This Full House Archive

Category: It’s not the years, HONEY – it’s the mileage!

  • Don’t Have a Happy Place? Feel Free to Borrow Mine!

    You know what bugs me?  Besides, waiting in the doctor's office for more than 20 minutes (unless Ellen Degeneres is on) with folks who insist on changing television channels, without asking (see previous parenthesis) who probably are the same ones riding my rear bumper (newsflash: fast lane is on the left) then, pass me on the right (dumbass) only to slow the heck way down (ditto) oh and the Kardashians (enough said!)

    Um, what were we talking about?  Oh yeah, you know what bugs me?  Serial complainers, who insist that life sucks and do NOT even try to convince them otherwise.

    Lest, you get all caught up in the suckage and then, well, it becomes one BIG (and bad) blame-storming session, yes?

    Still, it's good to vent.

    So, yesterday, I woke up feeling like pond slime (stomach bug, enough said) and must of have looked just as awful (probably more) to the point where my husband asked my oldest to stay home and help me complete the morning and afternoon runs (no pun, intended) seeing as I spent most of the morning (and afternoon) in the bathroom/library, which is typically is my happy place.

    Aaaaaand, this is where some folks would be all, like, wait a minute, you had your kid stay home from school on purpose?!?

    Yes, because it's good to be the only other driver in the house and technically it was actually my husband who called her out of school.

    [sound of crickets, chirping] 

    Would it help if I told you that she also finished the laundry?

    [cue happy dance]

    Aaaaanyway, it helped.  Because, I was able to sleep it off (when not stalking my new bff, the bathroom, I mean) and today, I'm feeling much more human, thankyouverymuch!

    "Mom, I don't feel so good!"

    Good thing, too.

    "Me either, Mommy!"

    Seeing as the suckage is about to get a leeeeetle deeper up in here, DAMNIT.

    Morale of the Story:  Pass the toilet paper, I'm done!

    If anyone needs me, I'll be in the OTHER bathroom — it has a vent.

    © 2003 – 2012 This Full House

  • First Rule of the Irresolute Club: Make A List of Resolutions You Can Actually Keep

    Bench Full of Holly

    Taken on our New Year's Eve weekend getaway to Cape May, NJ and I still can't help but imagine why someone tied a bouquet of holly to this bench.

    I'm not a big fan of resolutions.  I mean, it's just another reminder of stuff  I never got around to doing, or failed to do right the first time around, DAMMIT. 

    On the other hand, January is sort of like a do-over.

    So, I made a mental list of the stuff I would like to "do better," because the second rule of the irresolute club: leave no paper trail.

    This year, I really, really want to try hard and cut sugar out of my diet…entirely.

    I've done well, so far (yes, I know it's January 3rd, your point being?) until this morning when I  absent-minded-ly poured sugar into my coffee (or, caw-fee if you're from Jersey.)

    But, rather than start the year out being wasteful (as well) I drank it, anyway.

    So, it doesn't really count.  Right? RIGHT?!?  Riiiiiiight.

    Okay, fine, here's a list of MY resolutions for 2012 which I can actually, you know, keep:

    1. Gain at least 5 pounds.
    2. Be more indecisive.
    3. Do less laundry.
    4. Use more deodorant.
    5. Drink more wine.
    6. NOT win the lottery (DAMMIT!)
    7. Declare procrastination an art form.
    8. Inhale.
    9. Exhale.
    10. Repeat.

     I mean, why set myself up for disappointment?  Right?  RIGHT?!?

    [sound of crickets chirping]

    Riiiiiiight.  Happy New Year, everyone!  Want to join the Irresolute Club?  What's on your list?  Is it 2013, yet?

    © 2003 – 2012 This Full House

  • 16 Candles

    Heather is 16 (SOB!)

    Happy 16th Birthday to my sweet, beautiful, bright-eyed baby girl, Heather Marie. I am in constant awe of everything you achieve and the absolutely gorgeous woman you have become, inside AND out. 

    I admire your quick wit and strong will (yes, THAT too!) and the way you meet life's challenges all in and head-on.

    You are brave, strong, loyal and unafraid to be loved for who you are, period (please don't ever change that!)

    You are also very protective of those you love (see last parenthesis!)

    Although you would never admit it (out loud) you have this sixth sense of knowing when and how to diffuse a sticky situation, by making a funny little face, cracking off a smarmy one-liner or throwing out a big-armed hug, just because, bless your squishy little heart.

    For ALL these things (and so much, much more) I love you, Ree-Ree!

    You will always be my most favorite Christmas present ever.

    © 2003 – 2011 This Full House

  • A Mom’s Letter to Santa (UPGRADED!)

    I first wrote Santa in 2006 (way back before Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest ruled the earth) it’s filled with typos and weird stuff after migrating my blog back from WordPress, no doubt.

    [clears throat]

    Aaaaanyway, considering my oldest is 18 and the middle girl is turning 16 next week (SOB!) and the rest of the kids are now at the age where they only pretend to believe in an effort to keep their delusional parental units (mostly me) happy.

