I have already confessed my obsession with cutting the grass and having been dubbed the resident Lawn Mower Mom,
but never, in my wildest dreams, did I ever imagine a more perfect day,
than the last two days, spent outdoors in the glorious sunshine and
warm weather that has long eluded us, until now.
So, I finished up early and ventured out to the backyard with Doofus
Dog and made sure he had a nice, shady place to sit under his favorite
tree.
What a sorry sight it was, indeed – typically, I would have had this
cleaned up and ready for planting by Mother’s Day – but, since I’ve
started working (semi-part-time) again, such demands on my time have
become a luxury. Still. My poor vegetable garden.
Lord love a duck, would you look at that – no wonder the kids fight me whenever I holler at them, "Go outside!"
– a person could catch a bad case of ticks, or lose a small child, in
there! Perhaps you’ll understand my reason for concern that I get this
darn grassed mowed, better, if I told you that my 5-year-old has a play
date, with two other 5-year olds, tomorrow, and…um…it was pretty
obvious to me that we were in desperate need of some serious lawn care.
No worries, Lawn Mower Mom – along with her trusty self-propelled rotary mower and total lawn care eye candy – was on the case!
For the love of Brad Pitt, nothing lights my fire, like shaving off
a few inches of overgrown grass and sweating a couple of pounds,
especially before swim suit season officially starts in…ACK!…like,
two weeks?…that’s a whole lot of cuttin’ I’d better be doin’, Lucy!
But, did you happen to notice the ginormous fence – all 400′ feet of
it – our neighbors put in, swearing it wasn’t because they, you know,
don’t like us, or nothing so un-neighborly as the noise of my running
over every thing that happens to be hiding in the tall grass, on our
side of the fence. Including plastic bags, half-filled with leaves and
twigs, from last fall?!?
Yes, the grass was that high and even Doofus-dog was
impressed by my mad lawn mower mommy skillz. Although, he did seem a
little confused as to where exactly it was that he should, you know, do
his business and barely recognized his favorite pooping ground.
Oh – there it is – never mind, he’s just a dumb Doofus-dog doing
what comes naturally and I’ve still got a you-know-what-load of mowing
to do, before the kids get home.
[blank stare]
Okay – even us super lawn mower mommy-types have our limits – that’s
enough, for today. It’s time I head back, clean up a bit and get ready
to spend the better part of the afternoon, waiting on one looooooong
line, after another, picking up my kids from school.
Besides, I’m about ready for a nice, tall cup of coffee and already
packed my travel mug and…look…even Doofus-dog is anxious to go
and…um…wait a minute…
…oh, the humanity…what a waste of good caffeine…the
agony…Lawn Mower Mom has lost her precious cup of after school
mojo…having been defeated once more…and by a big, old Doofus!
Here’s a lawn mowing tip for you:
Wear heavy-duty shoes with no-slip soles (I do NOT
recommend flip-flops) or, risk injuring yourself, while chasing a dumb
Doofus, or, falling down into a pile of doggy-doo and smelling like
fertilizer, or both, as the rest of the world, and their mommies, laugh
at your sorry grass-stained butt.
It shouldn’t happen to a dog!