This Full House Archive

Category: Hope

The Nightmare Before Christmas, Halloween House

Not for nothing, but we used to do holidays BIG here at This Full House of crunchy floors and stinky socks, sometimes decorating months in advance.

Actually, I may or may not have forgotten to take down last year's [insert upcoming holiday, here] decorations and, well, a few months more and I'd have to dig them out again anyway, right?

Then life happened and holidays just sort of started going all #FUBAR, for one reason or twenty.

Halloween 2007: I carved the pumpkin way too early and, well, it was gross and swarming with gnats by the end of the month. So, I just left it out and pretended…yeah, sure…we meant for it to look all gross, just in time for Halloween!

2008 will forever go down as the bloodiest Halloween, EVUH: when my middle girl's butt exploded, literally and we'll just go ahead and skip right over 2009, if you don't mind, m'kay?

Halloween 2010 was the last time all 4 of my kids went pumpkin hunting, together: because, clearly, I was the only one having fun.

This time, last year? I was positively morose. My youngest was graduating 5th grade and, well it was my baaaaaaayyyyyybeeeeeeeee's LAST Halloween parade.

Although I did remember to bring my camera, I totally FORGOT to check the stupid sd card. #dumbass

Wait! Here is a really cute picture of Hope (and Glen) from I don't remember when.

"Are we going to put up any Halloween decorations, this year?"

Ugh. Right. So, I can't help but feel like my youngest daughter is getting the short end of [enter upcoming holiday, here].

"Right now, want to help?"

So, last Sunday, Hope and I hit the Dollar Store for some last-minute…is THAT realy all we got for Halloween…stuff and took to task getting our house looking all fall-ish and festive-like.

Because dead geraniums are sooo spooky, yes?

Hope and I got it ALL up and Halloween-ish by the time my two oldest girls got home from work later that afternoon.

I know, it's not like it's going to win an award or anything and, truth be told, my neighbors probably won't even really notice the difference, from any other day. Still. Hope and I had a really great time and we may or may not have gotten a little carried away with the spider webbing.

"The spiders are going to have a party!"

Good. One less decoration to worry about, right?!? In fact, throw in a couple of red and green hats, a few jingle-y bells and we've got us some pumpkin elves.

What?!? I sort of like the idea of our being the Nightmare Before Christmas House, right?!? RIGHT?!?

[sound of crickets, chirping]

Whatever. Eat your heart out, Martha!

[blanke stare]

Martha Stewart, I mean, not Jenn @TheNextMartha <—- that woman OWNS Halloween!

© 2003 – 2012 This Full House

October 24, 2012
The Only Thing Better Than NOW! Is If I Had It 5 Minutes Ago © Garth (not his real name)!
I'm not a very patient person: when it comes to making stuff work right (the first 20 times) or whenever I get it into my head to do something, it's either NOW or…SQUIRREL!!!

[stares blankly out window, scratches behind ear]

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

Oh yeah, and I seemed to have picked up another habit from my husband, Garth (not his real name): feeling the need to locate and then identify unexplained noises around the house because…OMG!…WHAT IS IT with all the BEEPING this morning?!?

"It's Hope's cell phone."

Which is actually Garth's (NHRN) old cell phone. Because it's old (in cell phone years) and continually beeps whenever a text message goes unanswered. Which is one of the reasons why he got a new one because…OMG!!! THE BEEPING!!!

Now that I think on it some more, I'm really the only person who texts him, continually. Seriously, don't you HATE IT when your text messages go unanswered?!?

[sound of crickets chirping]

Aaaaaanyway, he picks up Hope's cell phone and proceeds to read the message (she's 11, enough said):

"Hope my mom took phone away I just got it back."

It was from one of her "guy" friends (gahdfuhbid you call him a boyfriend) and, although he did not scroll through the rest of the messages (just in case Hope is reading this, right now!), we could JUST imagine the context of the conversation:
- Text #1: Hey, So-and-So, you going to the Halloween dance?
- Text #2: Because, I might go.
- Text #3: Or I might not go.
- Text #4: Or, I might.
- Text #5: You going?
- Text #6: To the dance?
- Text #7: Helllllllllllooooooo?!?
- Text #8: What, now you're not answering any of my texts?
- Text #20: You're DEAD to me now!
SNORT! That last one was Garth's (NHRN) idea and that's when my husband came up with the perfect catchphrase to describe our youngest daughter.

