessica_2

    Oh, give me a break – as if a woman had any part in the Cowboy’s losing yesterday’s game – still, it’s funny how some people CAN think these sort of things up!

    Yes, I am a HUGE fan of football – though, Garth (not his real name) will tell you that salivating over all the cute quarterbacks traipsing around the field, lately and being easily amused by the butt-slapping does NOT constitute as good sportsmanship – but, I have to tell you, last night’s game WAS one of the MOST difficult ones to watch.

    (more…)

  • In which I remember 2007, sort of.

    Thing One woke up with a wicked nose bleed.

    ICK!

    Wicked, meaning profuse and uncontrollable bleeding from BOTH nostrils (you’re welcome) and I mean, it would NOT stop.  So, I had to rush her to the doctor…AGAIN!

    GAH!

    But, this time, Garth (not his real name) tagged along and we were BOTH relieved to learn that the medication seems to be working and it was just another result, in a series of pain-in-the-rump complications, of what we’ve come to call, "The bacterial infection that will not DIE."

    Everything else is, you know, okay.

    [knocking on wood until knuckles bleed]

    Thankfully, Work At Home Mom To Five tagged me (dammit) and wants to pick my brain about 2007 – yes, she is very, very brave – and I’m more than happy to oblige in playing along with her meme.  ANYTHING, that’ll take my mind off of all the…[gulp]…did I mention I’m not very good with, you know, cleaning up bloody messes?

    ICK!

    Of course, I mean if the killer dust bunnies haven’t gotten to it…first!

    So, here it goes; in order:

    Working from home has been an enjoyable (albeit, crazy busy) experience that has helped my family, tremendously – enabling me to focus more on the children and help keep my husband’s head above water – and my traveling to Disney and Chicago, twice (thank you, BlogHer and Family.com) has Garth (not his real name) believing that, YES…perhaps, he should become a mommyblogger…sort of.  I have been an Imperfect Parent for the last 2 (or, is it 3?) years, started my review blog, proud to be a mom who’s learned to speak up and welcome Green Mom Finds to the insanity.  BOOYAH and pass the broccoli; it’s really been a good year, after all!

    My Oldest Daughter and I survived her first year as a teenager, and celebrated her 14th birthday, with great hopes for her future.  She is a very talented artist and writer (no, really) and has applied to one of the high-tech schools in our county (they accept only 80 new freshman, each year) and is scheduled to take the exam for the Communications High School later this month.  I am so proud of her — whether she makes it in, or not — and honored that she’s even mine, let alone, allow me to follow in her footsteps.  Seriously, we wear the same size and the kid has some wickedly gorgeous shoes.

    My Middle Girl graduated 5th grade, started middle school and joined just about every gosh-darned club they’ve got.  SHEESH.  Honestly, the girl is active.  She hasn’t signed up for any sports, this year — thank you, Jesus — but, her mind is always working and full of really great ideas.  Lord love a duck, I’m raising a liberal-thinker.  Which is a good thing, because, it keeps her father on his toes (conservatively, speaking) and she never really did require a lot sleep (stupid colic!) it’s hard to believe that she’s turning 13, this year.  Wait.  That means Garth (not his real name) and I will have not one, but TWO teenagers living in the house…let us pray.

    The Boy is turning 9, this month and growing (and eating) so much, he’s about a head taller than most of the kids in his 3rd grade class, this year.  He’s made a lot of new friends, through soccer and baseball, for the first time, and looking forward to signing up for Little League, in the spring.  I’ll be rooting for him.  Again.  On the cold, hard bleachers.  OUCH!  But, he’s worth it.  It’s sort of fun, too.  To watch.  Especially, when my little man spit and grabs his crotch.  Yes, boys ARE different.  He’s graduating from the elementary school and moving into the school that houses all of our 4th and 5th graders in the district.  Long story.  So, stupid.  Which means, I will have 4 kids, in 4 different schools, next year…send chocolate!

    Mini-me is an enigma.  One day, she’s a happy little 6-year-old in love with the boy, who shall NOT be named — but, happens to be sitting in the desk next to her — and…BAM…I’m checking for pods in our crawl space, the next.  I guess, that’s what I get for giving birth to a Gemini.  Not to mention, being one.  And a twin.  Myself.  She is, however, a picture-perfect version of my younger self — seriously, it’s scary — and my parents delight in the fact that Mini-me is so, you know, like me.  Except, I was NEVER a girl scout.  Or, as funny.  Dang, the girl makes me snort Coke through my nose.  Wait.  Not that I do drugs.  Or, anything.  Um.  Did I mention that she’s got a really good sense of humor.  And she hates that I call her Mini-me.  So, hence forth, I’m changing her blog name and my youngest will be now known as, "My Little Brownie."  Formerly known as, Mini-me.

