2 days into the new school year and my youngest has already had to deal with 7th grade (a.k.a. the birthing ground for mean) girls, who seem to be prepping themselves to be catty women when they grow up (if ever), and it’s breaking my heart.
Unfortunately, it’s easy for us parents to say things like, “they’re just jealous” and “because the new boy talked to you at lunch, first” or “they see you as a threat” because we’ve ALL been there, right?!?
Aaaaaand, therein lies the rub.
You see, my kids have a real hard time understanding (or even believing) that their parents may or may not have dealt with mean behavior, at some point in our lives, and that at least one other person in the bathroom/class room/gym/hallway/lunchroom imagined it to be really funny, at the time, too.
In this case, calling your name out loud, turning their backs and then giggling their little fool heads off or just walking into a room…
[cue: giggling little fools]
…then casually glancing down at yourself, wondering if you’ve mistakenly put your pants on backwards or something and, well, as if being 12 years-old wasn’t difficult enough, right?!?
So, having lived through a couple of mean moments (or twenty) of their own (dammit), I asked my two oldest girls (they are 19 and 17) and my son (he’s 14) for their thoughts on dealing with mean girls (or boys) from a teen’s point of view.
Because I am very open-minded, not to mention they are MUCH smarter than me, like that!
Do not feed into their toxic bullshakalaka (the g-rated version of b.s. that my 17 year-old prefers to use, often): okay, so this is really my most favorite and heavily-relied upon parenting tip — in this case, my middle girl totally agrees with me, just this one time — do NOT feed the little trolls!!!
Just walk away, with confidence and maybe even a little swagger, then fling your really long (or, in my case, pretend) hair…from left to right…in an uncaring “you guys don’t deserve ANY of this awesome” attitude.
(Note: our current situation involves girls who have turned into what I call “sometimes friends” or “bfs’s” who come sniffing around only when it’s convenient for them — like when there is no one else to sit with on the bleachers or every OTHER lunch table was full and they’re NOT speaking to ANY of them, for whatever reason, anyway — which will hurt, no matter your swagger, but I try to reassure my kids that those are the sort of friends a person can probably do without.)
Do not give them the satisfaction of responding to their bullshakalaka with anger, just smile and walk away, they hate that: my oldest (she’s 19) was constantly harassed by “boys” for being “too quiet” or “too nice” and “let’s tease her, she won’t do anything”, however, they really do seem to HATE IT when you 🙂 and then just walk away.
See also: “You guys don’t deserve ANY of this awesome” etc…
Or, confuse them with reason, they really Hate, HAte, HATe, HATE THAT, TOO: a much bulkier teenager threatened my son with “kicking his effing ass” for no discernible reason other than he “felt like kicking someone’s effing ass” and continued to drop the eff-bomb, like candy from a broke-ass pinata.
My son responded, in a very calm voice, “Look, if I bother you THAT much, why don’t you quit putting up with me and just leave?!?”
[the sound of crickets, chirping]
So, the dude left, but not before dropping a few more effing-eff-bombs.
(I know, I know, this doesn’t always work: however, encouraging kids to NOT be the one to start a fight is a good thing. On the other hand, there are times when you have to learn how to defend yourself, in this case, confusing your opponent with run on sentences is way better.)
Sticking up for the OTHER guy or discouraging meanness isn’t always easy: this is something that all three of my teens have admitted, at one time or twenty, to both me and my husband.
Being harassed in public is embarrassing enough; having SOMEONE ELSE stick up for you, and then getting themselves caught up in all the bullshakalaka, can be really awkward.
(This is where I would definitely interject: unless someone is getting hurt and/or the meanness gets out of hand and an adult needs to get involved, STAT!!!)
Sometimes it’s better to wait and then seek out the person, later: giving them (and you) the chance to decompress from all the bullshakalaka, then see if they are okay or if they would like to talk about it, better out than in!!!
(Note: our family makes a lot of references to movies, especially when dealing with heavy teenage sort of stuff, most especially Shrekisms.)
The simple act of letting them know that they are NOT alone can do wonders for a person’s psyche and can also be a great opportunity to make a new friend.
Our best advice? Surround yourself with people who are like you: see previous paragraph.
Look, I get that these are still children we’re talking about and that their meanness may or may not be coming from a much deeper, darker place that neither you or I can even begin to understand.
These are also someone else’s daughters (and sons).
Right now?!? My inner-12-year-old is just DYING to fling the bullshakalaka right back at their giggling little fool heads and, well, did I mention that my kids are WAY smarter than me?!?
