This Full House Archive

Author: Liz@ThisFullHouse

Don’t Have a Speaking Paper, GET ONE!
The warm-ish, cold-ish, back to warm-ish, make up your mind, already, ding-dang weather has kicked off Hope’s croup (a.k.a. the creeping crud), which usually means:
- She will cough the entire night
- She will lose her voice
- And then she will throw up
Lovely, yes? Don’t worry, she’s used to it. Me? Not so much. I don’t do well with throw up. Never have. When it comes to the kids getting sick, Garth (not his real name) has been my go to, as the…ummmm…throw up handler? Puke wrangler? Chumming buddy?

[blank stare]

Soooooo, aaaaanyway, poor thing got sick in school. On the way home, I asked her if she was able to keep her lunch down.

“Yes, until I coughed up the goober that got stuck in my throat and my lunch decided to play follow the leader.”

I love this kid. She just cracks me up.

“Aaaaaand, I had to write a speaking paper.”

Long story, short (you’re welcome!) Hope lost her voice in school and decided it would behoove her teachers that she make a list of common phrases she uses throughout the day:
- Can I go to the bathroom?
- Can I get a drink?
- Can I go to the nurse?
- Can you repeat that?
- I don’t understand.
- Thank you!
I thought it was soooooo funny (especially, the part where she thought “I don’t understand” not as rude as asking people to repeat themselves!) until I wondered (out loud) what would be on MY speaking paper, to which she answered:
- Where is your ding-dang coat?
- What part of “pick up your wet towels” do you NOT understand?
- The dishwasher IS DIRTY, dangit!
- Did you do your homework?
- Get up, you’re going to be late! (may or may not be used separately)
- What do you MEAN you don’t have ANY homework?
- Throw me a bone, people!
Aaaaand, she would have gone on and on…if I hadn’t reminded her that…you know…I would be the one taking care of her, for the next few however long it took for her to get over the creeping crud.

[blink-blink-blinkety-blink-blink]

She then pointed to the last bullet of her Speaking Paper and, well, now that I think on it some more, I really SHOULD send a thank you note to her teachers, or flowers, maybe even a box of chocolates, a butt load of cough drops, or something, right?!?

Cheeky kid.

© 2003 – 2013 This Full House
March 1, 2013
Gold Digger, Noun, Someone Who Picks Their Nose

You know the thing, about how kids say the funniest things? Wait. Just wait, until around the time they hit middle school and attempt to use really "expensive" vocabulary words, in as many annoying ways, they can possibly think of.

Especially, whenever you happen to be helping them study for a vocabulary test.

Exuberance. Part of speech: Noun. Use exuberance in a sentence: "Your lack of exuberance in doing the laundry is obvious."

Ha ha.

Efficiency. Part of speech: Noun. Use efficiency in a sentence: "Aren't those supposed to be efficiency washers and dryers?"

Dammit.

Or, maybe it's just me. I mean, once my kids hit double-digits, they each pretty much believed themselves to be smarter than most grown-ups (and they're probably right) most especially, me.

On the other hand, my misquoting song lyrics or names of their favorite performers probably doesn't help any, either.

"It's Evan-esc-ence, mom!"

[blank stare]

"That's what I said!"

[heavy sigh]

"Noooooooooo, you said Effervescent."

Same thing.

"No it isn't!"

Seriously, it's like I can't even fake my way through stuff anymore.

"Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiine, WHAT-EVVVVV-VVVVVER!!!!!"

Aaaaaand, I'm going to take this moment to acknowledge ALL of the parents reading this blog post, with a quick apology: I am NOT helping our cause any and for this I am very, very sorry!!!

"That's okay, Mom!"

Aaaaaand, acknowledge my youngest, as being my favorite child, at the moment.

"I thought gold digger is someone who picks their nose."

[eyes goes wide]

"Beeeeeeecause, whenever you get caught picking your nose, some people WILL ask you if you are digging for gold."

[blank stare]

"Where did you hear the term gold digger, anyway?"

[one beat, two beats]

"Cee Lo Green."

Sometimes, these blog posts just write themselves.

