After 2-1/2 hours of labor — not to mention, enough time for me to
get the grocery shopping done — my husband helped give birth to my
son’s idea of the perfect brother, as his science recycle project, last
night.
"Ah, he’s adorable – what’s his name, honey?"
I quickly took a picture with my camera phone of – what I thought –
was the cutest little robot, I’d ever seen! But, you know, I could have
sworn I’d seen the look on my husband’s face, before.
"It’s…um…Gerard…uh…I mean, Melvin…no, wait…Spike…yeah, that’s it…his name is Spike Dude!"
Let’s see – face all swollen, red and looking a little blotchy – yep, I’ve definitely seen this look before.
"Oh, that’s a good name – for a robot, I mean – you and Daddy did a really great job, while I was gone!"
Oh, man.
"Yes, and…you…are…so…lucky…to…still…have a son!"
Apparently, judging by the way my husband was clenching his teeth, it wasn’t an easy delivery.
"Um…okay…but, it IS amazing, what you can do when you have a little time, patience and a glue gun, huh!?!"
Uh-oh.
"Um…okay…but, thanks for helping him…but, you
know I really wouldn’t have had the time to get the food shopping done,
tomorrow…and…uh…well, giving birth is a lot harder, actually!"
D’oh.
"Okay, already…he’s not the easiest kid to work
with, I know…but, you and I don’t work well in the kitchen,
either…and he IS a lot like you, you know!?!?"
Apparently, not – perhaps, giving birth would have been easier –
but, at least I know where NOT to touch a glue gun and that baby bots
do NOT have…um…what…they look like utters, for goodness
sake…growing on the top of its head!
"Do you like his brain – it is the best part and the easiest to make – because, it was your idea, Momma!"
On second thought, don’t worry, honey – welcome to the family, Spike
Dude – I’m sure that now, at least, you see it’s not always fun being
the mommy. But, I also understand your fascination with women’s breasts
and how, this time, it turned out to be a really good thing!
Next week – things you can do around the house by simply
using a pair of high heels, a stapler, some toothpaste and a woman’s
keen sense of proportion.