[daaaaaang, there are a whole lot of crickets around here]
Stupid mean girls, dumbass mean boys.
© 2003 – 2013 This Full House
With a fan page on Facebook and everything!
Comments
63 responses to “Dealing with mean girls (and boys) from a teenager’s point of view.”
Your kids are supa-smaht, and so are you! These are great tips, and applicable to meanies on the internet too, don’t you think?
Also, tell Heather that I’m going to try and use “bullshakalaka” as much as possible today.
Your kids are supa-smaht, and so are you! These are great tips, and applicable to meanies on the internet too, don’t you think?
Also, tell Heather that I’m going to try and use “bullshakalaka” as much as possible today.
Your kids are supa-smaht, and so are you! These are great tips, and applicable to meanies on the internet too, don’t you think?
Also, tell Heather that I’m going to try and use “bullshakalaka” as much as possible today.
Your kids are supa-smaht, and so are you! These are great tips, and applicable to meanies on the internet too, don’t you think?
Also, tell Heather that I’m going to try and use “bullshakalaka” as much as possible today.
Your kids are supa-smaht, and so are you! These are great tips, and applicable to meanies on the internet too, don’t you think?
Also, tell Heather that I’m going to try and use “bullshakalaka” as much as possible today.
Your kids are supa-smaht, and so are you! These are great tips, and applicable to meanies on the internet too, don’t you think?
Also, tell Heather that I’m going to try and use “bullshakalaka” as much as possible today.
Your kids are supa-smaht, and so are you! These are great tips, and applicable to meanies on the internet too, don’t you think?
Also, tell Heather that I’m going to try and use “bullshakalaka” as much as possible today.
Your kids are supa-smaht, and so are you! These are great tips, and applicable to meanies on the internet too, don’t you think?
Also, tell Heather that I’m going to try and use “bullshakalaka” as much as possible today.
Your kids are supa-smaht, and so are you! These are great tips, and applicable to meanies on the internet too, don’t you think?
Also, tell Heather that I’m going to try and use “bullshakalaka” as much as possible today.
Yes, these tips translate well to dealing with mean adult bullshakalaka <—- careful, it's hard to stop —-> thanks, Melisa 🙂
Yes, these tips translate well to dealing with mean adult bullshakalaka <—- careful, it's hard to stop —-> thanks, Melisa 🙂
Yes, these tips translate well to dealing with mean adult bullshakalaka <—- careful, it's hard to stop —-> thanks, Melisa 🙂
Yes, these tips translate well to dealing with mean adult bullshakalaka <—- careful, it's hard to stop —-> thanks, Melisa 🙂
Yes, these tips translate well to dealing with mean adult bullshakalaka <—- careful, it's hard to stop —-> thanks, Melisa 🙂
Yes, these tips translate well to dealing with mean adult bullshakalaka <—- careful, it's hard to stop —-> thanks, Melisa 🙂
Yes, these tips translate well to dealing with mean adult bullshakalaka <—- careful, it's hard to stop —-> thanks, Melisa 🙂
Yes, these tips translate well to dealing with mean adult bullshakalaka <—- careful, it's hard to stop —-> thanks, Melisa 🙂
Yes, these tips translate well to dealing with mean adult bullshakalaka <—- careful, it's hard to stop —-> thanks, Melisa 🙂
I’m sorry your girl is having to deal with 7th grade girl crap. I’ve always tried to tell my kids the same things. Don’t feed the drama beast, and such. Why does there always have to be so much damn drama? Even with adults. Blahhhh.
Anyways, your kids are rock stars and so are you.
I’m sorry your girl is having to deal with 7th grade girl crap. I’ve always tried to tell my kids the same things. Don’t feed the drama beast, and such. Why does there always have to be so much damn drama? Even with adults. Blahhhh.
Anyways, your kids are rock stars and so are you.
I’m sorry your girl is having to deal with 7th grade girl crap. I’ve always tried to tell my kids the same things. Don’t feed the drama beast, and such. Why does there always have to be so much damn drama? Even with adults. Blahhhh.
Anyways, your kids are rock stars and so are you.
I’m sorry your girl is having to deal with 7th grade girl crap. I’ve always tried to tell my kids the same things. Don’t feed the drama beast, and such. Why does there always have to be so much damn drama? Even with adults. Blahhhh.
Anyways, your kids are rock stars and so are you.
I’m sorry your girl is having to deal with 7th grade girl crap. I’ve always tried to tell my kids the same things. Don’t feed the drama beast, and such. Why does there always have to be so much damn drama? Even with adults. Blahhhh.
