Mommy the Frenemy Slayer

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Growing up, I didn't have a lot of friends.  Girls, I mean.  I guess it was around the time I entered the 2nd grade (my youngest girl's age) when I realized that little girls weren't very nice.

In fact, I quickly learned that some little girls could be very, very mean, too.

"Look she's got boobies!"

I'd like to believe that, like me, Buffy has since grown up, gotten over the fact that she felt the need to single me out, in front of the entire 3rd grade class, for wearing a pale lemon yellow body suit, without a training bra, but is raising her children with a little more common sense and compassion.

I doubt it, though.

Once bitten, twice shy.  Yep, that's me and — raising 3 girls of my own, I feel it safe to say — these days, I'm thinking of tapping into one of my veins and stocking up on some anti-venom.

Seriously.

As an adult, I know now, that — even though she had a much bigger house in the nicer part of town — Buffy had issues, just like me.  Still.  Personally, I believe that it's very difficult for parents NOT to translate their own childhood insecurities into raising their kids the same exact way. 

In other words, like mother, like daughter, like father, like son.

"Can I invite Tom and Jerry (not their real names) to my birthday party?"

Hope (formerly known as Mini-me) is turning 8 in June and my youngest daughter has already presented me with her guest list.

"Sure, why not?"

I mean, she only invited 3 other girls and knows that her mom (and dad) is all about hosting small and intimate little gatherings.

Especially, kids parties.

"I thought maybe it would be weird."

When she's 16…maybe…now, not so much.

"Most girls in my class invite all girls."

Uh-huh, still not seeing the weirdness.

"But, I like boys better."

Yep, like mother, like daughter.

"Didn't you used to like hanging out with Uncle Bud and his friends, too."

I may have mentioned it, once or twice.

"Yeah, but we were twins."

I mean, we still are and everything.

"Mama and Papa worked a lot and we really had no choice."

As any latch key kid would totally understand, I'm sure.

"I liked climbing trees better than playing with Barbies, I guess."

Hang on minute…

"Oh, and the girls in my class played silly games and talked about other girls."

…and just wait for it.

"Girls can be really mean, right mommy?"

UGH!

Downright bitches-in-training, if you asked me, but I'd hate to think that my 7-year-old daughter would appreciate my pointing out the fact that some of her classmates will grow up hating her for just, you know, being her.

Without, tapping into my inner-child…I mean.

"YAH, I know!"

Aaand, they grow up to be mommies.

"But, sometimes even mean girls don't mean to be, you know, mean."

Judging by the way my daughter's eyes started tearing, I was sad to realize she actually understood that.

"I try not to be mean, but it's hard being a good friend, sometimes."

I know, the pack runs deep and I don't ever remember my 10-year-old son coming home from school and telling me that one of his friends is pissed, because he didn't side with him against someone else and that they were, you know, "NOT TALKING TO HIM" at the moment.

"Well, a friend is someone who makes you feel good to be around her…or, him…no matter what."

With that, Hope (formerly known as Mini-me) threw her back pack at me and headed back towards the playground.

"Heeeeeey, I thought you wanted to go home?"

Without looking back, she ran straight to the monkey bars and decided to hang out with a few of her girl scout buddies, literally AND figuratively speaking, after all.

No, I don't really know what happened and, at this point in my life, I don't insist on getting to involved in my kids affairs…as much as I used to…I mean.

"So, did you hear that So-and-So had a boy sleepover at her 13-year-old daughter's party?"

[eyes go wide]

I thought the woman was going to have a heart attack — especially, when we both thought we saw the other mother walk into the room — but, that's a whole 'nother blog post.

"Yeah, actually I did, and my kid went to that party, too."

Like a wicked bite in the ass, these are the days of our lives and holy crap, but I'm really thirsty, all of a sudden!

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© 2009 This Full House – All Rights Reserved.

Comments

65 responses to “Mommy the Frenemy Slayer”

  1. Enzie Shahmiri Avatar

    LoL- that’s why I was a Tomboy growing up. I couldn’t deal with all the venom and refuse to today. Great post – brought back some memories!

