This Full House Archive

Category: It’s not the years, HONEY – it’s the mileage!

Rock, Bumper, Echo Says, “SHOOT!”

We attended a family get-together in memory of Garth's (NHRN) uncle who, sadly and very suddenly, passed away last month.

The kids were a little nervous (me, too!) it's been almost a year since they attended my aunt's funeral and they're still not quite over her passing (me, either.)

I promised it was not going to be like that.

This was, however, an opportunity to meet up with extended family members of the Thompson Clan, from Arizona and Boston, who we haven't visited with in a very long time.

Which also gave us the chance to introduce our kids to another branch of their family.

Okay, so we were ALL a little more than nervous.

Still, it was held here in Jersey (yes, on purpose!) at Garth's (NHRN) cousin's home, which my SIL promised would be, an experience to behold.

She was NOT even kidding. The wine cellar, alone, filled from floor to ceiling with bottles of pinots, cabs, shiraz and champagnes (they weren't even dusty DANGIT!) you could tell, was created to be a very livable space, with it's own thermostat and humidifier, well, I was ready to move in.

We were ALL blown away and each complimented my cousin-in-law, more than once, on her beautiful home, having done ALL the decorating, herself.

Okay, so we were all, like, "GAWD, this is gor-juss!" and "How many bathrooms DO you have, again?" every danged chance we got, hoping not to have sounded tooooo, you know, envious.

We had a really great time, considering the circumstances and, after watching a rather emotional tribute to my uncle-in-law, we were all a little sad to go.

Until, my cousin-in-law insisted that we come back, for Christmas and, well, one or more of us may or may not have volunteered to help clean up and perhaps stay, you know, until then, or maybe even for forever.

I mean, they DO have the room (DAGNABIT!) the area is absolutely gorgeous (yes, here in Jersey!) and they seemed to like us, just fine, until.

CRASH! I backed up into this rock, left behind when they cleared the lands to make room for their 1/4 mile driveway.

"SHOOT!"

And I may or may not have swapped the two "o's" for an "i" because, you know, I'm from Jersey.

"Do you think anyone heard that?"

Judging by all the cameras on the front porch, visible from way over here, even, I'd say, YES!

"Funny, I thought the rock would be bigger!"

Stupid echo!

© 2003 – 2011 This Full House

September 16, 2011
Remembering Union Street

7 years ago (next month) I sold my childhood home (approx. 30 minutes outside of NYC) and moved my parents "down the shore" to live in "the village" or what my kids warmly refer to as "Camp Mama and Papa."

So, a week before the move, we took our kids up for one last visit and my husband started to take a couple of random pictures.

At first, I couldn't quite understand why. Although, yes, the gardens were magnificent and often times my parents would receive compliments from passersby.

My kids grew up here visiting with their grandparents nearly every Sunday and yet I couldn't help but look forward to watching each of them (and us) make many more memorable moments in Mama and Papa's shiney new home.

The last I heard, the house on Union Street was being rented (AGAIN!) and, living 90 minutes away, my parents sometimes STILL visit, insisting that, you know, they just happened to be in the neighborhood.

A few weeks ago, I drove up north to run a few errands (okay, only one, the Hungarian butcher is still there, enough said) and did EXACTLY what I told my parents NOT to do.

I drove up Union Street, right passed the house and, I swear, I could hear my heart break a little.

The foot bridge, the lamp post, the rose-covered arbor, the greenhouse that my father built using leftover materials recycled from various landscaping job sites, it was ALL gone.

I did NOT recognize it, anymore.

Today, I'm heading out to check on my parents (my dad tore a ligament in his "good arm," yesterday) but, not before I make a quick stop for them at the Hungarian butcher…ONLY!

So, yeah, thank you, Garth (NHRN) this is EXACTLY how I will always remember Union Street.

© 2003 – 2011 This Full House

September 13, 2011
My Father, Zee Pool Mon-nee-tor

I'm a people watcher to the extent where I can sit, pretty much any place, for hours and, you know, make other people wonder, "Why IS she staring at me like that?!?"

