This Full House Archive

Category: It’s not the years, HONEY – it’s the mileage!

Don’t Mess With Mother Nature, She Probably Has Teens

The kids have been on spring break since Friday and, since my oldest is scheduled to work this week/weekend and needs the car to, you know, get there (it's about a 30 minute ride down the Parkway, in Jersey speak) we're pretty much rooted close to home.

By yesterday afternoon 2 out of 4 of them weren't speaking to each other (because, girls are pretty much women in training, just so you know) the boy and I needed some fresh air. Also, the roast had about another hour left. So, we took Doofus-dawg for a quick walk before dinner.

It also gave us (meaning, the boy and me) a chance to talk, reconnect and perhaps address a few issues (because, teenagers, they hazem) that otherwise may have gotten lost or mixed in with the rest of the miss-matched socks in the house…YO!

We've weathered some pretty bad storms, lately (literally and figuratively speaking) and Mother Nature hasn't been very kind to our neighborhood, either.

Hurricane Irene reduced one of their favorite paths, once a bridge into a fairy world filled with magical possibilities, as a place to be feared, neglected and left totally abandoned.

No matter how many times we changed our direction, we were reminded of just how fragile our world has become and my son was trying really hard to understand why I would want to take pictures of such random things.

I tried to explain with this broken sidewalk. Yesterday it served as a medium for space travel. Who knows what story it will tell, tomorrow?

I don't know if it stuck. The boy is only 13. Also, he asked that I stop taking pictures so that we could get home and check to see if dinner was ready and, well, 13 year-old boys really do get hungry, A LOT.

"Hey, but thanks for the walk mom."

Aaaaand, next time, I'm thinking about dying my hair purple.

"My head feels a whole lot better."

Mine too, enough said.

© 2003 – 2012 This Full House

April 11, 2012
The Year Without An Easter Bunny

Growing up, our family consisted of me, my twin brother, my parents, my maternal grandmother and my Aunt Theresa (the rest of our extended family lived overseas) so, yes, celebrating holidays, like Easter was a very big deal.

We would wait for my father to come home from working at the garden center (Easter flowers were pretty big in the stone ages too, believe it or not) only then would we carve into the Easter ham or (in my brother's case) dive into some Hungarian smoked sausage and crack open a couple of Easter eggs dyed by boiling them in onion skins (red, white, yellow, etc…) on Good Friday.

If we weren't full from our Easter baskets, that is: their remains at the foot of our bunk bed still visible from the kitchen table.

My parents always joked about how lucky we were (okay, half-jokingly) because, the Easter Bunny never could quite make it as far as Eastern Europe.

Easter 2008: Holy Hannah Montana, LOOK! It's an Easter basket built for four!

Their grand kids, however, are very familiar with the Easter Bunny and it was fun to watch their faces light up and my son's eyeballs cross…each and every year.

Then, all of a sudden, it started to get…you know…less fun. By 2008, I had a few choice nicknames for the furry little leporidae and was posting stuff on my blog like:

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April 6, 2012
What Would Mike Holmes Do, Aye?

Measuring at just under 2,000 square feet (give or take a dust-encrusted corner) we live in a very modest 3 bedroom home. By today's housing standards, it would more likely be described as a bungalow, cottage or expanded cape (ranch-like section added on back in the 80's) with the original a-frame portion to the left (when facing the house) dating back over 100 years.

Having grown up in a 5 room home (yes, my parents house was very cozy) and then sharing a 4 room apartment with my husband (cozier still) to me, this house seemed like a mansion.

I still remember moving in on Memorial Day weekend 1993 (I was 3 months pregnant with our 1st child) standing inside the doorway, staring up at the high ceilings and thinking to myself, "Holy crap, LOOK AT ALL THIS SPACE!"

4 kids, 3 cats, 1 doofus-dawg, several generations of dust bunnies later — not to mention having survived dozens of Nor'easters, Snowmaggedon and Hurricane Irene (the bitch!) — and entering our 20th year of living in what first began as our starter home (ahem) it's amazing that This Full House of leaky pipes and squishy wallpaper is still, you know, standing.

