You may (or may not) know that I have four children and, upon occasion, I have lamented over the fact that we live in a school system that allows us very little choice other than feeling their total disregard for the good of the community or the idea behind “neighborhood schools”…as I don’t believe they understand exactly how much I hate driving my children to four different schools, everyday!
Hello?
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me.
Is there anyone home?
Yes — I mean, no…I’m not kidding — my kids are all two to three years apart and attend four different schools which, in essence, means that I am running my ass off…um…literally…uh…how many times?
Hello?
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me.
Is there anyone home?
Feel free to do the math — ’cause I’m fresh out of brain cells — but, I can tell you that it makes for a rather ardous day of climbing in and out of a minivan (probably in desperate need of fuel and a good cleaning) especially when it’s raining, sleeting, snowing or anything remotely resembling a day in which the kids and I come in looking like a bunch of displaced subway rats and serve as a constant reminder that the hubs and I have soooooo got to get our garage cleaned out!
Hello?
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me.
Is there anyone home?
Driving Thing One to the bus stop, just around the corner, because the cars drive too danged crazy early in the morning, not to mention having to leave the house nearly an hour before Little Man’s school starts, so that I can get Thing Two to school in time to beat the morning traffic rush. And then leaving again at lunch to get Mini-Me to school in time for her afternoon class. And then having to do it all over again, after school, and not getting home sometimes up to an hour and a half later! Could prove getting anything done, that one would consider productive, quite difficult.
Hello?
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me.
Is there anyone home?
So, you may (or may not) already know that – especially by the time I get to my fourth, although quite possibly not my last, pick up of the afternoon — I pretty much seem dazed and confused, all the time!
Hello?
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me.
Is there anyone home?
And then another mom — who I haven’t seen since soccer season ended in…um…whenever the hell it was — asked me, “So, how do you feel about your youngest finally starting kindergarten?”
Silence.
Hello?
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me.
Is there anyone home?
“You did sign her up for September, right?”
Hello?
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me.
Is there anyone home?
I nodded my head — in a gesture that would perhaps most closely imply “yes” — and then just stared at her one year old as he kept taking his woobie (pacifier) out of his mouth, placed it into the cup holder of his stroller and then put it back in his mouth, again.
Hello?
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me.
Is there anyone home?
“Oh…I’m sorry…are you not ready for her to go?”
This time, I looked her straight in the eyes, and answered her in the clearest and most confident voice, “I don’t know!”
Hello?
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me.
Is there anyone home?
“I mean…yes…I am more than ready for her to go…I mean…she loves school…and now I’ve got some stuff I’m doing during the day…it’ll be easier to get some work done…I guess…you know what I mean, right?”
Silence.
Hello?
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me.
Is there anyone home?
Nope.
But, she may (or may not) already know that it’s been a crazy couple of weeks — hell, a couple of years — and I have been so wrapped up with trying to keep it together, I can’t remember the last time I didn’t feel…anything.
“I guess I really won’t know exactly how I’ll feel, until the first day of school.”
And then we hugged, kissed — yes, she already knew I am a hugger and a kisser — and I promised to try and get our sons together for a play date. Hoping that, although she acknowledged that I, “…seemed a little different…I don’t know…quieter than usual,” she didn’t notice the clouds in my eyes, and kept her focus more on the sincerity in my voice.
I turned to look but it was gone.
I cannot put my finger on it now.
The child is grown, the dream is gone.
That I am indeed like her — just another mom trying desperately to keep it together — but, that I have also become…comfortably numb.
Comments
14 responses to “On How I Have Become…Comfortably Numb”
girl. I understand totally what you are saying. Your lips move, but I can’t hear what you’re saying…
I have a youngest who “could” start kindergarten in the fall as well. And I don’t know what I am going to do either.
girl. I understand totally what you are saying. Your lips move, but I can’t hear what you’re saying…
I have a youngest who “could” start kindergarten in the fall as well. And I don’t know what I am going to do either.
You have just reminded why I am so thankful that my youngest will be graduating high school in May!! I thank the stars above I had my kids as a youngun…(I stand by the statement I was a child bride!! I had just turned 19 when we married!) and now my kids are older and I don’t have to do “all that running around crap!!”
I feel for ya girlfriend….but know it does get better…I promise! 😉
You have just reminded why I am so thankful that my youngest will be graduating high school in May!! I thank the stars above I had my kids as a youngun…(I stand by the statement I was a child bride!! I had just turned 19 when we married!) and now my kids are older and I don’t have to do “all that running around crap!!”
I feel for ya girlfriend….but know it does get better…I promise! 😉
My dear! What masterful use of Roger Water’s prosaic prose! I kept hearing Gilmore in the background (who turned 60 last week, matter of fact) wailing away on that red guitar. I’m gonna have to go dig out my stack of Pink Floyd vinyl.
We’re just two lost souls swimming in a fishbowl, year after year.
Be strong, m’dear. You’ve got more oomph and chutzpah than any five people I know. *big hug and smooch*
My dear! What masterful use of Roger Water’s prosaic prose! I kept hearing Gilmore in the background (who turned 60 last week, matter of fact) wailing away on that red guitar. I’m gonna have to go dig out my stack of Pink Floyd vinyl.
We’re just two lost souls swimming in a fishbowl, year after year.
Be strong, m’dear. You’ve got more oomph and chutzpah than any five people I know. *big hug and smooch*
Numbness, yeah. That would do it.
Numbness, yeah. That would do it.
Our school system just came back to neighborhood schools after decades of bussing. It took a lawsuit and years in court to do it. And it’s made the system a shambles. But I focus on the school my daughter is in and make it the best experience I can for her. I don’t know how you do it with four schools.
Is private school an option?
Our school system just came back to neighborhood schools after decades of bussing. It took a lawsuit and years in court to do it. And it’s made the system a shambles. But I focus on the school my daughter is in and make it the best experience I can for her. I don’t know how you do it with four schools.
Is private school an option?
Three kids. Three schools. My oldest two are only 18 months apart, but our system allows kids in the advanced program to select whatever school in the system they want to attend. And, of course, because they are totally different kids, they didn’t want to go to the same high school. The baby started kindergarten this year.
While it’s seriously juggling now, I still (vaguely) remember the older two in diapers at the same time. Talk about comfortably numb! I was closer to zombie-like. Luckily, the only permanent damage is a little tick on the left side of my face. Barely noticeable.
Three kids. Three schools. My oldest two are only 18 months apart, but our system allows kids in the advanced program to select whatever school in the system they want to attend. And, of course, because they are totally different kids, they didn’t want to go to the same high school. The baby started kindergarten this year.
While it’s seriously juggling now, I still (vaguely) remember the older two in diapers at the same time. Talk about comfortably numb! I was closer to zombie-like. Luckily, the only permanent damage is a little tick on the left side of my face. Barely noticeable.
Oh, good gravy, I know what you mean. I just drive to two schools, and I keep thinking that if I had back the 1:45 min I spend driving around town and waiting in line, along with the hour or so I spend on homework help, I would just about have time to homeschool them. Do I really want to send my youngest this fall? I don’t hink so….
Oh, good gravy, I know what you mean. I just drive to two schools, and I keep thinking that if I had back the 1:45 min I spend driving around town and waiting in line, along with the hour or so I spend on homework help, I would just about have time to homeschool them. Do I really want to send my youngest this fall? I don’t hink so….