About Last Night, How Teachers Fear Me and Other More Amazingly-weird Stories!

My husband and I had a fight, last night and it wasn’t bad or anything in particular – mainly about “bullshit” as a friend and fellow mom-who’s-been-there-done-that, later agreed – but, I left the house and considered attending the first (of three) back-to-school night a joyful escape.

Yes, I guess it was bad.

To think leaning against the wall of the “all-purpose room” (used for…you know…all things) of Little Man and Mini-Me’s school in a standing-room only crowd of people – not to mention having a really bad back and still crying, a little -as anything more favorable than torture…it’s just plain weird, don’t you think?

Wait, it’s about to get weirder.

After the second session of meet-the-teacher, I lingered a bit and waited to speak with Little Man’s (Mrs. Gives-a-shit-load of Homework) about his obsession with…well…anything that can effectively be utilized as a weapon.

The more damage it inflicts, the deeper his fascination.

She didn’t think it was a big deal – I, however, felt otherwise when I found a cut-out bear that his class was supposed to color and describe what makes them unique – although, my son’s “Sniper Bear” never did make it up on the wall.  Not until he and I had a…very…long…talk…about how much his bear (complete with dark, angry eyebrows and an ammo vest) did NOT look like his Uncle Bud and what the word “sniper” actually means.

[pointing at wall]

“See, there’s “Sarge” and he’s looking very proud to be an “Army Bear!”

[rolling eyes and grabbing chest]

“Phew…it’s just that…well, I’m glad I found it in his folder…and I asked him about it…and I just didn’t want you think…you know…that I didn’t notice…or, that I’m okay with all the guns…tanks…missiles…heat-seeking…or, otherwise…and…well, hell…we don’t even own a gun…thankfully…for my husband’s sake…otherwise…he’d be dead…right about now!”

[eyes go wide]

“Oh, hello Mr. Elementary Principal, are we the last ones in the building?”

And I turned…very slowly…and follow her eyes…right to the shocked-look on Mr. Elementary School Principal…well…I had to say something.

“Um…well…we had a fire the other day…and our dishwasher blew-up…and now my husband’s pissed because I bought sheets and pillows…to go with our new bed…because…well, after four kids…and all…um…let me tell you about how really bad…my back can get!?!”

Amazingly enough, he listened and – although, most probably out of fear – and I can only hope that my husband does the same…some time today…and doesn’t think I’m such a shit…by nightfall.

Weird, perhaps…but, not a shit!

Did I mention my new bed is “da bomb!” and really, really comfortable!

[P.S. – please join me here for Picture-Perfect Thursday…in bed!]