  2. Enzie Shahmiri Avatar

    LoL- that’s why I was a Tomboy growing up. I couldn’t deal with all the venom and refuse to today. Great post – brought back some memories!

  3. Enzie Shahmiri Avatar

    LoL- that’s why I was a Tomboy growing up. I couldn’t deal with all the venom and refuse to today. Great post – brought back some memories!

  4. Enzie Shahmiri Avatar

    LoL- that’s why I was a Tomboy growing up. I couldn’t deal with all the venom and refuse to today. Great post – brought back some memories!

  5. Enzie Shahmiri Avatar

    LoL- that’s why I was a Tomboy growing up. I couldn’t deal with all the venom and refuse to today. Great post – brought back some memories!

  6. Headless Mom Avatar

    Yeah, girls suck. I’m so glad mine is grown now. I was really honest with her when she was younger about how those girl things work. The key was to get her to understand that even though it hurts now, in 10 years she won’t give a rats’ ass about that girl or her opinion.

  7. Headless Mom Avatar

    Yeah, girls suck. I’m so glad mine is grown now. I was really honest with her when she was younger about how those girl things work. The key was to get her to understand that even though it hurts now, in 10 years she won’t give a rats’ ass about that girl or her opinion.

  8. Headless Mom Avatar

    Yeah, girls suck. I’m so glad mine is grown now. I was really honest with her when she was younger about how those girl things work. The key was to get her to understand that even though it hurts now, in 10 years she won’t give a rats’ ass about that girl or her opinion.

  9. Headless Mom Avatar

    Yeah, girls suck. I’m so glad mine is grown now. I was really honest with her when she was younger about how those girl things work. The key was to get her to understand that even though it hurts now, in 10 years she won’t give a rats’ ass about that girl or her opinion.

  10. Headless Mom Avatar

    Yeah, girls suck. I’m so glad mine is grown now. I was really honest with her when she was younger about how those girl things work. The key was to get her to understand that even though it hurts now, in 10 years she won’t give a rats’ ass about that girl or her opinion.

  11. Musings form Me Avatar

    Boy sleepover at a girl’s birthday party??? Yes, please blog about this one.
    As for your younger daughter, the girl stuff is happening earlier. I have a 5th and 7th grade daughter. My 5th grader had drama in her class dating back to 3rd grade. It was the girls in her Brownie troop as well. I wanted her to join to get to know other girls better, but realized that there were several mean girls in the troop. She left at the end of 4th grade…her choice but I was relieved.
    Your daughter sounds like she hjas a good head on her shoulders. She has a good Mom, too!
    Jill

  12. Musings form Me Avatar

    Boy sleepover at a girl’s birthday party??? Yes, please blog about this one.
    As for your younger daughter, the girl stuff is happening earlier. I have a 5th and 7th grade daughter. My 5th grader had drama in her class dating back to 3rd grade. It was the girls in her Brownie troop as well. I wanted her to join to get to know other girls better, but realized that there were several mean girls in the troop. She left at the end of 4th grade…her choice but I was relieved.
    Your daughter sounds like she hjas a good head on her shoulders. She has a good Mom, too!
    Jill

  13. Musings form Me Avatar

    Boy sleepover at a girl’s birthday party??? Yes, please blog about this one.
    As for your younger daughter, the girl stuff is happening earlier. I have a 5th and 7th grade daughter. My 5th grader had drama in her class dating back to 3rd grade. It was the girls in her Brownie troop as well. I wanted her to join to get to know other girls better, but realized that there were several mean girls in the troop. She left at the end of 4th grade…her choice but I was relieved.
    Your daughter sounds like she hjas a good head on her shoulders. She has a good Mom, too!
    Jill

  14. Musings form Me Avatar

    Boy sleepover at a girl’s birthday party??? Yes, please blog about this one.
    As for your younger daughter, the girl stuff is happening earlier. I have a 5th and 7th grade daughter. My 5th grader had drama in her class dating back to 3rd grade. It was the girls in her Brownie troop as well. I wanted her to join to get to know other girls better, but realized that there were several mean girls in the troop. She left at the end of 4th grade…her choice but I was relieved.
    Your daughter sounds like she hjas a good head on her shoulders. She has a good Mom, too!
    Jill