"Hey, that would make a pretty good blog post title."

I realize that most folks probably won't consider this conversation even a quarter as funny as we did this morning, however, far be it from me to miss an opportunity of increasing
my "Break curfew again and I'll show your boyfriend my blog," arsenal.

"Aaaand, I want credit for it too!"

So be it.

[see blog post title]

PHEW! I am SO GLAD that it's NOW out of my…SQUIRREL!!!

© 2003 – 2012 This Full House
October 17, 2012
Who Knew, Doofus Is a Designer Dawg?

I don't know what it is, exactly, but it happens to me every time the seasons change. I get all fired-up about redecorating, reorganizing, renovating and re-re-ing the h-e-double hockey sticks out of This Full House of mismatched scks and crunchy floors.

For years I blamed HGTV for fueling my DIY and design envy. Not to mention, my having a slight girl-crush on Candice Olson and Amy Matthews.

Then Pinterest came along and…well…as if I needed yet ANOTHER reason to feel inadequate or delusional in believing renovating a house…for the last 18 years…is perfectly normal…not to mention, using pretend words like re-re-ing.

On the other hand: my kids bring their friends over who are all, like, "Ohhhhh, your house is sooooooooo cozy!" and…YES!…I allow those kids sleepover…A LOT!

Aaaaanyway, I tend to focus on creating cozy little gathering-type areas (unavoidable, seeing as we live in a small house) like our faux fireplace.

It's actually our chimney. The previous owners were using a wood-burning stove, but the town made them remove it before selling the house and, well, getting it back to a real functioning fireplace…yeah…it's on my list.

This weekend, however, I replanted some perennials and wanted to reuse this beautiful pot (see picture above, also: re-re-ing) to warm up our entryway by using these awesome lit branches I found at Christmas Tree Shop.

"Is it supposed to go like that?"

Even my 11 year-old was all, like, really? Is THAT all you got?

Then I noticed Doofus-Dawg bought something in from the yard as well and I just vacuumed that carpet…HEY!…wait a minute…[cue light bulb]…AH-HAH!

I went outside, raided the kindling from our outdoor fireplace and even thought to take advantage of finally gathering up a couple of stray branches from around the yard, knocking yet ANOTHER item off of my list (don't be jealous) but, it still didn't look right.

Hope suggested we add some of the river rocks I had sitting on the driveway for the last few months (okay, more like a year: line perimeter of pool with rocks, to make it easier to cut the grass, it's on the list) to help hold the branches up straight and, well, seems I am not smarter than a 6th grader…either.

Aaaaaand, even Doofus-Dawg got into the act by helping me trim the branches back a bit…NO!… not that…ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAP!!!!…heh, just kidding.

Now the entryway has "Welcome, sit down and take the load off!" written all over it, right?!? RIGHT?!? Riiiiiiiight.

[sound of crickets, chirping]

Yeah, whatever, Candice. Bite me, Amy.

© 2003 – 2013 This Full House

September 24, 2012
So, My Kid Passes Out While Visiting Grandpa at the Hospital & Other Stories of You NEVER Know, You Know?
She's a sassy lemur.

Sooooo, I'm in my dear, sweet friend Melisa's fancy-schmancy car headed to #BBSummit12, my husband calls me on my cell phone and after 4 kids AND 20+ years of marriage — not to mention, having spent a good portion of my oldest daughter's college tuition on repair bills in just the last month or so — I sort of figured it wasn't good news.

"Are you sitting down?"

Also, Garth (not his real name) knows I'm a fainter.

"I'm here in the hospital with Hope."

My oldest daughter took Hope and picked up Grandma to visit Grandpa in the hospital (he was admitted the night before and recovering from pneumonia) and at first I was all, like, okaaaaaaay, aaaaaaand??????

"Wait, okay, so why are YOU there again?"

