This Full House Archive

Category: It’s not the years, HONEY – it’s the mileage!

  • Children of the REAL Jersey Shore
    (Now with MORE zeppoles!)

    Septemberrrr Wake me up when Septemberrrrrr ends!

    I love the beach this time of year.  The fresh, salty air is a bit chillier, which makes the water seem much, much warmer and, well, most of the Bennies (i.e., the cast of the Jersey Shore, mostly, ironically enough) have ALL gone home.

    "When was the last time we were at this beach, again?!?"

    I get it.  I was young, once (shuddup!) and could NOT wait for Friday nights, in the summer, when we'd head down the Parkway to Seaside Heights and/or Wildwood Crest and sneak into bars study the bible, ALL weekend long!

    "I remember, Momma, it was when we showed Dana the ocean!"

    I'd forgotten.  Yeah, it really was the day we introduced my bloggy friend Dana to the ocean — she's from Wisconsin!

    "Has it been THAT long?!?"

    Sadly, my kids have outgrown Jenkinson's Boardwalk.

    Jenkinson's 1999 Glen's 1st trip to the boardwalk — Jenkinson's 1999

    It really is just the right size for little ones; ALL tuckered out by nap time (me, too) and we'd be loooong gone by the time the Jersey Shore night life, you know, woke up. 

    "I thought that ride was SO MUCH bigger!"


    Holly and Heather Jenkinson's 1999
    Then, before you know it, YOUR kids meet the maximum 48 inches to ride and, well, you know, you can't go back.

    "Can we get zeppoles?!?"

    Yesterday, however, was a GREAT day to get out (considering, September also translates to, "school holiday," in Jersey!) and housewife is such an oxymoron, dontchathink?

    Zeppoles
    Mmmmm….the view inside a big bag of zeppoles (pronounced as zep-poh-leez) or, fried dough, drowning in powdered sugar, if you're NOT from Jersey.

    "Noooo, I want funnel cake!!!"

    Funnel Cake
    Mmmmm…of course…(or, auf-cawse, if you're from Jersey) there's ALWAYS room for funnel cake!!!

    "Wanna eat it on the beach?!?"

    Pt. Pleasant Beach
    Bet you did NOT know we had palm trees, or blue skies, here in Jersey, right?  Are they real?  You know, I really don't know.

    "This was really an AWESOME day, Momma!"

    What we DO know is that there's SO MUCH more to Jersey than what some reality t.v. shows would care to admit, sort of.

    "Too bad you ran outta money for the rides!"

    Of course, it most likely will not be the one that my kids remember but, let's NOT go there…just yet…m'kay!?!?

    © 2010 This
    Full House Blog     / This Full House Gone Shopping

  • This is What it Sounds Like, When Butterflies Cry

    Fogged In

    This is what 6:15 a.m. looks like, in Jersey!

    The morning came quickly, as it usually does to a seasoned (i.e. perpetually perplexed and severely sleep-deprived) parent (like me) and, unlike most mornings, I let the dog out, while my husband started the coffee (bless his squishy heart) and we both continued to pretend like last night did NOT happen.

    "She's in tears."

    Long story, short (you're welcome) unlike her 3 siblings, today is the 1st day of school for my middle girl.

    "What DID you say to her?"

    Suffice it to say, I've earned yet ANOTHER ✔ mark in reasons why I make OTHER mothers look good (really, don't mention it!) by upsetting my daughter to the point of tears, on the night before her 1st day of high school.

    "She started it!"

    Did I forget to mention, her mother also happens to have the emotional maturity of a 9 year-old?!?

    SLAM!

    So, rather than expose my children to further examples of what NOT to do, for which I'm hoping their future significant others will thank me for, later (probably not) I took a self-imposed time out on our front porch.

    Did I forget to mention, our front porch is NOT screened in, or the fact that I absolutely DESPISE bugs?!?

    GAH!

    So, rather than risk being eaten by mutant moths (Mothra lives!) I swallowed my mommy pride and slunked back into the house.

    SLUNK!

    "Can I talk to you, Mom?"

    Long story, short (yeah, I know, I lied) we ARE a lot alike (my 14 year-old and me, I mean) and we were both just stressed out (to the MAX) by the fact that, you know, she is going into high school.