"You looking to do any work on your house anytime soon?"

I was taking the garbage out the other day and, seeing as it's been very windy, I stopped to make sure the chimney was still, you know, standing.

"Funny you should ask."

I struck up a conversation with a contractor-type canvassing the neighborhood and, considering I am a firm believer in serendipity (fate, karma, whatevs) not to mention, our walls weep every time it rains (as do I) well, his timing couldn't be ANY better.

So, I took his card, gave him our daytime number(s) and he said we should expect a call later this week.

My husband was a little skeptical (as was I) but, we made an appointment anyway for Saturday after he got home from work and then had a few minutes to compare some quick notes before the guy showed up.

You see, we've watched enough Holmes on Homes to know that you have to be really, really careful when working with contractors.

Aaaaand, we interrupt this blog post for a quick piece of eye candy:

[heavy sigh] You're welcome!

BARK. BARK. BARKITY-BARK. BARK.

I put doofus-dawg into the girls' room and then my husband and I greeted the contractor at the front door.

"Hey, it's nice to see you again."

Although he doesn't look ANYTHING like Mike Holmes (DAMMIT!) the guy has over 30 years experience "in the business" and, well, having been stood up by 2 previous contractors (assclowns!) I was just happy that this one actually, you know, showed up.

"Come on in!"

He wiped his feet, stepped in and proceeded to slip his shoes off just inside the door.

"Oh, please, does our house look like you need to be taking your shoes off?"

[one beat, two beats]

"Regardless, I was taught to take my shoes off when entering someone's home."

Aaaaand, if it were up to me, I would have hired him (or, at the very least, adopted him) right then and there.

"Hey, those are REAL NICE socks, by the way!"

After confirming his license, checking up on his references and driving by a couple of other homes he's worked on, of course.

Beeeeee'cawse, that's what Mike Holmes WOULD WANT me to do. Go ahead, ask him. I'll wait.

Don't be messing with my babes…AYE!

See, it's written ALL OVER his face (IS SO!) or, "Don't be messing with my babes…YO!" if you're from Jersey.

Stupid weeping walls, dumbass leaky roof!

(P.S. The original portion of the house…you know, to the left when facing the house that dates back over 100 years…is fine and does NOT leak…go figure.)

© 2003 – 2012 This Full House

April 2, 2012
I’m Vloggy and I Know It!

Inspired by an incredible interlude with my long lost mojo, this morning…I hope it lasts…I blame Tara 🙂

© 2003 – 2012 This Full House

Freshly-Brewed Elsewhere: Robin Wilson Home – Hypoallergenic Bedding Collection & Down Alternative Luxury Bed Pillow Giveaway [takes deep breath] because allergies suck wet poodle!

March 30, 2012
This was only a test; if this had been a real emergency, I’d be wearing matching underwear!

My oldest daughter started her FIRST part-time job last week (THANKYOUBABYJESUS!) so, I've been driving her to and from work, after school.

Her job is about 20-30 minutes further south, depending on traffic (which is how we measure driving distance here in Jersey) and, considering we live along the busiest highways leading to the Jersey Shore, it is a bit of a hairy commute.

Which is pretty much the reason why I drive my oldest daughter to/home from work.

Yes, she has her driver's license (SOB!) however, we only have the one car to share between us and, well, you know.

She is saving up for a down payment on a non-minivan and, at this rate, she'll be lucky enough to be able to afford gas for the gosh-darned thing; not to mention car insurance and clean underwear.

We live in Jersey, enough said.

It's really not all that bad (mostly) she works twice a week (for now) and every other weekend and my husband can help with that, unless, you know, he's working that weekend UGH!

I'm just glad the timing happens to work out well with my youngest daughter's softball schedule.

Plus, my middle two are bused (AND THEN THE ANGELS BEGAN TO SING!) so, no more worries about getting them to and from school.

My youngest, on the other hand, is still a walker (which is an oxymoron, because she still gets to and from school, in a vehicle, really) however, we have a mutually agreed upon meeting place that does NOT involve my having to actually enter the school parking lot.

