This Full House Archive

Category: Holidazed

Cyber Monday, A Blogger’s Parody

Dedicated to everyone and anyone who found their email/inbox bombed by newsletters that you don't remember ever having subscribed to in the first place:

Cyber Monday, so disappointing to me,
Cyber Monday, it was worse than I thought Black Friday to be.
By Monday morning, Monday morning would pretty much guarantee,
That Monday evening I would have 3,982 emails waiting for me.

Cyber Monday, I get it, sometimes it just works out that way,
Cyber Monday, Black Friday starting on Thursday was bad enough you see.
Monday morning, I had little to no warning of what was to be,
Oh Cyber Monday, 3,982 emails, REALLY?!?

Every other day, every other day,
Being spammed every other holiday is bad enough, yeah.
But whenever Cyber Monday comes, but whenever Cyber Monday comes,
I'll be ready for you, the very next time.

Cyber Monday, you won't be disappointing me,
Cyber Monday, send me an unsolicited email and unsubscribed you shall be.
Oh Monday morning, take this as a warning of what is to be,
On Cyber Monday, next year I'll be sending an auto-response, p.s. BITE ME!

With my sincerest apologies to the Mamas and the Papas.

Yours truly,

I.M. Tired N. Cranky

© 2003 – 2012 This Full House

November 26, 2012
The Nightmare Before Christmas, Halloween House

Not for nothing, but we used to do holidays BIG here at This Full House of crunchy floors and stinky socks, sometimes decorating months in advance.

Actually, I may or may not have forgotten to take down last year's [insert upcoming holiday, here] decorations and, well, a few months more and I'd have to dig them out again anyway, right?

Then life happened and holidays just sort of started going all #FUBAR, for one reason or twenty.

Halloween 2007: I carved the pumpkin way too early and, well, it was gross and swarming with gnats by the end of the month. So, I just left it out and pretended…yeah, sure…we meant for it to look all gross, just in time for Halloween!

2008 will forever go down as the bloodiest Halloween, EVUH: when my middle girl's butt exploded, literally and we'll just go ahead and skip right over 2009, if you don't mind, m'kay?

Halloween 2010 was the last time all 4 of my kids went pumpkin hunting, together: because, clearly, I was the only one having fun.

This time, last year? I was positively morose. My youngest was graduating 5th grade and, well it was my baaaaaaayyyyyybeeeeeeeee's LAST Halloween parade.

Although I did remember to bring my camera, I totally FORGOT to check the stupid sd card. #dumbass

Wait! Here is a really cute picture of Hope (and Glen) from I don't remember when.

"Are we going to put up any Halloween decorations, this year?"

Ugh. Right. So, I can't help but feel like my youngest daughter is getting the short end of [enter upcoming holiday, here].

"Right now, want to help?"

So, last Sunday, Hope and I hit the Dollar Store for some last-minute…is THAT realy all we got for Halloween…stuff and took to task getting our house looking all fall-ish and festive-like.

Because dead geraniums are sooo spooky, yes?

Hope and I got it ALL up and Halloween-ish by the time my two oldest girls got home from work later that afternoon.

I know, it's not like it's going to win an award or anything and, truth be told, my neighbors probably won't even really notice the difference, from any other day. Still. Hope and I had a really great time and we may or may not have gotten a little carried away with the spider webbing.

"The spiders are going to have a party!"

Good. One less decoration to worry about, right?!? In fact, throw in a couple of red and green hats, a few jingle-y bells and we've got us some pumpkin elves.

What?!? I sort of like the idea of our being the Nightmare Before Christmas House, right?!? RIGHT?!?

[sound of crickets, chirping]

Whatever. Eat your heart out, Martha!

[blanke stare]

Martha Stewart, I mean, not Jenn @TheNextMartha <—- that woman OWNS Halloween!

© 2003 – 2012 This Full House

October 24, 2012
Happily Ever After, Everything!

She’s quoting her favorite Dr. Seuss: do you like my hat?

Although it seemed like a good idea at the time, the trouble with having so many kids born 2-3 years apart, I never really did sit down and do the math to figure out that perhaps one day we would be celebrating…a couple of major milestones…THAT SAME FREAKING DAY!

Watch out middle school, here she comes!

So, I thought to myself…SELF!…why not throw one GIANT graduation party the following weekend or something and just be done with it?

Self: Okay, ummm, but what about Hope’s birthday?

Me: Ummm, what about it?

Then it suddenly occurred to me (thank you, Self!) this year Hope’s birthday happens to fall on the SAME day as the graduation party, tentatively speaking of course.

Coming to America (these 3 escaped Hungary, as teenagers): my dad (far right) together again with my adopted uncles.

With Father’s Day that Sunday (I think, wait, yeah, I’m pretty sure) then the 4th of July (which, as a 1st generation born American, is really a BIG DEAL at our house) a few short weeks after, well, the rest of the family might as well just sleepover, right?

