This Full House Archive

Category: Garth (NHRN)

D’oh, There’s a Deer in My Garden, Dear Maria, Dear Maria!

This is my paternal great-grandmother, Maria, in Hungary. My father spent many childhood summers, giving up his "city boy ways," living the "simple country life," with Maria (his mother had him late in life and, apparently, he was a handful!) and, according to my father, it was anything and everything…but, simple!

Still, as tough as Maria's life was, my father insists that she was the sweetest, kindest, most gentlest person on earth.

Unlike, her great-granddaughter (that would be me!) who is about ready to snare her some Bambi!

Exhibit A: Deer tracks (post-sprinkler) this morning.

No, I don't want to hurt Bambi (much) but, gardening is HARD work and, all of a sudden, after 17 years of fighting with aphids, hornworms and garden slugs (oh my!) NOW it seems like we've got deer!

Exhibit B: Hopey's prized-cabbage (she was growing to win a $1000 scholarship) beheaded!

Not just any deer (mind you) but, ravenous-militant-vegetable-swiping-giant-moose-of-an-animal that carries away an entire head of cabbage!?!?

Exhibit C: Tops of tomato plants chewed!

I went out to pick some tomatoes a few weekends ago and…OMG…where have ALL of my tomatoes gone?

Exhibit D: What was my parsley!

I know…so, we've got deer…no BIG deal, right?

Exhibit E: WTH is it?

All I kept thinking was…this is MY garden (DAGNABIT!) and WWMD (what would Maria do?) no question about it — I HAVE TO DEFEND IT! So, Garth (not his real name) installed this sweet little motion detector smack dab in the middle of my Concord grape vine!

Just like Maria's (see picture at top of post) minus the motion detector, I mean.

Exhibit F: New growth!!!

Yes, Maria is probably ROIHGL (rolling over in her grave laughing) bless her squishy little heart!

Exhibit G: Aaaand, we have tomato flowers!

But, when in Jersey…you know…and, combined with my new bontanically-based insecticidal soap (email me and I'll let you know which) it seems to be working.

Exhibit H: The vegetable bed that lived

Oh, and no, we are NOT crucifying anyone – that's just the clothes line that Garth (not his real name) rigged up by the pool, so that the kids can hang up their wet towels, which, unfortunately, they do NOT use…DAGNABIT!

[sound of crickets chirping]

Morale of the Story: Deer do NOT like eggplant.

Stupid urban/suburban sprawl!

© 2010 This Full House Blog – All Rights Reserved.

July 19, 2010
The Seven Years of Mommyblogging and Happy Everything!

Almost 3 years ago, I watched my oldest daughter leave the house, for the first time, as a freshman in high school and I thought to myself…PHEW!…1 down and 3 to go!

Heather's 8th Grade Formal

This year, Heather (she's my middle girl) celebrated her last year of middle school by attending the 8th grade formal.

Glen's 5th Grade Graduation

Glen (my only son) graduated 5th grade and is officially now the 3rd Thompson to hit the middle school…in 5 years.

Happy 9th Birthday, Hopey

Aaaand, my youngest daughter just celebrated her last year, before hitting double-digits and was SO excited during her 4th grade orientation, knowing that her sisters and brother attended the same school, and happily admitted to her future new principal, "Nope, I'm the LAST one!"

What? I forgot to get the candle and 8 + 1 = 9, right?

The cake was supposed to say, "Happy Everything!" but, I didn't bust my husband's chops about it (see caption) honestly, I was just too busy stumbling around…feeling all dazed and confused…okay, it's been like that for the last 7 years…but, I am STILL blogging…there, I said it, can I go home now?

As you can see, it is written all over my face (the years, since I started blogging, I mean) still, I can't help but feel that with all these changes (the aforementioned happening ALL in the same week, btw) I have reached a milestone, of my own.