Because, it's in my genes, along with a weird sort of magnetism, or ability to draw complete strangers into sharing their WHOLE life story (I'm a good listener, too) oh, and certain parts of my body are extremely follicle-ly gifted (you're welcome!) I get it from my dad.

My father volunteered to be pool monitor (checks badges, accepts tickets from visitors) a couple hours, twice a week, this summer and if you've ever hung around the geriatric set (figuratively AND literally speaking) then you would probably understand when he tells you, "Izzzzz no pic-a-nik!"

It was his last day (as pool monitor) but, he did not want to go, because it was between the hours of "NO splashing" and "They're not OUR grandkids."

I said that I would go with him, anyway, just to keep him company and it would give him (and me) the chance to sit and make fun of the…I mean…interact with the rest of the villagers.

"Did you ask permission to take pictures?"

You know, it was SUCH a beautiful day and I really could have sat there for hours, I don't believe the cement was very interested in what I was doing, really.

"I em herrrrr perrrrrrmeeeeee-shun!"

I mean, he IS the pool monitor and, honestly, the pool chairs and loungers didn't seem to mind, either.

My kids think their grandfather is funny (me, too) but, sometimes they have a real hard time figuring out whether Papa is being serious, or not (ditto) like, when he tells them how he, you know, hates senior citizens.

"Oh, okay, YOU gave her permission, uh-uh, and you are?"

Okay, not really, it's just, well, at this point, my father feels life is too short to worry about Jackwagons, who insist on acting all, you know, Jackwagon-y.

"I em fin-eeeshed speaking to you."

Me, too… AND… I really, really hate it when people get all patronize-y, like that!

"Sir, really, you're not making any friends, talking down to people, like that."

[eyes go wide]

"Oh, I forrrrget, you did not meet my frrrrrend Joe…Joe, dis izzzz my dah-terrrr."

[one beat, two beats]

"Yeah, I noticed the resemblence."

UGH! That Papa! He's so, so funny.

"Nice to meet you, too!"

Morale of the Story: If a man insisted always on being serious, and never allowed himself a bit of fun and relaxation, he would go mad or become unstable without knowing it. ~ Herodotus

Aaaaaand, THEN, make it HIS life's mission to drive us womenz right off the deep end…riiiiiiiiight?!?

[sound of crickets, chirping]

Look, over there, up on that satellite thingy, isn't that one of those turkey vultures, up there?!?

SLAM!

© 2003 – 2011 This Full House

September 9, 2011
Easy, Breezy, Pinot Gris-y

In between earthquakes and hurricane warnings (what a week we're having, Jersey, eh?) my husband, Garth (NHRN) and I celebrated our 21st wedding anniversary and had an awesome dinner with my in-laws, last night!

I tried to keep the conversation light (thanks to 2 Mojitos and an awesome glass of Pinot Gris) alas, my husband's boyscout powers, along with the category 2 hurricane and extreme flood warnings, had been activated early in the day.

"You guys have everything you need?"

My in-laws are both in their 80's (but, you STILL look good Mom!) and, well, let's just say that they didn't seem very worried about the weather.

"Ah-yup."

Still, I told them that the kids and I were going to go down to check on my folks (they live about 15 miles inland from Seaside Heights) then, I would stop by their house (my in-laws live about 10 minutes away from us) to help secure stuff and drop off a case of bottled water.

"I don't expect there'd be a problem."

My father-in-law is from New England, enough said.

"But, you want to be able to have coffee!"

I mean, seriously, you really have to wonder about some people's priorities.

"Category 2 hurricane and you're worried about coffee?"

I'm sure the table behind us MUST have heard the muscles in my neck snap, as I whipped my head in my husband's direction (I mean, my neck STILL hurts a little) seriously, he's lived with me for 21 years.

"Maybe coffee would help make them worry about it, you know, less."

Okay, at this point, I realize that it sounded as if I was being beaten by the stoopid stick.

