My sister-in-law flew in from Arizona – and boy, are her arms…uh,
never mind – she’s moved into Casa de Mucho Hormonal, already and is
staying with us for while, anyway. So, in my infinite wisdom, I thought
it would be an absolutely fan-TAS-tic idea to surprise her parents
(a.k.a. the inlaws) on our way home from the farmer’s market.
"Atwhay ouldshay eway ingbray?"
Huh?
"Orfay essertday!?!"
Well, it finally happened – I thought – I’ve finally gone and lost
my mind and could NOT understand a word she was saying, or they’re just
plain talking crazy, in Arizona!
"DESSERT…what should we bring, for dessert!?!"
The last time I saw four children scatter, so fast, in opposite
directions, was…um…did I mention how much I hate taking kids food
shopping!?!
"There’s a reason why I didn’t want them to hear, oh and DUH!"
Okay, but I am a DORK and have never really been good at talking, or Pig Latin.
"How about a cherry pie…NO, I want blueberry…EW, that’s not desserty enough…let’s get something CHOCOLATE!?!?
Whatever, I don’t care!
[eyes go wide]
You see, growing up, dessert was never really a big deal in my house
– slap an Oreo cookie on my plate and I’m good – but, my mother-in-law
has dozens of family recipes, handed down by French-Irish ancestors,
none of which I have been able to duplicate, food wise, anyway – nope,
not even close, by the way – and her homemade chocolate cake (with
mocha butter cream icing) well, dessert nirvana, comes to mind!
Later, my sister-in-law gave my in-laws a call.
"Liz, the kids and I want to stop by for a cup of coffee; is that okay?!?"
Judging by her face – oh, and I’d recognize that eyerolling, anywhere – NOT so fan-TAS-tic.
"No, we haven’t eaten dinner, either…and we’re not staying long…but, who says you can’t have dessert first!?!"
Much later.
"Where do you want me to put this?"
My in-laws decided to come over, AFTER dinner, and she bought
cake….YAY!….and there was a little bit left….yay, ME!…so, I
asked her to put it in the microwave oven, of course – right next to
the bread and the leftover Dunkin Donuts – where it was less likely to
be eaten by a Doofus-Dog!
Much, much later.
"Shhh, Doofus-Dog – you want to wake the kids!?!? – if you shuddup, maybe I’ll even share some!"
I felt a little naughty, but – oh, well! – this pms we women speak
of, it IS such a turnoff, that – if not fed properly and often – can
cause even the nicest of mommies’ bitch switch to flip!
"What the?"
I yelped – the cats ran from the kitchen and even the dog sensed that someone was gonna DIE!
"There isn’t anymore left!"
I didn’t even notice my sister-in-law sitting at the kitchen table
and that sudden realization nearly induced a self-fulfilled prophecy. A
few more seconds passed and I was still clutching my chest and unable
to speak.
"I got my period this morning…and feel like crap…so, I took the last of the chocolate cake…and ate it!"
On the one hand, I thought…okay…but, on the other hand, I would’ve liked to have tasted at least SOME of the chocolate cake!
"I don’t see what the big deal is – you don’t even eat dessert!"
FLIP.
Morale of the story: They call it PMS, because Mad Cow Disease was already taken!
.
If anyone needs me, I’ll be upstairs getting in two more sleeps until I leave for Chicago, not to mention, praying I don’t get sick on the plane and packing my period pants, just in case!
My sister-in-law?
She’s grounded – until menopause, anyway – see ya!