Anyways, your kids are rock stars and so are you.
I’m sorry your girl is having to deal with 7th grade girl crap. I’ve always tried to tell my kids the same things. Don’t feed the drama beast, and such. Why does there always have to be so much damn drama? Even with adults. Blahhhh.
Anyways, your kids are rock stars and so are you.
I’m sorry your girl is having to deal with 7th grade girl crap. I’ve always tried to tell my kids the same things. Don’t feed the drama beast, and such. Why does there always have to be so much damn drama? Even with adults. Blahhhh.
Anyways, your kids are rock stars and so are you.
I’m sorry your girl is having to deal with 7th grade girl crap. I’ve always tried to tell my kids the same things. Don’t feed the drama beast, and such. Why does there always have to be so much damn drama? Even with adults. Blahhhh.
Anyways, your kids are rock stars and so are you.
I’m sorry your girl is having to deal with 7th grade girl crap. I’ve always tried to tell my kids the same things. Don’t feed the drama beast, and such. Why does there always have to be so much damn drama? Even with adults. Blahhhh.
Anyways, your kids are rock stars and so are you.
The drama beast is always hangry, for sure. Miss you, Shannon <3
The drama beast is always hangry, for sure. Miss you, Shannon <3
The drama beast is always hangry, for sure. Miss you, Shannon <3
The drama beast is always hangry, for sure. Miss you, Shannon <3
The drama beast is always hangry, for sure. Miss you, Shannon <3
The drama beast is always hangry, for sure. Miss you, Shannon <3
The drama beast is always hangry, for sure. Miss you, Shannon <3
The drama beast is always hangry, for sure. Miss you, Shannon <3
The drama beast is always hangry, for sure. Miss you, Shannon <3
Liz, unfortunately this is of a subject that I know all too well from my days in Abraham Lincoln school before going to CHS. Reacting and being emotional is like feeding a shark chum. A frenzy starts and they always come back for more. Smiling or even ignoring is the best path to take and works most of the time. They get bored and move on. Confrontation should be your last and final option.
With two girls it does hurt to see bullying is still alive and well. But I must admit, girls deal with a more hightened level, more intense. Our main goal is to teach our children that it is the bully’s loss. We try to feed and cultivate my children’s confidence and self respect. It will take a beating but if it is strong it will last any storm.
I also explain to my children how it comes full circle and show them my Facebook messages of former bullies either apologize or never did realize and sometimes still don’t. I also explain of karma to them. This is something I truly believe in. It may take time but they will get their just deserts sooner or later.
I like your idea of supporting a friend after the incident. I have a sixth grader who did not take that option and paid the price in fifth grade. My 9th grader is a good source of information for my youngest and we encourage both to talk to each other for guidance.
Thank you Liz. It does help to know other friends go through the same experiences.
Liz, unfortunately this is of a subject that I know all too well from my days in Abraham Lincoln school before going to CHS. Reacting and being emotional is like feeding a shark chum. A frenzy starts and they always come back for more. Smiling or even ignoring is the best path to take and works most of the time. They get bored and move on. Confrontation should be your last and final option.
With two girls it does hurt to see bullying is still alive and well. But I must admit, girls deal with a more hightened level, more intense. Our main goal is to teach our children that it is the bully’s loss. We try to feed and cultivate my children’s confidence and self respect. It will take a beating but if it is strong it will last any storm.
I also explain to my children how it comes full circle and show them my Facebook messages of former bullies either apologize or never did realize and sometimes still don’t. I also explain of karma to them. This is something I truly believe in. It may take time but they will get their just deserts sooner or later.
I like your idea of supporting a friend after the incident. I have a sixth grader who did not take that option and paid the price in fifth grade. My 9th grader is a good source of information for my youngest and we encourage both to talk to each other for guidance.
Thank you Liz. It does help to know other friends go through the same experiences.
Liz, unfortunately this is of a subject that I know all too well from my days in Abraham Lincoln school before going to CHS. Reacting and being emotional is like feeding a shark chum. A frenzy starts and they always come back for more. Smiling or even ignoring is the best path to take and works most of the time. They get bored and move on. Confrontation should be your last and final option.
With two girls it does hurt to see bullying is still alive and well. But I must admit, girls deal with a more hightened level, more intense. Our main goal is to teach our children that it is the bully’s loss. We try to feed and cultivate my children’s confidence and self respect. It will take a beating but if it is strong it will last any storm.