“Don’t make yourself crazy, Mom!”

I have a REAL bad habit of thinking out loud.

“Just make it ONE BIG HAPPY EVERYTHING PARTY!”

BRILLIANT! Further proof that my kids are SO MUCH smarter than I am. Really. Then, it rained almost ALL week and I started freaking out (because, I am freaky like that) about having to be stuck indoors with 20+ people.

We have 2 seasons here in Jersey: hot and cold.

So, we broke down and ordered a tent just in case. Still. People might want to use the bathroom, or something. So, I tried to pace myself and spent 3 days cleaning and/or rearranging the house.

Her future looks bright, let’s eat cake!

Then, it stopped raining and, well, at least the house is Thanksgiving clean and thank goodness I won’t have to do THAT again…not until…well…next Thanksgiving.

Happy 11th Birthday, Hopey!

Which reminds me (thank you, Self!) I owe this kid a “Happy Birthday” post, but decided to save it for another time (you’re welcome!) because, well, I’m still trying to recover from…you know…EVERYTHING!

Oh, and looky what else I made (DID SO!) courtesy of many, many lost hours spent on Pinterest.

Enough said. In the meantime, if anybody needs me, I’ll be upstairs, trying to convince my kids to help me bring ALL the clean laundry back down from off of my bed.

Our own private little after party.

Once they wake up, of course! Considering today just so happens to be the first day of their summer break…as well…YO!

The end.

© 2003 – 2012 This Full House

June 18, 2012
The Year Without An Easter Bunny

Growing up, our family consisted of me, my twin brother, my parents, my maternal grandmother and my Aunt Theresa (the rest of our extended family lived overseas) so, yes, celebrating holidays, like Easter was a very big deal.

We would wait for my father to come home from working at the garden center (Easter flowers were pretty big in the stone ages too, believe it or not) only then would we carve into the Easter ham or (in my brother's case) dive into some Hungarian smoked sausage and crack open a couple of Easter eggs dyed by boiling them in onion skins (red, white, yellow, etc…) on Good Friday.

If we weren't full from our Easter baskets, that is: their remains at the foot of our bunk bed still visible from the kitchen table.

My parents always joked about how lucky we were (okay, half-jokingly) because, the Easter Bunny never could quite make it as far as Eastern Europe.

Easter 2008: Holy Hannah Montana, LOOK! It's an Easter basket built for four!

Their grand kids, however, are very familiar with the Easter Bunny and it was fun to watch their faces light up and my son's eyeballs cross…each and every year.

Then, all of a sudden, it started to get…you know…less fun. By 2008, I had a few choice nicknames for the furry little leporidae and was posting stuff on my blog like:

(more…)

April 6, 2012
Valentine’s Day Movie Meme: 14 Memorable Chick Flick Moments

Oh, HEY! Guess what? Tomorrow is Valentine's Day (SURPRISE!) so, rather than bore you with details of my ultrasound of the killer kidney stone from hell (you're welcome!) I thought it would be fun to participate in a meme in which I get to share my 14 favorite chick flick moments .

Because, I am ALL about bringing the fun back into blogging.

[sound of crickets, chirping]

Oh, c'mon! You like romantic comedies, right? No? That's okay. You get to be the one in charge of trashing this list. It'll be GREAT fun! Ready?

1. What is your favorite romantic comedy?

50 First Dates: I love this movie. Truth be told, a lot of my favorite romantic comedies star Drew Barrymore. The woman is so gosh-darned likable in ALL of them (DAMMIT!)

FAVORITE BIT: (Dr. Keats) Tom lost part of his brain in a hunting accident. His memory only lasts ten seconds. (Ten Second Tom) I was in an accident? That's terrible. (Dr. Keats) Don't worry, you're totally gonna get over it in about three seconds. (Ten Second Tom) Get over it? I mean, what happened? Did I get shot in the brain… Hi. I'm Tom.

(more…)

February 13, 2012
Nearly Wordless Wednesday: The Jersey Shore (No, not THAT one!)

A few of my favorite photos taken (yes, BY ME!) on our spur of the moment, sure, we'd love to come and stay with you guys at the beach, New Year's weekend family getaway to Cape May, NJ:

(Feel free to click on any of the photos for a closer look!)

Enough said. With many thanks to our very dear friends, Cheryl and John, for putting us up (yes, ALL OF US) and helping us to create such wonderful memories, because they roll like that!

© 2003 – 2012 This Full House

January 11, 2012
First Rule of the Irresolute Club: Make A List of Resolutions You Can Actually Keep
Taken on our New Year's Eve weekend getaway to Cape May, NJ and I still can't help but imagine why someone tied a bouquet of holly to this bench.

I'm not a big fan of resolutions. I mean, it's just another reminder of stuff I never got around to doing, or failed to do right the first time around, DAMMIT.

On the other hand, January is sort of like a do-over.

So, I made a mental list of the stuff I would like to "do better," because the second rule of the irresolute club: leave no paper trail.