© 2003 – 2013 This Full House

February 27, 2013
Helping Shelter Dogs Find Their Forever Families With Miranda Lambert

I often write about having a REAL special place in my heart for animal shelters and rescues, like our Doofus-Dawg, so I was invited out to Nashville, TN (along with 5 other animal-loving bloggers, last December) for a very special project with my new friends over at Pedigree to help feed shelter dogs while they wait for their forever homes and, well, how could I say no, right?!?

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February 25, 2013
No More Wrestling, With Wrestling

#nofilter, just a really bad picture.

This picture is a little grainy — sort of like our eleventy-hundred-year-old dining room floor — and kind of cool, too. Looking at it a little closer, it also reminds me a little of my childhood: watching Lucha Libre on UHF (look it up, youngsters!) and the awful television reception we sometimes had at our house.

Today? It very well might be an app on someone's smartphone. Weird, right?

Aaaaanyway, my son's wrestling team had their last meet, so I snapped off a quick pic of the last time the boy would wrestle for the middle school team.

I cannot begin to tell you just how very disappointed he was at the thought of not wrestling for the rest of the school year, and how very unhappy I am about his wanting to tryout for the high school wrestling team, without sounding like a total jerk about it.

Long story, short (we hope!) my son is over 6 feet tall (that 1 inch really does make a difference, trust me!) and, well, most middle school wrestlers are under 6 feet tall.

Many high school wrestlers are also a lot smaller than my son.

He is all arms and legs (see picture, above) so, he is basically re-learning how to control his limbs and is pretty funny about it, flailing his arms and legs around to make me laugh and possibly forgetting about his leaving a trail of wet towels in his room…AGAIN…dammit!!!

"Do the alien from Independence Day, again!"

Because, when parenting teenagers, we are ALL about referring to movies and sometimes even misquoting popular 80's song lyrics — Mama don't preach, you're in trouble deep! — hey, whatever works, right?!?

Aaaaanyway, he wrestled but one real match (that actually counted) and other two (including the one up in that photo) were exhibition matches.

Basically, I watched the boy watch the rest of his wrestling team wrestle.

Still, unless if he was sick (with 4 kids, and the oldest one working in a hospital, chances are YES!) the kid attended every wrestling practice and meet — even though there was no guarantee that he would wrestle or that there would be time for an exhibition match – which makes that grainy-looking picture up there…totally awesome…to me, anyway.

"I knew you and Hopey were watching."

So, when I tell you he happened to actually WIN that wrestling match up there and I'm all, like…YAY!!!…this is how I want to remember wrestling.

"It was like a battle cry went off, in my head!"

Also, the part when my husband asked him how it felt to win his last (and first) match.

"I felt like a Spartan!"

Spartans, tonight, we dine in hell!!!

[sound of crickets, chirping]

300? Battle of Thermopylae?

[blank stare]

Look, over there, isn't that Gerard Butler?!?

[cue sound of door, SLAMMING!]

Stupid historical fantasies, dumbass Spartans.

© 2003 – 2013 This Full House

February 22, 2013
Wordless Wednesday: Keep Calm

…enough said!!!

Pssssst….other folks are going wordless, too: Wordless Wednesday HQ!

© 2003 – 2013 This Full House

February 20, 2013
The Voice (is now most definitely) Male

My 14-year-old son's voice has changed, quite a bit. He insisted that I allow him (FINALLY!) to change his voicemail, recorded about 4 years ago while he was still in elementary school and I reluctantly agreed.

NOT before vlogging it, first — with his permission, of course — increasing my "break curfew and I show this to your girlfriend" arsenal by a hefty margin, because I am an expert multi-tasker, like that 🙂

© 2003 – 2013 This Full House

February 18, 2013
Winter Photo Walk, Pre-Naptime Moments Edition

Raising older kids, folks sometimes ask me about stuff I miss the most about their being…you know…not so little, anymore. That's easy. Naptime!!!

Aaaaaand, those precious pre-naptime moments, when I would take them to the park, or drag them out into our backyard (2 out of 4 STILL hate bugs, me too) and just watch, as they race each other from tree to tree (protip for parents of younger kids: best distraction tactic ever, works EVERY blessed time!) with little or no fear of their running into a sharp corner…or a wall.

Now, it's me they have to worry about (or the dog, because he too forgets to slow down and look, before turning too quickly, sometimes) and dang if I couldn't use a REAL good nap, right about now.