It's not every day you experience an earthquake AND a hurricane in the same week.

I stood my ground.

"This way, you have water, all you have to do is just fire up your Keurig and you're good to go."

Wait for it.

"That's actually a great idea.

Wait. For. It.

"Iffffffff, they had electricity!"

AHEM.

"How about those Giants?"

[blink, blink]

"They're actually going to go ahead and play the Jets."

[sound of crickets]

"You know, on Saturday?!?"

[heavy sigh]

"Sure, I'll have another glass of wine, thanks!"

All I'm saying is, thank goodness, I married a boyscout….stupid Irene!

© 2003 – 2011 This Full House

August 26, 2011
I Felt the Earth Move Under My Buttocks

As you may (or, may not) have heard (or, even care, considering other more important stuff, like, oh, I don't know, preparing for a hurricane, or something) we had a bit of excitement the other day when the earth "Pfffftttt" here in Jersey.

All east coast jokes aside (seriously, I'm from Jersey, we're used to it) what I can tell you is this, I was already sitting on the floor and did NOT panic (at first) thinking:

a) I was helping the girls clean out their closet and, well, it's a lot like playing Jenga, only different.

b) The washing machine was running at the time and I may (or, may not) have overloaded the sucker (again!)

c) A truck busted open that stupid sink hole down the street, or the watermain broke (or, both!)

d) Our house is old, it farts (a lot!)

Until, I saw my oldest girl's eyes go wide (LIKE THIS!) and watched one of their cubbies shimmy, back and forth, like J-Lo (in slow motion) did I feel the floor ripple under me.

PANIC!!!!!

All west coast sensibilities, aside (seriously, I get it!) the rest of the kids and I met in the living room and it wasn't because we thought it was an earthquake, at first.

"Is the house falling down?"

It is at this very moment, when I realized, that ALL those years of my joking about the house…falling down around our ears…pretty much bit me right in the buttocks.

Literally AND figuratively speaking, dagnabit.

P.S. Many thanks to all my west coast friends on Facebook and Twitter for their patience in helping me explain to my kids how the earth typically doesn't, "Pfffftttt," like that, here in Jersey.

P.P.S. My 10 year-old finally DID manage to put her feet down on the floor, rather than walk her way around the house, on top of the furniture.

P.P.P.S. Yo, Irene…BITE ME!!!

© 2003 – 2011 This Full House

Freshly-brewed elsewhere: Allstate Good Hands Roadside Assistance Program Recap where I get to share a $50 Amazon gift card. Also, had fun filming this video with the Minute Clinic folks at BlogHer.

August 24, 2011
The Husband Wish List
I was collating through paperwork and alphabetizing color-coded files, the other day.

Okay, so I was looking for a pen.

Fiiiiiine, I would have been happy finding a broken crayon…but, couldn't see the top of my desk from the paper jungle that mysteriously cropped up…seems like overnight, really.

Alriiiiiight, so a person could lose a small child in the stack of bills, that somehow magically migrated from the kitchen table…ummmmmm…what?

[sound of crickets]

PEN!!!…that's right…I was looking for a pen (or crayon) but, found a list of stuff and asked my youngest daughter about it, since, you know, it was in her handwriting.

"It's a list of stuff."

Now that we're clear on it being a list…of stuff…she went on to explain that it is actually a collective wish list she and her sisters penned, while I was away at BlogHer, of the qualities they wanted in their future husband and/or SigOth.