No, it hasn't gotten any easier (nuh-uh, sorry!) but, at least now my kids are now old enough to realize that…nope…life isn't always perfect (I know, act surprised anyway!) however, as their mother (yes, they are ALL mine) I have also learned to embrace those imperfections (mostly) and I truly believe we are ALL stronger for it.

At least, they seem to be more than okay with it.

[hands behind back, crosses fingers and grins]

Happy Everything!!!

© 2010 This Full House Blog

June 25, 2010
Lost and Found

To think, this mommy/daughter mugging for the camera moment was nearly lost, forever!

Last week, I wrote about how we hit the road and drove to Cape May for the weekend (yes, even the Doofus-Dawg seemed excited about his first road trip) and I did promise you pictures, to prove that Jersey is NOT all what you see outside your window, flying over Newark Airport (seriously, dude, we ARE called the garden state) but, my middle girl hid her camera from me, because I broke mine and, you know, she's smart like that.

"You can't use my camera."

Gosh, but some 14 year-olds can get very touchy about using their stuff, right?

"Why not?"

Sheesh, I only wanted to grab the memory card and already promised NOT to touch anything else.

"Because, I lost it."

Now, I could've reprimanded Heather for being forgetful, or acting irresponsibly with her stuff, but, well, it would be sort of like talking to myself, really.

"Lost what?"

Gosh, but some almost 9 year-olds can get very nosey about stuff, right?

"Never mind."

Now that ALL the laundry from the trip is done (almost) STILL no camera.

"Quick…take MY picture next!"

I was telling someone at school how upset Heather was (about losing her camera, I mean) and…wait a minute…what the?

"Who's camera is that?"

Long story short (you're welcome!) my youngest daughter found Heather's camera shoved into the pocket behind the driver's seat in the minivan and, well, thank goodness for nosey little almost 9 year-olds!

"Hey, I found it FIRST!"

Wanna see other moments nearly lost?

(more…)

May 24, 2010
The Day I Quit Being the Good Wife

One of the ladies at the gym watches The Good Wife and keeps insisting that I would probably love it, too.

"I dunno."

You see, besides feeling as if I couldn't possibly relate to anything using the words "good" and "wife" in the same sentence ("big" and "dork," probably) I also have commitment issues with television.

"What time is it on?"

By the time I get home from work, eat and get the kids settled for the night (i.e. get them to at least admit that, you know, it IS bedtime) it's too late.

"Did you watch, last night?"

[slaps forehead]

"D'oh, I forgot it was on."

Actually, I was probably too busy inspecting the inside of my eyelids and/or fighting Doofus-Dawg for the couch.

"I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but…"

This week, however, I learned that work won't be as much of an issue, anymore. In fact, my schedule is about to lighten up, considerably, from 6 months ago.

"…the owner has decided to close up shop, at the end of the month."

Everyone in my family has made sacrifices (trust me, they will ALL tell you, I'm sure) and, well, it will be nice NOT to have to worry about feeling guilty, sort of.

"I'm really, really, sorry."

Long story, short (you're welcome) yeah, sure, the money helped (stupid braces, dumb car insurance, silly college fund) but, my working and being away from my house, 4 days, every week, was putting a real strain on my house.

"If only I had known, ahead of time."

So, in a way, losing this job is really [gulp] a good thing.

"I certainly wouldn't have offered you the hours!"

Having to call the ladies I recently hired (like, just 2 or 3 weeks ago) and tell them that, you know, they are now, un-hired…not so much.

"I'm really, really, sorry."

In fact, way too much.

"It's not your fault."

I am (or, was) the manager (and I use the term very, very loosely) I sorta knew his business wasn't doing very well. Still, I had such GREAT plans and worked really, really hard to keep his customers and employees happy.

"I feel like SUCH an a**hole…"

Man, un-hiring people really, really, does suck. By Tuesday night, I was SO done. I poured myself a glass of wine (i.e. turned the tap on the box) kicked the dog off the couch (sorry, Doofie) and just stared at the television.

"I like you…I didn't start off liking you."

