When Thing One was born, my husband and I couldn’t wait to bring her home and welcomed our new roles, as mother and father to our brand new baby daughter, celebrating each milestone of "firsts" with equal amounts of enthusiasm and trepidation.
Then, I became pregnant with Thing Two and – though, I couldn’t wait and called my husband, at work, and gave him the results of the pregnancy test, while in the middle of a meeting with a client – I soon started to worry whether or not I was ready to separate myself from being "the world" to Thing One and having to share, well, pretty much everything, from my toes up, with TWO babies!?!
Soon, my fears were put to rest and the mommy in me sort of just, you know, kicked into high gear and there seemed to be plenty of me to go around.
Until, they grew up and NOW my husband Garth (not his real name) and I combine our super parental powers and it takes every bit of that strength…NOT to bite their little heads off.
Like, last night, for example.
"I hate ribs."
Mini-me is our youngest daughter and, I swear, she IS my ticket into heaven.
"Well, you’ve eaten them before."
[pushes plate away]
"Tonight, I hate them."
I’ll spare you from the rest of the dinnertime drama (you’re welcome) but, it wasn’t until Thing Two pushed her plate away, ran for the bathroom (she claimed to have a "gas bubble") and my son decided that he was also, you know, full (of what, is anyone’s guess) that I decided NOT to save my three youngest children from their father’s appetite for whoopass, this time, and imagined all the wonderful things that would go well…with their heads.
"Something’s wrong with Thing Two!"
Ugh.
"She’s on the potty and crying."
Poor Thing Two – cursed with her father’s bowels – still, to be totally honest with you, I was NOT in the mood for anymore drama, especially, from my surly 12-year-old. Dang, but she’s been in a mood. This week, alone, she managed to get on my nerves…um…wait a minute…uh-oh.
[eyes go wide]
Gas bubble?
[speaking a lot slower and nearly whispering, now]
"Uh…Mom…I think she got her…ahem…ya’ know!"
Shit.
"What is it NOW?"
I pushed away from the dinner table so fast, the dog jumped and nearly knocked my husband right off his chair.
"Never mind, I got this one!"
Well, I won’t go into specifics (you’re welcome, really) but, you can probably imagine the rest.
[one beat…two beats]
Okay, here’s what happened.
This is a Public Service Announcement: About to head into female territory and references to lady parts will probably come up, once or twice.
"I think I got my period."
Now, we’ve had false alarms before (being female can be quite icky, sometimes) but, all the signs (sore, uppers and crampy in the nether regions) they were there, allright.
"OMG…it’s here…it’s really here!"
DAYUM…it’s about time, too!
[wiping tears from face]
"Congratulations, Sweetie!"
I kissed Thing Two on the top of her head, knelt down on the bathroom floor, uncapped the Lavender-scented bubble bath and started to fill the tub with water.
"Rule number one, of being a woman, taking a nice, long, hot bath makes almost everything better."
We talked and, as she let me wash her back, I was struck with the memory of a much younger and balder Thing Two. Hair covered in bubbles and standing on end; sucking on a wash cloth, smacking her feet, splashing everything within reach and giggling at the mock of horror on my face.
It was only yesterday, right?
"Now, I know how you feel?"
I shook my head, tried to breathe through the lump that was slowly growing in my throat and allowed the memory to drift away.
"About what, baby?"
She screwed up her face and tapped the base of her belly.
"This bloating crap sucks!"
[nodding head]
"Amen, sistah – don’t worry, you can stay home from school tomorrow!"
Yes, they do grow up quickly and sometimes you don’t even notice it’s happening, until it’s too late.
"Thank you, Momma."
But, if you’re really, really lucky, it happens in a heartbeat.
"You know, for treating me so special!"
It’s the childhood memories, like this, that will help us BOTH through the long haul.
[knocking on wood until knuckles bleed]
One can only hope – in the meantime, if anyone needs me, I’ll be out treating my middle girl to lunch, and pretty much like a queen, for the rest of the day…hold the drama, thankyouverymuch…please leave your message at the beep.
© 2008 This Full House – All Rights Reserved.
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Comments
72 responses to “Beware: Mommy on Duty – Hold my calls and mind the middle child.”
Uh oh. I think I screwed up.
Busy Girl: “Oh, I forgot to tell you , I started my period a couple of days ago.”
Me: “Oh, wow OK. Do you need anything?”
Busy Girl: “Nope.”
(Your entry is very sweet, she’s a lucky girl)
Uh oh. I think I screwed up.