    Garth (not his real name) has had a tough year at work (stupid bank) and comes home to find, well, he DOES live here, you know?  Still.  I try to field a lot of the curve balls that life seems to be throwing us, lately.  The kids and me, I mean.  But, it’s hard.  I mean, they ARE really, really hard.  And it doesn’t stop.  Ever.  Especially, once they’re in kindergarten.  I mean, your kids STILL need you.  You know.  More than ever, I think.  And it never ceases to amaze me.  How Garth (not his real name) steps up to the plate.  Whenever I need him.  Which is a lot, more.  Lately.  That’s okay, though.  What, with my parents ill and his father’s surgery, this month — scheduled on The Boy’s birthday, actually — I’m hoping that the coming year is MUCH better.  Than it started off, anyway.  Either way.  It’ll be fine.  He can be my wingman, anytime!

    There you go, Laura – it was the best of times, it was the worst of times and it was exactly what Charles Dickens would have probably envisioned, while snorting Coke through his nose – thank you for asking!

    © 2008 This Full House – All Rights Reserved.

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  • It’s your birthday, make a mess; it’s your birthday, wear a dress!

    Excuse my children, please – yes, they LIVE in a barn – but, it’s been a whirlwind of celebrations, here at This Full House of horribly wrapped gifts and mis-matched socks, and they’ve been singing that stupid song for…um…how many days HAVE they been home, now?

    Doesn’t matter.

    All I know is, it’s like summer vacation…all over again…except, only a bit colder…not to mention, way wetter.

    Oh, and DAYUM.

    What’s up with all the cruddy weather?  We DO live in Jersey, you know?  Where’s all the flipping snow?

    "CRAP!"

    My husband, Garth (not his real name) was off from work ALL WEEK and – since, it is the first time that he’s been home for Christmas vacation in, like, WOW, 10 years – just a little winter-like romping would have been, you know, nice.

    "You won’t believe this one?"

    But, we did get a chance to visit with family – yes, AND managed to live through it, thank you very much – and FINALLY got up to Pittsgrove Farms.

    "Would you mind watching the kids for a little while?"

    Which happens to be home to two of my and Garth’s (not his real name) most favorite people in the world – Mr. and Mrs. Dirtdigger – who also happen to be Mini-me’s Godparents.

    "You see, tomorrow’s Thing Two’s birthday."

    So, we’re more than happy to take whatever time we happen to have open on our very busy calendars and drove up to "the farm" on the day before Thing Two’s birthday.

    "And…um…well…I sort of…you know…FORGOT!"

    [blank stare]

    "I never got her a birthday present."

    I mean – with all the shopping, wrapping, gifting, and then, you know, more shopping – you think I’d remember to get my daughter’s birthday present.

    [bites lower lip]

    "How can I forget my OWN daughter’s birthday?"

    She’s had one for the last 12 years, for goodness sake.

    "What kind of mother am I?"

    Honestly, I felt even more sorry for Mrs. Dirtdigger.

    "You poor thing."

    She grabbed me and hugged me…hard…as I really tried my best NOT to cry.

    "Man, I suck!"

    Yep, cried like a baby.

    "Don’t worry, I know just what to get her, and we’ll only be an hour…I swear!"

    Nope, that didn’t work out very well either.

    "I’m sorry, Ma’am, but, we don’t have any left and they seem to be all out of stock, everywhere."

    Of course – seeing as it was, like, two days after Christmas, and all – and it’s NOT like she’s the ONLY 12 year-old who does NOT have an mp3, or anything.

    "Well, how much is that one?"

    [eyes go wide]

    "HOW MUCH?"

    I’m sure the hubs didn’t mean to holler so loud – I would have, after regaining my powers of speech, eventually – and it was way more than what Garth (not his real name) and I usually spend on, you know, one gift.

    "I know, it’s a lot."

    Did I mention, we just finished Christmas?

    "But, she’s a good kid and NEVER asks for anything."

    And she’s got me, you know, as a mother.

     

    Thingtwoblowscandles

    Having to celebrate your birthday, 3 days after Christmas – not to mention, taking a back seat to 3 other kids – even though she seemed to like her gift.

    "No, I don’t like it…I love…love…love…LOVE IT!"

    I couldn’t really blame her, if she wished for just a little more.

    "Wow, it’s even way better than an iPod!"

    Wouldn’t you?

    Thingtwocutsthecake

     

    But, Thing Two has always been resilient – even as a baby, suffering with a severe case of colic and having to spend the first 8 months of her life, awake – and I can’t think of another person who deserves, well, whatever the heck she wants, really.

    Thingtwocakefrozen

     

    I mean, who else would settle for an ice cream cake…in the winter?

    [blank stare]

    Did I mention, I forgot it was her birthday?

    Minimecookie

    But, Mini-me was gracious enough to make me a "special" Christmas cookie and remind me that her birthday isn’t until June.

    "Don’t worry, Momma, you have pwenty of time…to forget my birfday, too!"

    Hpnx0038

    It’s your birthday…make a mess…it’s your birthday…

    Lord, love a duck – 2 kids born in November and December, I’m really beginning to HATE that song – but, I am SO glad that The Boy’s birthday isn’t until the end of January!

    Happybirthdaythingtwo_2

    Happy birthday, baby – I love, that you STILL love me, too – and I can’t believe another year has gone by…oh, and just think…NEXT YEAR…you’re a teenager!