    It’s time for an upgrade.  Here are my Christmas wishes:

    (more…)

  • D’OH! A Deer!

    Liz and Garth (NHRN) at Jayne and Paul'sReason #3,922,199 why I love Garth (not his real name) for his gorgeous eyes, of course!

    My husband and I recently reconnected with his cousin and I was excited to be invited to their holiday party (the hubs, too!)

    Beeeecause, they really are a great couple (and they invited us back, anyway?) my cousin-in-law Jayne LOVES to dance (me, too!) and I've heard that they do awesome holiday.

    Aaaaand, they did.

    The Sax Guy
    But, this guy right here BLEW (buh-dum-bum) and single-handed-ly (mouth-ly, lip-ly, whatev) managed to put us in an awesome holiday-ish mood.

    UNTIL!

    The next day, when it was time to pick up our kids.   That is to say, we were happy to see our kids (of course!)

    The prospect of having to drive northbound on the Garden State Parkway (towards New York, if you're not from Jersey) on the last weekend before Christmas (when everyone and their mother is on their way home, too) um, not so much.

    So, we took "the back roads" and I bet you dollars to donuts you didn't think Jersey had back roads.

    "OH CRAP, LOOK OUT, DEER!!!!"

    Or, deer, right?

    We were introduced to 3 of them, up close and all personal like (so, how YOU doin'?) and, thanks to my husband's cat-like reflexes (also, the fact that he was driving and NOT me) the slowest one of the group is probably still limping.

    After loosening his ninja-death-grip on the steering wheel and making sure everyone was okay-ish, Garth (NHRN) got out to check the front of the car.

    "No damage, we must have just bumped that last one."

    The irony that we just picked my husband's car from the shop earlier that day, or the fact that, once the shock wore off, my son seemed to be more concerned about the deer.

    "WE KILLED A DEER!!!"

    Rather than the fact that it could have been much, much worse, was lost on no one.

    "They sort of looked like Santa's reindeer."

    Especially me, since Rudolph hit MY SIDE of the car.

    "Well, he did sort of fly over us."

    [blink, blink, blink]

    Stupid holidaze, dumbass deer.

    © 2003 – 2011 This Full House

  • Dressing Room Conspiracy (The Vlog)

    Just a few afterthoughts:

    • Yes, my nose is always THAT itchy (I swear!) It is a nose of substance (SNORT!)
    • Turns out, schlub is a real word after all (thought I was being all cleh-vuh, shoulda known beh-tuh, DER!)
    • But, it's not what I meant (less mean like and more Jabba the Hut-ish.)
    • See thumbnail above (seriously?)

    I will post "the dress" my almost-16yo picked for me (it's like this one, only in black/silver) before I go out on Saturday AND once I shave my legs, of course!

    © 2003 – 2011 This Full House

     

  • Feeding Your Inner-Grinch

    You know what's annoying, besides the thought of people gifting Lexus-es and diamonds the size of my mortgage, I mean, or is that just me?

    Oh, and those stupid "don't jiggle it, when you wiggle it" Old Navy commercials, I mean, seriously, isn't that the reason most people are wiggling it, in the first place?

    Because, no amount of active wear is going to keep me from jiggling like a friggling vat of jello, most especially, from the knees up.

    Condescending asshats.

    Which brings me to my original point (I think) because, I really did start out having one.

    [glances at wall calendar]

    Oh yeah, now I remember.  What IS it with people this time of year?

    I get it.  It's hard to feel all festive around the holidays, when life hands you a bag filled with crap and stuff. 

    Still.  It's no excuse for folks to act like asshats, is it?

    Like, walking across the parking lot at the mall yesterday (a death-defying act, here in Jersey, anyway) helping my SIL shop for new work clothes (she's doing fabulously well with her new wellness plan) and nearly getting run over (twice) by asshats who clearly saw us coming and hit the gas, anyway.

    Maybe, because I was jiggling, when I should have been wiggling, no doubt, DAMNIT.

    Aaaaand, that's another thing.  What is wrong with jiggling?  What if I like my jiggle?  I mean, raising 2 teens and 2 pre-teens (soon to be 3 teens, hold me!) some of us work REAL HARD to look this jiggly.   

    Unlike, the poor woman I ran into at the grocery store (literally, vertically-challenged people should like carry a flag or something) as she was tearing into a box of protein bars.

    "I didn't get a chance to eat, today."

    It was nearly 4 o'clock in the afternoon and, well, been there, done that.

    "Yeah, I hear ya', at least it's something healthy, right?"

    Then, the poor woman insisted how she really "did eat more than a normal human being should," at Thanksgiving (didn't we all?) she also lost her job, right before Thanksgiving (UGH!) but, is thankful to have friends who will pay her to watch their children (sort of) and how, at this rate, she will NEVER get rid of the extra 10 pounds, yada, yada, yada.

    Did I mention, she looked to be about 30 sizes smaller than me?

    "Well, sounds like you have enough on your plate already."