Busy Girl: “Oh, I forgot to tell you , I started my period a couple of days ago.”
Me: “Oh, wow OK. Do you need anything?”
Busy Girl: “Nope.”
(Your entry is very sweet, she’s a lucky girl)
Uh oh. I think I screwed up.
Busy Girl: “Oh, I forgot to tell you , I started my period a couple of days ago.”
Me: “Oh, wow OK. Do you need anything?”
Busy Girl: “Nope.”
(Your entry is very sweet, she’s a lucky girl)
Uh oh. I think I screwed up.
Busy Girl: “Oh, I forgot to tell you , I started my period a couple of days ago.”
Me: “Oh, wow OK. Do you need anything?”
Busy Girl: “Nope.”
(Your entry is very sweet, she’s a lucky girl)
Well, I just wept all over myself. You, my precious friend, are an amazing, amazing Mom. If only … well, if only.
Enjoy your day with Thing Two. Tell her that women everywhere are rejoicing and cringing with her and for her.
And, well, since I won’t have a chance to ever do this moment with my daughter, I just want to thank you for sharing.
Well, I just wept all over myself. You, my precious friend, are an amazing, amazing Mom. If only … well, if only.
Enjoy your day with Thing Two. Tell her that women everywhere are rejoicing and cringing with her and for her.
And, well, since I won’t have a chance to ever do this moment with my daughter, I just want to thank you for sharing.
Well, I just wept all over myself. You, my precious friend, are an amazing, amazing Mom. If only … well, if only.
Enjoy your day with Thing Two. Tell her that women everywhere are rejoicing and cringing with her and for her.
And, well, since I won’t have a chance to ever do this moment with my daughter, I just want to thank you for sharing.
Well, I just wept all over myself. You, my precious friend, are an amazing, amazing Mom. If only … well, if only.
Enjoy your day with Thing Two. Tell her that women everywhere are rejoicing and cringing with her and for her.
And, well, since I won’t have a chance to ever do this moment with my daughter, I just want to thank you for sharing.
OK, that completely has me bawling. Of course, I’m due to start my super special female time tomorrow… so I can feel her pain. Literally.
That’s totally awesome that you let her stay home from school and that you’re making this a special event. She deserves it and she’ll always remember this!
OK, that completely has me bawling. Of course, I’m due to start my super special female time tomorrow… so I can feel her pain. Literally.
That’s totally awesome that you let her stay home from school and that you’re making this a special event. She deserves it and she’ll always remember this!
OK, that completely has me bawling. Of course, I’m due to start my super special female time tomorrow… so I can feel her pain. Literally.
That’s totally awesome that you let her stay home from school and that you’re making this a special event. She deserves it and she’ll always remember this!
OK, that completely has me bawling. Of course, I’m due to start my super special female time tomorrow… so I can feel her pain. Literally.
That’s totally awesome that you let her stay home from school and that you’re making this a special event. She deserves it and she’ll always remember this!
Just got back from an awesome lunch – do guys have a Houlihans? – and waiting for the hair dye to take (adding in red highlights into Thing Two’s hair) and…YES…I am sooooooo milking this day and going for “Mother of the Year!”
Just got back from an awesome lunch – do guys have a Houlihans? – and waiting for the hair dye to take (adding in red highlights into Thing Two’s hair) and…YES…I am sooooooo milking this day and going for “Mother of the Year!”
Just got back from an awesome lunch – do guys have a Houlihans? – and waiting for the hair dye to take (adding in red highlights into Thing Two’s hair) and…YES…I am sooooooo milking this day and going for “Mother of the Year!”
Just got back from an awesome lunch – do guys have a Houlihans? – and waiting for the hair dye to take (adding in red highlights into Thing Two’s hair) and…YES…I am sooooooo milking this day and going for “Mother of the Year!”
Great post.
But now I’m going to be thinking about my baby girl, not yet one year old, in a “Father of the Bride” flashback-y way all day.
I’m a sappy bastard, and you’re not helping.
Great post.
But now I’m going to be thinking about my baby girl, not yet one year old, in a “Father of the Bride” flashback-y way all day.
I’m a sappy bastard, and you’re not helping.
Great post.
But now I’m going to be thinking about my baby girl, not yet one year old, in a “Father of the Bride” flashback-y way all day.
I’m a sappy bastard, and you’re not helping.
Great post.
But now I’m going to be thinking about my baby girl, not yet one year old, in a “Father of the Bride” flashback-y way all day.
I’m a sappy bastard, and you’re not helping.