  15. Musings form Me Avatar

    Boy sleepover at a girl’s birthday party??? Yes, please blog about this one.
    As for your younger daughter, the girl stuff is happening earlier. I have a 5th and 7th grade daughter. My 5th grader had drama in her class dating back to 3rd grade. It was the girls in her Brownie troop as well. I wanted her to join to get to know other girls better, but realized that there were several mean girls in the troop. She left at the end of 4th grade…her choice but I was relieved.
    Your daughter sounds like she hjas a good head on her shoulders. She has a good Mom, too!
    Jill

  16. This Full House Avatar

    Hi Jill!
    My youngest and middle girls are in girl scouts — oldest girl dropped out in 4th the grade for similar reasons as yours — and it’s really difficult to avoid “the pack” or cliques that naturally begin to form in large groups. Most of the girls in both troops attend dance and my two do not. Which, is okay by me, btw. It’s hard to see the same girls gravitate to each other, but normal I guess. Still. I would like to think that I’m raising my girls to be as well rounded as possible, including in their friendship choices. However, girl scouts should be fun and once that stops, well, no more girl scouts. Either way, I can’t help but feel that (as females) the girls and I are always walking this very fine line, as female friendships can be so complicated…some times…right?
    Hugs,
    Liz

  17. This Full House Avatar

    Hi Jill!
    My youngest and middle girls are in girl scouts — oldest girl dropped out in 4th the grade for similar reasons as yours — and it’s really difficult to avoid “the pack” or cliques that naturally begin to form in large groups. Most of the girls in both troops attend dance and my two do not. Which, is okay by me, btw. It’s hard to see the same girls gravitate to each other, but normal I guess. Still. I would like to think that I’m raising my girls to be as well rounded as possible, including in their friendship choices. However, girl scouts should be fun and once that stops, well, no more girl scouts. Either way, I can’t help but feel that (as females) the girls and I are always walking this very fine line, as female friendships can be so complicated…some times…right?
    Hugs,
    Liz

  18. This Full House Avatar

    Hi Jill!
    My youngest and middle girls are in girl scouts — oldest girl dropped out in 4th the grade for similar reasons as yours — and it’s really difficult to avoid “the pack” or cliques that naturally begin to form in large groups. Most of the girls in both troops attend dance and my two do not. Which, is okay by me, btw. It’s hard to see the same girls gravitate to each other, but normal I guess. Still. I would like to think that I’m raising my girls to be as well rounded as possible, including in their friendship choices. However, girl scouts should be fun and once that stops, well, no more girl scouts. Either way, I can’t help but feel that (as females) the girls and I are always walking this very fine line, as female friendships can be so complicated…some times…right?
    Hugs,
    Liz

  19. This Full House Avatar

    Hi Jill!
    My youngest and middle girls are in girl scouts — oldest girl dropped out in 4th the grade for similar reasons as yours — and it’s really difficult to avoid “the pack” or cliques that naturally begin to form in large groups. Most of the girls in both troops attend dance and my two do not. Which, is okay by me, btw. It’s hard to see the same girls gravitate to each other, but normal I guess. Still. I would like to think that I’m raising my girls to be as well rounded as possible, including in their friendship choices. However, girl scouts should be fun and once that stops, well, no more girl scouts. Either way, I can’t help but feel that (as females) the girls and I are always walking this very fine line, as female friendships can be so complicated…some times…right?
    Hugs,
    Liz

  20. This Full House Avatar

    Hi Jill!
    My youngest and middle girls are in girl scouts — oldest girl dropped out in 4th the grade for similar reasons as yours — and it’s really difficult to avoid “the pack” or cliques that naturally begin to form in large groups. Most of the girls in both troops attend dance and my two do not. Which, is okay by me, btw. It’s hard to see the same girls gravitate to each other, but normal I guess. Still. I would like to think that I’m raising my girls to be as well rounded as possible, including in their friendship choices. However, girl scouts should be fun and once that stops, well, no more girl scouts. Either way, I can’t help but feel that (as females) the girls and I are always walking this very fine line, as female friendships can be so complicated…some times…right?
    Hugs,
    Liz

