[…Part I, and the story continues]
Seriously, I thought I was going to puke – and my husband looked much worse, by the way – but, I continued to tell Garth (not his real name) about the teenage delinquent (because you’re right, no one is good enough) and how he had the nerve to hit on my 13-year-old daughter, our baby girl, right in front of me, her mother…HELLO…I’m standing right next to her…you stupid teenage boy…and with a hicky on his neck THIS BIG!
"Hiya doin’?"
Poor Thing One, she jumped and nearly spit her gum out onto the counter.
"Haven’t I seen you someplace?"
Oh my heavenly, doG, he has GOT to be kidding me!
[shrugs shoulders]
That’s right, baby – pretend like you don’t care – it should never be that easy, EVUH!
.
[rings up notebooks]
"So, gettin’ ready for school?"
No, DUH – I’m sorry, but can I just tell you? You don’t know how difficult it was for me NOT to say that out loud! My face, on the other hand.
[rolls eyes]
I was like, oh how cute (this was before I noticed the hicky, of course) but, you’re going to have to do a LOT better than that, if you want to be impressing my baby girl. I taught her better than that, boy-oh!
"Well…um…[gag]…yah!"
See?
[nods head]
"Freshman?"
Okay, now hold on.
[cracks knuckles and strikes defensive pose]
You’re right – she’s still too young to be having this type of conversation – but,not five minutes ago, we had a very heated discussion about why I thought the eyeliner and dark lipstick she was wearing was fine for dress ups.
[the sound of crickets chirping]
.
Yes, Thing One and Thing Two (she’s 11) still like to pretend – only now it’s with mommy’s make up, skirts, high heels and, you know, stuff I just don’t seem to get to wear much, anymore – and it was all I could do, to keep from pulling over to the side of the road, tear into the box of tissues and wipe about 3 years off her face!
"I don’t get it…Moooooom…why does it matter what I wear and what do ya’ mean in school, it’s different…I thought you liked us to be, you know, NOT like everyone else!?!"
OUCH!…did you see that?…I think some sort of rabid parenting advice just bit me in the butt!!
"Yes, but…I mean…NO…uh…here’s the thing…I just want you to be aware, that…you know…people are going to notice you."
I mean, Thing One has always been my quiet little thinker – you know, content with staying home and writing poems, or poking her nose in a book and discussing world peace with her mother – and never would have I considered her attracting anyone’s attention…especially, in school…to be so important, all of a sudden, I don’t know.
I guess, I just wasn’t ready.
"Uh, no…8th GRADE!"
Later, I was annoyed that the boy didn’t seem bothered, or even cared to acknowledge the fact that I just may be the chicks MUH-THUH, and looked right passed me, but thought that the teenage delinquent DID look a little scared and it may have been my answering his question, through tightly clenched teeth.
[rings up mousse]
And I was having a really bad hair day, too!
[looks over cash register and smiles brightly]
"Aaaaand…what time does the middle school get out?"
…to be continued