Sweet story. I’m totally stealing it in about 10 years. (Lord, I hope it’s not for another 10 years.)
Sweet story. I’m totally stealing it in about 10 years. (Lord, I hope it’s not for another 10 years.)
Sweet story. I’m totally stealing it in about 10 years. (Lord, I hope it’s not for another 10 years.)
Sweet story. I’m totally stealing it in about 10 years. (Lord, I hope it’s not for another 10 years.)
That was very sweet. My daughter just turned 12 last month. I hope I can be as reassuring when her time comes! They DO grow up so fast.
BTW – new to your blog and hoping to visit regularly. Definitely want to browse your archives!
That was very sweet. My daughter just turned 12 last month. I hope I can be as reassuring when her time comes! They DO grow up so fast.
BTW – new to your blog and hoping to visit regularly. Definitely want to browse your archives!
That was very sweet. My daughter just turned 12 last month. I hope I can be as reassuring when her time comes! They DO grow up so fast.
BTW – new to your blog and hoping to visit regularly. Definitely want to browse your archives!
That was very sweet. My daughter just turned 12 last month. I hope I can be as reassuring when her time comes! They DO grow up so fast.
BTW – new to your blog and hoping to visit regularly. Definitely want to browse your archives!
Boy, did I blow it! My daughter got hers while away on a mission trip last summer and another mother stepped in. Then again, my daughter doesn’t take baths, won’t even let me rub her bath when clothed, and certainly wouldn’t let me in the bathroom!
Boy, did I blow it! My daughter got hers while away on a mission trip last summer and another mother stepped in. Then again, my daughter doesn’t take baths, won’t even let me rub her bath when clothed, and certainly wouldn’t let me in the bathroom!
Boy, did I blow it! My daughter got hers while away on a mission trip last summer and another mother stepped in. Then again, my daughter doesn’t take baths, won’t even let me rub her bath when clothed, and certainly wouldn’t let me in the bathroom!
Boy, did I blow it! My daughter got hers while away on a mission trip last summer and another mother stepped in. Then again, my daughter doesn’t take baths, won’t even let me rub her bath when clothed, and certainly wouldn’t let me in the bathroom!
I’m a weepy mess myself. Oh man. That’s beautiful. I still remember my first period. I broke the news to my mom by passing her a note over the kitchen table. And every March 15, I celebrate with some chocolate.
I’m a weepy mess myself. Oh man. That’s beautiful. I still remember my first period. I broke the news to my mom by passing her a note over the kitchen table. And every March 15, I celebrate with some chocolate.
I’m a weepy mess myself. Oh man. That’s beautiful. I still remember my first period. I broke the news to my mom by passing her a note over the kitchen table. And every March 15, I celebrate with some chocolate.
I’m a weepy mess myself. Oh man. That’s beautiful. I still remember my first period. I broke the news to my mom by passing her a note over the kitchen table. And every March 15, I celebrate with some chocolate.
You are an awesome mom. I’m so going to do this with my girl when her time comes. Mine? Was not special like you made it for your girl. Mom was out of pads and I couldn’t make a tampon work so she had to run to the covenience store and get some. She comes back tosses it to me and then sends me on to school.
That was it.
You are an awesome mom. I’m so going to do this with my girl when her time comes. Mine? Was not special like you made it for your girl. Mom was out of pads and I couldn’t make a tampon work so she had to run to the covenience store and get some. She comes back tosses it to me and then sends me on to school.
That was it.
You are an awesome mom. I’m so going to do this with my girl when her time comes. Mine? Was not special like you made it for your girl. Mom was out of pads and I couldn’t make a tampon work so she had to run to the covenience store and get some. She comes back tosses it to me and then sends me on to school.
That was it.
You are an awesome mom. I’m so going to do this with my girl when her time comes. Mine? Was not special like you made it for your girl. Mom was out of pads and I couldn’t make a tampon work so she had to run to the covenience store and get some. She comes back tosses it to me and then sends me on to school.
That was it.
well that made me feel like kinda a crappy mom. A bubble bath? I just reminded mine where the stuff was in the bathroom…
well that made me feel like kinda a crappy mom. A bubble bath? I just reminded mine where the stuff was in the bathroom…
well that made me feel like kinda a crappy mom. A bubble bath? I just reminded mine where the stuff was in the bathroom…
well that made me feel like kinda a crappy mom. A bubble bath? I just reminded mine where the stuff was in the bathroom…
I love how you put it. Great story.
I love how you put it. Great story.
I love how you put it. Great story.
I love how you put it. Great story.