    "Don't worry, Sweetie, you'll be just fiiiine!"

    Boy, if I had a dollar for each time I lied (like that) well, you know.

    "But, you're so far away, Mom!"

    Did I forget to mention, she was accepted into a career academy, that happens to be 25 miles away (i.e. approx. 30 minutes, if you're from Jersey) and that the bus picks her up at 6:25 a.m.?!?

    "Doesn't anybody stay in one place, aaaaanymore?!?"

    [blank stare]

    "It would be SO FINE to see your face at my door…"

    [blink, blink]

    "…doesn't help to know, that you're so…"

    Did I forget to mention, whenever faced with a difficult parenting situation, under extreme pressure, I often break into song.

    "Okay, you can STOP singing now!"

    If only it were THAT easy.

    Heather Kindergarten Halloween Parade 2000

    Kindergarten Halloween Parade 2001

    "Long ago I reached for you, and there you stood…"

    She's A Freshman, Now!

    Freshman in High School 2010

    "Holding you again could only do me good…how I wish I could, but you're so far away…AND, I know you love me, aaaaaanyway."

    [bites lower lip]

    Okay, I added that last part in, but Heather and me, yeah, we're good (for now) and PLEASE don't tell her, or the part about her mother being SUCH a dork.

    [heavy sigh]

    Because, she's MY daughter and…trust me, she already knows…bless her squishy little heart!!!

    © 2010 This Full House / This Full House Gone Shopping

  • The 11th First Day of School

    Photo0733.jpg

    "Wait, let me take your picture!!!"

    My 11 year-old son (the ONLY boy in the house, btw) is smiling, but inside I know that he was all, like, JEEZ!

    "CRAP!  Wait, it's too dark!"

    Frankly, the kid has lived with me long enough to know that, you know, it's just easier to pretend EVERYONE'S mother is a dork (like me) especially, on the first day of school.

    "Okay, now, smile!"

    Photo0738.jpg

    DAMMIT!  Hang on.  Can I just, you know, UGH!!!  Wait a minute.  Is he?  Nooooo.  Who am I kidding?  Maybe he was just wiping some leftover sleep from his eye.  Or, a bug flew up his nose (it COULD happen) still, it would be nice to think that my kids, you know, like having me around, kind of, sort of, too.

    Photo0736.jpg

    "Wait, let me take your picture!!!"

    My youngest daughter (she's 9) was packed and ready to start school, a couple of weeks ago and, no, I can't say as I blame her.

    "CRAP!  Wait, it's too light!" 

    She's the last of my kids to ever enter the 4th grade and, I'm sorry, but I just don't remember the other 3 ever looking THIS little.

    "Okay, now, smile!"

    Photo0739.jpg

    DAMMIT!  They just NEVER wait, anymore, do they?  Maybe she was feeling sorry for her baby sister (ahem) or, because she's a freshman now and doesn't start HER high school until next week (SOB!) still, it would be nice to think that my kids, you know, really do like each other, kind of, sort of, too.

    "Wait a minute…"

    [scrolls thru cell phone]

    "…who did I forget?"

    DAMMIT!  I'm just NOT ready to admit that MY OLDEST IS A JUNIOR IN HIGH SCHOOL!!!  Maybe, it was just WAY too early in the morning and I couldn't find my phone (it COULD happen) still, it would be nice to think that she already knows, after ALL these years, I love her, just the same.

    Wait a minute!

    Holly's Hair

    Does a "night before school starts" picture of my coloring her hair count for at least something?!?

    [sound of many crickets, chirping]

    Besides, the fact that, you know, YES, I am one of THOSE moms and, well, there could be worse things.

    [ducks lightning bolt]

    Like, she could have a mother stupid enough to actually leave that picture (up there) on Flickr, right?

    [cricket]

    Riiiiiight.  Wait a minute.  She DOES read my blog.  D'OH!  Never mind.

    © 2010 This Full House / This Full House Gone Shopping

  • When You Give a Doofus-Dawg a Watermelon

    Doofus Dawg on Watermelon

    Doofus-Dawg on Watermelon 

    I love my dog.  Truly, I do.  Most of the time.  He is a rescue.  They found him tied to a dumpster.  I can only imagine his life, b.u. (before us) still, there ARE pretty good reasons why we also refer to Rudolph as Doofus-Dawg (a.k.a. Pinhead) and why my husband, Garth (not his real name) texted me, while I was having dinner with the kids at my folks' house, last night.

