Don’t Cha Wish Your Mom Was A Freak, Like Me — Don’t Cha, Baby!?!

No, it wasn’t romantic – nor, was it anywhere near as magical as one might imagine a weekend getaway to be – but, I couldn’t have planned a more rejuvenating two days, if I’d tried.

So, I didn’t.

My husband was scheduled to work on Saturday, then helped his sister move rather large pieces of furniture that would take at least four trips and most of the weekend to complete and then…who knows…perhaps we could wave to one another, as we exchanged glances at each other…from the driveway.

I was a bit frazzled, wickedly whipped from the week and (quite frankly) feeling more than a little sorry for myself.

So, after Little Man’s baseball game, I packed up the kids, made everyone make a quick potty stop, threw a couple of juice boxes in the minivan and headed to one of my favorite places — where rest and relaxation are synomous with kindness and simple courtesies such as asking me questions like:

• Can I get you something to drink?
• What would you like to eat?
• How can we make it better, for you?

A quiet haven filled with good smells, not nearly as much street noise, more than a dozen types of flavored teas and plenty of toilet paper.

And I didn’t even need a reservation…just a little rejuvenation…and called ahead to say:

“Break out the Aerobeds…we’re a’comin!”

And as I pulled in with three out of four of my kids…asleep…I thought to myself:

“I’m home…let the magic, begin!”

And as I carried Mini-Me with one arm, and dragged Little Man with the other (clenched firmly under his left pit), my father greeted us at the screen door.

“Holy sh*t, Hon…it’s an invasion…quick, lock the doors…SORRY, NOBODY’S HOME!”

Very freakin’ funny.

“Oh, stop it…let my beautiful babies in, already…don’t listen to him…come on in, Sweetie…and hey, look…you were kind enough to bring some sunshine with you!”

And I swear — as she pointed over my left shoulder while the sun was breaking through the clouds in heavenly ribbons of soft muted light — my Mother could calm the most troubled of nervous conditions.

Even Mini-Me was feeling…a bit out of sorts.

And I…my friends…was a basket case.

It took all of five minutes – and a whiff of my Mother’s freshly-baked Babka – for me to spill my guts like a cheap horror flick!

What a freakin’ mess – one thing lead to another, and somewhere in between ranting about not being able to sleep at night and tired of having to deal with school bullies:

“Who wants to take a walk to the lake?”

Huh?

“I heard there’ve been a couple of turtle sightings!”

Sniff-rubbing eyes-sniff.

“Um…okay.”

I followed behind — because the kids all wanted to drive with Mama and Papa, and…well, could you blame ’em? — parked next to the handicapped spaces and just in front of the shuffle board…um…boards…just as the sun started to warm my cheeks and the wind began to blow the hair from my eyesand lines on my forehead, smooth.

Little Man had his knuckle-head going on…as usual. 

We walked down to the water, fed the fish, marveled at the size of the jurasic-like-turtles and took a long, lazy hike around the lake, where met by bunnies, frogs and even a baby turtle.

“Cewl, check out how cute this little guy, is!”

And as I gently lifted the baby turtle, rubbed the belly of his shell and went to release him closer to the muddy bank, my kids gaped:

“Ew…don’t touch it…you don’t know where it’s been…it’s got germs, you know…and it could get you really, really sick!”

**raises right eyebrow and grins**

“Come here and give me a kiss, baby!”

And as I wagged my tongue and pretended to kiss…the turtle…I bet you dollars to donuts that you’ve never seen four kids run so fast, or scream so loud:

“EWWWWW…THAT’S TOTALLY GROSS, MOM!”

You think that’s freaky — I believe I’ve developed an affinity to shuffle board — you should have seen me kick their collective little asses…figuratively speaking, of course!

Thing One doesn’t like to lose and sulked…for all of five minutes…’cause we were at Mama’s and Papa’s house, after all…DUH!

 

Thing Two “borrowed” my cell phone to “practice taking pictures” and just happened to save and label this particular one, “Kiss me, I’m a freak!” 

 

And then she wanted to take a picture of me…getting my freak on…with Little Man!

Thanks, Mama and Papa — the magic worked — I’m feeling a whole lot better!  

Yeah, maybe I am a little bit of a freak — but, at least I was finally (for the first time in a long time) a happy little freak – and it takes one to know one.

**raises right eyebrow and wags tongue**

Let the fun…begin!