Aaaaaanyway, now that they are older (not me, I'm still 19, in my head, anyways) the kids have their own agendas (none of which include me) and, well, snowy weekends were made for pre-naptime activity, yes?

"No one will go outside and make a snowman with me."

[insert sad face, extending lower lip, over upper lip, here]

My youngest, on the other hand, would insist that no one never, ever…NEVER…wants to do anything, with her…EVER!

"I will!"

Judging by the skepticism, written all over her face (protip: I don't think pre-teens EVER get rid of "the look" until AFTER they have kids) she probably did NOT mean me.

See, it's written all over her face: seriously, Mom??? YOU??? The woman who would not even be able to bend down (or stand up) without having to take a nap, afterwards?!?

Fiiiiiiiine, maybe I can't build a snowman worth a lick (stupid sciatica, dumbass herniated discs) however, we CAN go on an awesome wintertime photo walk and catch a few gosh-darned-mighty-fine-pre-naptime moments of our own.

Aaaaaaaand, guess what THIS weekend's project is going to be…g'head, I'll wait…unless it snows again and then, well, I call naptime!!! Who's with me?!?

[sound of crickets, chirping]

Dumbass-delinquent drain pipe, stupid-ignorant ice.

© 2003 – 2013 This Full House

February 15, 2013
Ice, Ice, #Nemo

We heard it was coming, a few days after experiencing our first earthquake and it was supposedly to be one of the biggest storms to hit Jersey in recent memory: Hurricane Irene blew in late Summer of 2011, which suddenly sounds like a really long time ago.

Aaaaand, then Superstorm Sandy hit the east coast last October, nearly knocking us back into the stone ages, changing the face of New Jersey, forever.

So, yeah, I was a little nervous when tracking our first major winter storm since even before the hurricanes hit, especially one named after a cheeky fish.

Nemo was much kinder to us than our neighbors in North Jersey, but I'm pretty sure that friends and family in New England are STILL digging their way out.

I spent the first few hours of Saturday morning, peering out our front door, willing the snow to melt, hoping that it would thaw out in time for me to take my oldest daughter to work.

You see, I don't do snow, or at least I don't drive in it very well. I had a pretty bad car wreck the first year I started to drive (YES, they had rubber wheels back then, be quiet, child!) and, well, I can still hear the CRUNCH in my ears, as my car was being rear-ended and my forehead hit the steering wheel.

I woke up in the hospital to find out that…YES!…apparently, a person can so sprain their esophagus.

"Do you want me to drive, Mom?"

My oldest is super-soft spoken (no, she does NOT get it from me!) but, I still jumped as if my daughter was talking into a bullhorn and nearly swallowed my coffee mug.

"No, I would much rather you call in sick."

Yeah, great role model…I know…and I realize that she has been driving for over a year now and will need to practice driving in snow, sometime, just not nearly a foot and on her first attempt.

Good thing she wasn't scheduled to work at the hospital until midday, it took all morning for my son to chip away at the ice and snow that Nemo dumped all over our car (another advantage to having older kids, free labor!) and only now do I realize the irony: the daughter of the world's clumsiest and most accident-prone woman WOULD work in a hospital.

"C'mon Mom, you're just making yourself more nervous, you'll be fine."

Aaaaaaad, that very fine line between parent and child (trust me, it's there) was blurred, once again, by my inability to shake stuff off and get over myself, already.

"Besides, you're the one who taught me how to drive…remember?"

Yes, yes I did and she's a gosh-darned good driver (in spite of it) so I guess there is still a little hope for me, yet.

"Hang on a second, I'll grab my coat."

Besides, the last time I attempted to drive in weather like this, I abandoned my car in the school parking lot and walked home, with all four kids in tow, while snow continued to fall…sideways…and I didn't have a coat.

But, NOT this day.

"Thanks Mom, I'm proud of you!"

Tell you the truth, having made it there in one piece AND without embedding my fingers into the steering wheel, permanently, I was pretty gosh-darned proud of myself, too.

"I'll see you after my shift!"

Nope, but I didn't bother to tell her that her father would be picking her up, later that night, and I really shouldn't have to explain why…this LATE in the game…now, do I?!?