    "Wet sticky spot on living room rug, trail of dried juice on kitchen floor, watermellon gone, dish appears not to have broken, I'm not speaking to the dog."

    Yes, he spelled watermelon wrong, so, I knew he WAS, you know, pretty angry.

    "Where r u?"

    Aaaand, I didn't answer him (right away) because, you know, I was THE ONE who left the watermelon on the counter.

    "Why is the floor SO sticky?"

    My son (he's 11 and, besides the dog and cat, is the ONLY boy in the house) woke up in a HORRIBLE mood, this morning.

    "Rudolph ate some watermelon, last night."

    Aaaand, he seems to be paying for it (see photo above) too.

    "Ah, man, you kiddin' me, who left the watermelon out?"

    Apparently, he wanted some.

    "Um…Daddy DID!"

    Relax.  One good rescue deserves another, right?  Besides, I'll tell him the truth, later (maybe) suffice it to say, I'm the one that has to live with the boy, for the next 8 hours, or so.

    "AH, MAN!!!"

    School starts tomorrow…THANKGAWD…stupid dog!!!

    © 2010 This Full House / This Full House Gone Shopping

  • What I UnLearned on My Summer Vacation

    Happy 20th Anniversary, Garth (not his real name!)

    Happy 20th Anniversary to us, Garth (not his real name!) 

    Most of my kids go back to school, this week — my middle girl has been accepted into a specialized high school and doesn't start until the Tuesday after Labor Day AND yes the other kids are NOT happy about it.

    So, to soften the mood of our house (seriously, where DID the summer go?) my husband Garth (not his real name) surprised me for our 20th Wedding Anniversary (thanks for the well wishes, btw!) by taking a vacation day last Wednesday, Thursday AND Friday to spend more time with me (yes, ME!) doing absolutely nothing of REAL importance, which truly is a  MONUMENTAL act of love, on his part.

    Trust me, I know!!!

    Although, it's nice to find some folks sharing their secrets to a happy marriage (97 of them, to be exact) I just think it would be prudent to just tell you that Garth (not his real name) and I have absolutely NO idea how we made it, this far!

    Especially, considering what happened THIS passed weekend. 

    (more…)

  • The Year of the Big Dress and Cinderella Poof!

    1990 Bride

     August 25, 1990 

    20 years ago (I know…I'm old…shuddup!) I was cruising down the Parkway (a.k.a. Garden State Parkway, for those of you who aren't, you know, from Jersey) surrounded by taffeta and covered in tulle (it was the end of the 80's, baby) as my soon-to-be-sister-in-law mooned traffic and made me laugh so hard, I snorted champagne out of my nostrils!

    You would have thought SHE was the one getting married (the aforementioned Parkway-mooner, I mean) the way her hand shook, each time she filled my paper cup.

    It took her forever to FINALLY convince her brother to ask me out.

    "Just this once and then you leave me alone, right?"

    I guess, since we DID get engaged, only 2 months later, she was just hoping it would, you know, work out.

    Flash forward 20 years:  taking into consideration, ALL the good times (and bad) oh, and even those days that totally sucked hairy donkey balls (you're welcome!) not to mention, 4 kids, 2 cats, 1 sock-eating doofus-dog AND enough laundry to circle the planet (twice) YES, I really would do it ALL over again.

    However, this time, perhaps with MORE champagne, a little less tulle and I'd be the one, you know, mooning the Parkway.

    So, what ARE we doing for our 20th?


    [shrugs shoulders]

    Well, in lieu of fine china (which, is a really bad gift idea, for a klutz, like me, btw!) we're celebrating by taking our kids hiking to Bushkill Falls, PA today (it's where he proposed) then, having lunch at Hot Dog Johnny's in Buttzville, NJ (I kid you not!) followed by a burping contest across the Delaware (because, nothing burps better than Johnny's birch beer!) and then probably order in for some Chinese food, tonight.

    Because…unlike Cinderella…I did NOT marry the man of my dreams…THANK GAWD and I do….TRUST ME…every blessed day!!!