Long story, short (you're welcome!) here's a quick run down of the events prior to my getting on the plane:
- Wednesday: car breaks down on the way home from visiting my mom and dad (it was 99 degrees out at the time, just so you know).
- Thursday: drop car at shop, rent another car so I can get oldest daughter to and from work; yes she can drive, no not a rental; go figure.
- Friday: car won't be ready for a few days; so I go extend rental and pray for winning lottery numbers (yeah, right!)
- Saturday/Sunday: oldest kid is scheduled to work, on this particular weekend, go figure.
- Monday: pick-up car, drop off rental and get some edible food in the house in preparation for the zombie apocalypse (just kidding, sort of!)
- Tuesday: Take oldest daughter to work (I know, the car is fixed, but I'm so NOT a big fan of tempting fate) get my haircut (STAT!) pick oldest daughter up from work and then think about the possibility of packing early, because…you know…you NEVER know, right?
- Wednesday: happen to glance at calendar and realize that I have a couple of writing deadlines, HOLY CRAP, tomorrow and just knew I should have packed early.
- Thursday: son wakes up with a temperature of 103.5 (UGH, again?!?) pediatrician's office is closing early for vacation (we've been keeping her busy) so, we spend next 3 hours at urgent care (I am NOT EVEN kidding!) my butt still hurts.
- Still Thursday: get a call while at urgent care with my son that FIL was being admitted to hospital and consider packing early as being highly overrated.
Now maybe you know why I was seriously second-guessing getting on a plane, the next day, or ever, in the first place, right?

Still. My son was responding to the antibiotics and my FIL was recovering nicely (thank goodness!) so, I got packing and was super-relieved when my plane finally landed…you know…on the ground…the right way…with me STILL on it…and everything.

"Hope took one look at Grandpa and passed out."

Sooooo, my poor husband, Garth (not his real name) spent the next 7 hours with Hope, texting me updates and generally keeping me from going CRAZY with worry or convincing me NOT to take part in any activities involving the use of sharp objects and/or heavy machinery.

"Remember when you passed out that one time taking Mama to the Hospital?"

True story. I rushed my mother to the hospital during a gallbladder attack, passed out in the bathroom, tore my head open and was admitted…at the same time she was…her for an emergency gallbladder surgery and me for a concussion.

"Good thing we were BOTH in the hospital when it happened, right Mommy?!?"

Yep…she's my kid, a'ight…and I'm seriously considering taping EVERYONE ELSE up in bubble wrap, while I'm at BlogHer, next month!

Then maybe investing in a couple of sage sticks, cleansing the house with bleach (straight-up!) and perhaps even hiring an exorcist or something. You know any?

© 2003 – 2012 This Full House
July 24, 2012
Because Some Things Just Shouldn’t Be Shared on Instagram
Alternate Blog Title: Happy 11th Birthday…OH YEAH!…and congratulations on that OTHER thing, Hopey!

It's not like I'm worried about embarrassing my kids or anything (recap: 3 of them are teens, enough said!) still, I think to myself…SELF!…think before you blog:
- Okay, so this cool/funny thing happened.
- Or that would really make an awesome story.
- OH YEAH! The other thing? Totally blog-worthy, right?
Self: Okay, great, but maybe people don't give a flying rat's tail about this, or that…OH YEAH!…and that other thing too…and, well, there's always Instagram, right?

BAH! See what I mean? All this thinking? Makes my head hurt. So, I'm just going to go on faith here and share with you this really blog-worthy thing that happened.

Aaaaand, by blog-worthy I mean:
- I messed up in some way or another and lived to tell the tale, regardless of the fact that you may or may not give a rat's tail whether I did so or not.
- I feel someone may benefit, by my messing up and then telling the tale, in some way or another and no more talk of rat's tails, okay?
In fact, if you've been reading me for any length of time (glutton for punishment, eh?) perhaps you've already benefited by my messing up in some way or another and, well, you're welcome!

Still, I promise NOT to go into any great detail (no, it's my pleasure, really!) because, well, it is somewhat of a sensitive subject and I wouldn't want to embarrass anyone or anything.

WARNING: We are about to head into female territory and the occasional mention of bodily functions may or may not be shared.

(more…)
June 25, 2012
Happily Ever After, Everything!

She’s quoting her favorite Dr. Seuss: do you like my hat?