In the order listed (with notes added, where deemed necessary, or, at least, I felt, you know, compelled to do so, as their Muh-thuh) and YES! I asked them before I blogged it, for the sake of posterity, of course:
- Funny (Heh, guys hate this, right?!?)
- Loving
- Caring
- Good attitude
- Wants to have kids (Really? Hrmph. Go figure.)
- Tall
- A Little Older (My oldest has a little crush on the "Stay Thirsty, My Friends," dude, me too!)
- Australian (With the likes of Hugh Jackman, can you blame them?)
- Any accent (Come to think of it…Mike Holmes…aye?!?)
- Great personality
- Hugger (It's how we roll!)
- Dancer/singer/male model/body building (I kid you not, with forward slash and everything!)
- Lots of money (I guess they thought better about it!)
- Helps read to children (Preferably can read on their own, too, I hope!)
- Nice abs (SNORT!)
- Love to bake and cook
- Pretty eyes (It's what attracted me to their father, that and his nice abs, really!)
- Toned (Because, sometimes nice abs are just not enough, you know?)
- Good teeth (Or, at least, hope that one of your sisters or brother marries a dentist!)
- Animal lover
- Smooth voice (Why, yes, I do happen to own a collection of Barry White albums, why do you ask?)
- Artistic
- Sporty
- Bond with the kids
- Strong
[pause for bathroom break]
- Willing to take responsibility and take care of family when sick
- Photographer
- Traveler (Aaaaand, hopefully, take you with him, just sayin')
- Some chest hair (SNORT!)
- Whiskers (Less cat-like and more of the Johnny Depp-ish, I think!)
- Confident
- Flirty (Smart girls!)
- Loves me for me (Word!)
- Doesn't smoke or do drugs (See previous parenthesis.)
- Loves the beach/the ocean/the capes (i.e. Cape Cod and Cape May.)
- Construction worker (To build his/her mother-in-law her dream house, FINALLY, preferably on either one of the Capes, doesn't matter which, really, I'm easy like that!)
It will be fun to visit this list, a few years from now and see how we they fared (or, not!) right?!?

Riiiiiiight.

© 2003 – 2011 This Full House
August 15, 2011
So, Yeah, My Kids FINALLY Got Their Supply Lists…from Hogwarts?!?

It's the same thing, every summer, about this time, the kids shake down our mail carrier, desperately awaiting news of their teachers and classes for the new school year.

So, when I heard the SLAM! of our mailbox (our new carrier seems to be a wee bit crankier than usual, I don't blame him) and then Hope's feet running for the front door (she walks/runs like her muh-thuh!) I was hoping that the wait would be over…FINALLY!

[SLAM!…SQUEEEEE!]

I felt it safe to assume that…yep…they got their back-to-school letters.

"It's from….Hogwarts?!?"

They each received a personalized letter, addressed to The Brown House With the Star, sealed with wax and, well, really?!?

Yes, they looked really, really, um, real and, honestly, as self-proclaimed Potterheads, we ALL experienced a little pang of regret…okay, mostly me.

My youngest is graduating from elementary school, this year (SOB!) and has spent nearly her whole life, growing up, right here, on this little blog.

"Wow, I'm as old as the first Harry Potter movie?!?"

Aaaand, well, it's nice to be able to at least pretend like it was September, 2003, when being a mom, who happenend to have this thing, called a weblog, seemed a whole lot easier.

D'oh, alright, fiiiiiiine.

I'll even take 2006 (around the time I blew up my blog and lost 2 years worth of stuff…UGH!) just to be able to blog about all the things I should have (or, maybe shouldn't have) all over again.

"Wonder who sent it?!?"

Me, too!

"Hey, you think maybe J.K. Rowling reads your blog?!?"

So, I can send them the bill…you know…for all the therapy this poor kid is gonna need, you know?!?

© 2003 – 2011 This Full House

August 12, 2011
I Left My (insert body part, here)
In San Diego

Toasting a safe arrival into San Diego with my dear friend, Headless Mom!

I had the extreme privilege of attending BlogHer 2011 (thank you, Kmart!) and honestly, even after pulling all-nighters in a New York City hospital, saving BlogHers with Busy Mom, I don't remember being THIS tired, last year.

Then again, biking around in Coronado with Melisa, Sue and Michelle can be very, very EXHAUSTING oh and absolutely HILARIOUS (trust me, I was there!) but, I'll let Melisa blog about it, once she stops laughing, I mean!

UPDATED TO ADD: Which, she did, right here.

Left to right: Me (Michelle, in back) Christina (Headless Mom in back) Jenn (Busy Mom in back) Melisa and Carmen (don't her arms look great?!?)

