[…exercising a vested interest in spawning fear since 1993]
Having been raised in a very superstitious household – where spilled
salt and broken mirrors were considered unfavorable signs of bad things
to come – and being a very clumsy child, I was a cause of deep concern
for my family and often times found myself the subject to one of my
grandmother’s homemade remedies, or lucky charms.
Did they work?
Depends on who you ask – especially, whenever things finally went
right – my grandmother swears it did and growing up, I was scared to
death that lightening would strike and somehow I would be blamed.
And then, it did – twice – and now, I’ve got both my husband and poor mother-in-law scared to death!
You see, she reads my blog – hi mom, how’s it hanging? – and my
husband is simply horrified by the fact that I might, you know, write
about something that his mother may NOT necessarily care to know, or
read about.
SNORT.
Like, she raised five children and has babysat ALL four of
our children on numerous occasions. I mean, my kids can’t wait to tell
grandma, "Our house almost burned down" and "The car almost broke," or,
"Guess what Mommy did?" and give me up…all…the…time.
Trust me, she knows.
"Are you recovered, yet?"
My husband got home from work and I had just finished chasing my
husband into the pool – he was in a terrible mood and needed to soak
his cranky butt, badly – when my mother-in-law called, as I was
finishing dinner.
"Um…from which thing?"
I mean, seriously.
"Oh, I’m sorry, the thing with the lightening, losing power and everything."
See, she knows.
"Oh, that…yeah, how weird was that?"
Silence.
"We want to come over and hear all about it – when would be a good time?"
Wait a minute.
"Uh…well, it’s almost seven…and we’re almost ready to have dinner…so, I guess in an hour?"
My in-laws almost NEVER do anything, without consulting their
calendar, or calling, well in advance and – since I am considering
changing my first name to, last minute – this was a most welcome and
refreshing change of events.
"We’ll be there in an hour-and-a-half, then."
Good, just enough time for me to fumigate the house (stupid cat) light some candles (stupid dog) and hide the laundry!
"How are you feeling, today?"
Okay, this time, my husband looked just as confused as, you know, I can get.
[shrugs]
"Fine…uh, mom…why?"
Uh-oh.
"Well, we heard what happened to you…and thought
we’d call and come right over…and wanted to see if you were, you
know, okay."
You smell something?
"No, I’m fine, lightening either hit the branch, or close enough to fry the circuits and cause it to lose power."
Because, judging by the way my mother-in-law was looking at me, I swear my hair’s on fire!
"By the way, how did you know?"
[shrugs]
"I read it on HER blog!"
[biting lower lip]
"I didn’t say…I mean…I DID say that he came
home…I guess it sounded, you know, a lot worse, huh?…I mean…did I
mention I made him Grape Nut Pudding!?!"
Morale of the story: be careful what you blog, it could get you
fired – or, scare your mother-in-law half to death and cause you to
burst into flames and wish you were hit by lightening, twice.
Lucky for me, technically, I don’t work and we’re not related.
Stupid blog!