Although it seemed like a good idea at the time, the trouble with having so many kids born 2-3 years apart, I never really did sit down and do the math to figure out that perhaps one day we would be celebrating…a couple of major milestones…THAT SAME FREAKING DAY!

Watch out middle school, here she comes!

So, I thought to myself…SELF!…why not throw one GIANT graduation party the following weekend or something and just be done with it?

Self: Okay, ummm, but what about Hope’s birthday?

Me: Ummm, what about it?

Then it suddenly occurred to me (thank you, Self!) this year Hope’s birthday happens to fall on the SAME day as the graduation party, tentatively speaking of course.

Coming to America (these 3 escaped Hungary, as teenagers): my dad (far right) together again with my adopted uncles.

With Father’s Day that Sunday (I think, wait, yeah, I’m pretty sure) then the 4th of July (which, as a 1st generation born American, is really a BIG DEAL at our house) a few short weeks after, well, the rest of the family might as well just sleepover, right?

“Don’t make yourself crazy, Mom!”

I have a REAL bad habit of thinking out loud.

“Just make it ONE BIG HAPPY EVERYTHING PARTY!”

BRILLIANT! Further proof that my kids are SO MUCH smarter than I am. Really. Then, it rained almost ALL week and I started freaking out (because, I am freaky like that) about having to be stuck indoors with 20+ people.

We have 2 seasons here in Jersey: hot and cold.

So, we broke down and ordered a tent just in case. Still. People might want to use the bathroom, or something. So, I tried to pace myself and spent 3 days cleaning and/or rearranging the house.

Her future looks bright, let’s eat cake!

Then, it stopped raining and, well, at least the house is Thanksgiving clean and thank goodness I won’t have to do THAT again…not until…well…next Thanksgiving.

Happy 11th Birthday, Hopey!

Which reminds me (thank you, Self!) I owe this kid a “Happy Birthday” post, but decided to save it for another time (you’re welcome!) because, well, I’m still trying to recover from…you know…EVERYTHING!

Oh, and looky what else I made (DID SO!) courtesy of many, many lost hours spent on Pinterest.

Enough said. In the meantime, if anybody needs me, I’ll be upstairs, trying to convince my kids to help me bring ALL the clean laundry back down from off of my bed.

Our own private little after party.

Once they wake up, of course! Considering today just so happens to be the first day of their summer break…as well…YO!

The end.

© 2003 – 2012 This Full House

June 18, 2012
Barbie the Verklempt Killer

Having been married for nearly 22 years (wait, that makes me sound way too old) or the entire life span of an average college graduate (ugh, never mind) I feel it safe to say that one of the reasons our relationship works is that my husband Garth (not his real name) and I are total opposites.

One of us is emotional and the other more of an intellectual. Guess which one? Go ahead, I'll wait.

If you guessed me as the emotional one, CONGRATULATIONS!!!

[hugs]

You are ABSOLUTELY right in thinking I am less apt to intellectualize feelings and most likely bringing attention to myself (right now, even) showing off my non-verbal communications skillz…in public.

In other words, I'm probably hugging someone…who does NOT like, let alone even wish to be…you know…hugged…right now.

[hugs]

Sorry. I just canNOT help myself. It's in my genes. In fact, I'm raising a houseful of emotional empaths, we're ALL verklempt up in here.

"You want to come into the school's office with me?"

My oldest girl is graduating high school and my youngest is graduating elementary school this week.

[hand to heart]

Aaaaand, I'm trying really, really hard not to be all…you know…verklempt.

"Maybe you'll see some of your old teachers."

My two oldest girls were home from school (I forget why, although it doesn't really matter, considering these days it's a chore for me to remember their names, moving on) and we (okay, mostly me) thought it would be fun to see if they…you know…remember how much fun…school used to be.

"Look, there's your music teacher, Mrs. B!"

We've gone through many, many teachers in the 13 years my kids have attended this school (at least 13, please don't ask me to name them all) however, Mrs. B is definitely a favorite.

"Are you guys still in high school?"

My middle girl pointed to her oldest sister.

"I am, but she's graduating!"

[eyes go wide]

"Now I feel REALLY old!"

I just stood there, nodding my head, not so much because I couldn't think of anything to say (I know, act surprised anyway, okay?) however, teenagers embarrass rather easily (see previous parenthesis) and, well, they're probably already annoyed with me (right now, even) so, I turned my attention to the office staff.