This year, I really, really want to try hard and cut sugar out of my diet…entirely.

I've done well, so far (yes, I know it's January 3rd, your point being?) until this morning when I absent-minded-ly poured sugar into my coffee (or, caw-fee if you're from Jersey.)

But, rather than start the year out being wasteful (as well) I drank it, anyway.

So, it doesn't really count. Right? RIGHT?!? Riiiiiiight.

Okay, fine, here's a list of MY resolutions for 2012 which I can actually, you know, keep:
1. Gain at least 5 pounds.
2. Be more indecisive.
3. Do less laundry.
4. Use more deodorant.
5. Drink more wine.
6. NOT win the lottery (DAMMIT!)
7. Declare procrastination an art form.
8. Inhale.
9. Exhale.
10. Repeat.
I mean, why set myself up for disappointment? Right? RIGHT?!?

[sound of crickets chirping]

Riiiiiiight. Happy New Year, everyone! Want to join the Irresolute Club? What's on your list? Is it 2013, yet?

© 2003 – 2012 This Full House
January 3, 2012
A Mom’s Letter to Santa (UPGRADED!)

I first wrote Santa in 2006 (way back before Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest ruled the earth) it’s filled with typos and weird stuff after migrating my blog back from WordPress, no doubt.

[clears throat]

Aaaaanyway, considering my oldest is 18 and the middle girl is turning 16 next week (SOB!) and the rest of the kids are now at the age where they only pretend to believe in an effort to keep their delusional parental units (mostly me) happy.

It’s time for an upgrade. Here are my Christmas wishes:

(more…)

December 23, 2011
D’OH! A Deer!

Reason #3,922,199 why I love Garth (not his real name) for his gorgeous eyes, of course!

My husband and I recently reconnected with his cousin and I was excited to be invited to their holiday party (the hubs, too!)

Beeeecause, they really are a great couple (and they invited us back, anyway?) my cousin-in-law Jayne LOVES to dance (me, too!) and I've heard that they do awesome holiday.

Aaaaand, they did.

But, this guy right here BLEW (buh-dum-bum) and single-handed-ly (mouth-ly, lip-ly, whatev) managed to put us in an awesome holiday-ish mood.

UNTIL!

The next day, when it was time to pick up our kids. That is to say, we were happy to see our kids (of course!)

The prospect of having to drive northbound on the Garden State Parkway (towards New York, if you're not from Jersey) on the last weekend before Christmas (when everyone and their mother is on their way home, too) um, not so much.

So, we took "the back roads" and I bet you dollars to donuts you didn't think Jersey had back roads.

"OH CRAP, LOOK OUT, DEER!!!!"

Or, deer, right?

We were introduced to 3 of them, up close and all personal like (so, how YOU doin'?) and, thanks to my husband's cat-like reflexes (also, the fact that he was driving and NOT me) the slowest one of the group is probably still limping.

After loosening his ninja-death-grip on the steering wheel and making sure everyone was okay-ish, Garth (NHRN) got out to check the front of the car.

"No damage, we must have just bumped that last one."

The irony that we just picked my husband's car from the shop earlier that day, or the fact that, once the shock wore off, my son seemed to be more concerned about the deer.

"WE KILLED A DEER!!!"

Rather than the fact that it could have been much, much worse, was lost on no one.

"They sort of looked like Santa's reindeer."

Especially me, since Rudolph hit MY SIDE of the car.

"Well, he did sort of fly over us."

[blink, blink, blink]

Stupid holidaze, dumbass deer.

© 2003 – 2011 This Full House

December 19, 2011
TGIF! Even, when it’s really only Wednesday!
Just a few afterthoughts:
- Yes, I really did videotape this on Wednesday, pretending like it was Friday and trust me when I tell you [looks into mirror, quickly turns away for fear of turning into stone] it's a good thing.
- I really do obsess about my hair way too much.
- Bast should really be a real word.
- Middle girl's appointment went well-ish. No emergency procedure necessary. Being treated for a wicked infection. Will re-evaluate next step(s) after the holidaze.
- I really didn't know how yesterday was going to play out.
- Spent the rest of the day at the mall.
- My feet STILL hurt.
- Still, was out at the buttcrack of dawn driving middle girl to school, 30 minutes away.
- So, vlogging on Wednesday, pretending it was Friday, worked out well (see bullet, above.)
- Oh, and SO GLAD I didn't take my husband's car: he got a flat tire on the way to work, this morning.
- Also, if you're still here, you really do deserve a GREAT weekend…oh, and chocolate…lots and lots of chocolate.
- Special shout-out and virtual hugs to my friends Patty of A Day in My NYC and Heather!
Peace out and have a GREAT weekend (for real!)

© 2003 – 2011 This Full House

Freshly-brewed elsewhere: I'm donning wings, playing an AT&T phone fairy and giving away a Samsung Focus Flash, this week!
December 16, 2011