    Thingonefeedsthingtwo

    Just like Thing One.

    [shudder]

    No sweat.

    With a big sister, like her – I mean, the girl is 14 and STILL, you know, likes me, sort of – I’m not worried…too much…I think.

    Thingtwoandmama

    [shrugs shoulders]

    Just be happy that you look like your grandmother, m’kay!?!?

  • The Christmas House: More than just a box with pretty lights.

     Adventcalendar_6

    I’ve been thinking, lately – a dangerous habit, I know – about how my husband Garth (not his real name) and I have started to downsize our family celebrations.

    Not that they were HUGE, to begin with – if you have kids, then you know – but, our children enjoy spending time with both sets of their grandparents and have looked forward to their birthday dinners out, wherever they choose.

    Christmastime, however, is a bear.

    Besides the typical preparations that go along with celebrating a holiday supposedly meant as a time for family and friends – after finding out who is going to be around and wherever that will be, at the time – it always turns out to be a balancing act.

    As you know, I am NOT very graceful.

    This year, the grandparents are dealing with some pretty serious health and family issues.

    Which ones?

    Both; my parents and in-laws are going through some serious suckage at the moment and, not only does it totally SUCK that my brother’s unit is being deployed, AGAIN, it’s causing severe damage on my Christmas Mojo.

    I’m just not feeling it, ya’ll.

    Which, of course, means that I have been desperately trying to NOT have my children pick up on the fact that I, obviously, put the desperate into housewife…since, like, 1993.

    "Are you coming on Sunday?"

    Shhhh.

    [balancing act in progress]

    "No, actually, I’m taking the kids out and hoping to let your daughter try to, you know, catch up with herself."

    I love Garth (not his real name) – bless his squishy heart –  but, it’s times like this when I wonder.

    "How long do you need?"

    Will it ever be enough and, you know, WHEN?

    "About three weeks should do it, thanks!"

    Actually, all I need is to wrap, cook, bake and…um…shop…no, that’s not it…I finished yesterday with my SIL…uh…there’s something I’m forgetting, I know…give me a minute and perhaps it’ll come to me.

    "Can we go to the Christmas House?"

    I was trying to download some music into my SIL’s new Mp3 player and somehow was trying to pretend that I didn’t know, that she knows, I’m NOT technical, like that – bless her squishy heart –  and, YES, we were having problems that were terribly technical-like.

    "Tonight; are you kidding me?"

    I was so NOT in the mood to go anywhere else.

    "But, you promised we would take Aunt Waynicerthanmommy!"

    [Wayne, for short]

    "I dunno, go ask Daddy."

    I mean, it can be tiring, being such a bad guy…mommy…whatever…and all!

    "Sure, as soon as Mommy’s ready."

    Bless his squishy heart.

    "Besides, it’s not too far, Sis, and it’ll be worth the ride, you’ll see."

    Christmashouse07

    As you can see, the Griswold’s have NOTHING on this place.

    According to this article, there are 8.4 miles of lights on the property and
    79 Christmas trees outside the house; 16 Christmas trees adorn the
    inside of the house and that the electricity bill is about $3,500 for the seven
    weeks the lights are on.

    "How did you guys ever find this place?"

    Driving home from my parents house, I think, go figure.

    "WICKED!"

    Some may perhaps argue, that the use of so many brightly colored lights – not to mention, the energy used to fire them up – and the owner’s efforts at spreading holiday cheer isn’t very, you know, green.

    "Can I have some money?!?!"

    I kept staring up at all the pretty lights and tried not to add to my growing impatience with Mini-me, this past week.

    "There is absolutely NOTHING you need to buy here, Sweetie."

    She pointed at the box at the end of the walk – which asks for donations for St. Jude Children’s Hospital and the Children’s Diabetes Fund – and this message:

    "It’s not a Christmas well – it’s a magical Christmas box. Drop in some
    love and hope. Lets make the children well."

    My eyes fogged up.

    "No, I want to drop it in there!"

    No, it’s not easy being happy – especially, when the world is surrounded in such misery – but, I didn’t have to dig very deep to find my Christmas mojo and all it took was simple drop in the well.

    I mean, box.

    Thank you, Mr. Steinke – the owner of the Christmas House – for interrupting your Christmas party, to come out and greet us, and wish total strangers well.

    "We’re looking forward to playing Harmonies For Christmas!"

    Not just for the cool CD – everyone got one for an $8.00 donation into the box – you’ve given me (and my family) more than you’ll ever know.

    "I do it for my kids, your kids and making some people a little happier is what Christmas is all about; don’t ya’ think?"

    You know, I guess, maybe you do.

    Merry Christmas to all – especially, YOU my blogging friends – and to all a good night.

    [shrugs shoulders]

    Oh, just look at ALL the pretty lights!

    [YAWN]

    If anyone needs me, I’ll be upstairs counting my blessings – 4 of whom are probably STILL awake – praying for peace and hugging Garth (not his real name) bless his squishy heart!

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