Stupid ice, dumbass Nemo.

© 2003 – 2013 This Full House

February 11, 2013
Together Counts: Desperately Seeking Healthy Living Through Energy Balance

As a mom of 3 teens and with our youngest insisting that I quit calling her the baby (she’s turning 12 this year, enough said!) I feel it safe to tell you that the secret to balance is really quite simple, because there is NO secret: balance is all a matter of perspective.

Maintaining a healthy lifestyle, while running in 6 different directions (sometimes, all in the same day) and having to plan meals around our collectively busy schedules — not to mention, those late night, last-minute school projects, due yesterday — without one (or all) of us experiencing the proverbial crash and burn is a challenge my family and I face, every day.

That is why I am very honored to partner with TogetherCounts.com as an ambassador and contributor blogger to the Together Counts blog for 2013.

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February 11, 2013
28 Days of Impact: Why Are We Still Talking About Polio?
28 Days of Impact is a blog relay celebrating the impact vaccines have on children in developing countries every day for the month of February. Today I get to take a shot at it, here's my contribution:

Photo by Mary Ellen Mark /Real Simple magazine

Ann Lee Hussey contracted Polio when she was only seventeen months old in 1955 and suffered with the disease as a child. It paralyzed her from the waist down and she spent several weeks in the hospital. She has had countless treatments, can walk with limitations and now believes that she suffers from Post-Polio Syndrome (or PPS).

Although she admittedly fears PPS (the symptoms can significantly interfere with an individual's ability to function independently) Ann is dedicated to fighting Polio a world away.

Personally, I can remember receiving vaccines in grade school: my classmates and I would march into the gym, line up and nervously wait for our turn. However, I was very, very relieved to hear whispers that the school nurse was actually "dripping" the Polio vaccine onto a sugar cube.

I hated shots (still do!) and I am what many doctors have since clinically, yet delicately, labeled as "a fainter".

The fear of needles is a very difficult thing to overcome (trust me, I know, having suffered from tonsillitis as a child and endured dozens of penicillin shots, my backside STILL hurts just thinking about it) until I started having children.

Raising 3 teens and 1 tween has pretty much helped me get over a lot of stuff: like my fear of needles, or fainting at the sight of blood (especially, if it is mine!) not to mention, cleaning up after my children and basically every bodily function known to parenthood.

Thankfully, I don't have to worry about stuff like my children contracting Polio or Measles and yet it is incredible for me to think that a child dies every 20 seconds from a vaccine preventable disease.

Photo credit: End Polio Now/Rotary

Not when there are folks like Ann Lee, working on the ground to help ensure that all children have a shot at a healthy life, who has personally taken part in more than 20 immunization
trips to help eradicate Polio, worldwide.

How? By helping parents (like you and me) understand that:
- Vaccines are very safe, simple and one of the most cost-effective ways to save and improve the lives of children worldwide.
- Vaccines work
- Vaccines currently help save 2.5 million children from preventable diseases every year.
- Vaccination efforts have already made a difference. Thanks to the Global Polio Eradication Initiative, the number of cases of polio has dropped 99 percent and the Measles Initiative has vaccinated one billion children in 60 developing countries and has decreased measles deaths by 71 percent.
- Vaccines can level the playing field so that all children, no matter their circumstances, have a shot at a healthy life.
Okay, now it's your turn.

You can help sustain the impact by sending an email to your member of congress. Welcome your members to the 113^th Congress and ask them to make sure that global health and vaccines are a priority in the new Congress. Take action and make an impact!

Because, honestly, we really need to stop talking about Polio and give it the virtual bitch-slap it deserves!

This story comes from Rotary International and is part of Shot@Life’s ’28 Days of Impact’ Campaign. A follow up to Blogust to raise awareness for global vaccines and the work being done by Shot@Life and their partners to help give children around the world a shot at a healthy life. Each day in February, you can read another impactful story on global childhood vaccines. Tomorrow, don’t miss Roxanna's post on Everyday Treats! Go to www.shotatlife.org/impact to learn more.

© 2003 – 2013 This Full House

Disclosure: No payment was received for this blog post, this is my contribution to giving Polio the bitch-slap it deserves….YO!!!
February 9, 2013