Oscar Wilde once said, “The ugly and the stupid have the best of it in this world,” then I am not only the best wife on the face of this planet, but quite possibly the greatest good my husbands ever gonna get!
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the following:
Exhibit A — The ugly.
Yes, sadly enough it’s true, housework can make you ugly…just take a look at me…ugh…I never used to be this ugly…I mean…it just makes me so mad to even think what I could have looked like…without all the housework…and now look like…well…JUST LOOK AT ME, FOR PETE’S SAKE!!!
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Don’t lose your lunch, just yet — wait ’till you hear what happened to me, the other day! — it’s time to talk about…**shudder**…dirty laundry!!!
Exhibit B — Honey, I blew up the laundry!
That’s what I text messaged my husband — while he was at the Devil’s Game with my FIL Tuesday night — because I swear, if he’d been home when I opened the washing machine, I would have probably had a mental meltdown.Â
Funny, I just realized how I seem to save the best, of me at my worst, just for him.
And it took me a whole hour — I missed American Idol for f*ck’s sake — to clean up the mess by shaking each…and…every…piece…of…clothing…not to mention turning each and every sock…inside out…and having to vacuum out those tiny little styrofoam f*ckers from inside the washer was a bitch…let me tell you!
And I tried to hold my breath…because…well…I’d hate to think what would happen if I snorted any of those little f*ckers in.
BARK…BARK…BARK…BARK…BARK!!!
And that’s when the dog…saw a squirrel…and scared the bee-jeez-juice out of me and…
SNORT!
**cough**…And I swear…**cough**…it was like I was having a flashback or something…**snort**…and it was when I first conceived the idea that perhaps it’s not the housework…it will be the laundry that kills me…afterall!
Exhibit C — How I suck at laundry.
And it made me sick to think what I would have done without my…oh so beautiful…Dyson vacuum cleaner with a suck factor that totally rocks!!!
But wait…what’s that black sort of marking in the center there…say?
Oh man…if that don’t beat all…I think I killed my vacuum cleaner…and if you still don’t believe that the laundry has it out for me…then perhaps you’ll be just as suprised to learn that I woke up totally sick, spewing mucous, with tonsils the size of golf balls and looking like…**gulp**…that yesterday morning!
Coincidence?
I THINK NOT!
[Bonus Points — if you can guess what blew up in the laundry]Â
Comments
24 responses to “Yes, Housework Can Make You Ugly…But Did You Know That Doing Laundry Can Make You Sick And Feel Slightly Stupid, Too?”
My guess is some sort of coin…not totally sure though, because that doesn’t seem like it could blow up the laundry.
My guess is some sort of coin…not totally sure though, because that doesn’t seem like it could blow up the laundry.
My guess that it was one of those squishy pillow/stuffed animal things.
Ask me how I recognize that mess…..
Actually, never mind, don’t. 🙂
My guess that it was one of those squishy pillow/stuffed animal things.
Ask me how I recognize that mess…..
Actually, never mind, don’t. 🙂
I’m going with the mooshy pillow too! I can totally see one of these things ending up in the wash.
I’m going with the mooshy pillow too! I can totally see one of these things ending up in the wash.
Yep, a pillow. I would have laid down and cried!
Yep, a pillow. I would have laid down and cried!
mooshy stuffed animal, filled with styrafoam beads. Oh yeah, them’s the worst.
mooshy stuffed animal, filled with styrafoam beads. Oh yeah, them’s the worst.
I am dying from the suspense! Was it a pillow? A beloved-but-no-more stuffed animal? A package of styrofoam cups hidden in a jacket pocket? (Don’t ask – the man I’m married to has made any scenario possible in my home).
You must tell us! LOL
I am dying from the suspense! Was it a pillow? A beloved-but-no-more stuffed animal? A package of styrofoam cups hidden in a jacket pocket? (Don’t ask – the man I’m married to has made any scenario possible in my home).
You must tell us! LOL
The suspense is killing me! And I now have vacuum cleaner envy. 😉 I’m guessing one of those fancy pants eye pillow thingys. Oh, and my hubby smokes maybe twice a month and I swear I ALWAYS end up washing the cigs…it’s really annoying to pick out tobacco and cigarette bits out of the washer.
The suspense is killing me! And I now have vacuum cleaner envy. 😉 I’m guessing one of those fancy pants eye pillow thingys. Oh, and my hubby smokes maybe twice a month and I swear I ALWAYS end up washing the cigs…it’s really annoying to pick out tobacco and cigarette bits out of the washer.
I’m going to say one of those pillows that have the sqooshy stuff in it.
I’m going to say one of those pillows that have the sqooshy stuff in it.
Here’s another vote for the squooshy pillow. But at least you didn’t start removing the clothes from your washer only to discover that various bits and pieces (and chunks) of a *mouse* had been washed and sent whirling through the spin cycle, as I once had the extreme pleasure of experiencing.
Here’s another vote for the squooshy pillow. But at least you didn’t start removing the clothes from your washer only to discover that various bits and pieces (and chunks) of a *mouse* had been washed and sent whirling through the spin cycle, as I once had the extreme pleasure of experiencing.
Ok, ok, so WAS it a styrofoam filled pillow???
And, on my best day, if I looked as good as you surely do ever with golfball sized tonsils I’d be happy. Love the color of your hair. Yours or bottled?
And because you say you look bad in a picture better than the best picture taken of me since about grade 3, I hate you. Really.
Ok well not really but, I don’t feel so bad about your laundry hell.
Ok, ok, so WAS it a styrofoam filled pillow???
And, on my best day, if I looked as good as you surely do ever with golfball sized tonsils I’d be happy. Love the color of your hair. Yours or bottled?
And because you say you look bad in a picture better than the best picture taken of me since about grade 3, I hate you. Really.
Ok well not really but, I don’t feel so bad about your laundry hell.
Oh yeah, you are hideous, hideous I say!
LOL.
But I am curious too about what killed the washer and the vacuum.
Oh yeah, you are hideous, hideous I say!
LOL.
But I am curious too about what killed the washer and the vacuum.
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