My parents have very close friends – my father and Mr. T. grew up
together and escaped Hungary in the 50’s – who recently lost their dog,
unexpectedly. The kids and I were at a family function, yesterday and
happened to run into them – yes, really, I tripped over air and nearly
dropped a whole platter of chicken salad sandwiches – so, I took my
cousin’s advice, put the food down and struck up a conversation with
Mr. and Mrs. T.
They asked how our Doofus-dog was doing and after I finished telling
them all of the Doofus-type things he’s managed to do (and eat) they
seemed almost as surprised, as I was, to learn that he wasn’t dead, yet.
"If the chocolate doesn’t kill him, my husband will…he’s lucky to be alive, really…so, you looking for a dog?"
Mrs. T.’s teared up and she nearly dropped her cigarette.
"I mean…oh, Jeez…I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to make you sad."
I immediately changed the subject and asked if they knew of a good
doctor in the neighborhood, who could help surgically remove my size 9
foot from my even BIGGER mouth!
"Even though he IS such pinhead, Doofus is an important part of our family and I know how much you must miss Coco."
Personally, I hated the dog.
What?
Okay – so this is where, if I had a penis, I’d ask you to call me an
insensitive prick – but, it was one of those yip-yip-fru-fru-type high
maintenance little buggers that had more toys, grooming products and
hair appointments than, you know, my kids.
But, Mrs. T.’s children are grown now and ALL of her grandchildren
live out-of-state and I know how hard it is for her to get used to NOT
taking care of, well, something.
Yes, pets and children are very humanizing and we’ve been spending A LOT of time with my parents.
"I don’t want to go home!"
Nice.
"It’s fun staying at mama’s and papa’s house."
Real nice.
"Yes…I know…but, we haven’t seen daddy all weekend!"
I gave my husband a belated Father’s Day gift and – because he
hasn’t had a weekend to himself in, well, weeks – I told him that he
and Uncle Steve could go out for, you know, a daddy play date.
"So, how were the car races?"
Imagine my surprise to learn that he decided to stay home and build a rabbit fence for my vegetable garden, instead!
Yes, I hate rabbits, but – short of shooting my neighbor for
constantly feeding the little suckers – she doesn’t care for my pets
getting into her yard, either and I trust that the new fence will
certainly help keep the peace, at least.
But, then I saw the hole in my cat.
"Hon, come here…QUICK!"
It was an ugly, round and about the size of a large bee-bee.
"Look what the hell happened to Old Man?"
No, I don’t sit around and imagine my 98 year-old-neighbor shooting
my cat, but – it sure as hell looked like someone did – I had a hard
time trying NOT to believe it.
The vet at the emergency hospital, not so much.
"It looks more like a bite."
Nice.
"In fact, it’s not a new wound…it looks more like
an abscess…probably been festering for a while…see, how the tissue
around it is all dead."
Real nice.
"Are you sure?"
[eyes go wide]
"I mean, how didn’t we notice this?!?"
Yes, I was very upset.
"I mean…the poor old man…we’ve been taking really
good care of him, I swear…and it would be almost easier to take…if
I believe that it was one of our nutty neighbors!"
Even though she did laugh, the vet seemed to have a hard time understanding what the big deal was about.
"Do you have any children at home?"
[eyes go wide]
"Um…yes…they’re home…why?…I mean, we have 4
kids…but, they’re with a babysitter…I mean…my oldest daughter is
watching them…she’s 13…I mean…until Grandma and Grandpa get
there…uh…yes, they’re home.
I buried my face in my hands.
"No, sweetie, don’t get upset…all I meant
is…well, these things are sometimes very easy to miss… and you
already seem to have your hands full."
Yes, the vet was soooo right – I mean, she is a mom with 3
kids – but, what I failed to tell her is that my grandmother gave us
this cat and made me promise that I would take care of Old Man, before
she died!
Yes, he’s fine and – although, they did have to surgically remove a
rather large portion of his backside – he’s a tough old man! And
there’s nothing more humanizing than staying up most of the night, with
your pet, and having your children help take care of, well, in keeping
a promise.
Watching the cat walk into things and laughing our asses off, not so much.