I also explain to my children how it comes full circle and show them my Facebook messages of former bullies either apologize or never did realize and sometimes still don’t. I also explain of karma to them. This is something I truly believe in. It may take time but they will get their just deserts sooner or later.
I like your idea of supporting a friend after the incident. I have a sixth grader who did not take that option and paid the price in fifth grade. My 9th grader is a good source of information for my youngest and we encourage both to talk to each other for guidance.
Thank you Liz. It does help to know other friends go through the same experiences.
Liz, unfortunately this is of a subject that I know all too well from my days in Abraham Lincoln school before going to CHS. Reacting and being emotional is like feeding a shark chum. A frenzy starts and they always come back for more. Smiling or even ignoring is the best path to take and works most of the time. They get bored and move on. Confrontation should be your last and final option.
With two girls it does hurt to see bullying is still alive and well. But I must admit, girls deal with a more hightened level, more intense. Our main goal is to teach our children that it is the bully’s loss. We try to feed and cultivate my children’s confidence and self respect. It will take a beating but if it is strong it will last any storm.
I also explain to my children how it comes full circle and show them my Facebook messages of former bullies either apologize or never did realize and sometimes still don’t. I also explain of karma to them. This is something I truly believe in. It may take time but they will get their just deserts sooner or later.
I like your idea of supporting a friend after the incident. I have a sixth grader who did not take that option and paid the price in fifth grade. My 9th grader is a good source of information for my youngest and we encourage both to talk to each other for guidance.
Thank you Liz. It does help to know other friends go through the same experiences.
Liz, unfortunately this is of a subject that I know all too well from my days in Abraham Lincoln school before going to CHS. Reacting and being emotional is like feeding a shark chum. A frenzy starts and they always come back for more. Smiling or even ignoring is the best path to take and works most of the time. They get bored and move on. Confrontation should be your last and final option.
With two girls it does hurt to see bullying is still alive and well. But I must admit, girls deal with a more hightened level, more intense. Our main goal is to teach our children that it is the bully’s loss. We try to feed and cultivate my children’s confidence and self respect. It will take a beating but if it is strong it will last any storm.
I also explain to my children how it comes full circle and show them my Facebook messages of former bullies either apologize or never did realize and sometimes still don’t. I also explain of karma to them. This is something I truly believe in. It may take time but they will get their just deserts sooner or later.
I like your idea of supporting a friend after the incident. I have a sixth grader who did not take that option and paid the price in fifth grade. My 9th grader is a good source of information for my youngest and we encourage both to talk to each other for guidance.
Thank you Liz. It does help to know other friends go through the same experiences.
Liz, unfortunately this is of a subject that I know all too well from my days in Abraham Lincoln school before going to CHS. Reacting and being emotional is like feeding a shark chum. A frenzy starts and they always come back for more. Smiling or even ignoring is the best path to take and works most of the time. They get bored and move on. Confrontation should be your last and final option.
With two girls it does hurt to see bullying is still alive and well. But I must admit, girls deal with a more hightened level, more intense. Our main goal is to teach our children that it is the bully’s loss. We try to feed and cultivate my children’s confidence and self respect. It will take a beating but if it is strong it will last any storm.
I also explain to my children how it comes full circle and show them my Facebook messages of former bullies either apologize or never did realize and sometimes still don’t. I also explain of karma to them. This is something I truly believe in. It may take time but they will get their just deserts sooner or later.
I like your idea of supporting a friend after the incident. I have a sixth grader who did not take that option and paid the price in fifth grade. My 9th grader is a good source of information for my youngest and we encourage both to talk to each other for guidance.
Thank you Liz. It does help to know other friends go through the same experiences.
Liz, unfortunately this is of a subject that I know all too well from my days in Abraham Lincoln school before going to CHS. Reacting and being emotional is like feeding a shark chum. A frenzy starts and they always come back for more. Smiling or even ignoring is the best path to take and works most of the time. They get bored and move on. Confrontation should be your last and final option.
With two girls it does hurt to see bullying is still alive and well. But I must admit, girls deal with a more hightened level, more intense. Our main goal is to teach our children that it is the bully’s loss. We try to feed and cultivate my children’s confidence and self respect. It will take a beating but if it is strong it will last any storm.
I also explain to my children how it comes full circle and show them my Facebook messages of former bullies either apologize or never did realize and sometimes still don’t. I also explain of karma to them. This is something I truly believe in. It may take time but they will get their just deserts sooner or later.