It's REAL hard work, you know, keeping up with the cardigans (dang, but it was chilly) and my Clever Girls Party sistahs.

After all, seeing as this is my 5th BlogHer, I feel it safe to say that networking is, you know, REAL hard work!

Seriously, being this gosh-darned cute AND huggable, every time (MamaLatina Tips, not me, DER!)

Courtesy of Elizabeth @Table4Five

Attending sessions, learning from other bloggers and celebrating each other's accomplishments, like, that of the awesomeness of my dear friends, Jenn and Busy Mom (pictured above) speaking on the Old School Blogger Panel, is what we blogger-types do best.

Also, meeting bloggers I admire (like Elizabeth Peterson and the amazing Liz Strauss) for the first time at really cool events, like here, attending the Pan Am dinner with Busy Mom.

Getting all decked out for the absolutely awesome harbor cruise, courtesy of Dove Ice Cream (thanks for sending me this before pic, Melisa!) and checking off yet another once in a lifetime moment, thanks to writing in my silly little blog.

Aaaaaand, oh how we danced and laughed whenever one of us got photo-bombed by BusyMom (I did and it was AWESOME!) these are the BlogHer moments I love best.

Getting caught talking with my hands (again!) and spilling my drink all over Backpacking Dad, not so much.

[covers face with hands, hangs head in shame]

Thank goodness no one else at CheeseburgHER seems to have noticed, or even cared, that he smelled of appletini (heh!)

At least, I don't think they did, seeing as I was too busy throwing my back out on the dance floor…YO!

Oh, and I seemed to have left my ass on Coronado.

Can't WAIT to see what happens, next year!

© 2003 – 2011 This Full House

August 10, 2011
Our Forever Beach

I was born in a bay town, caressed each of my children, for the first time, in a room overlooking the banks of a river and raised them in a shore town, within viewing distance of the Hudson River.

Where the ocean touches the earth, plays hide-and-go-seek with the light and the sunshine is treasured above all else.

Not to mention, the slightly tangy sting of the fresh salty air. It's in their blood.

Their father has been coming to this same beach since he was a child. It's where we spent our first days as man and wife and introduced each of our babies to the soft, gentle waves of Cape Cod Bay.

Songs have been written for less and, sadly, moments like these are becoming far and few in between.

But, NOT this day. The shades of soft purples, dark blues and warm golds are still very fresh in our minds.

For, no matter where life takes us, (because, tomorrow comes a lot faster than you think) we will always have THIS day, as far and few in between as it IS, on OUR beach, together, for which I will be FOREVER thankful.

As I live and breath, I love you, Garth (not his real name) thank for THIS and much, much more!

© 2003 – 2011 This Full House

July 29, 2011
Roadside Assistance For Teens

I usually don't write about this sort of stuff, here (because, zombies are so much more in line with my parenting philosophy, you know?)

Aaaaaaanyway, I recently had the opportunity to share information about a great new service on my shopping blog.

It's been 6 weeks since Holly got her driver's license and — although, I have to admit, I'm getting REAL used to her running last-minute-type errands — I'm worrying MORE about my baby girl than ever before!

So, when the Allstate folks approached me about their pay ONLY when you need it roadside assistance program, I thought it was a GREAT plan — most especially, if you have new drivers in the house, like we do!

Because, upon reading my blog post, Heather (she's my middle girl and is my self-imposed grammar corrector) was kind enough to remind me that she is turning 16 at the end of this year and will be eligible for her driver's license, next year!

GULP!!!

Sooooooo, YES, I believe it is very important to introduce teens to the basic fundamentals of taking care of a car, as well as an emergency back-up plan, seeing as they will be sharing the same car…mine!!!

I really hope you check it out and thank you for your time.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to pick up a couple of job applications, because, New Jersey car insurance rates…DAYUM…or, maybe I'll just get Holly to do it, right?!?

© 2003 – 2011 This Full House

July 27, 2011