"I wanted to thank you ladies for all of your…"

[cough]

"…for all of your…

[choke]

"…support over the years."

[clears throat]

"Seeing as it's our last year at this school and everything."

[fans face with hands]

"Thank you…[cough]…all…[choke]…for all that…[clears throat]…you do."

This time, it was Mrs. B's turn to put her hand to her heart.

"Your getting ME all verklempt!"

And so it goes. I do that to intellectuals.

"Want to watch a movie together, like we used to when you were little?"

My oldest was exempt from all but one of her finals this week (yes, I know, she does NOT get it from me) so, she offered to help sit with my youngest (she's home sick from school, it's how we roll) and then came running back into the kitchen.

[places hand on heart]

"She…[cough]…picked…[choke]…a Barbie…[clears throat]…movie!!!"

Funny, I always thought her more of an intellectual, she MUST get that part from her father.

© 2003 – 2012 This Full House

June 11, 2012
If It Wasn’t For the Graffiti and Hairy Legs, I Would Be Clueless
My youngest daughter is going to the 5th grade dance with someone and I know this for a fact because the front door told me so.

Hope has talked (and graffiti'd) about little else since, well, the 4th grade, really, other than maybe her oldest sister's senior prom (ACK!) her 11th birthday (UGH!) oh, and her 5th grade graduation (GAH!) all of which are happening in the same week, next month.

Aaaaand, I have absolutely NO CLUE how we will get through ALL these snot-worthy milestones (and by we, I mean mostly me!) because, the fact that I have a kid old enough to be graduating high school? Blows…my…mind!

What's left of it, anyway.

"What's this about you going to the dance with someone?"

My husband came home from work, must have read the front door and, well, you know, his "Hi, I'm [enter daughter's name, here] dad, want to see my shot gun collection?" was showing.

"Oh, you know, just some kid in my class."

Because, really, at this age? Kids get asked out at recess and break up by lunch time.

"His name is So-and-So."

[eyes go wide]

"Really, but I thought you were going with What's His Name?"

I mean, his name wasn't written on the front door, or anything, but that IS what she told me last week.

"I was, but not anymore."

Long story, short (you're welcome):
- What's His Name asked another girl, first.
- She said no.
- So, What's His Name asked Hope.
- She said yes.
- Then, the other girl changed her mind.
So, the little jerk…I mean…What's His Name un-asked Hope to the dance.

"Oh, but he asked her first and I'm okay with it."

Because, you know, she's 10 going on 29, tough as gel nails and, well, I want to be Hope when I grow up.

"That's REAL grown-up of you, sweetie!"

[one beat, two beats]

"So, can I get fake nails for the dance?"

She is quick, this one.

"Nope."

However, it's NOT my first time driving the mean bus and, well, she has until her senior prom to get over it…you know…when I'll probably be all wigged out (AGAIN!) and blowing snot (DITTO!) to even care that she's wearing spiked-stilettos…on her ears…even.

"Fiiiiiiiine, but I am NOT going to shave my legs!"

Good. Me, either.

© 2003 – 2012 This Full House
May 11, 2012
So Emotional, I Blame Glee (and @BurghBaby!)

Just another Gleek rocking out to Whitney!

Yes, yes, I know. Then again, I am a total dork from waaaaaay back. Who knew being dorky/geeky/nerdy/whatever-y would be so cool and would you believe that I have NEVER blogged about Glee?

Truth be told, I sometimes forget it's on.

Me: Why aren't you in the shower?
10 year-old: Glee is on!

Or our resident Gleek forgets to…you know…tell me…for fear of being subjected to my singing along and no, I do NOT blame her.

Last night's episode, however, was a tribute to Whitney Houston and, well, the two of us? We have a history. In fact, we spent many nights on the dance floor together, singing our hearts out and insisting that…you know…it would be really, really, really nice to dance with somebody…DAMMIT!

"Is the show going to end, you know, now that the kids are graduating?"

My 13 year-old son? Not a big fan.

[eyes go wide]

Aaaaaaand…only then did it really hit me…like a ton of 45's (look it up, youngster!) Holy Hannah Montana, I've got a kid graduating, high school, this year!