    [eyes go wide]

    "I mean, maybe you should give yourself a break."

    Honestly, why do we (mostly, women like you and me) put such pressure on ourselves, all the time?  Especially, about our weight?  Most especially, around the holidays?

    "Sounds to me like you could use a real good hug, too."

    She then apologized, telling me I had a nice face, for which I thanked her for, REAL HARD (lucky for me, she turned out to be a real good hugger, too) and then we went on our merry-ish way.

    Morale of the Story:  Don't judge a person by their jiggle (or, lack thereof) just wiggle alongside, even better, hug them REAL HARD instead, or something like that.

    You know, thinking on it some more, maybe people aren't such asshats, afterall…just hungry. 

    [sound of crickets chirping]

    Stupid holiday commercials, dumbass Old Navy.

    © 2003 – 2011 This Full House

  • Day 30: I #NaBloPoMo’d This Here Blog Aaaaand, I Liked It (Sort of!)

    Today is the LAST DAY of NaBloPoMo and this marks my 30th blog post, this month.

    Deep breath, exhale, repeat.

    I realize that there is way more news-worthy stuff going on in the world at the moment and, honestly, can think of at least several other note-worthy achievements I’d rather claim, like:

    • Inventing a dust repellent (totally safe, unless you are dust, of course!)
    • While I’m at it, making lint, split ends, blogging over the age of 40 and wearing pajamas to work totally fashionable and uber-trendy (also, bringing back the word uber!)
    • Creating a sarcasm font (balanced by an equally efficient auto politically correcter, of course!)
    • Also, self-washing AND self-folding clothes.

    You know, stuff like that.  Because, seeing as I am entering my 9th year of blogging (i.e. will be moving to my toes, in order to keep track, real soon) I feel it safe to say that life has a way of squashing one’s motivation…period.

    Especially, when under the influence of teenagers (just wait, you’ll see!) also, it’s sort of hard to argue with an algorithm.

    Which is probably why, around halfway through the month, I was pushing myself at 10:30 p.m. to sit down, relax and just write.

    So, yes, my committing to AND actually following through NaBloPoMo is indeed a BIG FRIGGIN’ DEAL!

    Aaaaand, not so much for the notoriety or page hits (actually, judging by this month’s blog stats, not at all) you know, that I know, that you know AND even if you don’t, NaBloPoMo’ing does NOT make me a better blogger, than you, or anyone else.

    On the other hand (or foot) I hope you do forgive me, for my feeling like less of a dork…for just one day…to be able to say…I DID IT…NaBloPoMo’d the h-e-double-hockey sticks out of this here blog!

    Aaaaand, while I’m at it, I hereby proclaim myself as the “Queen of Awesome!”

    [ducks to avoid falling sky]

    On this here blog, anyway.

    © 2003 – 2011 This Full House

    Aaaand, so this ENDS my NaBloPoMo-ing it, this month (first time NaBloPoMo-er) feel free to check out what I’ve NaBloPoMo-ed (PHEW!) when you have time, of course!

      Feed me, see more!

  • Nearly Wordless Wednesday:
    Williamsburg, VA 2005

    Williamsburg, VA 2005

    One of our most favorite places and yet we haven't been back since?  Perhaps I can convince Garth (NHRN) for one last road trip before the oldest goes off to college, next fall (SOB!)

    Oh, and I almost missed seeing my youngest, way over there on the right, she was so, so tiny (double-SOB!)

    © 2003 – 2011 This Full House

    I'm NaBloPoMo-ing it, this month (first time NaBloPoMo-er) feel free to check out what I've NaBloPoMo-ed, thus far (PHEW!) and let me know how I'm doing (I mean, 30 posts, in 30 days, really?!?) when you have time, of course!

      Feed me, see more!

  • Mom’s Thinking Place

    We've inherited several pieces of furniture over the years (okay, mostly ALL of it) and I often times find myself describing our home as being decorated in Early American Garage Sale.

    Most recently, 2 overstuffed recliners that belonged to my parents.

    Because of their declining mobility, they've chosen to downsize their livingroom, which, means we've upgraded to new-ish furniture.

    Mom's Thinking PlaceBut, this chair, right here, is what my youngest likes to call Mom's Thinking Place.

    Besides the bathroom, it is my favorite place to regroup, relax and reconnect with myself.

    Especially, in the early morning hours, while my mind is still quiet and I enjoy the nothingness that exists between sleep-encrusted eyes.

    No, it's not the trendiest or even prettiest of chairs, I know.

    Still, even the dog seems to sense its specialness (above all the other pieces of furniture he's otherwise quick to claim, as his own) and, well, I just love that, you know?

    © 2003 – 2011 This Full House

    I'm NaBloPoMo-ing it, this month (first time NaBloPoMo-er) feel free to check out what I've NaBloPoMo-ed, thus far (PHEW!) and let me know how I'm doing (I mean, 30 posts, in 30 days, really?!?) when you have time, of course!

      Feed me, see more!!