Aaaand, then the part of the The Good Wife came on (see above clip) which made me think of an earlier conversation I had, with a longtime employee, who took pleasure in pointing out the stuff…I did wrong.

"One of the machines is in the wrong place."

Didn't matter if I re-arranged the ENTIRE gym (which, you're supposed to, once a month) without anyone's help and that she could have corrected it (her own self) right?

"You're not the a**hole, here, in fact, we ALL know you worked your a** off, Liz."

Look, I'm not comparing myself to The Good Wife — that character is a lawyer and I am, well, you know — however, working lots of hours, being away from her kids and having to work EXTRA hard, feeling as if she has to prove herself, to EVERYONE, because she's a mom.

[bites lower lip]

Yeah, I felt her pain – still do – sort of.

"Shouldn't HE be making these calls?"

My poor husband, Garth [not his real name] what a good guy he is, really.

"Why are YOU apologizing?"

I mean, I already quit trying to be the best wife, or the perfect mother, years ago and he's seems to be okay with it.

"Because, I am a good manager…DAMMIT!"

Or, at least, I was — now, at least I can keep on pretending to be a good blogger/writer/whatever, right?

[sound of crickets chirping]

Sorry, I just can't seem to quit YOU…Internets…so, I guess you better start getting used to, you know, being stuck with me.

You're welcome!

© 2010 This Full House - All Rights Reserved.

May 14, 2010
Distorted, No Editing Required

Cross-posted at our 365 Day Project, taken with my cell phone, because my camera is borked.

I broke my camera [pause for a moment of silence] it's sitting on the sideboard in our kitchen, right where I left it, after realizing that I could not get it to work, no matter how hard I pleaded with it.

"Oh no…et, tu Kodak!!!"

Although, my poor little red point and shoot is powering up (sort of) the lens opens and makes this terrible grinding noise, as it tries to focus on nothing and freezes with a gray-ish look on its screen and, well, I fear it is very nearly dead.

I know how it feels, sort of.

"Why are you crying?"

Heck if I knew.

"It's raindrops."

I mean, yeah, I bought the darned thing with my birthday money, last year (nevermind, which one) then, there's the fact that Garth and I are working through another rough patch (okay, so, maybe this time, we've been rubbing each other the wrong way, like flipping sandpaper) still, there ARE worse things, right?

Like, a flash flood in Kentucky and Tennessee (some of my best blogging buddies live there) a failed car bombing attempt in NYC (real close to home, this one is) just to name a few HOLY HANNAH MONTANA moments that make me feel like a total asshat for shedding a tear (or, two) over a flipping camera, or a little rain.

But, it's NOT just about the camera, or the rain.

"Wow, it's pouring outside!"

My dad is scheduled for more surgery, tomorrow (AGAIN!) and THIS time, he's scared…me, too.

"Mom, look it!"

I arranged for coverage at work (thank you, Jane!) and will probably be spending the night (with my parents house, NOT at work!)

"Mom?"

And was thinking about the eleventy other things that I had to do, this week and before school ends.

"Mommy?"

All of which required me to be somewhere else, other than home, or work and, well, I just wish that someone would hurry up and invent that cloning machine, already!

"MOMMY!"

[blink, blink]

"Huh, now what do you need?"

Judging by the look on my youngest daughter's face, a real nice birthday present, next month, would be nice — especially, to make up for drawing the short straw and the nearly nine years of putting up with me…as her mother.

"Daddy's gonna drop me off at school tomorrow, right?"

Oh yeah, I forgot.

"Yep."

Forget the clone, I've got Garth [not his real name] and, you bet your sweet tea, I'm keeping him!

"He took the whole day off, too!"

I know, right?

"AWESOME…I hope it doesn't pour."

Me, too!

[click]

"Cool picture!"

No editing required, either.

"Where's your camera?"

[one beat, two beats]

"Did you break it?"

You know, and I almost forgot about my broken camera…ALMOST!

© 2010 This Full House - All Rights Reserved.

May 3, 2010