I learned of it from a few other parents who also have this thing about school parking lots.

Plus, there's this one particular boy who insists on carrying Hope's book bag and, honestly, it's sort of cute.

Except maybe on Tuesdays and Thursday.

BEEEEEEEEEEP! BEEP! BEEEEEEEEEEP!

[squints at clock]

"C'MMMMMMMMMMMMON!!!!

Okay, most definitely NOT on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

"We have to get Holly to work!!!!"

However, I don't know which is funnier: the look on the other kid's face?!?

"GAH!!! I FORGOT!!!"

Or, his hauling ass after my kid…STILL holding her book bag…each AND every time?!?

© 2003 – 2012 This Full House

March 27, 2012
Nearly Wordless Wednesday: You Know You’re a Blogger, When…

While visiting with another dear bloggy-type friend (Hey, Sue!) before heading home (SOB!) she drives you to one of her favorite photo walks, turns the corner and you cover your mouth with your hand…trying REAL HARD not to swallow your gum.

While on your way home and at the risk of being called out as an Out-of-Stater (or, Stay-tah if you're from New England) you randomly pull over, take a few minutes to balance yourself on the driver's side seat, hoping you remembered to pull the parking break (ahem) then hold your breath and try to capture that very moment…in one heartbeat or less.

Okay, maybe two…I blame Sue.

© 2003 – 2012 This Full House

March 21, 2012
Flirtexting: While Under the Influence of Children

My husband, Garth (not his real name) had a local Chamber of Commerce thingy to attend last night and, considering it was held at one of our favorite pubs, I'm thinking perhaps it's high time I joined the Chamber of Commerce.

Clearly, those Chamber of Commerce folks know how to, you know, thingy.

Aaaaanyway, Garth (NHRN) and I have been feeling a little estranged, lately (okay, for the last 18 years) but not on purpose, or anything.

We have 4 kids. 3 of whom are teens. Enough said.

Aaaaanyhow, I thought it would be fun to send him a few flirtatious texts to, you know, shake his thingy up a bit.

So, I sent him this:

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March 16, 2012
My Bloggy Little Roadtrip #G2NO: Day 2 – A Last-Minute Snowstorm and Sunday Suppah on Saturday.

Chatham's Lighthouse Beach is there, somewhere, promise.

I had exactly one week to plan my Bloggy Little Roadtrip #G2NO to visit my friend Sue in Cape Cod (you know, she lives in a hamlet, hates lobster) and by that I mean wrestling with mother's guilt (which never gets old, btw, sorry!) and tuning into The Weather Channel 24/7.

It's like Mother Nature is going all pre-menopausal here on the East Coast and, well, my luck (or, lack thereof) I would make it ALL THE WAY THROUGH CONNECTICUT (sorry, driving through non-stop traffic in such a long state requires UPPERCASE not to mention a few choice expletives) only to get stuck in a snow storm in Massachusetts.

Or, snow stahm (if you're from Massachusetts) either way, I HATE DRIVING IN SNOW!!!

Thankfully, I made it up to Sue's house relatively unscathed. Although, I did leave a piece of my bladder in most of Connecticut and there really should be an express lane to Sue's house.

Good thing the snow didn't hit the proverbial fanbelt until Day 2!

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March 14, 2012
My Bloggy Little Roadtrip #G2NO: Day 1 – When Getting There is HALF the Fun

My husband, Garth (NHRN) made me drive 6 1/2 hours, by myself, to be with this woman (yes, on purpose!)

The morning I left for My Bloggy Little Roadtrip #G2NO (Friday, I think!) three out of four of the kids were off from school — my 16yo attends a specialized high school, they run on a slightly different schedule and no she was NOT happy about it — but, my son was still VERY upset.

"I had a dream that you died."

Grrrrrreat…best send off…EVUH…right?!?

"Is there something you're not telling us, Mom?"

Even if there was, it wouldn't matter, teenagers will make up their own stories.

"Like, do'ya have some sort of disease?"

See what I mean?

"An incurable flesh-eating disease or something?"

