I have a confession to make – ready? – here it goes:
I HATE GROCERY SHOPPING!!!
I’d much rather push an old-fashioned reel (no gas) lawn mower through a field of sticky balls than have to spend half the day in a supermarket.
Grocery shopping – besides doing laundry and prenatal/postpartum hemorrhoids – has to be the worst pains-in-the-ass there is.
For a mom (or, dad) food shopping sucks and anyone who tells you different is either lying, doesn’t have kids or just nucking futs!
Why?
When was the last time you went food shopping and – after two hours of standing, being bumped, poked and asked to move, having to excuse yourself, or reach things other people can’t and blowing more than two-thirds of your budget…on cereal, cleaning products, laundry detergent, toilet paper, pet food and water…alone – left the store feeling all warm and fuzzy…as if you could do it all over again!?!
But, you will – perhaps as soon as the next day – and if you are a mom (or, dad) well…BOOYAH!…people have nerve to wonder why we look so…you know…bitchy?
NOT today.
In fact – seeing as I was showered, dressed and wearing makeup before 9:00 a.m. – I was in a pretty good mood and looked …you know…sort of, good.
Got done in record time – an hour and a half – and unloaded my 112 items (as I later read on my receipt) onto the conveyor belt and I believe I was even…whistling…a little.
Until.
[snapping her gum]
“WOW…that’s a lot of food…what are you…feeding an army!?!”
[blink-blink]
“Um…yeah…I guess so…”
I don’t know about you…but, I have this small internal voice that typically tells me to, “Back off,” or, “Best keep quiet,” and “Why not quit while your ahead,” in these types of situations.
But, as my husband so fondly refers to…sooner or later…the crazy’s got come out!
[rolls eyes]
“Man…oh…man…look at all that Cheerios…you must like to eat a lot of Cheerios…huh!?!”
[does she NOT hear the warning bells?]
“Only when it’s on sale.”
[rolls eyes some more]
“And you’re buying…um…what is this called…
[leafs through flyer]
Oh…pomegranites…EWWW…I don’t think I’ve ever eaten one…who the hell eats pomegranites!?!”
[SNAP!]
“Ah, no…Babe…it’s not like that, at all…you see…my husband and I just use the juice…and we rub it all overselves at night…great for the libido!”
[blank stare]
“Uh…[snapping gum]…okay…what’s a libido!?!”
Morale of the story: There’s just no shocking some people…so, STOP TRYING…DAMMIT!
Anybody want a piece of my pomegranites!?!
Comments
18 responses to “Hump Day Diddy Dumbs: Pomegranites, it’s what’s for dinner!”
Nobody tells a story, with a real-life punchline no lees, like you Liz!
Nobody tells a story, with a real-life punchline no lees, like you Liz!
Nobody tells a story, with a real-life punchline no lees, like you Liz!
I hate lots of things worse than grocery shopping. We’ll start with cleaning. Then again, I end up running to the market way too often, and NEVER spend more than an hour there, tops. Today I was in and out in probably 10 minutes with my 12 items.
I hate lots of things worse than grocery shopping. We’ll start with cleaning. Then again, I end up running to the market way too often, and NEVER spend more than an hour there, tops. Today I was in and out in probably 10 minutes with my 12 items.
I hate lots of things worse than grocery shopping. We’ll start with cleaning. Then again, I end up running to the market way too often, and NEVER spend more than an hour there, tops. Today I was in and out in probably 10 minutes with my 12 items.
Rick – nice to hear from you, thanks!
My dearest Bluegrass Mama – YOU STINK!
Rick – nice to hear from you, thanks!
My dearest Bluegrass Mama – YOU STINK!
Rick – nice to hear from you, thanks!
My dearest Bluegrass Mama – YOU STINK!
You had me at libido. That’s hilarious!
I am constantly running to the grocery store for various random items. I hate it. One day I’ll get my act together.
You had me at libido. That’s hilarious!
I am constantly running to the grocery store for various random items. I hate it. One day I’ll get my act together.
You had me at libido. That’s hilarious!
I am constantly running to the grocery store for various random items. I hate it. One day I’ll get my act together.
I actually LIKE grocery shopping, and now hold onto your hat. TheWife LOVES going grocery shopping. So much so that she will typically make an afternoon of it. First Stop Shop-Rite for the normal and sale items, then on to Whole Foods for the Organics, Vegetables and Earth Friendly items.
Am I the only person in the world that remembers when Pomegranates were called “Chinese Apples”?
You are so much nicer a person than I am though. Because even though I like grocery shopping, I despise check-out (why don’t more stores offer self checkout?). Being in your situation, I probably would have said something along the lines of, “You make what… $7.00/hr? And I want your views on life, why?” Yeah, I can be crabby like that when I get annoyed.
I actually LIKE grocery shopping, and now hold onto your hat. TheWife LOVES going grocery shopping. So much so that she will typically make an afternoon of it. First Stop Shop-Rite for the normal and sale items, then on to Whole Foods for the Organics, Vegetables and Earth Friendly items.
Am I the only person in the world that remembers when Pomegranates were called “Chinese Apples”?
You are so much nicer a person than I am though. Because even though I like grocery shopping, I despise check-out (why don’t more stores offer self checkout?). Being in your situation, I probably would have said something along the lines of, “You make what… $7.00/hr? And I want your views on life, why?” Yeah, I can be crabby like that when I get annoyed.
I actually LIKE grocery shopping, and now hold onto your hat. TheWife LOVES going grocery shopping. So much so that she will typically make an afternoon of it. First Stop Shop-Rite for the normal and sale items, then on to Whole Foods for the Organics, Vegetables and Earth Friendly items.
Am I the only person in the world that remembers when Pomegranates were called “Chinese Apples”?
You are so much nicer a person than I am though. Because even though I like grocery shopping, I despise check-out (why don’t more stores offer self checkout?). Being in your situation, I probably would have said something along the lines of, “You make what… $7.00/hr? And I want your views on life, why?” Yeah, I can be crabby like that when I get annoyed.
I just put pomegranate’s on the shopping list. Awesome tip, thanks!
I just put pomegranate’s on the shopping list. Awesome tip, thanks!
I just put pomegranate’s on the shopping list. Awesome tip, thanks!