  21. This Full House Avatar

    Headless Mom,
    You said, “in 10 years she won’t give a rats’ ass about that girl or her opinion,” and DAYUM but I miss the most simplest explanations, sometime. Thank you for that. So using it, next time…because, there will ALWAYS be a next time, right?
    Hugs,
    Liz

  22. This Full House Avatar

    Headless Mom,
    You said, “in 10 years she won’t give a rats’ ass about that girl or her opinion,” and DAYUM but I miss the most simplest explanations, sometime. Thank you for that. So using it, next time…because, there will ALWAYS be a next time, right?
    Hugs,
    Liz

  23. This Full House Avatar

    Headless Mom,
    You said, “in 10 years she won’t give a rats’ ass about that girl or her opinion,” and DAYUM but I miss the most simplest explanations, sometime. Thank you for that. So using it, next time…because, there will ALWAYS be a next time, right?
    Hugs,
    Liz

  24. This Full House Avatar

    Headless Mom,
    You said, “in 10 years she won’t give a rats’ ass about that girl or her opinion,” and DAYUM but I miss the most simplest explanations, sometime. Thank you for that. So using it, next time…because, there will ALWAYS be a next time, right?
    Hugs,
    Liz

  25. This Full House Avatar

    Headless Mom,
    You said, “in 10 years she won’t give a rats’ ass about that girl or her opinion,” and DAYUM but I miss the most simplest explanations, sometime. Thank you for that. So using it, next time…because, there will ALWAYS be a next time, right?
    Hugs,
    Liz

  26. julie@coolmomguide.com Avatar

    You had me at Buffy…I’m looking forward to that whole other blog post, that boy must be the most popular kid at school right now lmao!

  27. julie@coolmomguide.com Avatar

    You had me at Buffy…I’m looking forward to that whole other blog post, that boy must be the most popular kid at school right now lmao!

  28. julie@coolmomguide.com Avatar

    You had me at Buffy…I’m looking forward to that whole other blog post, that boy must be the most popular kid at school right now lmao!

  29. julie@coolmomguide.com Avatar

    You had me at Buffy…I’m looking forward to that whole other blog post, that boy must be the most popular kid at school right now lmao!

  30. julie@coolmomguide.com Avatar

    You had me at Buffy…I’m looking forward to that whole other blog post, that boy must be the most popular kid at school right now lmao!

  31. This Full House Avatar

    Hey Jules…oh, if you only knew the real story…phew…gonna need a mega-sized coffee from 7-Eleven to prepare for what will probably turn out to be a very caffeinated blog post, though 😉
    Hugs,
    Liz

  32. This Full House Avatar

    Hey Jules…oh, if you only knew the real story…phew…gonna need a mega-sized coffee from 7-Eleven to prepare for what will probably turn out to be a very caffeinated blog post, though 😉
    Hugs,
    Liz

  33. This Full House Avatar

    Hey Jules…oh, if you only knew the real story…phew…gonna need a mega-sized coffee from 7-Eleven to prepare for what will probably turn out to be a very caffeinated blog post, though 😉
    Hugs,
    Liz

  34. This Full House Avatar

    Hey Jules…oh, if you only knew the real story…phew…gonna need a mega-sized coffee from 7-Eleven to prepare for what will probably turn out to be a very caffeinated blog post, though 😉
    Hugs,
    Liz

  35. This Full House Avatar

    Hey Jules…oh, if you only knew the real story…phew…gonna need a mega-sized coffee from 7-Eleven to prepare for what will probably turn out to be a very caffeinated blog post, though 😉
    Hugs,
    Liz

  36. cartoongoddess Avatar

    Similar dramas in first grade. FIRST. Ugh.

  37. cartoongoddess Avatar

    Similar dramas in first grade. FIRST. Ugh.