Pass me a tissue please? *sniff*
Pass me a tissue please? *sniff*
Pass me a tissue please? *sniff*
Pass me a tissue please? *sniff*
I’m so glad I stumbled on this. I’m totally stealing these ideas for when my girls get there. Lavender bubble bath…lunch out…brilliant! Now all I have to do is remember all of this in about 3 or 4 years. Considering I can’t remember my name most days, this seems fairly unlikely.
I’m so glad I stumbled on this. I’m totally stealing these ideas for when my girls get there. Lavender bubble bath…lunch out…brilliant! Now all I have to do is remember all of this in about 3 or 4 years. Considering I can’t remember my name most days, this seems fairly unlikely.
I’m so glad I stumbled on this. I’m totally stealing these ideas for when my girls get there. Lavender bubble bath…lunch out…brilliant! Now all I have to do is remember all of this in about 3 or 4 years. Considering I can’t remember my name most days, this seems fairly unlikely.
I’m so glad I stumbled on this. I’m totally stealing these ideas for when my girls get there. Lavender bubble bath…lunch out…brilliant! Now all I have to do is remember all of this in about 3 or 4 years. Considering I can’t remember my name most days, this seems fairly unlikely.
Fun-loving blog.
Fun-loving blog.
Fun-loving blog.
Fun-loving blog.
She’s a lucky girl to have such an excellent mom. Of course, now you’ll be dealing with raging hormones in not one but TWO of your darlings… and I’m feeling very sorry for you right about now. Best of luck!
She’s a lucky girl to have such an excellent mom. Of course, now you’ll be dealing with raging hormones in not one but TWO of your darlings… and I’m feeling very sorry for you right about now. Best of luck!
She’s a lucky girl to have such an excellent mom. Of course, now you’ll be dealing with raging hormones in not one but TWO of your darlings… and I’m feeling very sorry for you right about now. Best of luck!
She’s a lucky girl to have such an excellent mom. Of course, now you’ll be dealing with raging hormones in not one but TWO of your darlings… and I’m feeling very sorry for you right about now. Best of luck!
Sleeping Mommy:
Yep, it was way different when we were growing up – lucky for our kids, right – and it’s funny to think that Thing Two’s oldest sister got her period while we were having lunch in in McDonalds. They whooped, hollered AND gave her $10…DAYUM!
I wrote about that, too and, sadly, managed to lose the archives when moving back to Typepad and that post is floating somewhere on the Internets.
Sleeping Mommy:
Yep, it was way different when we were growing up – lucky for our kids, right – and it’s funny to think that Thing Two’s oldest sister got her period while we were having lunch in in McDonalds. They whooped, hollered AND gave her $10…DAYUM!
I wrote about that, too and, sadly, managed to lose the archives when moving back to Typepad and that post is floating somewhere on the Internets.
Sleeping Mommy:
Yep, it was way different when we were growing up – lucky for our kids, right – and it’s funny to think that Thing Two’s oldest sister got her period while we were having lunch in in McDonalds. They whooped, hollered AND gave her $10…DAYUM!
I wrote about that, too and, sadly, managed to lose the archives when moving back to Typepad and that post is floating somewhere on the Internets.
Sleeping Mommy:
Yep, it was way different when we were growing up – lucky for our kids, right – and it’s funny to think that Thing Two’s oldest sister got her period while we were having lunch in in McDonalds. They whooped, hollered AND gave her $10…DAYUM!
I wrote about that, too and, sadly, managed to lose the archives when moving back to Typepad and that post is floating somewhere on the Internets.
You are such an awesome mom.
My mom hadn’t talked to me about that stuff – had just heard from other kids about periods. So when I got mine, I was horrified. So was my mom, actually.
If I ever have a daughter, I hope to handle that sitch exactly the way YOU did!
Funny how
You are such an awesome mom.
My mom hadn’t talked to me about that stuff – had just heard from other kids about periods. So when I got mine, I was horrified. So was my mom, actually.
If I ever have a daughter, I hope to handle that sitch exactly the way YOU did!
Funny how
You are such an awesome mom.
My mom hadn’t talked to me about that stuff – had just heard from other kids about periods. So when I got mine, I was horrified. So was my mom, actually.
If I ever have a daughter, I hope to handle that sitch exactly the way YOU did!
Funny how
You are such an awesome mom.
My mom hadn’t talked to me about that stuff – had just heard from other kids about periods. So when I got mine, I was horrified. So was my mom, actually.
If I ever have a daughter, I hope to handle that sitch exactly the way YOU did!
Funny how