Every year, Garth (not his real name) and I look forward to that weekend in October – you know, when soccer games are finally over and Garth (not his real name) isn’t working – and head over to our favorite pumpkin patch and spend the next 90 minutes choosing the perfect "Jack," oh…what fun it is to ride in a one horse…wait, that’s not right.
[takes deep breath]
Sorry, after raising 4 kids and having grown used to missing all sorts of deadlines, I kind of started losing track of the holidays.
So, without further adieu, 13 ways to de-constructing a pumpkin…without losing your mind:
1. First, you cut off the top of its head with a carving knife – not worrying, too much, about forgetting the stupid camera, while picking – and taking into consideration that specialized carving kits are for wussies (read: yeah, forgot that too!) and just keep the kids in a separate room, while doing this!
2. Let the "oldest" one of your carving party go first – seeing as the 13-year-old decided she had, you know, better things to do – and because I SAID SO, DAMNIT!
3. Followed by, whoever SCREAMS the loudest.
4. TWICE, because…you know…she’s loud!
5. Have plenty of smaller – not to mention, a lot less messy – pumpkins, or projects around…because, all you want is quiet, DAMNIT!
6. To keep them away from the Gameboy stimulated and out of your hair you in the holiday spirit and just GET OVER it, already…because, there is NO way you’re getting a brother outta me, DAMMIT.
7. And LET them use their hands…for sanity’s sake…the grosser, the better!
8. Because, it eventually ALL comes out in the…oh, my…Daddy, look…is that the puke bucket Mommy’s using…GOSH!?!?!
9. Got news for you, kids…it’s best to keep Daddy out of this…because, Mommy works better this way and he ain’t looking!
10. And for the love of Christmas, yet to come, don’t forget to keep your pets from underfoot, or risk colliding head on with gravity…STUPID dog.
11. Remember, if mommy’s happy…then, EVERYONE is happy!
12. Even in the dark, that’s a pretty-good-looking pumpkin.
13. Before the bugs got him…that is…STUPID pumpkin!
Hope this helps. Happy Holidays, everyone. The best we can hope for is to survive the next couple of weeks…with, at least, our dignities intact…oh, and try not to lose your heads… m’kay!?!?
Comments
20 responses to “Thursday Thirteen #2: 13 Ways To Deconstructing A Pumpkin”
What do you do when the pumpkin turns into a squished-in rotting pile after it’s been outside for three weeks? Just ignore it. Eventually it will freeze and roll behind the bushes.
What do you do when the pumpkin turns into a squished-in rotting pile after it’s been outside for three weeks? Just ignore it. Eventually it will freeze and roll behind the bushes.
What do you do when the pumpkin turns into a squished-in rotting pile after it’s been outside for three weeks? Just ignore it. Eventually it will freeze and roll behind the bushes.
What do you do when the pumpkin turns into a squished-in rotting pile after it’s been outside for three weeks? Just ignore it. Eventually it will freeze and roll behind the bushes.
How fun! Great list! Happy TT!
How fun! Great list! Happy TT!
How fun! Great list! Happy TT!
How fun! Great list! Happy TT!
Woohoo! Sounds like a fun time, Mom! Don’t ya just love the holidays with hatchlings? *grin* Good luck in the coming months!
Happy TT!
Woohoo! Sounds like a fun time, Mom! Don’t ya just love the holidays with hatchlings? *grin* Good luck in the coming months!
Happy TT!
Woohoo! Sounds like a fun time, Mom! Don’t ya just love the holidays with hatchlings? *grin* Good luck in the coming months!
Happy TT!
Woohoo! Sounds like a fun time, Mom! Don’t ya just love the holidays with hatchlings? *grin* Good luck in the coming months!
Happy TT!
That is a nice looking pumpkin. Although I like the plastic ones that don’t attract the flies.
That is a nice looking pumpkin. Although I like the plastic ones that don’t attract the flies.
That is a nice looking pumpkin. Although I like the plastic ones that don’t attract the flies.
That is a nice looking pumpkin. Although I like the plastic ones that don’t attract the flies.
Hahahaha. Nice pumpkin, and very nice post! Love your style.
Hahahaha. Nice pumpkin, and very nice post! Love your style.
Hahahaha. Nice pumpkin, and very nice post! Love your style.
Hahahaha. Nice pumpkin, and very nice post! Love your style.