I like your idea of supporting a friend after the incident. I have a sixth grader who did not take that option and paid the price in fifth grade. My 9th grader is a good source of information for my youngest and we encourage both to talk to each other for guidance.
Thank you Liz. It does help to know other friends go through the same experiences.
Liz, unfortunately this is of a subject that I know all too well from my days in Abraham Lincoln school before going to CHS. Reacting and being emotional is like feeding a shark chum. A frenzy starts and they always come back for more. Smiling or even ignoring is the best path to take and works most of the time. They get bored and move on. Confrontation should be your last and final option.
With two girls it does hurt to see bullying is still alive and well. But I must admit, girls deal with a more hightened level, more intense. Our main goal is to teach our children that it is the bully’s loss. We try to feed and cultivate my children’s confidence and self respect. It will take a beating but if it is strong it will last any storm.
I also explain to my children how it comes full circle and show them my Facebook messages of former bullies either apologize or never did realize and sometimes still don’t. I also explain of karma to them. This is something I truly believe in. It may take time but they will get their just deserts sooner or later.
I like your idea of supporting a friend after the incident. I have a sixth grader who did not take that option and paid the price in fifth grade. My 9th grader is a good source of information for my youngest and we encourage both to talk to each other for guidance.
Thank you Liz. It does help to know other friends go through the same experiences.
Liz, unfortunately this is of a subject that I know all too well from my days in Abraham Lincoln school before going to CHS. Reacting and being emotional is like feeding a shark chum. A frenzy starts and they always come back for more. Smiling or even ignoring is the best path to take and works most of the time. They get bored and move on. Confrontation should be your last and final option.
With two girls it does hurt to see bullying is still alive and well. But I must admit, girls deal with a more hightened level, more intense. Our main goal is to teach our children that it is the bully’s loss. We try to feed and cultivate my children’s confidence and self respect. It will take a beating but if it is strong it will last any storm.
I also explain to my children how it comes full circle and show them my Facebook messages of former bullies either apologize or never did realize and sometimes still don’t. I also explain of karma to them. This is something I truly believe in. It may take time but they will get their just deserts sooner or later.
I like your idea of supporting a friend after the incident. I have a sixth grader who did not take that option and paid the price in fifth grade. My 9th grader is a good source of information for my youngest and we encourage both to talk to each other for guidance.
Thank you Liz. It does help to know other friends go through the same experiences.
Y’all are so smaht!
Miss you, girl!
Y’all are so smaht!
Miss you, girl!
Y’all are so smaht!
Miss you, girl!
Y’all are so smaht!
Miss you, girl!
Y’all are so smaht!
Miss you, girl!
Y’all are so smaht!
Miss you, girl!
Y’all are so smaht!
Miss you, girl!
Y’all are so smaht!
Miss you, girl!
Y’all are so smaht!
Miss you, girl!
Nah, still learning. Although, I feel very confident about my ability to tell (and show) folks exactly what NOT to do 😉 Yes, it's been way too long since we've sat, talked and laughed together, IRL, Kendra!
Nah, still learning. Although, I feel very confident about my ability to tell (and show) folks exactly what NOT to do 😉 Yes, it's been way too long since we've sat, talked and laughed together, IRL, Kendra!
Nah, still learning. Although, I feel very confident about my ability to tell (and show) folks exactly what NOT to do 😉 Yes, it's been way too long since we've sat, talked and laughed together, IRL, Kendra!
Nah, still learning. Although, I feel very confident about my ability to tell (and show) folks exactly what NOT to do 😉 Yes, it's been way too long since we've sat, talked and laughed together, IRL, Kendra!
Nah, still learning. Although, I feel very confident about my ability to tell (and show) folks exactly what NOT to do 😉 Yes, it's been way too long since we've sat, talked and laughed together, IRL, Kendra!
Nah, still learning. Although, I feel very confident about my ability to tell (and show) folks exactly what NOT to do 😉 Yes, it's been way too long since we've sat, talked and laughed together, IRL, Kendra!
Nah, still learning. Although, I feel very confident about my ability to tell (and show) folks exactly what NOT to do 😉 Yes, it's been way too long since we've sat, talked and laughed together, IRL, Kendra!
Nah, still learning. Although, I feel very confident about my ability to tell (and show) folks exactly what NOT to do 😉 Yes, it's been way too long since we've sat, talked and laughed together, IRL, Kendra!
Nah, still learning. Although, I feel very confident about my ability to tell (and show) folks exactly what NOT to do 😉 Yes, it's been way too long since we've sat, talked and laughed together, IRL, Kendra!