My husband, Garth (not his real name) and I had a pretty big argument, the other night (I know, act surprised anyway) and seeing as tomorrow's Valentine's Day just makes the fact that …you know…I started it, not to mention that it was about really stupid stuff, just increases the suckage factor.
Even after I tried to make amends, by initiating conversation, he still would NOT talk to me.
"The kids are in bed."
[silence]
Not only is silence deafening, it hurts.
Everyone.
Seriously, my parents would go days without talking to each other and…oh man…how it hurt to have to watch.
"Wanna join me on the couch?"
Reluctantly, Garth (not his real name) turned out the light in the playroom, kicked the dog (Doofus got into the garbage again and deserved it) wrapped a blanket around his shoulders and her-rump-fuhed onto the couch.
"Her-rump-fuh!"
[silence]
You see, I screwed up (I know, act surprised anyway) rather than admit that I have stretched myself to the absolute limits…ahhh-ghennn…I yelled at Garth (not his real name) for falling asleep in his chair, without asking.
"I mean, how high DOES the bill pile have to get?"
Because, I gave up "doing the bills" about, like, 2 kids ago.
"I need a little help, here."
No big deal, right…um…but, what if I told you that I then yelled at him, for being tired?
"Mustbenicethatyoucomehomeandjustsitdown!"
Yeah, I made him feel like crap, all in one breath.
"Aren't you coming?"
Make no mistake, I am married to no wimp, it's just that Garth (not his real name) has the patience of a saint and — seeing as he's married, to me, with 4 kids — sometimes, he forgets that he's living with a woman who's absolutely nucking futz.
"Come here and let Mommy rub your feet."
Nah, I didn't really say that. Just checking to see if you're still with me and, if you are, I heart you very, very much. But, not as much as love my husband.
The way he makes coffee and how sexy he looks, doing it, without feeling threatened, or less manly, using a French press.
The way he makes the kids their lunches, so I can sleep in an extra few minutes, every morning.
The way he makes me laugh, with that silly grin of his, whenever I catch him watching me, every time I bend over to pick up a piece of schmutz on the floor or shake while draining the pasta.
The way he makes me want to get him mad, just so that we can have mean and angry sex later, after the kids go to bed, of course.
[grin]
What?
I've been married to the man for 18 years….I know when to shuddup…buh-leeve-you-me!
Which reminds me, here's a little something that Garth (not his real name) and I saw, while not talking to each other, that made us smile and silently wish for the days when, you know, we used our lips for stuff other than yelling at each other and…not to mention…used to have lots more hair.
Happy Valentine's Day, everyone — If anyone needs me, I'll be on the couch…with Garth (not his real name)…fast asleep.
© 2008 This Full House – All Rights Reserved.
Comments
40 responses to “My Marriage Is A Bad Hallmark Card Moment , Just Waiting To Happen, Sort Of”
I LOVE it! (My spritz is long retired but long live the music.)
Happy Valentine’s Day to you and Garth! Smooch!
I LOVE it! (My spritz is long retired but long live the music.)
Happy Valentine’s Day to you and Garth! Smooch!
I LOVE it! (My spritz is long retired but long live the music.)
Happy Valentine’s Day to you and Garth! Smooch!
I LOVE it! (My spritz is long retired but long live the music.)
Happy Valentine’s Day to you and Garth! Smooch!
I LOVE it! (My spritz is long retired but long live the music.)
Happy Valentine’s Day to you and Garth! Smooch!
Happy V-day to you and Garth too! (I hope he’ll read this post!)
I LOVE that commercial and nearly bought the card this morning for my hubby of 22 years (got married when I was in kindergarten. 🙂 Something like that.), but settled on something with less music and more meaningful words this time.
Have a great weekend!
Happy V-day to you and Garth too! (I hope he’ll read this post!)
I LOVE that commercial and nearly bought the card this morning for my hubby of 22 years (got married when I was in kindergarten. 🙂 Something like that.), but settled on something with less music and more meaningful words this time.
Have a great weekend!
Happy V-day to you and Garth too! (I hope he’ll read this post!)
I LOVE that commercial and nearly bought the card this morning for my hubby of 22 years (got married when I was in kindergarten. 🙂 Something like that.), but settled on something with less music and more meaningful words this time.
Have a great weekend!
Happy V-day to you and Garth too! (I hope he’ll read this post!)
I LOVE that commercial and nearly bought the card this morning for my hubby of 22 years (got married when I was in kindergarten. 🙂 Something like that.), but settled on something with less music and more meaningful words this time.