[eyes go wide]

"Aaaand, you're going away so we don't have to watch?"

A bit extreme, I know (even for a 13yo boy) still, I guess it's sort of difficult for the kids to understand, knowing how much I hate…Hate…HAte…HATe…HATE to drive in traffic (seriously, it's tour-chuh!)

So, why would I even consider driving 6 hours to go and visit with my friend Sue up in Cape Cod and, you know, NOT take them with me?

Because, my husband Garth (NHRN) made me do it (yes, I'm keeping him!) Although, he didn't have to try and convince me, all that hard, really.

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March 12, 2012
My Bloggy Little Roadtrip #G2NO: Visiting With My Friend Sue. You Know, She Lives in a Hamlet. Hates Lobster.

Me and Sue (a.k.a. As Cape Cod Turns) BlogHer 2009

I first met my bloggy-friend Sue IRL (in real life and from behind the computer screen) while attending BlogHer 2009 and, right away, it became clear to me that we were very much alike.

Okay, except maybe for the fact that Sue has blonde hair while I'm…hang on a second…(looks in mirror)…a brunette (this month, anyway!)

Aaaaanyways, she lives in a hamlet. No, really, they have them up there in Cape Cod, MA. Or, you may know it as Cape Cad (if you're from New England) also, Cape Cawd (if you're from Jersey).

Also, Sue does not like lobster. Or, lab-stah (like they say it over thah, in Cape Cad) also, lawb-stuh (if you're from Jersey) YO, what's wrong wit-chews?!?

Aaaaanyways, I LOVE CAPE COD (et al)!

My husband and I honeymooned there, we've taken our children along (after the honeymoon, of course!) on many family vacations, together with friends and even celebrated my in-laws 50th wedding anniversary where Sue lives…you know…up thah…in Cape Cad.

It's our pretend home!

Sooooo, when Sue and I were finally introduced in Chicago, by a mutual friend who lives in Chicago (go figure) and after hanging out at BlogHer 2010 (figuratively speaking, of course, as far as I remember, anyways) we promised to try and get together the next time we found ourselves…up thah…in Cape Cad.

Okay, I'll stop with the various pronunciations now, my mouth hurts.

Me and Sue Summer 2011 (she's still blonde and I'm, well, a little closer, this time!)

The following summer, our ENTIRE CLAN invaded her little hamlet and had some really great lobster. Except for Sue, of course. She hates lobster, remember? Which is sort of weird, since she does live in a fishing village. It really and truly is a pretty little hamlet.

Great, now I'm hungry.

Aaaaanyways, I am SOOOOO EXCITED to be visiting with Sue and her clan for the weekend (WHOOT!)

I'm leaving on Friday and perhaps may be on the road, right this very minute, depending on when you're reading this…[waving to you, from a rest stop no doubt]…but, this time…I will be clan-less.

My husband, Garth (not his real name) has generously volunteered to hold down the fort (yes, I'm keeping him!) while I take my bloggy little roadtrip…you know…on the road and spend a Girls' 2 Nights Out with my anti-lobster friend Sue.

Although, I am a little nervous about it. Did I mention, Cape Cod is 4 states away and about a 5 hour drive from Jersey?

Aaaaand, if you're still all, like, "Meh, big deal," then you have NEVER had the distinct displeasure of driving through the ENTIRE state of Connecticut…YO, what's wrong wit-chews?!?

Sorry about that, you can take the girl out of Jersey…etc…

Aaaaanyways, I'll be Twitter-ing and Facebook-ing along the way (I get lonely driving by myself) during my various pit stops (and thirsty) so, wish me luck, as I head out on my adventure and I'll see you soon.

You and your pretty little hamlet too, Sue!!!

(P.S. Oh my gosh, Sue just posted a Facebook pic of my pretend bedroom for the next couple of days!)

(P.P.S. Wonder if Garth NHRN would mind it much if I ammeded the hashtag to #G6NO?)

(P.P.P.S. I'm kidding, Garth NHRN…sort of!)

© 2003 – 2012 This Full House

March 8, 2012