    © 2010 This Full House - All Rights Reserved.

  • Marrying the Man of My Dreams…NOT!

    Apu, Any, Mamama The Pocono Mountains, August 1963

    Next week, my husband Garth (not his real name) and I will be celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary.

    Married.  20 years.  To each other.

    Inconceivable, considering I've only just turned 29, again (ahem!) but, how did we get here?

    "Look, we found a box of old photos!"

    Because, I've never been really very good at finishing what I start (cough!) and 2 out of 4 of their baby books are actually, you know, finished.

    "Who's that?"

    My dad.  My mom.  My grandmother.  They ALL looked so young.  I managed to hold onto it (barely) but, couldn't stop my hands from shaking when I remembered who must have taken the picture. 

    "Why does Papa look so sad?"

    My grandmother was married to a very (and I mean VERY) abusive man (in the worse sense of the word, really) so, I can IMAGINE what my father was thinking at that very moment.

    "I think he was maybe just nervous."

    With good reason.  My father had a tumultuous relationship with HIS father-in-law (which, happened to be on a good day) and, well, the decision to move in with his in-laws must NOT have been an easy one, either.

    "Was she married?"

    Growing up, in that house, however, was MUCH worse.

    "Who?"

    Still, ALL parents fight…right?

    "Your grandmother."

    Especially, with their in-laws…no?

    "She was married, but then she got divorced."

    Granted, I don't remember my friends ever talking about the police being called out to their grandparents' houses.

    "For how long?"

    Not as often as they visited mine, I mean.

    "How long, what?"

    Then, there was silence.

    "How long was she married?"

    Days and days without talking to each other.

    "40 years, I think."

    Doesn't matter.  After a while, it all becomes a BIG blur anyway and, well, I just never dreamed it could be, or would be…any different…for me.

    "She was married twice as long as you and daddy!?!?"

    20 years.  Married.  To each other.

    "Are you going to do something special for your anniversary?"

    Inconceivable, indeed.

    "Yeah, we're gonna stay married!"

    Frankly, the man of MY dreams was WAY different.

    "That's NOT funny, mom!"

    Thank you, Garth (not his real name) for NOT being that man!!!

    "Bet daddy would think it was funny."

    I mean, he IS married to me, you know?

    © 2010 This
    Full House Blog     – All Rights Reserved.

  • Wordless Wednesday
    Sisters Act…ing, Nicely

    Holly and Heather Summer 2010Holly and Heather, Bayshore Waterfront Park 2010

    Taken with my cell phone.  Imagine what I could do with a REAL camera?  Yeah, I'm looking at you, Garth (not his real name!)

    Check out the Official Wordless Wednesday HQ
    Tag,
    you're it:       

    © 2010 This
    Full House Blog     – All Rights Reserved.

  • Surviving Foot in Mouth Disease

    I ran into a friend of mine at the drug store, on Saturday — seriously, nearly knocked her over right in front of the feminine products aisle — we haven't seen each other since, well, the last days of school and spent the next few minutes, you know, catching up.

    "Enjoying a nice, quiet summer, I hope?"

    I continued to babble on and on, trying to distract her from noticing the fact that I had NOT shaved my legs in two weeks (you're welcome!) by saying something about my two most favorite days of the year being the last day of school AND the first day of school!

    "Did you hear that my mother died?

    Aaaaand then, my brain screeched to a halt.

    "Oh…no…I am SO sorry."

    As, I lied (like a cheap rug) and pretended that I hadn't heard of the poor woman's loss.

    (more…)

  • High Tides and Green Skies, Jersey Forever?

    The Overlook

    Mount Mitchill Scenic Overlook County Park, Atlantic Highlands, NJ

    Actually, it was grayish, rainy and a bit chilly, yesterday.. PERFECT weather for some late summertime fun…here, in Jersey, anyway.

    A lot of folks seem to like visiting New Jersey (on purpose) especially, our neck of the Jersey shore and I'm okay with that (mostly) I mean, if it weren't for the Bennies (i.e. people who visit here, only in the summertime) we'd probably have to pay A LOT MORE money to get on our beaches and MTV would NOT currently hold the #1 google rank it does, you know, today…DAMNIT!

    Why so sensitive? 

    (more…)