Aaaaaaand…oh, how I cried…and cried…OH!…and single-dad Burt's speech to his son, Kurt? Admitting that he's not ready to say goodbye and how much he'll miss his only son? I'M BAWWWWWWWWWWLING!!!!

Which begs the question: how in the heck am I going to get it through my own kid's graduation ceremony, without BAWWWWWWWWWWLING, IRL?!?

Ditto!!! Because, in my head I'm still, like, 19 (never mind, just how long ago WAS that, anyways, whip-puh-snap-puh!) except, now I'm rocking out with shorter hair, looser clothing and better fitting shoes…DAMMIT!

"Oh, I forgot tell you mom, a notice came home about my 5th grade graduation."

[one beat, two beats]

I'M BAWWWWWWWWWWLING…AGAIN!!!!

© 2003 – 2012 This Full House

April 25, 2012
Desperate Times, Call For Desperate Measures & They Were Probably NOT Her Real Nails, Anyways!
Hope's Elementary Honors Band Concert 4-21-12

We have lots of stuff scheduled on the calendar for this month (what, you too?!?) however, my being stranded at the airport in San Diego on Friday night was NOT one of them.

Truth be told, it's not a really bad place to be stranded, really. Also, Jamba Juice? Strawberry Whirl? Yeah, I get it now.

Aaaaand, I was able to get on a direct flight to Jersey (thank you, United!!!) a red eye that would get me home in time to catch Hopey's concert.

I had a really nice driver waiting for me (thank you, LeAndria!) who insisted that these sort of things happen all the time.

The baggage claim handler, however, was not as understanding.

"Wait, I…just…don't…get it…why is your bag in Denver?!?"

EXACTLY!!!

"Well, didn't they give you a baggage claim?"

20 minutes later (I kid you NOT!) I'm STILL trying to make Ms. Crotchety Airline Employee understand why I don't have my baggage claim ticket (obviously, I picked an awful time to lose the stickin' thing!) and was trying not to CRINGE each time she scraped a talon on her keyboard.

[tap-tap-SCRAPE-tappity-tap-tap-SCRAPE]

"I just don't understand, wait a minute, where are you from?"

[heavy sigh]

"HERE, I'm from here."

[tap-tap-SCRAPE-tappity-tap-tap-SCRAPE]

"You know, bee-cawse you look aww-fully fuh-mill-yuh."

I took a deep breath, rubbed my eyes, glanced back to see if my driver ditched me (still there, bless his heart) because, if there's one thing I've learned flying as often as I have in the last few years, you just gotta let people like Crotchety Airline Employee tawk.

"You know, there's a reason why they give people baggage claim tickets."

[heavy sigh]

"Really? I just want to get home to my 10 year-old."

[eyes go wide]

"Awwww, is she sick?"

[one beat, two beats]

"Uh…YES, yes she is."

[tap-tap-SCRAPE-tappity-tap-tap-SCRAPE]

"Found it!"

What?!? Okay, so my kid wasn't really sick. However, in review of this week:
- I missed her FIRST softball game on Wednesday night.
- Her D.A.R.E. graduation on Thursday.
- I was, however…sniff-sniff…able to make it to the D.A.R.E. graduations for my other three…cough-cough…so, like whyyyyyyyyyy caaaaaaaaaan't I make herrrrrrrrrrrrs?!?
Desperate times, desperate measures and all.

"Oh, look, the friggin' computer just went down?"

[rubbing eyes, again]

"That's okay, maybe one of my other kids can take care of her."

[eyes go wide]

"How many kids DO you have?"

[yawn]

"Seven."

[tap-tap-SCRAPE-tappity-tap-tap-SCRAPE]

"Ohhhhhhh-kaaaaaay, here's your new claim ticket."

[yawn]

"You poor thing!"

What?!? I made it home AND had time for a quick nap. The concert was AWESOME and, well, Hope seemed very happy to see me there!

[sound of crickets, chirping]

Fiiiiiiiiine, they probably weren't Crotchety Airline Employee's real nails…either…AND my bag was delivered yesterday, enough said.

© 2003 – 2012 This Full House
April 23, 2012