Have a great weekend!
Happy V-day to you and Garth too! (I hope he’ll read this post!)
I LOVE that commercial and nearly bought the card this morning for my hubby of 22 years (got married when I was in kindergarten. 🙂 Something like that.), but settled on something with less music and more meaningful words this time.
Have a great weekend!
Happy hearts day to you and Garth! I just hope you make up in time for Valentines day. I guess your Valentines will be more special this year. Wish you all the best.
Happy hearts day to you and Garth! I just hope you make up in time for Valentines day. I guess your Valentines will be more special this year. Wish you all the best.
Happy hearts day to you and Garth! I just hope you make up in time for Valentines day. I guess your Valentines will be more special this year. Wish you all the best.
Happy hearts day to you and Garth! I just hope you make up in time for Valentines day. I guess your Valentines will be more special this year. Wish you all the best.
Happy hearts day to you and Garth! I just hope you make up in time for Valentines day. I guess your Valentines will be more special this year. Wish you all the best.
Thanks for sharing!
Thanks for sharing!
Thanks for sharing!
Thanks for sharing!
Thanks for sharing!
LOL. I can’t help but to laugh. Happy Valentine’s Day!
LOL. I can’t help but to laugh. Happy Valentine’s Day!
LOL. I can’t help but to laugh. Happy Valentine’s Day!
LOL. I can’t help but to laugh. Happy Valentine’s Day!
LOL. I can’t help but to laugh. Happy Valentine’s Day!
Ahhhh, sweets. You and I could both write Hallmark cards about our marriages to Garth and Mr. Lord of the Gourds (not their real names).
Too funny!
Ahhhh, sweets. You and I could both write Hallmark cards about our marriages to Garth and Mr. Lord of the Gourds (not their real names).
Too funny!
Ahhhh, sweets. You and I could both write Hallmark cards about our marriages to Garth and Mr. Lord of the Gourds (not their real names).
Too funny!
Ahhhh, sweets. You and I could both write Hallmark cards about our marriages to Garth and Mr. Lord of the Gourds (not their real names).
Too funny!
Ahhhh, sweets. You and I could both write Hallmark cards about our marriages to Garth and Mr. Lord of the Gourds (not their real names).
Too funny!
He makes the cawfee? He packs the kids lunches? WOW! He’s good!
Petman gave me rose this year, but it was dead. He forgot that they need water. (I swear, I think he does dumb stuff on purpose to give me more sketchbook filler.)
A belated Happy Valentines Day to you and Garth!
He makes the cawfee? He packs the kids lunches? WOW! He’s good!
Petman gave me rose this year, but it was dead. He forgot that they need water. (I swear, I think he does dumb stuff on purpose to give me more sketchbook filler.)
A belated Happy Valentines Day to you and Garth!
He makes the cawfee? He packs the kids lunches? WOW! He’s good!
Petman gave me rose this year, but it was dead. He forgot that they need water. (I swear, I think he does dumb stuff on purpose to give me more sketchbook filler.)
A belated Happy Valentines Day to you and Garth!
He makes the cawfee? He packs the kids lunches? WOW! He’s good!
Petman gave me rose this year, but it was dead. He forgot that they need water. (I swear, I think he does dumb stuff on purpose to give me more sketchbook filler.)
A belated Happy Valentines Day to you and Garth!
He makes the cawfee? He packs the kids lunches? WOW! He’s good!
Petman gave me rose this year, but it was dead. He forgot that they need water. (I swear, I think he does dumb stuff on purpose to give me more sketchbook filler.)
A belated Happy Valentines Day to you and Garth!
Hi MiaHysteria,
That’s okay, me either, it’s either laugh or cry, right? Personally, if given the choice, I’d rather shoot Diet Coke through my nose!
Liz
Hi MiaHysteria,
That’s okay, me either, it’s either laugh or cry, right? Personally, if given the choice, I’d rather shoot Diet Coke through my nose!
Liz
Hi MiaHysteria,
That’s okay, me either, it’s either laugh or cry, right? Personally, if given the choice, I’d rather shoot Diet Coke through my nose!
Liz
Hi MiaHysteria,
That’s okay, me either, it’s either laugh or cry, right? Personally, if given the choice, I’d rather shoot Diet Coke through my nose!
Liz
Hi MiaHysteria,
That’s okay, me either, it’s either laugh or cry, right? Personally, if given the choice, I’d rather shoot Diet Coke through my nose!
Liz