  38. cartoongoddess Avatar

    Similar dramas in first grade. FIRST. Ugh.

  39. cartoongoddess Avatar

    Similar dramas in first grade. FIRST. Ugh.

  40. cartoongoddess Avatar

    Similar dramas in first grade. FIRST. Ugh.

  41. Shannon Avatar

    In three weeks, I’ll have four daughters to worry about this stuff with! Girls can definitely be mean. I wish it weren’t true, but it is. Ugh.

  42. Shannon Avatar

    In three weeks, I’ll have four daughters to worry about this stuff with! Girls can definitely be mean. I wish it weren’t true, but it is. Ugh.

  43. Shannon Avatar

    In three weeks, I’ll have four daughters to worry about this stuff with! Girls can definitely be mean. I wish it weren’t true, but it is. Ugh.

  44. Shannon Avatar

    In three weeks, I’ll have four daughters to worry about this stuff with! Girls can definitely be mean. I wish it weren’t true, but it is. Ugh.

  45. Shannon Avatar

    In three weeks, I’ll have four daughters to worry about this stuff with! Girls can definitely be mean. I wish it weren’t true, but it is. Ugh.

  46. Lisse Avatar

    I’m 42 years old and I’ve been married for 17 years. Most of my friends are still guys. The mena girls from middle school generally grow up to be the competimommies best to be avoided.

  47. Lisse Avatar

    I’m 42 years old and I’ve been married for 17 years. Most of my friends are still guys. The mena girls from middle school generally grow up to be the competimommies best to be avoided.

  48. Lisse Avatar

    I’m 42 years old and I’ve been married for 17 years. Most of my friends are still guys. The mena girls from middle school generally grow up to be the competimommies best to be avoided.

  49. Lisse Avatar

    I’m 42 years old and I’ve been married for 17 years. Most of my friends are still guys. The mena girls from middle school generally grow up to be the competimommies best to be avoided.

  50. Lisse Avatar

    I’m 42 years old and I’ve been married for 17 years. Most of my friends are still guys. The mena girls from middle school generally grow up to be the competimommies best to be avoided.

  51. Lisse Avatar

    That would be “mean girls from middle school”

  52. Lisse Avatar

    That would be “mean girls from middle school”

  53. Lisse Avatar

    That would be “mean girls from middle school”

  54. Lisse Avatar

    That would be “mean girls from middle school”

  55. Lisse Avatar

    That would be “mean girls from middle school”

  56. Daisy OK Avatar

    Mean girls still exist, more’s the pity. Give your little one the anti-venom; she’ll use it well.

  57. Daisy OK Avatar

    Mean girls still exist, more’s the pity. Give your little one the anti-venom; she’ll use it well.

  58. Daisy OK Avatar

    Mean girls still exist, more’s the pity. Give your little one the anti-venom; she’ll use it well.

  59. Daisy OK Avatar

    Mean girls still exist, more’s the pity. Give your little one the anti-venom; she’ll use it well.

  60. Daisy OK Avatar

    Mean girls still exist, more’s the pity. Give your little one the anti-venom; she’ll use it well.

  61. This Full House Avatar

    Hey Daisy,
    Nice to meet you — I may just have to bottle some anti-mean-girl-venom. Wait until my son starts dating…EW!
    Liz

  62. This Full House Avatar

    Hey Daisy,
    Nice to meet you — I may just have to bottle some anti-mean-girl-venom. Wait until my son starts dating…EW!
    Liz

  63. This Full House Avatar

    Hey Daisy,
    Nice to meet you — I may just have to bottle some anti-mean-girl-venom. Wait until my son starts dating…EW!
    Liz

  64. This Full House Avatar

    Hey Daisy,
    Nice to meet you — I may just have to bottle some anti-mean-girl-venom. Wait until my son starts dating…EW!
    Liz

  65. This Full House Avatar

    Hey Daisy,
    Nice to meet you — I may just have to bottle some anti-mean-girl-venom. Wait until my son starts dating…EW!
    Liz